Need help with a delicate situation

[NeuroTypical]

Not sure about test missions, but missionary service has broadened into a variety of things in recent years that aren't the traditional "go live in another place for 2 years and devote your life to service". 

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/service-missionary/a-service-mission?lang=eng

[Phoenix_person]

2 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

Not sure about test missions, but missionary service has broadened into a variety of things in recent years that aren't the traditional "go live in another place for 2 years and devote your life to service". 

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/service-missionary/a-service-mission?lang=eng

This would have been about 12 years ago, and I don't remember exactly what the church called it, but the idea was that if he could handle 3 months in Philly, they'd let him do a full 2 year mission.

[Manners Matter]

Had a couple more thoughts so jumping back in real fast. 

In your discussion with the parent/s - use the sandwich approach. (express love, compliments, intention > correction > express intention, compliments, love)

The question approach may also be helpful for a few reasons. (ie "what do you want for your daughter?", "do you think clipping her wings instead of helping her fly will lead to a close relationship?", etc.)

People are attracted to fun and appreciation. Maybe Niece can surprise mom with a trip to her favorite lunch spot (niece blindfolds mom, drives them in the stickshift vehicle, pays with her entrepreneurship money and while they eat, she expresses her thanks for allowing this opportunity and sharing how much she's loving all these new experiences). This would also show mom she's not losing her daughter which could be one of her fears about all this.

And a couple more quotes:

Edited October 26, 2024 by Manners Matter

[LDSGator]

10 minutes ago, Manners Matter said:

In your discussion with the parent/s - use the sandwich approach. (express love, compliments, intention > correction > express love, compliments, intention)

 

This is fantastic advice. I’m going to steal this for teaching TKD

[LDSGator]

11 minutes ago, Manners Matter said:

In your discussion with the parent/s - use the sandwich approach. (express love, compliments, intention > correction > express love, compliments, intention)

 

Did you come up with that?

[Manners Matter]

10 minutes ago, LDSGator said:

Did you come up with that?

No, a family member used this approach on me years ago and I've remembered it ever since.

[Ironhold]

18 hours ago, Carborendum said:

What if someone has poor social skills because her mother continually told her that she's incapable of being normal?

I had thought that autism was an innate condition.  I never thought it was a trait that could be taught or nurtured into someone.

Just be being around people who treat her as normal, she's beginning to act normal.  Does that mean she's autistic when she's with her family, but she's no longer autistic when she's with my family?

It's the metaphorical straw that broke the camel's back. 

People with high-functioning autism are likely to be high-strung to begin with and already dealing with a fair bit of anxiety & often other undiagnosed mental health conditions. They're also likely to be aware that they're "different" from others and that their "difference" is potentially a liability. 

Now throw unhelpful parents into the mix, and you've a recipe for disaster. 

[NeuroTypical]

3 hours ago, LDSGator said:

3 hours ago, Manners Matter said:

In your discussion with the parent/s - use the sandwich approach. (express love, compliments, intention > correction > express love, compliments, intention)

This is fantastic advice. I’m going to steal this for teaching TKD

There's a bit of scriptural justification for this.

Quote

No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile— Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy

 

[Ironhold]

5 hours ago, NeuroTypical said:

Not sure about test missions, but missionary service has broadened into a variety of things in recent years that aren't the traditional "go live in another place for 2 years and devote your life to service". 

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/service-missionary/a-service-mission?lang=eng

I first got online in 2000, and decided not long after that the internet *was* my de facto mission field. There was so much work to be done, and no name tag was required. 

A lot of folks back then gave me grief over it because a lot of the priesthood leadership in my stake were discouraging any sort of internet activity while pushing a badly distorted narrative about the importance of going on missions (I've referred to the latter elsewhere), but I can honestly say I'm part of the generation that paved the way for the Bloggernacle as some people still call it. 

That's the kind of mindset more people need to have, that there are ways to serve that don't require a name tag. 

Edited October 26, 2024 by Ironhold
fixing a typo

[LDSGator]

7 hours ago, Ironhold said:

I can honestly say I'm part of the generation that paved the way for the Bloggernacle as some people still call it. 

You are. It’s beautiful to see how the gospel is spread in 2024. It’s because of social media that I joined the church in the first place. 

[Ironhold]

16 hours ago, LDSGator said:

You are. It’s beautiful to see how the gospel is spread in 2024. It’s because of social media that I joined the church in the first place. 

When I first got online, it was basically a rite of passage to get your first death threat from someone who didn't like the fact that you didn't act the way they wanted you to act. 

People were doing Satan's work in God's name in their efforts to tear the church down, and didn't understand why past a certain point they were either driving people towards us or away from Christianity entirely. 

Now, most individuals with that mindset are either locked away inside gated internet forums or isolated on parts of much larger social media groups and only bubble up if someone's calling them out. 

There weren't a whole lot of us, the church website was barely functional, there were a handful of vaguely credible apologetics websites people had to get familiar with quickly, and few folks offered to help because they didn't see the value in witnessing online. Now here we are. 

[LDSGator]

14 minutes ago, Ironhold said:

When I first got online, it was basically a rite of passage to get your first death threat from someone who didn't like the fact that you didn't act the way they wanted you to act. 

People were doing Satan's work in God's name in their efforts to tear the church down, and didn't understand why past a certain point they were either driving people towards us or away from Christianity entirely. 

Now, most individuals with that mindset are either locked away inside gated internet forums or isolated on parts of much larger social media groups and only bubble up if someone's calling them out. 

There weren't a whole lot of us, the church website was barely functional, there were a handful of vaguely credible apologetics websites people had to get familiar with quickly, and few folks offered to help because they didn't see the value in witnessing online. Now here we are. 

I completely agree with you. It was a jungle out there, and guys like you are the OG’s of it. The first “virtual missionaries” before it was even close to being a thing.  

[Carborendum]

Well, we had the conversation.  Thanks to @Manners Matter for fantastic advice.

From the response I got from the mom and dad, everything seems to be ok.  I hope real life works out according to plan.

[NeuroTypical]

17 hours ago, Ironhold said:

Now, most individuals with that mindset are either locked away inside gated internet forums or isolated on parts of much larger social media groups and only bubble up if someone's calling them out. 

Or they try to get an account here, but Thirdhour processes and the mod staff make sure they never see the light of day. 

Maybe a handful of times a year I still see this happening.  @pam probably sees more of it.

[pam]

In my area, we've been getting announcements looking for senior couples to serve, basically, it's a service mission, to open the gates on Sunday during certain hours so people can wander the grounds at the San Antonio temple.

[Carborendum]

On 10/25/2024 at 1:44 PM, Phoenix_person said:

Tbh, the more I learn about the autism spectrum, the more I dislike using the word "disorder" to describe it.

That is my big beef with it as well.  If we're just putting a whole bunch of "traits" on a list that seem to be in a cohesive category, that's fine.  But (I dont' know how to put this without sounding like I'm tone policing, but here it is) I don't like considering every trait a "disorder."

Can we at least agree that it is becoming over-diagnosed?

On 10/25/2024 at 1:44 PM, Phoenix_person said:

A new practice that I've noticed in recent years both in academia and the workforce at large is to ask students and workers how they best process information (visual, auditory, physical, etc). As someone who struggles a lot with verbal information, I think that's a tremendous development. Being mindful of those learning differences helped me condition myself to seek out information in formats that I can process easily. That's why I love books and internet articles and generally avoid podcasts and radio talk shows. Autism has taught us that everyone can be taught, but there's no one-size-fits-all methodology to it. 

I can go along with that.

On 10/25/2024 at 1:44 PM, Phoenix_person said:

I'm conflicted on this. On the one hand, I can certainly see the potential harm of telling someone with OCD traits that they may share neurological similarities with people who struggle with substance abuse or mood disorders. OTOH, I think there's a lot of useful potential in exploring links between the autism spectrum and some of the more common mental ailments like anxiety and depression.

I'm all for finding treatments and coping mechanisms to help people lead more peaceful and productive lives.

I just find that "labels" are overused, and will often psychologically place someone in a box that they don't believe they can get out of.  If we can borrow from common expressions: Does a person have autism?  Or are they autistic?  I believe these are two very different categories.

Tell a kid that he/she has autism, they tend to have three reactions:

1. How do I get cured or learn to work with this?
2. They feel like they now have an excuse for behaving poorly.
3. They feel like they are trapped and can never live a normal life, so why try?

I don't want people to ever have reactions 2 or 3.  I am perfectly fine with any diagnosis that offers #1 as the primary scenario.

In stating all of this, I need to reiterate that I recognize the existence of extreme cases that really aren't curable or even treatable.  But as long as we focus on category 1, we'll try to deal with the few who are in categories 2 & 3.

Edited November 4, 2024 by Carborendum