Wishing to return

[lozza]

I am currently less active. I want to return to church more than I can say, however I am terrified to do so.

When the apostles speak, they say "come back, come back" but it is not that simple. I just need someone to talk to about my worries and concerns but I am so scared to discuss it with anyone because it brings up too many problems. I just feel like I am lacking the support and strength I need to do this.

I have a testimony of the gospel and of Jesus Christ and Joseph Smith. I know that this is the only true church on the earth today. I just don't know how to become active again. I haven't had any major transgressions or sins (any that I have had, I cleared up with my Bishop years ago), I have just simply stopped attending.

I live on my own, I am 24. My parents have moved away. My Home teachers don't visit me, I don't receive any contact from church at all, yet this is the ward that I have been attending my whole life. Everyone knows me yet no one offers any support. This is why I am so scared to ask, for fear of more rejection. It is just so hard. I just need some advice, because I cannot do this alone.

Sorry if this sounds jumbled and doesn't make much sense.

Thanks.

[WillowTheWhisp]

Do you know anyone in the Ward who you could talk to such as the Bishop or EQ/RS President (not sure if you are male or female) to explain your situation to? If you were in our Ward as RS presidency we would love to fellowship you back into activity. :)

If you don't know anyone in the relevant callings to contact how about a word with the missionaries?

[Palerider]

I know your situation is different from the story I am going to tell but maybe it will help. Back when my wife and her Mom were investigating the church, they were going to church on a sunday and they walked up to the door and opened it and then turned around and walked back to their car and went home. It took them a few tries and they finally attended.

Good luck to you and hope you find the strength to attend and welcome back.

[Hemidakota]

Just go! Perhaps just Sacrament for this Sunday.

[skippy740]

Visit ANOTHER ward - perhaps a singles ward?

[MaidservantX]

Can you some baby steps before going back to church? Such as studying the materials on Mormon.org and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and www.jesuschrist/lds.org and allow this spirit to quietly and gently grow in you until you feel calm, courageous and really excited.

I support you and I'll pray for you.

[rosie321]

It certainly sounds like you want to be there so why aren't you?

I can honestly say I have felt the same way you have at times. But I found I had to do some soul searching. I'm going to ask you some tough love questions that I had to ask myself when going through feelings such as yours and tell you how I handled them.

As far as your lacking support, whose support are you seeking? Why are you going to church? This was a tough one for me to get to the root of and handle the answer. I go out of love for my savior. If this is true I shouldn't stay away because of fear of man or because people don't like me or they don't live up to their commitments. I go because of my commitment, gratitude and love to my savior who went through so much. In order to fully live up to my commitment I need to put my selfishness and fears aside and trust God. He is there, He loves us and will not ask us to do anything save he prepare a way whereby we may accomplish the thing which he hath commanded.

Christ suffered so much for me and my sins. Why do I think everything is always going to fall perfectly in place? It didn't for Christ. Christs closest followers did not comprehend what he was telling them and fell asleep at one of the most critical times when He needed them most. They denied and betrayed him. Despite this, Christ did what He was supposed to. He fullfilled the will of the Father at all times.

Could others need your help? God may want you there to help others. Your visiting and home teachers may not have come because they have too many people such as yourself. They are also human and probably covering an extra load-yours.

Go to church. Its what you want to do. Don't let anyone or anything seperate you from experiencing greater love and closeness to the gospel of Christ. That is what church should be about.

[Moksha]

Iozza, I spent many years away from the Church. I was talking to this fellow one day, and it turn out he was the Bishop of my ward. In our conversation, I asked him when the Church had discontinued the home teachers. He told me they still had them. A few months passed and my home teachers showed up at my door. Through the course of several years of encouragement, I attended the Church service and stayed for all the meetings.

I was apprehensive, but the experience is fairly painless. The LDS in Utah are not quite as friendly as other Churches I have attended, but that was not my reason for going anyway. Even though they may seem standoffish when you first return, it helps to see past that and envision a time when they may get to know you better.

I have a theory that friendliness in the Church increases the further the distance from Provo, Utah. I imagine that Australia where you live would be down right hospitable.

:)

[Hemidakota]

Bahahhaaaa I have to agree with your last sentence. Sad though.

[rcjust]

Dear lozza,

My heart goes out to you, I understand how hard it is to return after being gone for a while.

I went to bed every Saturday night ready to go. Clothes laid out and everything. Then I would awake on Sunday morning and lose my nerve. This went on for years. and years.

Then the missionaries showed up at my door one day asking me if I wanted to learn more about my purpose on life. Then I knew someone at church.

Call the 1-800 # for a free DVD from the church and then the Elders will bring it by and you will get to know them!!

I wish I were there, I would call you and tell you I am saving a seat for you.

See you Sunday!!

Carol

[lilered]

Some suggestions:

Start by kneeling in prayer at nite and seeking the help of the Lord.

Make plans to go to Sacrement only for the first few Sundays or seek out the Missionaries and ask them to visit you and accompany you. (this can be done by calling the R.S. President or even asking your neighbor or someone you know to send them over)

Attend a different ward for the first few meetings. They won't know you, and you will feel welcome there. (Only for a few Sundays, though)

Remember, God rejoices when one of his flock who has been lost returns to the fold and he will bless you and protect you.

The quicketst way to assimiliate yourself in a ward is to accept a position. If you are a woman thn the Primary or YWMIA. If a man, then attending Priesthood, playing church sports, etc.

[Flyonthewall]

You may be surprised at the amount of support you would get, if the members of your ward understood you wanted to come back.

I suggest going to sacrament meeting for a couple of weeks...just sit in the back row. Start attending sunday school after a while. There will be a number of people who introduce themselves and/or welcome you. If you don't know who the Bishop is, ask one of them. If the Bishop introduces himself, which most likely he will, let him know you are interested in attending again.

Good luck, and take the step!

[Misshalfway]

I am currently less active. I want to return to church more than I can say, however I am terrified to do so.

When the apostles speak, they say "come back, come back" but it is not that simple. I just need someone to talk to about my worries and concerns but I am so scared to discuss it with anyone because it brings up too many problems. I just feel like I am lacking the support and strength I need to do this.

I have a testimony of the gospel and of Jesus Christ and Joseph Smith. I know that this is the only true church on the earth today. I just don't know how to become active again. I haven't had any major transgressions or sins (any that I have had, I cleared up with my Bishop years ago), I have just simply stopped attending.

I live on my own, I am 24. My parents have moved away. My Home teachers don't visit me, I don't receive any contact from church at all, yet this is the ward that I have been attending my whole life. Everyone knows me yet no one offers any support. This is why I am so scared to ask, for fear of more rejection. It is just so hard. I just need some advice, because I cannot do this alone.

Sorry if this sounds jumbled and doesn't make much sense.

Thanks.

What are your concerns. Lay them out here with us. No fear. All of us have concerns.....or at least most of us at one time or another. :) Or if that doesn't work for you, Perhaps you could call the RS pres....or just some older person in the ward that looks warm and wise. But realize too, that you don't need to resolve your concerns before you go. You may be surprised how the speakers that day miraculously talked about one of your needs. (That happens to me all the time. Especially on days when I really don't want to go....Satan knows when to pour on the heat to keep me from my blessings!)

If you don't have any real misdeeds to clear up, then just jump in. You can't start swimming on the shore. You gotta get wet!

You CAN do this! And you are not alone! We are all around you! See us....we are all hear waving! The adversary wants you to feel alone.....he is good at that lie. But that is all it is....a BFL! (big fat lie!) So call his bluff and go to the meeting. Introduce yourself to the bish or to the RS pres. They will prolly fall all over themselves as they try to welcome you. I know I would if I were there! And if they don't....then maybe you just need to fight your way in. Sign up to bring someone a dinner....or call the compassionate service leader and see who needs a friend. Ask to be a visiting teacher. The best VTers aren't the perfect looking ones. They are the ones who get in there....imperfections and all....and love someone else. How hard is that for a person as warm and wonderful as you? You may be surprised how many answers will come as you extend your faith to help others.

I know how you feel......more than I can express here. I hope you will continue to share your experiences with us! Let us know how it goes! We would love to cheer you on!

[lozza]

Thankyou all so much for your suggestions and your support. I really do appreciate it.

Firstly.. I am female and my name is Laura, but I really do prefer Lozza.

What are your concerns. Lay them out here with us. No fear. All of us have concerns.....or at least most of us at one time or another. :)

Ok, this is kinda hard. I did touch briefly on this in another post. I was raped four years ago by my bfs tenant at his beach property when we went away for the weekend. My bf offered no support and even supported his tenant over me. I since went back to church and went through disciplinary action, not for the rape but for my relations with my ex bf. We have not been together for about three and a half years. I have not had another relationship since. I did mention what had happened to my Bishop, but he sort of dusted it off and it was never spoken of again.

So I attended for some time and pushed this memory aside and it did not bother me for close to 18 months. However, it soon came back and I found myself dealing with awful flashbacks.

All I wanted was to talk to someone about this but those I did mention it to brushed it aside as if it was too uncomfortable to talk to about it. So I never spoke of it again. I didn't want to waste their time. I felt like it was my fault that I had gotten in this mess in the first place and that it was a matter not worthy of their time or energy. I was scared that I would just be brushed off again. I simply cannot deal with any more rejection.

I have often thought that I could go back to church and have planned to go, but just as I plan to these feelings of inadequacy and awkwardness come back and I just cannot do it.

It might not seem like such a big deal, but it IS a big deal to me. I need to resolve these issues. I want to resolve these issues, but I can't. Reality is that people just don't want to talk about these issues. I cannot get past this barrier.

Sorry for making this kinda long. I hope this makes sense. It just explains a little how I feel.

[WillowTheWhisp]

It sounds like you really do need someone to talk to who knows how to deal with things like this. Perhaps the people who seemed to brush it aside did so because they just don't know how to handle it. The church has trained counsellors who know what help you need to be able to get through this, just pushing it to the back of your mind doesn't work because it will fight forward again.

I don't know how it works over there but over here if you have need of a church therapist type person then you approach the Bishop and ask for him to arrange it.

Don't let the feelings of inadequacy stop you from going to Church - that's exactly what Satan wants and will use as his tool to keep you away. He knows all our weaknesses and what best to use against each one of us. Different things work for different people.

I hope you will be able to explain this to the Bishop and that he will organise something for you. I'll pray for you.

[pushka]

Hi Lozzy,

I recently returned to my local ward after a 26 year gap. I wasn't baptised when I used to attend, so when I felt the urge to return this time I asked for a BOM to be delivered to my by Missionaries. Unfortunately, by the time they brought it I'd lost my nerve and didn't contact them again after taking the BOM from them..however, the feeling of wanting to return grew more and more, and my sister (who isn't LDS) also felt that I ought to return to the church as she was aware that I was once happy there..eventually I tried ringing the chapel to arrange to speak to the Bishop or anyone that was available, started trying to find old friends' phone numbers then bumped into one of those old friends in a local shop and just told her I wanted to come back to church. She arranged to meet me at the door the following Sunday morning and she mentioned my name to a few members so that they would recall who I was once they saw me...it was wonderful! Everyone was cheerful and glad to see me again...I soon made new friends too..

Of course I didn't have the extra troubles that you've had to contend with, and I'm really sorry to hear that you've gone thru so much and have not been able to talk about it with somebody suitable up till now. Willow made a great suggestion, about going to the Bishop and asking for counselling from the church...that is exactly what I was going to suggest you do for that part of your problem.

Please don't hesitate any longer to contact either your Missionaries, or MTC (if you know where that is), or just to leave a message at the chapel you wish to attend, or with an old friend if you can..You will be accepted and eventually you will find that listening ear that you long for...

Good Luck, I'm thinking about you :)

[Misshalfway]

Thankyou all so much for your suggestions and your support. I really do appreciate it.

Firstly.. I am female and my name is Laura, but I really do prefer Lozza.

Ok, this is kinda hard. I did touch briefly on this in another post. I was raped four years ago by my bfs tenant at his beach property when we went away for the weekend. My bf offered no support and even supported his tenant over me. I since went back to church and went through disciplinary action, not for the rape but for my relations with my ex bf. We have not been together for about three and a half years. I have not had another relationship since. I did mention what had happened to my Bishop, but he sort of dusted it off and it was never spoken of again.

So I attended for some time and pushed this memory aside and it did not bother me for close to 18 months. However, it soon came back and I found myself dealing with awful flashbacks.

All I wanted was to talk to someone about this but those I did mention it to brushed it aside as if it was too uncomfortable to talk to about it. So I never spoke of it again. I didn't want to waste their time. I felt like it was my fault that I had gotten in this mess in the first place and that it was a matter not worthy of their time or energy. I was scared that I would just be brushed off again. I simply cannot deal with any more rejection.

I have often thought that I could go back to church and have planned to go, but just as I plan to these feelings of inadequacy and awkwardness come back and I just cannot do it.

It might not seem like such a big deal, but it IS a big deal to me. I need to resolve these issues. I want to resolve these issues, but I can't. Reality is that people just don't want to talk about these issues. I cannot get past this barrier.

Sorry for making this kinda long. I hope this makes sense. It just explains a little how I feel.

OH Sweetie! You have woundedness! These concerns are real and big and those flashbacks can be so very disabling at times. I understand how it feels to be seemingly dismissed by a priesthood leader whom you feel you need. I have had similar experience. Look. Your healing is absolutely possible! It is what the gospel of Jesus Christ is all about! And I am with Willow. There are people who know. Professionals who can help you overcome the trauma and help you move to a place of restoration and wholeness. I go to a therapist to help me with my own trauma. She speaks with God by her side, I sware! I ask God to give her anything she wants cuz she has blessed my life so much! There are people there for you too. I don't know where you are or what your resources are....but the RS pres or Bishop can give you phone numbers or even help with payment if your insurance is buggy.

Just remember that God doesn't speak with a voice of fear. Those feelings always come from the adversary. You can find healing. It is there ready and waiting for you to walk to it and partake. Going to church can be part of that healing process. People at church won't be perfect. Let them have their imperfection. I have mine , no matter how I try to change it. They may not meet your needs. They may reject. But you can look within yourself to find strength and friendship. You are you own best ally. In my own journey, I think sometimes Heavenly Father purposely kept people from getting involved with my problems so that I could learn about my own inner strength. And once you tap into that beauty and strength within -- no one can take that from you! Not some jerk in a summer house....not some boyfriend who didn't have a clue....and not a bishop who doesn't know what to do! Christ knows what you need. He loves you! And He will be there every step of the way. Life doesn't happen to us....it happens FOR us! These painful experiences are opportunities in disguise. Embrace the possibilities of what they have to teach you.

I wonder why you are feeling to come back to church. Perhaps Father is inviting you. Trust that invitation. There is something on the other side of it waiting to bless your life! I wonder if you went to church and blocked out all the people. Just go to find the Lord -- the one who knows you so personally and knows all about suffering, even your suffering! Just go because your heart wants to obey and trust. And tell Satan to GET THEE HENCE! Don't let him make you afraid anymore!

I am sending my love and strength to you. You can and will move thru these feelings to a place of healing and wholeness. Only when you get there, you will have such treasures inside of you! ....treasures you couldn't obtain any other way.

Hugs.

MH

[Stampede]

I am currently less active. I want to return to church more than I can say, however I am terrified to do so.

When the apostles speak, they say "come back, come back" but it is not that simple. I just need someone to talk to about my worries and concerns but I am so scared to discuss it with anyone because it brings up too many problems. I just feel like I am lacking the support and strength I need to do this.

I have a testimony of the gospel and of Jesus Christ and Joseph Smith. I know that this is the only true church on the earth today. I just don't know how to become active again. I haven't had any major transgressions or sins (any that I have had, I cleared up with my Bishop years ago), I have just simply stopped attending.

I live on my own, I am 24. My parents have moved away. My Home teachers don't visit me, I don't receive any contact from church at all, yet this is the ward that I have been attending my whole life. Everyone knows me yet no one offers any support. This is why I am so scared to ask, for fear of more rejection. It is just so hard. I just need some advice, because I cannot do this alone.

Sorry if this sounds jumbled and doesn't make much sense.

Thanks.

Remember the Lord did not give Man the spirit if Fear, for that is what Satan wants for you is to be in fear.

Satan wants you kept as far away from the doors of the chapel and the Temple walls as possible for himt o do. But we mortals have the ability to overcome fear witht he help of the Lord.

If you have done nothign you should have no reason to fear.

I was inactive for many years because of personal transgression and iw as SO SCARED to come back to church and fess up to what i had done and it kept me away for many years until one day i just could no longer have this guilt anymore. and the lord blessed me with wonderful missionaries whom i will never forget.

If you have no reason to be scared i can assure you these feelings are not of the Lord. and you first have to recognize that before you can make any progress. The Lord loves you and does not want you to live in fear of anything.

i wish the best of luck and Love to you during your trials. in the words of President Monson "Come Back!"

[lilered]

Lozza: After doing some pondering over your situation it would be my counsel to seek out either the Bishop or Relief Society President. If its the Bishop, ask him for some prof. help to work with you to work through your feelings and emotions. If its the R.S.Pres. then ask for her confidence and seek her guidance and help for someone to talk with. It seems to me that talking with another woman would give more support. God bless you on your journey.

[lozza]

Thankyou all so much for your input and your prayers. I appreciate it more than I can say. I have not responded before now because I have been quite a mess and a big mix of emotions.

Last night I actually called an old friend of mine. Him and his wife used to be the YSA couple in my ward and we did develop a bond. He was quite surprised to hear from me, but I expressed desire to return to church and told him about my experience from four years ago. He listened and was a lot more supportive than I ever imagined. I hope I have done the right thing. Now, the goal is to go to church tomorrow morning. I will try to attend. I am keen to.

So that is what has happened. I just hope that it is a positive move. Thankyou all again.

[Misshalfway]

You have so much courage!! Hugs to you. I will be thinking of you.

[lozza]

Well, I actually DID go to church yesterday. I surprised myself. Lol. It wasn't too bad. I got to catch up with a few people I knew from a while ago. I still felt somewhat uncomfortable though. It was just weird. I can't explain it. Anyways, I almost didn't go because I felt so very sick. I think that was Satan trying to keep me away. The thought came to me that it was Satan and so I made an extra conscious effort to get up and dressed and go to church. Funny, that sick feeling went away as soon as I arrived at church. I still am feeling unsure about going back next Sunday, but I will see what happens.

[Palerider]

Well, I actually DID go to church yesterday. I surprised myself. Lol. It wasn't too bad. I got to catch up with a few people I knew from a while ago. I still felt somewhat uncomfortable though. It was just weird. I can't explain it. Anyways, I almost didn't go because I felt so very sick. I think that was Satan trying to keep me away. The thought came to me that it was Satan and so I made an extra conscious effort to get up and dressed and go to church. Funny, that sick feeling went away as soon as I arrived at church. I still am feeling unsure about going back next Sunday, but I will see what happens.

...just do it....:)

[ztodd]

Well, I actually DID go to church yesterday. I surprised myself. Lol. It wasn't too bad. I got to catch up with a few people I knew from a while ago. I still felt somewhat uncomfortable though. It was just weird. I can't explain it. Anyways, I almost didn't go because I felt so very sick. I think that was Satan trying to keep me away. The thought came to me that it was Satan and so I made an extra conscious effort to get up and dressed and go to church. Funny, that sick feeling went away as soon as I arrived at church. I still am feeling unsure about going back next Sunday, but I will see what happens.

I'm with MissHalfway. Your courage is inspiring. Keep it up. If the adversary attacks, put up your defenses by praying and reading your scriptures, and fight back in the strength of the Lord. It sounded like you had friends who were happy to have you back, and I know the Lord is happy you came back.