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You and your husband made a decision which is specifically contrary to the teachings of the church. Now you want encouragement/advice? Ok, ignore them. You have lost friends over this? Were they really your friend? Are you "friends" with people who have different belief systems than you do, but still go to church with you?

I agree with what you state above. We all need to decide what type of baggage we are willing to carry. Only in fantasy land do people come into relationships without any baggage whatsoever. In real life we take the best we can, and make the best decisions we can with the information we have. I would never tell anyone they have a moral obligation to marry a young temple-worthy man no matter what they may have or may not have done.

Unfortunately there is almost no way of knowing the lasting effects of a previous abusive relationship, bad relationships with family, prior drug use, previous promiscuity. If we could somehow know that these things would not rear their ugly heads 5, 10, or even 20 years from the "in love" phase of relationships, then we could make more informed decisions. However, we do not know and we must make decisions with what we have right now in front of us. This may sound mean, but we need to think of our future lives, how we want to live, and where we want to go / end up. Marrying into potential baggage doesn't make sense.

Agree, and nowhere will you find any GA saying anything that being the "right person" means somebody who never was a recovered drug addict/porn addict/abuser/fat/ugly/lazy. That doesn't mean we should marry those people.

Obviously the requirements in choosing a spouse should be tempered with common sense. You shouldn't be so exclusionary as to exclude all but the most prominent pillar of virtue. Those girls are taken, or may not even exist. Everyone has problems/warts/bad habits. The dating process is the refining fire for our future spouses, there should be a high level of scrutiny and concern for the decision of who to marry. It is OK to set a high standard. It is OK to be willing to not accept a persons past. What is not OK is to lead someone on if they do not meet that criteria. President Gordon B. Hinckley “This will be the most important decision of your life, the individual whom you marry. … “… Marry the right person in the right place at the right time” (“Life’s Obligations,” Ensign, Feb. 1999, 2). Elder Bruce R. McConkie “The most important things that any member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints ever does in this world are: 1. To marry the right person, in the right place, by the right authority; and 2. To keep the covenant made in connection with this holy and perfect order of matrimony” (Mormon Doctrine, 118).

People that are changing for the better are great. In fact I encourage it. I just wouldn't marry them. There is nothing wrong with having a requirement / high bar for those to whom you are committing the rest of eternity, your children, livelihood, etc, etc,etc......

Recovered alcoholics, cancer survivors, abuse victims, previously fat people, are all different people than who they used to be. I would never marry one. The only mistake I see being made here is the OP leading this girl on...

Sounds like the "natural man" to me. I wish the OP the best of luck. She needs to consult an attorney, and she needs to do it now. Then a qualified marriage and family therapist. She needs the therapy even if he doesn't attend.

I for one am curious to see how this all plays out. I think the OP should ditch the girl. She is not up to his standards. She has to go. This requirement is not unlike many other requirements people have of their potential mates. There are some burdens of baggage that one must determine if they are willing to take on or not. If previous promiscuity is one of those pieces of baggage, then don't take it on. She wont appreciate the OP for accepting her as damaged goods, and the OP will ultimately resent her, and judge her against all of his other potential virginal candidates. It is unfair to judge someone because they have a virginity expectation of their wife. It would also be unfair for the OP to lead this girl on, as if he was in some way going to continue to have a relationship with her. If this was a deal breaker, then he should let her loose. Given what I have read here, if OP hasn't broken up with this girl then he may be the bigger sinner overall.

Likely all of the above prophets were married. They likely did have their calling and election made sure. You can too.

I would say that our wearing of the garment is an outward expression of an inward commitment to follow the Savior. The church is pretty specific when it comes to wearing the garment, but ultimately it is a decision between you and the Lord. However, when you are up for a temple recommend interview, and you are asked "do you wear the garment both night and day... as instructed...covenant...." you need to be able to answer yes.

Sounds like you made a mistake. then you doubled down and made 4 kids. So for some reason he was good enough to marry, good enough to make 4 kids with, but now isn't good enough? does that about sum it up? You have 4 kids who love their dad. However old your youngest is until they turn 18 is how much longer you need to stay in the marriage. Follow the advice above. Try to love your eternal companion, husband, father of your children. FYI, even if you did divorce do you think he's going to go away? You have four children together...

As someone who is sealed to two women, I can speak with some authority. If she said she wants to be sealed to you, then she must cancel the sealing with her ex. Talk to her about this. The process is relatively simple if all parties play nice. Yes, his (the ex) sealing will be cancelled. That is his problem. Not hers. Typically sealing only get cancelled in contemplation of the next sealing (if you are a woman).

You are the parent, you have absolute control over your daughter's associations. However, she does need to learn to interact and socialize with members of the opposite sex. If you have taught her properly, and she holds high standards, then there is no reason she cannot date a non-member. She needs to understand that even those boys are not members of the church, she should hold them to the same standards of behavior that she would a member. She is 17, and will likely not get married. If at all possible, I would not allow her to have a boyfriend. You need to have a frank discussion with your daughter about the dangers of dating non-members. You marry who you date. While in the short term, and while a minor (depending on your state) she will not get married. Ask your daughter her marriage goals. Tie those into her dating goals. You definitely do not want her to go sneaking around behind your back because she is afraid of you or your judgments.

My answer would be that Heavenly father does not want to hurt us. He doesn't need to. We manage to hurt our selves with our poor decisions, and sins sufficiently in this life that he doesn't need to be that involved. Think about something bad that happened to you. Can you tie it to something you did? Probably. Sometimes bad things happen to good people, and for no seeming reason, that is called life. Unless you are Job, God is not getting directly involved in "hurting" you.

You still have to be able to answer the 2nd to last temple recommend question: "Have there been any sins or misdeeds in your life that should have been resolved with priesthood authorities but have not been?" And the last question: "Do you consider yourself worthy to enter the Lord's house and participate in temple ordinances?"

He may be involved, but the OP never stated she had a signed recommend in hand. Unless the OP has officially made an appointment with the Stake President Executive Secretary (with recommend signed by Bishop), and been rejected by the Stake President, then there is no argument. Only hearsay, and speculation. If the above has truly occurred without explanation, then the OP may have a case against the Stake President.

He may be involved, but the OP never stated she had a signed recommend in hand. Unless the OP has officially made an appointment with the Stake President Executive Secretary (with recommend signed by Bishop), and been rejected by the Stake President, then there is no argument. Only hearsay, and speculation. If the above has truly occurred without explanation, then the OP may (and I stress the may part) think about counseling with an area authority on the matter.

OP Go to your bishop. Have a temple recommend interview. If you pass the interview, he will give you a signed recommend which you will then need to present when you have your temple recommend interview with the stake president. After your interview with the bishop, call the stake executive secretary, and set an appointment with the stake president for a temple recommend interview. If you haven't done the above, then you've got nothing and no reason to complain.

Addiction Abuse Adultery One of those three and i'm out. Unfortunately it looks like you've had your own problems. If you are in it to stay, then you should seek counseling. You should have your bishop help you find a good LDS counselor for both you and your husband. If he doesn't want to go, then go by yourself.

OP, You need to get to an MFT real quick. Your wife needs to be there with you. There needs to be some perspective on this. I am with Omega here. What you did was wrong. It was a sin, but if you are truthful in your posts, then you have stopped, and have repented. If I were your bishop we would be done...

1 year for your family from their baptism date. For you, it would depend on your life and things you have done while you were "away". Probably 1 year... talk to your Bishop on this let him know exactly what is going on.

From the other side of that "dating" transaction, I guess the guy needs to decide what type of girl he wants to go out with as well..... I do the asking when I go on dates with girls....Otherwise it's not really a date is it?

From the other side of that "dating" transaction, I guess the guy needs to decide what type of girl he wants to go out with as well..... I do the asking when I go on dates with girls....Otherwise it's not really a date is it?

Go and see your bishop. The Atonement has you covered, but you have to go through the necessary steps.