Windseeker

Just want to clarify my thoughts on this as I mentioned them as well, and that is...
Addiction does not deserve Addiction,  Abuse does not deserve Abuse.  Adultery does not deserve Adultery.  All the cross variants are true as well, like Abuse does not deserve Addiction and Adultery does not deserve Abuse etc..
So just because you've had your own issues with money and caved into his selfish demands for porn, does not mean you deserve Abuse. 
As saints, our call is to turn the other cheek, but at some point remaining in a situation ends up enabling Addiction, Abuse and Adultery. In those cases separation is the only option. You have been Abused and told repeatedly that everything is your fault, so in some sense you are damaged and the only way to gain clarity is to step away from the situation while you heal. 
I have emotionally abused, and I have spent years trying to come to terms with the damage I have done to those my Father in Heaven entrusted to me. So these kinds of threads seem to rip the band-aid off the old wounds. 
Your courage in facing this head one will be difficult but it will only benefit yourself, your children and your spouse..even if it becomes necessary to dissolving the marriage.

I have found that if I begin my day with a prayer highlighting my plans for the day and a petition to G-d that he approve and assist (support) me in my efforts and then at night report to G-d what I did and was able to accomplish – that my prayers are less of a struggle.  Often I discover that things I think are so very important, when presented to G-d, seem quite trivial in the more important grand scheme of things and then when I report my day – that I did not put forth the effort I should have.
The effect of my prayers become more of an engine for my need to change and view things than to change anything else in the world.  Often I pray for other and then realize that they have their agency and need to make their own decisions.
 
The Traveler

I believe the main purpose of prayer is to change our hearts in order to effectively receive the blessing G-d has intended and reserved for us.
 
The Traveler

Full Disclosure - I struggle with prayer. 
 
But my answer is first we simply are commanded to.
Second, there are blessings and protections that are available to us, but they are predicated on our faith and without exercising even the most minimal measure of faith it takes to simply ask, they will not be provided to us.
I've experienced this as a parent, when I dump things (I think are blessings) on my kids that I see they need, they often reject it or utilize it in a manner that has no lasting effect. I have learned to wait till they ask for my help in many things (not all), because it seems more effective and beneficial and affects our relationship in a much more profound way. Maybe there is a principle there in how Heavenly Father blesses us.
I think Heavenly Father is waiting for us to just ask and in so doing protects our agency and ensures the blessing is for our benefit.

Addiction
Abuse
Adultery
One of those three and i'm out.  Unfortunately it looks like you've had your own problems.  If you are in it to stay, then you should seek counseling.  You should have your bishop help you find a good LDS counselor for both you and your husband.  If he doesn't want to go, then go by yourself.

I recognize some of this behavior in myself during my first marriage unfortunately. I remember during a counseling session she told the counselor I would call her names. I remember I said I never called "her" stupid I was just saying what she was "doing", "thinking", "acting" was stupid. He told me flat out I was being emotionally abusive. It was a major wake up call for me and I'm happy to say I changed. Unfortunately it was too late and she shortly after went off the deep end. 
Threatening divorce is abuse as well. I did this also, it was how I expressed how angry and hopeless I felt. But it was wrong and there is no place for it. 
Your husband needs a wake up call. He may be so caught up in his own thinking he doesn't realize what he's doing or what he's about to lose. He needs to learn to channel his feelings in a healthier way and he needs help. You seem very afraid for him to find out how you feel. He has to know if he's going to turn this around.
Please know this, you don't deserve it. Not any of it. At the least you need to get some counseling and see the Bishop. It is abuse and it needs to stop. Nothing is going to change if you don't start addressing this.
If I were you I would put some plans in place. The next time he threatens divorce, go in your room, pack your things and leave. You don't need to live day by day wondering when the axe will fall. Time to take some courage and put him to the test. A separation for a determined time period might give him time to think and in some ways it's giving him a chance to wake up. I don't believe in divorce except for when it comes to Adultery, Abuse or Addiction. You need to come to terms that you are dealing with Abuse. If it ends up in divorce, it's not the end of your life or eternal life. 
I have learned thru much hardship to turn to Heavenly Father and say, "Here I am in this life where I chose to be,  with these challenges that I'm sure are a mix of what was promised in this life and those that I created myself, surrounded by people I'm commanded to love, what is it I'm to learn here?, Here I am". Somehow thinking this has provided some perspective on things. 
Perhaps this is an opportunity to learn to stand up for yourself and to overcome your fears and trust your Father in Heaven.
 
 
 
 
 

Mistakes and sins happen.  What you did wrong does not erase what he did wrong, nor vise versa, regardless of the details.  And the thing about addictions (whether porn or quick-rich-schemes) is that they take control of your life: pushing you out of the driver's seat to be dragged behind the runaway car.   
Get real counseling: get back in the driver's seat and make real change.

@Sadwife I feel the pain emanating off you post and your wounded heart.  I applaud your courage to reach out for help.  You seem afraid to reach out for help when you're hurting-- you should NEVER be afraid for that.  If you had a friend who's husband forbid her to go to the hospital when she was seriously ill, what advice would you give that friend?  To go to the physician she needs, regardless of what her abusive "husband" thinks.  
Likewise I'm going to advise you to go to the physician that you need, regardless of what your abusive "husband" thinks.  You NEED counseling for this wound and to keep your bishop in the loop.  Now I'm guessing a couple of thoughts are going through your head here:
* "But what if he divorces me for getting help?"  If he is so threatened by the idea of you getting healed that he runs away (aka files for divorce) then...I'm sorry but he is a cowardly abuser.
* "But what if he refuses to go with me, or mocks me for going?"  Then go by yourself.  Getting healing with strengthen you to be a better person, mother, and wife (or divorcee).
* "But what if he says we can't afford it?"  Then look of the price of divorce lawyers: they are MUCH more expensive.  Getting yourself the medical attention (aka counseling) you need is a priority and should be treated thus in the budget.  

To talk and share with your Father.

I recognize some of this behavior in myself during my first marriage unfortunately. I remember during a counseling session she told the counselor I would call her names. I remember I said I never called "her" stupid I was just saying what she was "doing", "thinking", "acting" was stupid. He told me flat out I was being emotionally abusive. It was a major wake up call for me and I'm happy to say I changed. Unfortunately it was too late and she shortly after went off the deep end. 
Threatening divorce is abuse as well. I did this also, it was how I expressed how angry and hopeless I felt. But it was wrong and there is no place for it. 
Your husband needs a wake up call. He may be so caught up in his own thinking he doesn't realize what he's doing or what he's about to lose. He needs to learn to channel his feelings in a healthier way and he needs help. You seem very afraid for him to find out how you feel. He has to know if he's going to turn this around.
Please know this, you don't deserve it. Not any of it. At the least you need to get some counseling and see the Bishop. It is abuse and it needs to stop. Nothing is going to change if you don't start addressing this.
If I were you I would put some plans in place. The next time he threatens divorce, go in your room, pack your things and leave. You don't need to live day by day wondering when the axe will fall. Time to take some courage and put him to the test. A separation for a determined time period might give him time to think and in some ways it's giving him a chance to wake up. I don't believe in divorce except for when it comes to Adultery, Abuse or Addiction. You need to come to terms that you are dealing with Abuse. If it ends up in divorce, it's not the end of your life or eternal life. 
I have learned thru much hardship to turn to Heavenly Father and say, "Here I am in this life where I chose to be,  with these challenges that I'm sure are a mix of what was promised in this life and those that I created myself, surrounded by people I'm commanded to love, what is it I'm to learn here?, Here I am". Somehow thinking this has provided some perspective on things. 
Perhaps this is an opportunity to learn to stand up for yourself and to overcome your fears and trust your Father in Heaven.
 
 
 
 
 

I got enough of my own sins to be worrying about to get too worked up over someone else's.

I've moved several families that had alcohol in boxes.
Lots of families just happen to be barely active enough to ask for the LDS moving company...what'd you expect? 
Where else are we going to find opportunities to serve?
So you just move the boxes with the rest of their stuff, that's what you do.

While participating as the elders quorum moving company I have found interesting items on multiple occasions.  Not my business...that is between the "owners" and the Lord.  Now if I had been the bishop and they were remaining in the ward, that would fall under my stewardship and be different.
 
What gold coins?
As for tiny elf creature thingies...do they attack me?  If so...shots fired...

Ever tried to read one of those?  That would explain the need for alcohol.

I've moved several families that had alcohol in boxes.
Lots of families just happen to be barely active enough to ask for the LDS moving company...what'd you expect? 
Where else are we going to find opportunities to serve?
So you just move the boxes with the rest of their stuff, that's what you do.

Now, let's move on to the difficult questions:
You find that a floorboard is loose and spy something when you go to reset it.  When you remove the board, you discover a stash of gold coins which clearly predate the current occupants.  What do you do? You pull the dresser out from the wall, and instead of dust bunnies, you discover a family of tiny little elf-like creatures cowering under their mini coffee table.  Is your faith shaken?

Undercover bosses is great TV.  The boss who walks away surprised was not a good boss in the first place - but that's just my opinion.  My favorite undercover boss is Kylo Ren.  Hah hah.
 

Or President Monson as an adult single visitor, being asked to move out of the comfy seats because "that's X family's row."

I would watch that episode to see President Eyring dressed and styled like @MormonGator. In one ward he'd be a recent convert/new move-in. In another ward he's trained in the bishopric. Or maybe a high councilor. ...

Maybe, just maybe they are listening and that unfortunately we live in the last days where "men's hearts" shall fail them. Maybe, just maybe nothing the Church leaders can do or would do will solve whatever problem it is you think there is. Maybe, just maybe we are living in a very, very wicked period of human history where people don't want to listen to the Prophets. Maybe, just maybe people are like the Nephites when Samuel got on the wall and the Nephites tried to kill him.  We don't stone the prophets physically, but do we stone and kill them with our words? with our thoughts? Maybe, just maybe it's the people who are out of touch rather than the prophets and they would rather the prophets come to them then they come to the prophets. Maybe, just maybe we live in a society where people are so sick that they expect everyone else to solve their problems for them instead owning their own problems and fixing those problems themselves.
Maybe it's like the scriptures have told us 45 Ye are swift to do iniquity but slow to remember the Lord your God. Ye have seen an angel, and he spake unto you; yea, ye have heard his voice from time to time; and he hath spoken unto you in a still small voice, but ye were past feeling, that ye could not feel his words; wherefore, he has spoken unto you like unto the voice of thunder, which did cause the earth to shake as if it were to divide asunder.
 

What you're basically acknowledging here, is that the problem isn't really the instruction from the top; it's the execution at the local level.  But interestingly, you choose to channel your rage back at the central LDS leadership; demanding that they come up with new and shiny "platitudes" that you seem to know, in your heart, will be no more effectual than the old ones so long as local leadership fails to implement them.   
What is your evidence that the central leadership doesn't view YSAs as individuals?   Did you even listen to the video?  Numerous times it came up that experiences differ between YSAs in Utah versus those in the rest of the US or overseas.  A number of specific interviews with or letters from YSAs were cited.  And of course these are all parents, aunts, uncles, and so on; and a few (like Elder Oaks) who have been single relatively recently.  
You can belittle statistics all you want; but the simple fact is that if the Church wants to implement policies that will benefit the greatest number of singles, then it needs to efficiently identify what a "mainstream" single is wont to look like.  That's what statistics does.  There is a time and a place to hear the experiences of a few outliers to the statistical norm--but the meeting we saw, apparently, was not it.
Cripes, we just had a leak of videos showing the Church getting briefings on international situations from a former State Department official/Rhodes Scholar in International Relations, on political situations from a former US Senator, and on YSA issues from a former university president who drew on input from general and local leaders as well as interviews and correspondence with YSAs themselves.  If we had any ounce of sense in our heads, we would acknowledge that the release of these videos puts the final nail in the coffin of this "The-GAs-are-doddering-old-nitwits-living-in-a-Utah-bubble" narrative once and for all.

That's easy - they're following the scriptures. 
D&C 8:8 But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.
The videos are part of the "studying it out in their mind" part.  
 
D&C 109:7 [...]seek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom; yea, seek ye out of the bestbooks words of wisdom, seek learning even by study and also by faith;
The videos are part of the "seek learning even by study" part. 
 
 

I think I am seeing one group say "experience" with a certain subject matter is necessary, AND a second group saying that experience is not necessary.
When it comes to the Church, the earthly leadership ponders/discusses items, scenarios, situations, possibilities...they are doing as @estradling75 mentioned, they are studying out in their minds first. Second, it gets turned over to prayer. I hope we don't forget who actually is the head of the Church, it is after all the Church of Jesus Christ, not the earthly leadership. When it comes to empathy and experience he knows all and has experienced all. So with the guidance of the Savior, who has experienced all, it is not necessary or even possible for the earthly leadership to have experience in every aspect/difficulty/sin/sorrow of life.
I think in this sense, both groups can be satisfied.
Elder Oaks:
"Our Savior experienced and suffered the fulness of all mortal challenges “according to the flesh” so He could know “according to the flesh” how to “succor [which means to give relief or aid to] his people according to their infirmities.” He therefore knows our struggles, our heartaches, our temptations, and our suffering, for He willingly experienced them all as an essential part of His Atonement. And because of this, His Atonement empowers Him to succor us—to give us the strength to bear it all."

I think it's unfortunate that it's become so acceptable to dismiss an individuals ability to sympathize or empathize due to their differing race or sex or age. This is a product of the fake tolerance of the left and their efforts to gain power by sowing division and pitting one group against another. It grinds against the belief that some jew who lived and died thousands of years ago could ever relate with me. 
The only way you can truly tell whether or not a person is out of touch is by their behavior. 

I think it's unfortunate that it's become so acceptable to dismiss an individuals ability to sympathize or empathize due to their differing race or sex or age. This is a product of the fake tolerance of the left and their efforts to gain power by sowing division and pitting one group against another. It grinds against the belief that some jew who lived and died thousands of years ago could ever relate with me. 
The only way you can truly tell whether or not a person is out of touch is by their behavior.