Iggy

I had been crying nearly non-stop since my sister left in the ambulance, and was literally sick with grief. Even though I was 15 months older than her - we were inseparable and the family (extended family also) treated us like twins. The funeral home stunk too,[ way too many aromatic flowers, incense and the heat was turned way up] which added to the nauseous tummy and excruciating headache. In our home, we did not have aromatic flowers, candles and such. We didn't even have aerosol sprays - air fresheners, hair spray, fabric starch, deodorants, etc. as those caused my Mother and myself to have migraines. In remembering my first funeral and my last one this last Feb, Only two were not LDS. When I was in High School, my best friend in school lost her baby sister to a freak car accident. They were Catholic and of course Dad and I went to the funeral. Mom stayed home with my youngest sibling. I got sick to my stomach there too. From the incense. I also thought that there was a whole lot of guilt being heaped onto the surviving family's heads. The 5 year old was playing outside at the bottom of the steps (18 cement steps up from the street to the yard area) when a car driven by a teen boy lost its automatic steering and careened into her. Neighbors called the police and for an ambulance. No citations were issued. But that poor teen had so much guilt heaped onto him. He committed suicide about 3 months later. LDS funerals to me are soothing. I especially like when the Plan of Salvation is reviewed, and when it is emphasized that the deceased has stepped through a door into the next phase of their existence. My next oldest sister gave the eulogy at our eldest sisters memorial. My oldest sister passed during Thanksgiving week (my little sister passed on Thanksgiving day in 1963) - and since she was cremated, we could do a memorial at any time in the future. We had it in March. Better weather, and this gave her co-workers, extended family, church members, and neighbors time to get to Seattle and time to help with the service. We all wrote down serious memories, loving memories and funny memories about her. Then my sister compiled it all into the eulogy. She also sprinkled it generously with LDS teachings, doctrine and scriptures. My oldest sister had been serving in Primary for over 30 years. Her first students were now parents as were their children. My youngest brothers four children, from ages 15 to 10, sang A Child's Prayer, a cappelia. Because I was family and sat in the front pew, I didn't see all of the people who were attending until we adjourned to the RS/Multipurpose room for the luncheon. Hew ward was in the North Seattle Stake building. The chapel is HUGE! They had opened the doors and the foyer, which is half the size of the chapel I think, had fold up seats to accommodate the overflow. The divider between the RS room and the gym was opened and tables and more chairs were set up. For four hours we were at Church. The little children were there, and they were allowed to play and mingle with everyone. Had my little sisters funeral been more like my eldest sister's - I would never have been so stricken with grief for as long. Bini, your daughter is about 3 now isn't she? Not quite old enough to understand the concept of death. BUT she is old enough to remember. If you do decide to have her with you at funerals, I wouldn't take her to the viewing or to walk past the casket after the services, nor would I take her to the grave site. It has taken me decades to form my own view of funerals. They are for the living to help come to grips that their loved one is no longer walking this earth - but is now walking on the other side of the veil / door. It is for the survivors to say good bye. When my Mom passed after 3 years of being bedridden and in constant pain - my two older sisters and I took a trip to Victoria BC via a ferry out of Seattle. We celebrated Mom's life. We celebrated the fact that when she finally let go and passed, she had been pain free for two hours before her passing. We all had been her care givers up to that time. So her passing was a relief to us and we celebrated that too. My Mom and two sisters shared a house, and their HT was a psychiatrist (and a High Councilman) he counseled us that it was ok, healthy even to feel relief at her passing. It wasn't anything to feel guilty about. She passed June 27. We took the trip on the 4th of July. There were quite a few extended family members who thought we were truly Crazy Weird Mormon's to be taking this celebratory trip. There were some elderly sisters at Church who thought the same thing, only they said Heathen's not Mormon's. But at the end of the day, we were all okay with what we did, and how we felt. Before I packed up to go back home to Oregon, we found Mom's journals. In them we read her views on funerals. Turned out she wanted her funeral to be more of a celebration of her life, not a dark, dreary, dirge. Sing joyous songs, praise Father in gratitude for all the blessings He showered her with during her life. Only remember the good things about her and please, please bury her with her husband! My Husband and I wish to be cremated - and we both want Happy, Joyous Celebrations of Life memorials. Personally I would prefer that no one wear black. Not even the men - don't want the men to wear suits either. I was born in June, so wear summer colors and summery comfortable clothes. Re-cap the plan of salvation, omit my various callings and emphasize my love of the Church, members and most of all my love of Christ and our Holy Father. Repeat only the good, humorous things about me. Eat the foods that you like, not my favorites. And please, please don't have pictures of me there. I hate pictures of me!!! Plus there really aren't any since my littlest sister took Mom's steamer trunk full of our childhood pictures and they all rotted in her basement when it flooded, and my ex husband burned my hope chest that was full of all the pictures I had taken in my life. Sing Amazing Grace. Play Seals & Crofts Summer Breeze as background music during the luncheon. You know, think I had better put together the music for the luncheon, what to sing during the memorial, and write up part of my own eulogy.

The first funeral I attended was my little sister's. She was 10 and I was 11. The last I saw her alive was when she was in convulsions and the ambulance whisked her away. Two weeks later we are burying her. I was so hurt, angry and confused. She had a stupid wig on, and a fancy dress that she had never worn when alive and the makeup was more for a woman of the streets and not a 10 year old child. Grandma had my Uncle (her youngest son) hold me up and over the casket so I could *kiss* her good bye. I kicked my legs, flayed my arms, bit his chest and screamed that I be put down. When he held me up to scold me, I projectile vomited right in his face. It took me nearly two years to come to grips with her death. I lost 25 pounds that I really couldn't afford to lose. I slept under my parents bed too. Since I had to share a room with Grandma, and didn't want to be near her at all. I was angry with her for nearly a decade! From then on, when my younger siblings went to funerals Grandma and Uncle were NOT allowed near them. No hanging them over the casket to *kiss* the deceased goodbye. What a stupid tradition to begin with. I sure didn't see Grandma & Uncle kissing the dead! Mom and Dad's views were- explain what a funeral was, what happened there and give the child the option to go. All children under the age of 8 did NOT go. Generally a neighbor watched over them. After my little sister's funeral, most of the family converted to LDS, and the funerals were LDS ones. Even for those family members who were not LDS. If Dad and Mom had to 'tend to' the services, then it was LDS. note: Mom joined the church in 1974, two years after Daddy passed. In 1987 she had the proxy work done for Daddy. So at these LDS funerals, after the internment, the younger children were brought to the Meetinghouse for the luncheon. As a teen, I always brought a change of clothing - jeans, blouse and tennis shoes or loafers. The younger ones came in their play clothes. There was always the Primary President there, and she would undoubtedly explain to the children where the deceased was now, the plan of salvation and that we can be sad that our kin is not here on earth, but be happy that they now are one step closer to being with our Elder Brother and Father. Even to this day I will not attend the internment. There really is no traumatic reasoning for this - I just will not go.

Quincy, M.E.

This video should help you understand. http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/church-updates-temple-garment-video

My little sister hits the "I have permission" button even when she doesn't. Because of this she has alienated three branches of the family- possibly for ever. Eternally wise, not just on earth wise!! They need to have more proof before they allow you to print out the cards. Like visual proof.

Does Grandma have any living siblings? If yes, then it could have been one of them who did her work. Since Grandpa is not living, Grandma's living siblings trump Grandma's living children. Somewhere in the family tree there is a LDS member. You need to check that out. FamilySearch.org along with Ancestry.com will help you to find that member cousin.

Thank you LP. Same thing happens to me doing embroidery or even when I am ironing.

When I was in my early thirties I knew an elderly woman who tatted. She offered to teach me, but I considered it the same as crocheting and declined. My Grandma had made learning crocheting difficult and painful (hitting me on the head with the crochet hook when I didn't get it perfect at the first go-round) when I was a teen. At age 50 I regretted that decision. But by then the woman had passed. Now at 62 there isn't anyone in my town who tats. I tried learning from you tube videos, but it just isn't good enough as In Person. Truly it is my loss.

It is not done with that attitude - actually doing so increases ones capacity to actually hear and comprehend the spoken word. If my eyesight were better, I would be doing needle craft in church every Sunday. Vort do you go to your meetinghouse to listen and see General Conference? Or do you sit at home in your comfies and watch it on TV or via the internet? If the latter, do you consider it disrespectful of the Lord when you sit there in your comfies, munching on breakfast/lunch or snacks? I don't go to my meetinghouse because home is more comfortable and the online streaming is never interrupted like it is at church. We watch it online on our large screen, sitting in our jammies while I have my embroidery in my lap, my natural bright light shining on my work and the cat snugged up against my hip. Husband sits in his recliner with the other cat nestled against the back of his neck like a warming, purring pillow. Is this considered disrespectful of the Lord speaking to us. Because in my book, all the talks given are the words spoken from the Lord. Especially when given by the speakers at conference (General, Stake & Ward/Branch), as well as from those who speak each Sunday. I understand what you meant Vort. If the Lord was here in person, face to face with us, speaking from the pulpit or from a mountain top - yes I would still embroider if the light was good enough. And I would not be upset if others were knitting or crocheting. I would be upset if crafters brought their scrap booking, model making, wood working, blogging to church to occupy them. THAT requires their total concentration, more room than just a seat and often it can smell.

Embroidery - you embroider one color at a time and it is basically *brain-dead* work. Once you are skilled at the multitude of stitches, there is no concentration at all. Knitting & Crocheting- My Grandmother, Father never looked at their work as they were knitting and crocheting and their work was perfect and beautiful. My blind Great Grandmother also knit and crotchet'd beautiful items. All GrtGama needed was someone to put the braille labels on the balls of yarn for her. My absolute favorite afghan she made was the random colored one. She took all of the small rolls of yarn, removed the labels and crotchet'd away. My point is, a person skilled in needle craft (knitting, crocheting, cross stitch, embroidery) does it by rote and can easily concentrate on the speakers. Just like a driver of a car can drive, in heavy traffic and still concentrate on a conference talk playing through the car's speakers. The young Autistic boys are too young to be given knitting needles or embroidery/cross stitch needles, but could probably be trusted with crotchet hooks. They do fantastic with crayons, especially with papers with the alphabet printed on them. The hollow letters that they can color in. As for being a distraction, their family sits in the very front row and the boys sprawl our on the floor in front of them. No one can really see them unless you are sitting in the front rows of the side aisles. As for the young women who doodle - they talk to each other doing the entire sacrament - and they hold the doodles up like one does with the hymnal, not keep it on their laps. The young woman who crotchets - after 4 months, she looks up at the speakers nearly the entire time. The elderly sister never looks at her work as she crotchets. I substituted for the Youth SS class when the young girl was 10 - she doodled, fidgeted and moved from sitting on the chair to sitting on the floor constantly. THAT was a distraction and if you put her in the back row, it hurt her feelings and she cried. Once she learned how to crotchet, she sat still. At first she only concentrated on the crocheting. After a few months, she was adept at it and PAID ATTENTION to the lesson and to sacrament meeting goings on up at the pulpit. My husband recently substituted the same class - she is now 12, crotchets like a pro, carries not only her scripture bag, but also a covered basket with her crocheting items in it. She sits in the front row first seat. She participates willing in class and it is obvious that she is listening AND learning. Because of her drastic change in church, her mother went to her school and requested that she be allowed to crotchet during her classes. They agreed as long as she sits in the back row. She is fine with that. Her grades went from D's & F's to A's & B's. I am from the era where crocheting, knitting, cross stitch and embroidery were NEVER considered Crafting. It was considered homemaking. The first two were to put clothes on our backs, the second two were to embellish the home made clothes that covered our bodies and protected us from the weather. When a piece of embellished garment wore out and was destined to become a rag, the buttons, zippers, hooks were removed and saved. The needle point was cut off, trimmed and appliqued onto another piece of newly made garment. This work was always done at home, never anywhere else. I am not a knitter/crocheter - it pains my hands and wrists too much. But when I was younger and Grandma tried to teach me, the only time the stitches were counted was when you put them on when first starting the item. In knitting slippers, you *dropped* stitches when finishing it off in making the toe 'box'. After the first slipper, the rest were 'no brainers' - in other words, you no longer needed to concentrate and it was easy to knit and listen to speakers. As for embroidery - even when I am doing a new stitch, I still can listen and sew at the same time AND comprehend what is being said. I also have my different colors of thread on needles ready for me to switch. I don't do it at church because I need stronger light than the chapel and the RS room offer. I do it at home while watching TV, my monitor at my desk while view the conference talks. I also do hand sewing. Needle craft is a calming activity. It is also hard to detect unless you sit next to the person. Thus it is not distracting to the congregation or to those sitting up at the podium or those talking from the podium. Oddly enough I can chew gum, walk and carry on an intelligent conversation all at the same time. If the needle craft distracts you, sit a few pews behind the person.

We have two families with multiple special needs children. The younger ones draw to help contain their energy and surprisingly their loud vocalizations are almost nil while they are drawing. The older children (young women) used to draw, but one of them preferred sharpie permanent markers and ended up permanently marking up the upholstery on the chairs. She was watching an older woman crotchet during Sacrament. It fascinated her, and she ended up being taught by this sister. She now sits and crotchets during all of the classes. She doesn't miss a thing being taught either. Her two older siblings are still in the doodling mode. It is pretty disturbing to sit behind a 26 and 22 yo and have them doing tic-tac-toe and draw chase, as they call it. Crocheting, cross stitch and embroidery are far less distracting. Their little sister can finish a scarf during the 3 hours at church. Her mother told us that the school has allowed her to crotchet there as long as her *written* school work gets done. All the scarves she has made, she sells at the Saturday Market. She saves her noisy crocheting for when she is home. She finger crotchets plastic *T-Shirt* bags into recycled shopping bags. What disturbs me are the ones who are texting. That is downright rude and inconsiderate. You want to gossip via your media devices, then go sit in your cars.

Freeze the soft candy, put the hard candy in an airtight container. Or put them in a cool, dark cupboard. Chocolates need to be out of direct light- even sealed in original wrap they will lighten in color and get stale. My diabetes dietitian recommended that I take boxes and bags of *fun* size candies and toss them in the freezer. I took the boxed candy, put two pieces into vacuum seal custom sized bags and sealed them. It took a bit of creative doing, but I was able to do about 4 to 6 *servings* per bag, sealed but not vacuumed. That way I can cut away a serving and leave the rest in the freezer. My girlfriend buys Ding Dongs, Twinkies and Dolly Madison goodies on sale, repackages them in vacuum seal bags and puts them in the freezer. She also buys up seasonal candies after the holidays on 75% off; repackages them and freezes them. Her children and now her grandchildren love to go *treasure* hunting in the freezer for goodies. My husband and I cannot eat a whole cake or pie before they spoil. I make cupcakes, frost them, put two to a custom sized bag, vacuum seal a bit and toss in the freezer. The pies, I cut into slices and place three servings on foil. Freeze, then vacuum seal in a custom sized bag. When I vacuum seal, I don't let the machine go until it stops, I stop it before it crushes the food. The only *home made* stuff I don't do this to is cornbread. We gobble that up within 12 hours.

You are not going to like my answer - but here goes. Why did you leave your laundry out where she could get at it? Either dirty or after you washed it? When Hubby and I visit family/friends our dirty laundry goes into a small suitcase which is kept closed. Yep I pack a smaller suitcase into the largest one so that I will have a place to put the dirty clothes - doesn't matter if we are flying in or driving. Could be she doesn't want anyone else to use her machines. I am that way. Step Daughter In Law puts in WAY too much detergent and washes everything in hot water. The second time she came to visit I asked her to please go to the laundromat in town or follow the directions posted above the machines. She told her Dad that I was one picky Bee-och - he told her, well they are her machines,and it is our money that pays the electric so - - go to the laundromat. My answer to you - go to the laundromat and as soon as you get back to your mothers house, pack your clean clothes in your suitcases.

Spiritual gift ~ no phone calls, being home with Hubby and watching tv. Gift ~ the set of drill bits and driver bits for my cordless drill.

Love homemade fruitcake (as long as there is no rum or bourbon in it), detest store bought crap.

shur-bit http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sherbet I have always loved orange sherbet - especially with vanilla angel food cake with fudge chocolate icing. Then I had freshly made sorbet from berries ( nearly overripe local Himalayan Blackberries, Huckleberries and from his vast garden strawberries) at greek friends home (he and his Asian wife ran a wonderful Greek restaurant in town for a few years) I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Then he made me freshly made orange sorbet. MMmmmm good!!

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night

I think . . the only cure for really stupid is . . death.

When I was growing up our Christmas dinner was Turkey, mashed potatoes w/ giblet gravy. Stuffing. Scalloped Oysters, scalloped corn, green beans with crumbled bacon, green jello with shredded cabbage, carrots, finely chopped celery served with miracle whip. Relish trays of: home made cranberry & orange relish, pickles: dill, sweet, crab apple & watermelon. For dessert ~ pies. The traditional pumpkin, but also pecan, apple, cherry and Grandma's 100% home made mince meat. Once in a while Grandma would make Raisin pie. Since the 1st of the month there is the fudge, dozens of cookies, divinity, penuche, home made peanut brittle. By the time New Year day comes, we are all in sugar comas. The one thing at the Christmas dinner table I wouldn't eat as a child - the scalloped oysters - I now, as an adult - love. One day I will have to make it so Husband knows what I pine for - first husband detested it.

Amen!

Right away. One thing that is vital to remember is the definition of Understand. un-der-stand verb: to know the meaning of (something, such as the words that someone is saying or a language. to know how (something) works or happens to know how (someone) thinks, feels, or behaves.Often the word understand is used in place of agree with. When someone is explaining their point of view to me, and they say: Do you understand what I am saying? I counter with: I comprehend what you are saying. Yes, I understand - but I do not agree with you. I see this differently. If the person gets hot and passionate then I politely back out of the conversation. Either by saying that we need to agree to disagree. Or that I see his point of view, but I do not agree with it, and let's put this conversation to rest.

Yep, but I checked the old one and never got one from here.

I haven't got one.

My oldest brother gave his two children the freedom to choose the way their wore their hair, what clothes to wear along with what story they wanted to hear at nap time from the time they were old enough to understand the words Yes and No. I don't have any children Bini, but I observed how my parents raised myself and my siblings. I also saw how the Uncles & Aunts, Cousins, and friends raised theirs. Go ahead and be a control freak and choose two and only two complete outfits for her to wear. Then let her choose which one she wants. She is three - but she is learning from you. Your graciousness and your negativity. If she opts for the top of outfit #1 and the bottoms of outfit #2 - back off and let her wear them. Doesn't matter if they clash - SHE chose them. Give her options that will always be a yes answer to you. Just like in life when you give the Or Else option, children will opt for that because Or Else is a non- response. They want definitive choices. As an adult, right now I am going through a battle with my Landowner- I own my home, I rent the land it sits on. He has threatened me with Stop doing -fill in the blank-, Or Else. I keep requesting a written explanation of what Or Else is. I may choose to stop doing-fill in the blank-, if Or Else is a better option. BUT I want to know what Or Else is first. Bini, I am not joking. I want to know what the Or Else is. In writing because this man is a bully and has kept the other Home Owners in constant fear. Never, never give the choice of Or Else. Give your daughter two options YOU can live with. Do you want scrambled eggs or oatmeal? If she says Yes. Then ask: Do you want scrambled eggs? She says yes. Ask: Do you want oatmeal? She says yes. Fix her a half serving of both. The kid is hungry!! (speaking from my own experience when I was about 7- Loved Dads buckwheat pancakes and Grandma's oatmeal. I got both!!! My parents gave us two options to choose from. I loved a pull over sweater that was handed down from my Aunt, AND I preferred to wear slacks to school. Okay - this is back in the late 50's & early 60's when slacks/pants were NOT allowed in school. Why I wanted to wear slacks was because my bottom half was always too cold, and my socks only came to my ankles. At least Daddy asked why I always added slacks to either of my choices. Cause I am cold. My butt is cold, my knees are cold. SO- Mom made me flannel knickers that went to below my knees, she let the hems down on my dresses/skirts so they went to my shins, and Daddy knit me socks that went up past my knees. Don't always assume that your daughter is selecting because of color - she could very well be choosing for comfort. To me, grey and lavender knit garments are softer to the touch than all the other colors. They could all be the same fabric, and style - but when blind folded and all of the knit tops of the same fabric, style and different colors are set out on the bed - I can easily pick out the grey and the lavender ones.

Backroads, you could incorporate this story http://christcenteredtraditions.blogspot.com/2008/11/christmas-symbols-story.html into your calendar.