seashmore

Hey.  Yo.  Welcome.  

Welcome, @robrog8999!  It's great to have you here!  And exciting to meet someone who is learning about the Church.  It occurs to me that when new people join, those of us who welcome them should say a little about ourselves too (like @NeedleinA has), to help the newbie get to know us faster.  In that vein, I'm the local fountain pen geek.
PS: For the sake if those of us with old eyes, is there any way I can convince you to leave your posts in the default black text (or at least choose a darker, more muted shade), and save the bright colors for emphasis?  (It was rather difficult for me to read all that bright red.)  If not, I won't complain again, just asking a favor.

I can't imagine why.

I'm about to use a cane to "beet" you.

DoctorLemon is absolutely right on this. 
Our current modern culture, for better or for worse, is generally not ready to commit to eternal marriage at these young ages. 
Yes, it's certainly a low blow to be cuddling up with another young man/woman after your significant other has left on the mission/military/journey to the center of the earth. 
But... is it also wise to be getting engaged before a mission? Is it wise to be getting all romantic and placing these expectations on others?
I have trouble saying Dear Johning is unacceptable. It's a relationship, it ended, and John wasn't physically present. Do we really want to require every young man/woman to wait for a missionary?
Yes, it's best to discourage the serious relationship early on than to get into that kind of mess.

I believe the decision is the bishops, however For handing it out i think can be done by the others. But dont quote me on it.

My kids tell me I am a fabric hoarder.  I tell them that I am NOT a fabric hoarder.  I am a fabric collector. There is a difference.

Generally speaking, perhaps everyone needs a chill pill. Sometimes, people aren't looking for attention or sympathy. They turn to the internet because they don't have anyone else to turn to, and perhaps being kind is way more important than being right.

Obviously we shouldn't judge, and I am not sure just telling you "don't judge others" will teach anything (won't even teach you not to judge) but we can't help but ignore the fact that there may be people who are unworthy performing our ordinances. We often times can fall under that.
The same can be said about taking the sacrament. But why do we still take it the sacrament when those authorizing,  preparing,  blessing and passing it may be unworthy?
The question I had was what is the difference between performing an ordinance unworthily and performing an ordinance without authority? Is there a difference? If not, that opens a whole slew of questions dealing with the authenticity of ordinances.
FINAL THOUGHT:
Worrying about other's worthiness will often keep us from the possibility of greater blessings in our own lives. You avoiding the temple is a good example. Try to be more selfish  who cares about their unworthiness  this is your salvation! (Maybe not the best way to think of it)

I disagree with this.

I have a different perspective I grew up in a family like Mahone - My Gran lived in the same town and so did her sisters I saw all my Great Aunts and Uncles and cousins on a regular basis and my Gran many days of the week, I grew up surrounded by my family history and I can tell stories and recognise all those people in he sepia photos - my husband can just about recognise one of his Grandmothers. Because of that I feel like I know ancestors that were born in the 1830s.
However older generation died off, divorce devestated what was once a strong family and I hate the fact my kids don't have that

I am so sorry for the loss of your fiancé.  I agree with ZIL. I would recommend yo speak to your bishop and maybe even the temple president. Have you ever seen the movie 17 miracles?  Sarah Franks and George Padley were pioneers and we're engaged to be married but wanted to wait until they arrived to Zion. You could bring their story up in your plea to your bishop and temple president.  Good luck and please update.  May God bless you on your journey! 

Just to add to this a bit so she understands.  Sarah Franks and George Padley were in the Martin handcart company on their way to Utah.  Unfortunately he died along the way.  When President Faust heard of their love story, he arranged to have them sealed.

This is where I'm at. I have no problem, in fact, I encourage leaders to offer instruction and correction. In the appropriate setting.
But... this whole thing seems seedy and I personally can't think of anything that makes it a big misunderstanding. You don't isolate a person for instruction, particularly a minor. 
 

I have to say that @yjacket's more tempered response seems reasonable - get more info first, then move forward.  I can honestly say I've regretted going off half-cocked pretty much every time.  I'm not sure I've ever regretted getting more information first...
And I'm having no problem sitting here making up a credible story in my head which turns this all into one big fat misunderstanding.  Since it's possible that it was a misunderstanding, perhaps wisdom lies in getting more info...

Vort said it much better than me!! Completely agree with Vort.
I would add, that I would only be ticked at the leadership not for pulling an end around but for not letting me know so I could also impress upon my child the inappropriateness of doing this behavior.
But if the parent thinks this type of stuff is totally cool-not much you can do about that.

@Lilyflowers88, there are two issues at play here.
ISSUE #1: How the YW leaders handled this situation
They handled it very poorly. The YW leaders, in seeking not to embarrass your daughter, blindsided her instead. Worse yet, they actually circumvented your authority. I expect they had only the best of intentions, so I'm not ready to condemn them for their foolish actions. But there is no doubt what they did was inappropriate. Your daughter's recounting of the "confrontation" was almost harrowing, but reading between the lines, I sense that they were really trying to allow her to save face in front of you while still trying to impress upon her just how unwise her actions were. Their thanks for her efforts to "reactivate" her friend while simultaneously telling her not to see the friend any more for a while suggests that they really did have good intentions, and were trying to look out for her welfare. Still, their actions were hamfisted and inappropriate.
What do you do about it? I would start by talking with the leaders directly. Be as kind as you can muster, but let them know that doing an end-around on you was wrong. If they have a problem with your daughter's actions outside of Church, they should consult with you. And yes, I do think you should let the bishop know, though not in some offical register-a-complaint way. Just a "By the way, Bishop, this unpleasant thing happened that I think you should know about."
ISSUE #2: What your daughter actually did
From your description, it sounds to me like there was nothing immoral about your daughter's actions per se. But I agree with the gist of what the YW leaders said: It was unwise and inappropriate. When you have videos of girls in showers or bathtubs, that implies nudity. Wearing swim suits may cover the nudity, but not the implication. Consider: Why did they do a video in a BATHTUB? And why in SWIMSUITS? Why not in Levi's and parkas? Obviously, it was a big joke about a "bathtub video" that didn't show any actual nudity.
Seriously, is it a normal thing in 21st-century America for young women to sit together in a bathtub in their swimsuits while they chat and listen to music? A hot tub, maybe. But a bathtub? I don't know, but that sounds plenty weird to me. If my teenage daughter were in the habit of sitting with a friend in a bathtub, I would tell her I thought it was inappropriate and a bad idea. If she were making videos of said bathtub adventures, that increases the weirdness quotient tenfold. No way would I ever allow her to publish such things to social media. yjacket is pretty much spot on in this area. However poorly the YW leaders handled this, not only was their heart (probably) in the right place, but what they were attempting to accomplish (poorly and outside of how they should have approached it) was probably what should happen. Your daughter needs guidance. She needs to be told that some things are not wise. She needs boundaries. You, her mother, should set those. This is where the YW leaders messed up; they should have gone to you, and YOU should have had that talk with your daughter, not them.

I'm in the "Bishop needs to know" camp.  These women took her on false pretenses of ward business.  If that doesn't warrant telling the Bishop, I don't know what does.

Pro-tip...  If you feel the need to lie(like they did)... for just about any reason... that means the spirit is not with you... And if the spirit is not with you then you not in a position to rebuke anyone with sharpness per D&C 121.
I would set up a appointment with the Bishop and share with him the story.  Because in many ways from what you say they did a bishop level worthiness interview.. without the calling or authority to do so.
Now there most likely is more to the story then you know.. so go find out.

I would lose my mind if this happened, A face to face confrontation with both the YW president and 1st counselor is necessary.  While I am sure everyone can appreciate their concern they have clearly over stepped their boundaries.  I wouldn't email, wouldn't text, I would meet them in the same park and let them have it. 

It's hard to want to remain active when one has been hurt by other active members.  The greater the hurt, the greater the social standing, the greater the difficulty.
 
My wife has overcome tremendous odds to remain active.  The battle was won, and her "I care what other's think" was left dead on the battlefield to rot.  These days, she sums it up like this:
 
"I trust God to act like God, and I trust man to act like man."

I like both of these posts because they acknowledge (as PaleRider did) that bullies exist in the adult world as well and you need a strategy for dealing with that as well. And I'm pretty sure telling your senior parents to talk to your boss's (or coworker's) parents isn't going to cut it.

I and some other staff are currently keeping a file on one of my students as she has reported being bullied. The school counselor is also making this file. After a month, all we have is evidence this girl is the bully who torments other kids and cries bullying when they stand up for themselves.

Yep, getting arrested, or in trouble at school, or accused of assault, or you hear about your kid bullying - all are red flags.
 
Bullying is a symptom of something.

Something that I think is implied in your post but not explicitly mentioned is also checking for signs of your own children bullying other kids.
Many parents check for signs of their children being bullied, but rarely check for signs that their children ARE the bullies. I do think this should be emphasized more.