seashmore

I have not. Good idea. Thank you. I think part of me doesn't want to reach out to leaders in my life because they will try and convince me to stay in the calling, and I so badly want to be free of it. I know she will probably have good advice though, so I need to get over myself.

Good points. Another added stress is that one of my counselors is completely MIA, impossible to get a hold of. She is a lovely girl with so much positivity and light to give, but she's also the flakiest person I know. My other counselor is always around, but whenever I ask her to help me out, she always is "busy". Always. So perhaps I need to reevaluate my counselors, but I also feel as if it's not my place. Obviously it is, but it just feels so harsh to them. I love them as people but as counselors they are not giving me the help I need. I've tried talking to them about it several times. They make promises and everything stays the same.

Have you contacted the Stake RS Pres for guidance? If not, I suggest doing so.

I have no such experience.
In any case, what do you mean by "less accomplished"?  And what do you mean by "weak and simple"?  How do you even make such a judgment?  We had a guy in our bishopric who was a janitor.  Is this what you mean by "less accomplished"?  The guy teaching nursery at the same time he was in the bishopric was the owner of the company he janitored in, is that who you considered "more accomplished"?  Or are you talking about the guy that is currently serving in our nursery who used to be in the Stake High Council?  Is he "more accomplished"?  How about the guy who is currently serving as our Young Men President who is a convert of less than 5 years?  Is he "less accomplished"?

I just moved into a new apartment about a month ago, and still haven't retrieved all my clothes (including dress shirts and ties) from my folks' residence. I hope my ward won't care, but due to those circumstances, I may be casual in the morning...lol.

You have to really evaluate why you want to come back.  Do you want to come back because it is comfortable and you remember feeling good at church, or do you really have a testimony of the church and our saviour?  If the later, you have to commit to the no gay love way of life for life.
It is the right thing to do, but it may be an absolutely hard thing to do.  You don't want to commit to something that you are not going to keep.  Only you and the Lord can determine this.  Re-join when you get this confirmation.
As for being single in the church, most of us don't care if you are married or single.  There will always be the nosey person.  Hopefully that won't deter you in your decision making.  I travel to Japan often and I stick out like a sore thumb.  There are many that stare at me.  But I still enjoy going.  I ignore those that stare and enjoy the friendships that I have there.  Life is not what people think about you.

Thanks for the feedback, sir! I am supposed to meet with the Elders this Saturday. I won't lie, the some time difficulties with chastity aside, it can also be hard constantly around married people, most of whom have children, when you're one of few singles in the entire ward. Now, my local ward has a lot of couples where one spouse (usually the wife) is a convert, while the other (usually the husband) is a non-member. It's interesting that these individuals are in a similar predicament to me....they can't be sealed in this life, unless their spouses convert.

The individual telling you this was wrong and ovestepping their bounds.  Forgive them their error and keep attending everything to your heart's content.  
I myself attended a family ward for years when I was single, just for the fact that it was my preference (strange as it sounds, I found I couldn't concentrate in Sacrament Meeting without screaming babies in the background)

Both spiritually and academically, the best thing for you to do is to confess to your bishop. You will probably be suspended from BYU for at least a semester, though that is the honor code office's decision.
Not wanting to interrupt your schooling for a year is understandable. Refusing to address what you have done is fraud, in the moral if not the legal sense, and compounds your mistake. You are currently attending BYU under false pretenses, not really all that different from going to the temple when you're guilty of fornication. Get your moral life straightened out, whatever it takes, then worry about the rest.

Agreed.  You have to decide what is most important.  Protecting yourself and living in that bubble (the easy way in a lot of ways) or fully trusting another with your heart (even after a devastating blow) with hope and faith that because they ARE you're one and only, your true eternal soul mate that they will honor and protect the bond and covenants and commit to working through all the things, big and small. 

Although my husband has forgiven me and I have felt the love and forgiveness from HF I have had a hard time forgiving myself.  It wasn't until after speaking with my bishop that I finally feel as if a weight has been lifted and I am truly on my way to forgiving myself and letting the shame go.  I wish I could encourage everyone to meet with their bishop.  It has been SO helpful for me!
 

UPDATE: I met with my bishop and spilled my guts the very first time meeting him.  It was.... not fun but not as awful as I expected (telling my deepest secret to a man I met only moments before was uncomfortable to say the least).  He was understanding and kind-exactly how I imagine the Lord being.  He asked for some time to be prayerful of my situation to know what route needed to be taken (if a court needs to be held or not- on a ward level.  He was leaning toward this option).  I met with him again a few days later and he asked me some more questions and details.  He decided an informal probation would be an appropriate route to go.  I got the go ahead to start wearing my garments again whenever I feel okay doing so.  I can take the sacrament again after my informal probation time and then we will discuss the temple! Thanks for your continued support!

To follow up on the whole Excommunication possibility.  A sign on just about every church building I have seen says "Visitors Welcome" 
We totally want and encourage total strangers to come in and join us...  So why would we treat the wayward prodigal or the member who is under a form of discipline worst then that?
Yes there are things that we will not ask non member, wayward members or disciplined members do.... like give talks, or prayers to teach lesson or otherwise lead and I hope you would find that totally understandable...  But sitting in the pews and listening and interacting is not something we restrict.
And it is our hope that the non member, wayward, or disciplined member is interested and working toward changing their status because we have plenty of work to do.  :)

I honestly don't think it matters.  Will your friend know which name you put down?  No.  Will the Lord know who you put on the prayer rolls?  Absolutely.
 

An old elementary school friend of my wife’s, having gone through a very traumatic childhood, decided as an adult to change her name.  We call her by her new name, out of personal courtesy to her.
Gender issues aside, calling people by the proper name (as opposed to gender pronoun) they want to be called, just seems like part of being a reasonably empathetic human being.  

Heh.  I doubt there's any settled policy on the matter.  
I consider Mr Fredbert Finklestein.  He's spent his entire life saying "call me Fred".  All his credit cards say Fred, so do all his utility bills.  Most of his friends don't even know his given name is Fredbert.  Do I think there's anything wrong with submitting "Fred Finklestein" on the prayer roll?  Can't say I do.
I consider fifteen year old David.  He's going through a phase, and this week he wants to be called "moonbeam".  Next week, it'll be a hairstyle or something.  What name do I submit?  Probably David.
Were I in that situation, I guess I'd figure out which name is a more true expression of my love for the person.

I think JAG's words are wise here (emphasis mine):
I remember being a molested seven year old girl-- terrified, hurt, in the throughs of PTSD and depression.   I didn't have the vocabulary / concept knowledge to understand what was going on myself, let alone how to explain it to other people!   Honestly, it would have it would have been easier to describe getting abducted by aliens.   When I tried to tell my extremely loving parents what was going.... it was an epic scarring failure.  They didn't understand what I was trying to say with words I didn't have for concepts I didn't understand.  Yes, they loved me and were trying their best but... that incredible gut-wrenching loneliness and desertion-- that no one could understand me at all, and that trying just brought more pain and loss.  In a way, it was just scarring as the abuse itself -- and it's not that my parents were ever anything less than amazingly loving... but we couldn't talk about this because we were so out of our league.
My story and many others like it are why I SO recommend having a trained therapist there to help you communicate with your daughter, to build that communication bridge you both so desperately need.  They have experience in how listen and how to ask the right questions that can help her find the words she needs.  

Oh dear Lord.  I'm sorry you have to go through this.  I know a lady with a similar story to your daughter.  Her parents failed on just about every level possible - here - learn from them and do better.
The parents did worse than turn a blind eye to the whole thing.  They lectured the girl on her duty to forgive.  They were worried about the brother's chances of going on a mission, it never really dawned on them to worry about what being sexually abused does to a little girl.  So all this happened:
- They tried to help the boy repent a whole lot, across years.  They let the girl know she needed to forgive.
- Boy became a teenager and was so distraught he was making noise about suicide.  Nobody talked to girl about it, so she figured she had to forgive or boy might kill himself. 
- The parents did everything they could to keep everything 'in the family'.  Damage control.  Lying to lawyers.  Years later, when daughter filed a police report, they were "frozen with shock and disbelief" and protected boy and claimed in court that daughter had mental issues and should not be believed. 
Tim0thy, right now - right this very minute - get up from the chair, turn away from the keyboard - go and find your daughter.  Give her a big hug and tell her that she hasn't done anything wrong.  That what her brother has been doing to her, is wrong, bad, evil.  The brother may be sick, may be bad, may be dangerous - but whatever the reason, he has done something horrible to her, and she did not deserve it!   Nobody told the lady I know that it wasn't her fault, until a decade later when her shrink told her.  
Tim0thy - decide right now.  When you have to choose between helping your daughter and helping your son, which will you pick?  Most of the process you'll be able to do both.  But not all.  So choose right now.  You get to check one box:
- I will do everything in my power to help my son recover from his misdeeds and live a good life.  I will help him apply the atonement and free himself from this sin.
- I will do everything in my power to protect my daughter from her molester, and recover from her traumas.  I will show her what a good parent does when they learn of such a predator in their midst.  
If you don't alert the authorities, if you don't make a BIG LOUD DAMN STINK about this, that sends a pretty big message to your daughter.  She'll keep going to church and hearing about purity and chastity, and she'll know that such things are just allowed in her home, and all the stuff they talk about at church doesn't apply to her.  She'll go to school and learn about how to not be abused, and no means no, and nobody should be allowed to touch you without your permission, and she'll know that's not true for her family.  Her brother got to touch her a whole bunch, and nobody did anything. 
No really - go break something.  Yell and scream.  Let your daughter and son both know that such behavior is evil and will not be tolerated.  Yes, call the police.  Yes, get the bishop involved.  Yes, very much yes, get both boy and girl into counseling.
Unspoken truth becomes a lie.  Transparency and addressing things directly is the way to go.  
I'm so sorry.  This is a horrible thing with no good or easy answer.  Your daughter is counting on you.

Timothy, first off—if I could give you a bear hug, I would.  You’re in a unique form of hell that not many parents ever have to go through. 
Second—I am a state attorney representing DCFS in my jurisdiction.  I don’t know the law in your jurisdiction and won’t presume to give you legal advice about whatever mandatory reporting may or may not apply.  (Also:  yay for anonymous internet forums, amirite?  Keeps things much less complicated for both of us if I don’t know where you live.)  I will say, though, having sat in on numerous team meetings with perpetrators, survivors, therapists, psychologists, and judges; that neither you nor your wife are in ANY WAY prepared to help either your son or your daughter get through this on your own.  You guys are 100% out of your depth, no matter what experiences your wife remembers having gone through.  Also, statistically speaking, sex offenders almost never stop at one victim.  I hate to be so blunt, but the chances are well over 80% that your son either has already molested others in addition to your daughter—or he’s going to.  (That doesn’t make him an irredeemably bad kid or mean that you’ve failed as a parent; it’s just the nature of his psychosis.). The state needs to be involved here.    You should also be aware that if the state eventually does find out about this, they’re going to be asking some hard questions about why you didn’t make a report sooner; and that may jeopardize your custody over *all* of your children.
Third—do NOT talk to your daughter about this.  She needs to be interviewed by a trained investigator/therapist; and unskilled interviewers can do more harm than good from both a psychological and forensic standpoint.  Once the report has been made, law enforcement will probably want to take her to a Children’s Justice Center for her interview.  It will be a comfortable, home-like environment  with toys and soft chairs; and she will probably be allowed to have a support person with her during the interview so long as the support person doesn’t interfere with the interview.  
Fourth—your son will probably have to leave the home almost immediately once the report has been made.  They won’t put him in detention if they can avoid it; so start thinking of extended family members he can stay with who don’t have small children in the home.  Odds are that at some point your son will wind up in a group home-type environment for a lengthy period of time, once the full set of psychological evaluations has been completed.  He’s got a long road ahead.  It’s going to be natural to want to recoil in horror from him because of what he’s done to your little girl; but you need to know that if you do that, you’ll lose him, emotionally.  There’s a way for him to come back and be a fully productive, contributing, safe member of society—but without the support of you and your wife, that way gets a lot harder.   Similarly, your little girl needs to know that the changes your family is about to go through aren’t her fault; and you need to avoid the trap of having her needs being overshadowed by her brother’s needs.  The children’s justice center/law enforcement/DCFS can get you in touch with some folks who can coach you about how to strike the right balance.  
There will probably be a “delinquency” juvenile court case involving your son that addresses the criminal aspects of what has happened.  (Those records are usually confidential, so your son probably won’t have a “criminal record” once he turns 21).  DCFS might also ask the juvenile court to open a “protective services” case involving the rest of your family, simply so the court can supervise and make sure that the family follows through on any therapeutic treatment that may be indicated for any of the children.  Things are going to start happening really fast for the next couple of weeks, and it will be hard and scary and confusing.  But you will get through it.  
As for your bishop—if this interview just happened this afternoon, then maybe he’s still trying to figure out how to break the news.  Who knows?  But don’t waste time making him out to be either a crutch or a bad guy—he may well be as flat-footed and bewildered by this as you are; and right now you’ve got bigger fish to fry.  The simple fact is that you’re the dad:  now that you know the situation, the buck stops with you.  
Best of luck—

For the past 6-8 weeks, I've been playing a PS1 game called Board Game Top Shop.  (Good luck finding it.  But it's lovely.)  One of the characters is a skateboarder named Rob, but when I play with my housemates, I change his name to Zombie.

David, I'm sorry this is such a struggle for you - mostly because I don't think you'll find an answer from the membership beyond what you've already found here.  And it seems pretty clear that our leaders haven't given any more specifics than what you've already found.  So might I suggest two things:
1) Let the Lord worry about other people's stewardships.  That is, if this is all wrong, let the Lord judge, because that's his place and not yours.  If you don't want to allow your own children to partake of the Sacrament, don't.  If you invite non-members to church with you, speak to them ahead of time about not partaking.  If you're asked to help administer the Sacrament and feel like you can't in good conscience, decline - perhaps have a chat with your bishop about this.
2) Go straight to the source.  God knows what's right and wrong.  He knows why the scriptures, handbooks, and everyone else say what they say and do what they do.  Talk with Him about your findings and thoughts.  Be willing to accept that His wishes may be contrary to your understanding (not necessarily because they are, but because if you're not willing to accept this, you may get nothing but silence).  Ask Him to give you peace first, and understanding second.

Yes indeed.  I've sold some turkeys - and threw in the processing for free.  Also, been selling egg cartons for years - we throw in the eggs for free.   
One difference is our taxes are easy.  It's a hobby, which means you put your expenses on one side, and your income on the other, and every dollar of income you make gets offset by a dollar of expense.  And since there's never been a hobby chicken ranch ever that has actually made more than they spent, it's never been a problem.  Just don't deduct the left over expenses, or you have to be a business, which means you have to turn a profit, which means you can't, which means the IRS audits you because you're passing your hobby off as a business.

Not just the state - I'm 100% certain the lawyer intentionally set this guy up - the facts make "coincidence" way too incredible.

WHAAAATTT??????  I've been a member almost 20 years and nobody ever told me I'm supposed to get shampoo???  No wonder my ward all have nice hair and I still have frizzy hair!   I am filing a grievance to the Mission Office, the Bishop Office, the RS Presidency, and all my Visiting Teachers for this massive mission failure.

Our memories can play tricks on us sometimes; they are fallible.  If your priesthood leader has assisted you in repenting of all that you know you have done wrong, you are forgiven in the Lord's eyes.  If you aren't sure whether you committed the sin/s you think you are remembering, pray it out.  He knows what you've done and what has been distorted in your memory.  He knows how repentant your heart is at least as well as you do.  Your prayer may include wording such as "I'm not sure if I [did XYZ] but if I did, I am truly sorry that I behaved that way.  I seek your forgiveness and your guidance to avoid that in the future."  
Participate in the ordinance of the sacrament.  Those few minutes are meant to be a time to rededicate ourselves to the Lord and the promises we have made to Him.  Focus on what you can fix and do your best to forget about the rest.
Even though Brigham Young didn't really say this, I like it, anyway.