Chilean

I don't think God really abandoned us ever, I think what happens is our own choices, and our nations' choices are what drive us away from Him. The apostasy was the consequence of people forgetting about God.     ---- Chosen people?  For some reason, the Jews are a big deal in the Christian world, and in the church. They were (I think) the first people to make covenants with God. At the end, what I know to be true is that we all have the same chance to be exalted and return to Heavenly Father, and He is a loving father to all of us.
 
For everything you just said, but at this very moment, hope to be healed, and hope to understand that things on Earth are very different that things in Heaven.
Most callings come from God.        
Sweetie... through personal experience (many years of experience unfortunately as a child) I can tell you, do not feel anger for those kids that weren't protected, It's already too late, but pray to have forgiveness in your heart. Pray for those children to find healing (Just like I did  )    Thank you for that anger, but anger leaves no space for hope and love and forgiveness, if I have been able to forgive you can too. 
This life is beautiful even when we get to experience hell, but we still have a Heavenly Father who loves us, and there is always hope.  You know the plan, you know what the idea, the plan, for being in this earthy world is. So just hold on to that truth. The Gospel is true, and this life on Earth is but a twinkle of an eye, and it'll be over before we know it, and we'll return with our heavenly father.
Don't lose hope.
 

The priesthood is the power of God. Men are human, and do stupid stuff, even priesthood holder, but we cant lose hope of the priesthood just because the men who have it do stupid/evil things.
I would invite you to study as much as you can about the priesthood, and pray to your Heavenly Father for you to learn how you can be blessed by the priesthood.
 
I find it hard to understand you have achieved a broken heart and a contrite spirit but are angry.  Wouldn't a broken heart and contrite spirit actually make you humble and patient about the Lord's will?
YES! Of course! There is always a place for you at Church! The Gospel is true, that is all that matters. So don't lose hope. "However far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines." (Elder Holland).
Don't lose hope. I know how hard and difficult things can get. I also divorced ex husband because of the same reasons.  But the atonement is true, and whatever heartache you have, for whatever reason, the Savior can heal your broken heart. So just let Him in so He can heal you.
"Will ye not now return unto me, and repent of your sins, and be converted, that I may heal you?" (Jesus, 3 Nephi 9:13)

My kids are old now. But when they were little I would take them outside the sacrament room and put them in time out.  I'm one of those moms that does take kids out of sacrament if they are being irreverent. I believe members goes to sacrament to feel the spirit, to renew their commitments, to hear something that will inspire them, and if my kids are disturbing other I will take them out, and have a talk. Mine are pretty good now, they are 11, almost 9, and 4, the 4 yrs old is the one that could give us problem sometimes.
Yesterday I went to church only to sacrament with the 3 of them by myself, as my husband was at the hospital with his dad whos at the ICU. I knew from the start that it was gonna be tiresome to go with them to church without my husband, as the 4 yrs old just whines a lot, but I brought help and actually he was super good the whole time... I was so proud of him...

@ByAThread
Hello
Such a heavy story.
I am glad you are done with porn. I totally get where you are coming from (I think). Finding healthy ways to express your disappointment, loneliness, anger and rejection is the key here. So easy just to drink, porn binge, smoke, get lost in a book, eat, etc. When you are in crisis (no matter how brief or the size of crisis) Right now it is time for you to dig deep and push yourself to continue the healing process. Get back in shape, read more scriptures and spend more time with the kids. Right now your wife is hurt and she probably has her own problems she is dealing with but refuses to change because PORN (as if that justifies being horrible in return. It doesn't, at all) Take away her ammo and let her issues be revealed for what they are. STOP Sharing with people outside of a professional setting (you have us now too) honestly most members don't want to hear about your porn/masturbation sessions. Especially if you keep reporting that you messed up again and again and again. It's easy for people to assume that you just want someone to tell your porn escapades to instead of being truly interested in quitting. 
God hasn't abandoned you by the way. Only person God has ever withdrew from completely is Jesus (when on the cross) Everyone else chose to leave God or shut out His influence by making bad choices. He is there, He very much is watching over you. You just have to decide to let go of this bad habit for good. 
I really don't know what you are looking for at this moment. It sounds like you are beating this vice. Keep up the good work and show more love to Heavenly Father. He was there the whole time, you just couldn't feel Him because you were caked in filth and darkness. Also, stop being so hard on yourself, EVERYONE makes mistakes.
*Just went back and read it again.
Stop having high expectations for everyone else at church. You have to learn to be your own man. Find a positive hobby and become good at it. Stop seeking the approval of anyone else but God at the moment. Sounds like your wife is just throwing a fit. If you didn't commit physical adultery with another woman she honestly needs to get over your old porn addiction. Her bruised ego will heal in time. Also, try to put yourself in her shoes, imagine if every time she was mad at you or sad she went to go look at random naked men on the internet. That would get annoying and would be hurtful I imagine. Stay in your marriage and earn back her trust. If she decides not to forgive you then, of course, go from there. Pray always and believe you are being heard. 
If anything at all just know you were an average Male while you were looking at porn. Honestly, you were just as telestial as any other sinning gentile. Stop beating yourself up. As a Son of God you are not average, you hold yourself to a higher standard. Others hold you to a higher standard. It is our lot in life. We lead from the front not from the rear. In this battle of ideas and mortal agency, as a priesthood holder, you ARE the tip of the spear.

PC, my understanding of the OP was that he beat the porn addiction, but in the middle of the battle, all others abandoned him and left him to fight on his own, so he did, and overcame.  But now he's still alone - wife isn't a wife, ward members aren't friends.  And this has caused him to lose all faith and hope.
I have no clue how to help you regain hope, @ByAThread, but I will point out two things:
1) The Savior knows what it's like to have everyone abandon you.
2) Hope and faith are choices.  So is happiness.  They are exceedingly difficult choices when you are all alone, but they're still choices.  If you can find it in you to choose them, I believe things will get better.
IMO, (assuming all this is accurate - not saying I doubt, just saying I have only one perspective on the situation), your wife needs counseling to help her be a wife again - but, of course, that will only help if she chooses to be helped.  Somewhere, she forgot that she's your partner in the battle against sin - that sin is the enemy, not you.

I respect that. This was a couple with only one kid.  I have four kids and I know what it is like to have a noise maker in church. You teach the best you can, but at some point, you have to remove the screamer into the foyer so others can get something out of the service. 

It was good to laugh with you Chilean..... we needed to laugh :-) 

hahahahaha I'm bad, I'm sorry for laughing. 

Is that, "Yeah, he's a Richard, but he's our Richard!"

Shouldn't be something people are able to do.
I met my 1st husband online... ha! We lasted 7 1/2 years married (cause he got silly). My sister actually also met her husband online, and they're still married (like 12 years I think)
It is possible for people to develop romantic feelings for people whom you have never met personally. I did. and I've met other people who also have. BUT as I look back I think: What the heck was I thinking?? haha I wouldn't do it again, and I would discourage my kids from doing it, just because you cant really get to know someone online, even when you're talking all the time. There are just every day situations that you have to experience with someone by being together  at the same time in the same place.
So... Online marriage... is stupid.
 

Nah, I don't want it, I don't need to hold it to be benefited from it.  People need to understand that the priesthood is not for personal benefit, there is no way you can get blessings to yourself if you have it. For example my husband is the only priesthood holder in our home (my son is almost 9 and wont receive it until 3 more years), if my husband was to get sick, he cant lay on his hand on his head and pronounce a blessing to himself, he would have to seek for another priesthood holder to give him a blessing.
So, the wonderful thing is that the priesthood has been restored and there are many worthy priesthood holders. Sister don't need to get it. I consider myself to be somewhat feminist, and I think sisters don't need it. Some might think they need it to feel equal to men, but I don't.
I do believe in the future, when being exalted we the sisters might receive the priesthood, but it might not even be in the way we use it now. I don't know.
I do have to confess that about a month ago, one of our sons was sick, my husband had already left for work, and I was to stay with the little one home, and for a second I thought: "I wish I could give him a blessing". and then I thought about a story I heard once when sister missionaries gave a blessing to someone and in the prayer said something about the priesthood that their mission president had, instead of by the power and authority I posses.  Any way, I didn't give him a blessing, but it crossed my mind the fact that if I could by making reference I guess of the priesthood my husband does have.
In the temple sisters have some of the priesthood I guess... right?

I personally don't think Jesus was married. His mission wasn't about getting married and forming a family. He came to perform the atoning sacrifice.
Plus... I don't think he needs a temple marriage to become a God, as we know in the pre-mortal existence for some reason he was way ahead of all of us.

I am not sure that laying your hands on someone's head is necessary.  Lets look at this from a slightly different perspective.  First - when an Elder gives a blessing by the power of the priesthood they are acting for and as G-d by proxy.  Now lets consider a prayer - even a prayer given by a child.  That prayer is ended or given under the authority of the name of Jesus Christ.  If you read the Later-day Saint Bible dictionary under the topic of prayer - you will read that there are BLESSINGS withheld in heaven until sought for by faith through prayer.  In short prayers are necessary (and it does not indicate from who) for blessings to be received.
I believe that part of the reason that the stripling warriors were preserved was because of their mother's prayers while they were so far away from home.  I believe we should have more faith in the power of prayers uttered in the name of Jesus Christ.  I believe that prayers of faith are more important than priesthood blessings - and that prayers of faith are key elements in the fulfillment of priesthood blessings.
 
The Traveler

We did it once.  I stated my authority and by virtue of your mother's faith.  It was pretty awesome.  Parent's giving their child a blessing.  
I agree, Id never admit it in front of my ward...

There are many examples in scripture - but I avoid using the worldly term of exorcisism.  If you like examples - Jesus provides several in the New Testament.  But I personally would recommend paying attention at the temple - everything you need to know is covered there quite well.
 
The Traveler

A righteous sister can give a blessing just not by the power of the priesthood.  There was a time when it was believed that sisters could not open or close sacrament meeting with prayer because they do not hold the priesthood.  That has been corrected - women can pronounce opening and closing prayers - including a blessing - to bring the spirit of G-d upon the gathering and to give comfort for those in attendance or for some reason not able to attend.
 
The Traveler

Nah, I don't want it, I don't need to hold it to be benefited from it.  People need to understand that the priesthood is not for personal benefit, there is no way you can get blessings to yourself if you have it. For example my husband is the only priesthood holder in our home (my son is almost 9 and wont receive it until 3 more years), if my husband was to get sick, he cant lay on his hand on his head and pronounce a blessing to himself, he would have to seek for another priesthood holder to give him a blessing.
So, the wonderful thing is that the priesthood has been restored and there are many worthy priesthood holders. Sister don't need to get it. I consider myself to be somewhat feminist, and I think sisters don't need it. Some might think they need it to feel equal to men, but I don't.
I do believe in the future, when being exalted we the sisters might receive the priesthood, but it might not even be in the way we use it now. I don't know.
I do have to confess that about a month ago, one of our sons was sick, my husband had already left for work, and I was to stay with the little one home, and for a second I thought: "I wish I could give him a blessing". and then I thought about a story I heard once when sister missionaries gave a blessing to someone and in the prayer said something about the priesthood that their mission president had, instead of by the power and authority I posses.  Any way, I didn't give him a blessing, but it crossed my mind the fact that if I could by making reference I guess of the priesthood my husband does have.
In the temple sisters have some of the priesthood I guess... right?

Nah, I don't want it, I don't need to hold it to be benefited from it.  People need to understand that the priesthood is not for personal benefit, there is no way you can get blessings to yourself if you have it. For example my husband is the only priesthood holder in our home (my son is almost 9 and wont receive it until 3 more years), if my husband was to get sick, he cant lay on his hand on his head and pronounce a blessing to himself, he would have to seek for another priesthood holder to give him a blessing.
So, the wonderful thing is that the priesthood has been restored and there are many worthy priesthood holders. Sister don't need to get it. I consider myself to be somewhat feminist, and I think sisters don't need it. Some might think they need it to feel equal to men, but I don't.
I do believe in the future, when being exalted we the sisters might receive the priesthood, but it might not even be in the way we use it now. I don't know.
I do have to confess that about a month ago, one of our sons was sick, my husband had already left for work, and I was to stay with the little one home, and for a second I thought: "I wish I could give him a blessing". and then I thought about a story I heard once when sister missionaries gave a blessing to someone and in the prayer said something about the priesthood that their mission president had, instead of by the power and authority I posses.  Any way, I didn't give him a blessing, but it crossed my mind the fact that if I could by making reference I guess of the priesthood my husband does have.
In the temple sisters have some of the priesthood I guess... right?

Hi @kiwii Nice to meet you! Look forward to your posts! 🥝 

Short answer: Yes.
I was a convert that resigned and had my name removed from the rolls. At one point I began looking for answers to the questions that led to my leaving. I fully expected that I would be returning to the church. During that time I was also attending meetings, studying in the Institute library, and attended a couple of Institute classes & events.
All of this to say, the Bishop of the ward I was attending was very helpful and friendly. He did do some sort of check to verify my status, and assured me afterwards that I would be welcomed back and what steps would be involved (I had not been excommunicated; nor had I targeted the church).
Like others have said: attend meetings; talk with the Bishop. But I am telling you from first-hand experience. I hope that you find comfort in this and can move forward with your desire to return to the temple. Don't worry about your file. Be honest and sincere within your own heart and trust that He will lead you to where you need to be. Like my grandmother would say, "Turn it over to the Lord."
p.s. I haven't been here in years. What are the chances that I would see your post? eh?

Christ stands at the door knocking, but you are the one that has to open that door.
A man does not run the church.  The church is run by God and his Son Jesus Christ.  This takes faith to believe this.  This is a church based on faith..  Not blind faith, but faith.
There are various things that the church teaches that are out of step with the philosophies of men.  We can certainly know the truthfulness of these things through the testifying of the spirit.
However, we can forget these things as well.  
You don't physically see a God sitting at the head of the church because he requires us to have faith.  True faith is trusting in the Lord.  Trusting that he is leading the church and its teachings.
As for the sleep deprivation...  Why is that happening?

The Church doesn't have much control over that.  The Church wants everybody back.  Whether you get back is up to YOU.

Welcome, @Tyme!  First, you shouldn't worry about files or "they".  Worry instead about your faith, your intentions, and your relationship with Christ.  If you are willing to humble yourself and do whatever is required to restore that relationship and receive again the blessings of baptism, the priesthood (if male), and temple blessings, then there shouldn't be a problem.  It may take time, but people do return to the Church after resigning and after excommunication.  Be completely honest in any interviews involved (again, it's not about "files" or whether "they" already know something, it's about honestly working with the Lord's representatives to work your way back into full fellowship, which is a process, not an event).
It's often recommended here by folks who have come back from inactivity that you just show up at church one Sunday and see how it goes.  Share only as much as you're ready to, do only as much as you're ready to, and work your way back into church attendance.  When you're up to it, go talk to your bishop - he'll know what to do.

@Spfl0721
I would suggest learning the importance of baptism. Learn the importance of keeping a covenant. Pray to know The Book of Mormon is true. Become clean and worthy to be baptized and receive the Holy Ghost. After all of this you will know that you have done the right thing.
NOW, if after you have done all this and feel it is false (pretty sure this won't be the case) then what does it matter? If it is false your baptism was just a nice quick bath. On the flip side you gaining a testimony it is all true you can start enjoying the blessing of the restored gospel sooner than later. Also it will help you avoid missing altogether. This life is the time to prepare to meet God; repent, enter into covenants and endure to the end.

Choose the Sprite, when a Coke is placed before you!
In the Sprite, will no caffeine reside!