NeuroTypical

Good artists always suffer. The best artists produce stuff that makes other people suffer. LM (not a fan of art)

Well, let's think about that a little. Authoritative, as in "the only source for truth"? You are correct - no experience or wisdom makes one side the 'sole source' of anything. However, personal experience, tempered with insight and maturity, is most definately a source. It's not "The Source", but it a legitimate source. In the book I recommended earlier in this thread, the author has been on the lecture circuit for decades. She's heard thousands, tens of thousands of people's stories. Yeah, every situation is different, because people are unique. But sexual molestation is a thing of bell curves. If you put 1000 abuse victims in a room, and 950 of them show symptom X and Y, you can draw a few conclusions about what it's like. How many anecdotes about parents who struggle with protecting their children does one need to hear before it becomes data? Yeah, those who have been there do not have the corner on the market. But we would be very wise to consider what they have to say very carefully. The nature of this topic means that we have to sort through a lot of emotion, maybe an illogical leap here and an unwarranted conclusion there, but it's well worth it to sort through these things and see what is being said. LM

The front page events column of the WSJ provides a summary of every 'newsworthy event' worth knowing about. CATO studies and papers are incredibly well researched and sourced. My customized Yahoo home page has a ton of different things. Mainstream news headlines, BBC, blogs from opiniongivers from all over the spectrum. My ultra-liberal homeschooling buddy. People who collect news items from the middle east where folks are still institutionalizing hatred. I have a section on natural disasters disease and earthquakes. Stocks and market commentary. Everyone and their dog has an RSS feed these days. LM

Hey TheHop, Please, please, PLEASE consider returning to the fold and helping to round out our membership. Here is a scripture that many members struggle with, from the book of Matthew: This church needs people who have seen (and maybe done) the things you've seen. We need people who have walked with the serpents of the world and learned what they had to teach. Too many of us have no way fulfill this commandment - we have no clue how to go about being as wise as serpents. You can help us.We have youth who need to know where the dumb roads they're considering walking, lead to. We have parents who are ten miles away from the nearest clue about what their teenagers are getting into. We have mature adult members who somehow have never firmly developed a moral footing and are lost. You have a moral footing - it's obvious from your post that you know the difference between right and wrong. You can be of great use in our church. Yes, there will be some members who will never allow themselves to look past your outward appearance. There are nose-turn-uppers in every faith, in all walks of life. But I'm thinking that if you get on your knees and pray to God to show you a path back to church, He will place good people along your road who will befriend you and understand you. I can 100% guarantee that you ain't the only one like you in church. If you ever come to my ward in Colorado, you're welcome to sit with my family in sacrament meeting. LM

I'm glad I'm not the only one who has blonde moments. Once, when the power went out, I went to check on an elderly neighbor. I stood there ringing her doorbell for 15 minutes getting more and more worried. Eventually, it dawned on me that the doorbell doesn't work in a power outage, so I knocked. She opened the door and gave me chocolate. Life was good. LM

I'm gonna have to ask you for a link there, Hemi...LM

Ahh, the 'good ol days' - when life was so homogeneous, that such 'one size fits all' suggestions applied to everybody. (At least, they were supposed to.) Nowdays, life is not so homogeneous. But I'd suggest that the principles underlying this guide (acts of service, putting the other spouse first in your thoughts and actions) are still good principles. And both spouses should translate these principles into action. LM

If both your words and actions have communicated this message to your daughter, then good for you. My friend was abused from 9-11. Nobody ever told her it wasn't her fault, until she was meeting with a therapist at age 21. She got lessons on how to forgive, and she the expectation was to never do anything that would jeoparidze the perpetrator's chances of going on a mission. Amen to that. You can't find anyone in these situations who are content or happy. The perp's daughter who was involved may look serene on the outside - she isn't on the inside. Parents, the victim, the perp, everyone involved - all of them bear this weight to one extent or another.Not only is this a big horrible mess, but it also has very good ways of staying alive by passing itself on to the next generation. Today's victim can become tomorrow's perpetrator. We can minimize the chance of this happening, by learning everything we can about how it works, and not being afraid to talk about it. LM

With amazon.com used books being the hands-down winner in cheapest way to get any book, why would anyone care why DB does what it does?

I've met maybe a dozen or so part-member couples. The one that your post brings to mind is a couple in my ward. The lady is a member, the hubby is not. I've met him a few times, he's a nice guy, a friendly guy. He seems to be a good father to his kids. But he really has an issue with his kids spending too much time with us crazy mormons. She has struggled to stay active and keep her kids going to church. Now that her kids are 12 and 13, she's struggling to keep her kids interested in church. They'd rather be spending their Sundays off having fun with Dad.I'll never forget when she was in the temple prep class with me. We mormons don't usually design a class on Sunday to try to make people run out of it sobbing, but that's what happened to her. I guess all of that talk about how she and her kids might not have their dad with them, finally got to her. Anyway, all marriages have ups and downs - theirs just happens to be out in the open where everyone can see it. I would consider them an answer to your question. They're an intact family unit - that's what "works well" looks like for them. Choose well. LM

I didn't realize anyone was blaming him for this, but now that you mention it...RWB's story does make an excellent reminder for all parents out there, to read up on the warning signs that a child has been abused. It's true, we're not born knowing this stuff, and much of this stuff is surprising if you've never thought about it. I can suggest an excellent book: Miss America By Day. It has a ton of resources for parents on how to spot and avoid potential abusive situations, as well as how to help your kid if you find out too late. LM

It happens. I don't have much more to say, other than certainly not the only person who is trying not to become jaded at the things others do. Change is part of life. You do have some control over what you change into. One random suggestion - give this old classic a read. It's not that long. People can choose to rise above who they've become.

Here's a funny video from a non-LDS guy, impressed with the Twilight movie and it's positive message on sexual self-restraint: LM

The last time I searched Deseretbook.com, they were selling something from Pullman (the guy who wrote the Golden Compass books). Those books are gone too. Good thing we got amazon.com! LM

Hi williamgeorge from the UK! You part of the friendly folks at Reachout Trust? I used to spar with them quite often. I sort of lost interest after I got most of them to admit the possibility that I might be saved.LM

Dangit. One by one, today's issue is losing evidence that 'it isn't as bad as the great depression'. Now we've got the modern equivalent of stockbrokers jumping off rooftops again. We still don't have hoardes of migrant laborers or the dustbowl yet.

So, Rich, here is your thread from 6/22/08, and here are a selection of your responses: "Thanks for the input and suggestions. I really appreciate it." "I appreciate the talks to read over and ponder on." "Thanks so much for all the input. I can't tell you how much better I feel. I am going to pray over the suggestions and make some decisions and take action." So before Elphaba does her indignant steamroller impersonation again, let me suggest something. I'll assume you are not just a sick troll who just enjoys provoking a response from people on this issue. If you find you're having a hard time finding place for this issue, thinking about it, remembering details about it, consider this: You are not alone. You are not the only parent who has found themselves more worried about a sexual preadator's soul than your daughter's. You won't be the first parent who, when faced with news about an offspring's molestation, was more pained about your own situation than your offspring's. (Your quote: "I think what hurts the most is being blamed for his and their pain when it was his choices, not ours.") I don't get it, I don't think anyone on this thread will get it, but you are not the only parent who does this. A social worker who works for our local LDS Social Services tells me they occasionally organize "parents of abuse victims" groups - where they help parents come to grip with their own contributions to the situation. I'd strongly suggest you look into this specific sort of targeted therapy. One other thing to think about - your daughter won't be the first abuse victim with parents who have broken priorities. Be aware - you are going about attempting to rid yourself of anger and forgive. You are loudly and repetetively pained and full of regret about how the issue is negatively impacting your relationship with neighbors. Be aware - a lot of dependent children will see this behavior, and understand you are putting a higher value on these things than you do on the child. Wether they're right or wrong in doing so, be aware that this is one big factor that keeps the cycle of abuse going. Your daughter is more likely to marry an abuser, or even become one herself, if she sees her parents falling all over themselves to forgive the perpetrator, and failing to understand how much she hurts. In other words, I'm betting she didn't go goth because she got raped for 7 years, she went goth because all the LDS role models in her life have failed her in a terrible way. I see from your prior threads, stories of divorce and shared custody. That ain't helping matters any. Get help. Fix your issues, then be the father your daughter needs. Again, God bless. LM

These are hard issues. Life-impacting issues. Issues that change and alter relationships and lives. You've been in posession of this knowledge since 2005. You should expect this to remain an issue for quite some time. Venting is good. Writing it down can help. Are you looking to help yourself by posting here, or help your daughter? Which is first on your list? I have some advice to give if you're looking for advice, and it's different depending on what you're looking for.

Welcome NRA! I've appreciated your Got Lamp Oil forums for a long time now. It's a great resource for people interested in increasing their personal preparadness efforts. LM

Frivolous stuff is fine. It's the weighty important stuff that might distract him. What kind of waffles you had for breakfast is a wonderful thing to put in a letter to a missionary.

As you can tell from my avatar, I've obviously never had a problem with either. Back off ladies, I'm already taken. LM

I still think you should be able to thank and laugh in the same post. Very well put. From what I've heard, this is what Israel finds themselves stuck with. You can't get anything done without pandering to half a dozen fringe goofy parties.I dunno. From where I'm standing, every election I see starts looking more and more like this: LM

LM asdf

Good to hear the applause as she was giving her answer. I would have expected booing from such a crowd. Perhaps the 'silent majority' is still out there.

Hi Soul-Searcher, So, this might sound like a flippant question, but it really isn't. If you were God, how would you do it better? I see your list of issues, would there not be a similar or greater list of issues with any alternative plan? I'd like to hear it, if you've got one better. From what I can tell, this church is the only Christian church out there with anything to say on the subject. The rest of Christianity is scattered about, some saying "we don't know any details - it'll all work out", other saying "at death, we stop caring about earthly relationships and focus solely on praising God", others saying "y'all oughta be more concerned about burning in hell than in living with your spouse and family in heaven". Thoughts?