Misshalfway

First of all, Morningstar, thank you for keeping us focused on the most important issues. It's such a public service. I actually think I'd be hurt if my husband didn't have pet names for me. I grew up seeing men doing this with their wives and I always saw it as "proof" of his devotion. If he called me by my full name, I'd feel like he was my father or my business partner. Now there is sugar shock to consider. Too much "oopsy poopsy sweetie poo" can put someone in the hospital.

Nice. Welcome to forums.

If I post again, you'll know I survived. :)

It's hard when church leaders champion marriage at all costs. I don't know if it's denial or ignorance or fear or misdirected hope or spirit filling invitations to do God sanctioned hard things. But what I do know is that the Lord sends his Spirit to confirm when the counsel is good/right for us. And if it's not there strengthening you, then it's ok to question what was said. You said that you worry that you are getting punished somehow. This statement is particularly concerning for me. God isn't in the business of promoting abuse for any reason. God is God. His motive is to help us course correct sometimes. And He certainly allows consequences. But if God were trying to get through to you in some way, you should know that He will NEVER use abuse to accomplish it. From the little you have shared, it sure does appear that this marriage is very bad for you.

Well, that helps me a little.

I don't have any dispute with trying to meet the emotional needs of the spouse. It's absolutely part of what makes marriage work and certainly part of healing wounds. But truthfully, it sounds like she's done that. She's tried everything to make him happy. She tries to engage him. She tries to access him. And he blocks her with placations and lies. It's like she's in a constant state of endless rubix cubing as she tries to guess what the magic recipe might be. That sounds like insanity to me. And my fear is that she is losing herself. And that's not good for anybody....especially those kids. And while I appreciate that people tend to want to stay with the person who meets their needs effectively, I don't subscribe to the idea that it's a spouses job to do the need meeting alone. It's not my responsibility to read my husband's mind from moment to moment. Nor is it his to guess what I am longing for. No one person can do that! It's impossible. Meeting needs in marriage is a partnership. We have to ask for what we need. And we have to give our partner access so the need can get met. Yes we are perceptive beings and we can make some educated guesses about meeting needs. We can read internet lists and follow it to the letter. But unless this husband man's up and starts facing his own responsibilities to meeting his emotional needs in the marriage, this wife will be spinning her wheels. On another note......there are different kinds of affairs. Some really are about meeting un met needs. Others are about emotionally numbing out and escape. They are specifically designed to prevent intimacy and bonding. So if the reason for the affair isn't about need meeting, this strategy won't work. And that phrase...."being a good wife". Why does that feel like nails on a chalkboard?

I'm going to have a nice weekend! It's going to involve cleaning my basement. Welcome to the forums!!

Sleep disorder??

No. You are right. Angel took it in the shorts. I should have been equal in my pitchfork protesting efforts.

Ram! That was awesome. It makes you almost as cool as me. Way to go!

Yes. You see Hijolly and I connect on a much deeper level.

Bwahahaha! You know I'm gonna look. And then you know I'm gonna find HiJolly in the crowd while I'm watching conference in my bunny slippers. And then l'm gonna totally name drop while my kids are coloring Pres. Monson's face. My kids will be like way impressed.

I think Anne Romney should post when she is and isn't wearing her G's. That way everyone will be properly informed before the election. Perhaps she should post her dressing schedule for the last 10 years. I know I'd feel better if she did.

Oh Halloween is all about tricks and treats. You see....here in Utah we have to celebrate it because there's like a million and a half decorator, cutie home stuff stores. And if you are a girl....you have to go in! It's not a choice. And then you have to buy the cute wooden candy corn and the goofy metal pumpkin headed scarecrow. And then you have to go home and put it on your mantle so you don't feel guilty about all the money you just spent at Tai Pan! And you have to do this every year! Enough is never enough, don't cha know.

Yes. I feel a little better. :) But I'd be willing to feel more better if anyone wants to help.

C'mon Skippy. Get with it! You know that being a mormon means knowing all the acronyms.

Yup. It hurt. So....if someone could say something like...."Yeah, that partner of yours is a real poo-face", I'd feel better.

Chocolate dipped sprouts? Well....that sounds scary. Which would be appropriate.

That's when you know that you should watch the scene instead of direct it. :)

I know. But pitchforks scare me.

Tip Jar for Vort! Yes right here in my left pocket. I'll be taking the money for him. He's away buying his new advice giving chair.

If I celebrate Halloween like all good mothers do, then I will have to decorate my house. And if I decorate my house, then I'll have to go down to the basement to get all the decorations. And if I go down to the basement, I'll see what a mess it is and feel guilt for not cleaning it sooner. And if I feel that guilt, Then I'll probably remember the embarrassment I felt last week when I had to take the plummer to the basement and he saw the mess. And if I feel embarrassment, then I'll have to medicate that by eating cake. And if I eat the cake, I'll gain back the weight I just lost. And if I gain back the weight, I'll feel like a schlub. And I hate feeling like a schlub! You see....we just shouldn't have Halloween.

Yeah...I can see how striving for perfection really can help things. Letting go of the selfishness is important. But sometimes I think that it's how we deal with the imperfection in our partners (and ourselves) is what really matters.

Yeah! How do you deal with "not being in the communication loop"? I dont' think I'm dealing well. It feel like I'm in Jr. High trying to break into the "cool girls" club. And they don't even notice. Maybe I need to run for office and demand more vending machines in the church lobby's or something.

Ooooo! I hope you'll tell us how it goes for you. I remember my first time. For me, it felt like coming home somehow. And I know everybody has a different experience. I'm excited to hear about yours if you wanna talk about it.