Pressure for non members

[humbleone]

Today when I came in the door from work I checked the messages left on the fridge. My room mates and I leave messages taken for one another on a board. There was a message from one of my room mates that is lds. She made an appointment for the missionaries to come over later this evening to "talk" with me. I have never encountered an lds person until moving in with my room mates, so I am still learning how she does things and am noticing the way she lives her life. I was very angry that she would so something like that without telling me. It seems a constant struggle with her to have her not push her religion on me. I am an open person but pushing it on me isnt the way to go about it. I was just wondering if anyone had any insight on what to do, or if anyone has been in this situation.

[NeuroTypical]

Hi Humble,

I'd tell her exactly what you're telling us. "Hi, please don't do stuff like this, it really makes me uncomfortable."

If she continues to push, it's because she's a pushy person, not because she's LDS.

Good luck! I know how hard pushy people can be, so hopefully she's just a little overzealous and will respect your wishes.

[goofball]

Amen the that one. Be flattered she wants to share with you something that means so much to her but just tell her all in due time, yours not hers

[goofball]

Amen to Loudmouths post. Be flattered she wants to share something with you that is special to her. However tell her all in due time, yours not hers

[Misshalfway]

I so agree with LM. I would, first of all, be absolutely certain that this was in fact her intension and then I would talk to her about it and let her know your feelings calmly and respectfully, of course. Respect is an essential element to both sides of any issue.

[DigitalShadow]

I think that was very unintentionally rude of your roommate. I imagine that her intent was to share this wonderful life-changing truth with you. Unfortunately, it comes off as 'Whatever you believe, you're wrong, so let me correct that for you.' Religion is a deeply personal subject that each person needs to examine and determine truths for themselves, it is not something to pressure everyone around you into because you assume that you have it right. I doubt that she would appreciate if you made an appointment on her behalf to talk to some Scientologists and have your Thetan levels checked, so she should show you the same courtesy.

With that said, I would approach the situation acknowledging her good intent, but setting ground rules to avoid incidents like this in the future.

[prisonchaplain]

Amen the that one. Be flattered she wants to share with you something that means so much to her but just tell her all in due time, yours not hers

Or...if you want to be a little bit humorous, tell her, "God's time...not yours."

[Vort]

As your roommate, it is her sworn duty to make your life a living hell on earth. Better get used to it.

[Moksha]

Sometimes when someone pushes an idea too hard they are trying to allay their own doubts. It might be good to sit down with your roommate and get her to talk about her own feelings on the subject. My guess is that she is hurting somewhere.

:)

[VisionOfLehi]

If it's uncomfortable, you do not need to be there tonight.

[bytor2112]

Well, she probably hadn't met her quota for the month, yet............We get 5 points toward heaven for each Missionary appointment we set up......

Sounds like her heart was in the right place.......but, uh, yeah... a little pushy

[FlaviusHambonius]

It sounds like your roomate has created the opposite desired effect that she intended. Her approach was definitely a sure fired way to turn someone off before they have had a chance to tune in. Hopefully in the future your roomate can show you by example why her beliefs mean so much to her instead of pushing them on you. That usually piques a persons interest much faster, and then that same person might start inquiring about the friend's spirituality, beliefs etc.

If that doesn't work tell her in a nice way to shut her pie hole, or you will threaten her with the Scientology gig. She might actually be receptive to that idea provided John Travolta and Tom Cruise show up to give the message. Just keep Tom away from the couch.

[Snow]

Today when I came in the door from work I checked the messages left on the fridge. My room mates and I leave messages taken for one another on a board. There was a message from one of my room mates that is lds. She made an appointment for the missionaries to come over later this evening to "talk" with me. I have never encountered an lds person until moving in with my room mates, so I am still learning how she does things and am noticing the way she lives her life. I was very angry that she would so something like that without telling me. It seems a constant struggle with her to have her not push her religion on me. I am an open person but pushing it on me isnt the way to go about it. I was just wondering if anyone had any insight on what to do, or if anyone has been in this situation.

Here's a little trick I employ when someone assumes for me something they should not:

I say, "thank you - no"

Granted, it's short, but it works.

[humbleone]

You guys are hilarious. When I saw the message I called her and told her "thanks- but no thanks". That I had already made plans for the evening and she got all tyrant on me. I have been around for family home evening and I really do enjoy being a part of that. I have talked to the 3 room mates of mine that are lds and let them know where I stand. I grew up agnostic and am always open. When they asked me a few weeks ago to go to church with them I told them, when I am ready I will. Its not getting through to their heads that I am not ready yet. She got mad at me last night and gave me the number to the missionaries and told me to call them myself and cancel...ugh..I didn't because I felt bad and made my room mate happy by letting them come over and talking to them. who knows what will happen with that , but I know now all mormons are not like her...least the missionaries are not pushy. Thanks for helping me out guys.

[Misshalfway]

You guys are hilarious. When I saw the message I called her and told her "thanks- but no thanks". That I had already made plans for the evening and she got all tyrant on me. I have been around for family home evening and I really do enjoy being a part of that. I have talked to the 3 room mates of mine that are lds and let them know where I stand. I grew up agnostic and am always open. When they asked me a few weeks ago to go to church with them I told them, when I am ready I will. Its not getting through to their heads that I am not ready yet. She got mad at me last night and gave me the number to the missionaries and told me to call them myself and cancel...ugh..I didn't because I felt bad and made my room mate happy by letting them come over and talking to them. who knows what will happen with that , but I know now all mormons are not like her...least the missionaries are not pushy. Thanks for helping me out guys.

What? She wants you to call and cancel? She sounds young and like her perspectives and wisdoms haven't caught up with her good intentions.

What is cool to me is the patience you are showing. That says a lot about you!

[goofball]

You guys are hilarious. When I saw the message I called her and told her "thanks- but no thanks". That I had already made plans for the evening and she got all tyrant on me. I have been around for family home evening and I really do enjoy being a part of that. I have talked to the 3 room mates of mine that are lds and let them know where I stand. I grew up agnostic and am always open. When they asked me a few weeks ago to go to church with them I told them, when I am ready I will. Its not getting through to their heads that I am not ready yet. She got mad at me last night and gave me the number to the missionaries and told me to call them myself and cancel...ugh..I didn't because I felt bad and made my room mate happy by letting them come over and talking to them. who knows what will happen with that , but I know now all mormons are not like her...least the missionaries are not pushy. Thanks for helping me out guys.

Humbleone, you from Oz? Just wondering with you dropping the mates in your reply

[MarginOfError]

Next time she leaves you a message that she set up an appointment for you without consulting you first, mysteriously disappear for the evening. Come home after 9.30 and all will be clear. She'll quickly learn not to waste her time.

[DigitalShadow]

You guys are hilarious. When I saw the message I called her and told her "thanks- but no thanks". That I had already made plans for the evening and she got all tyrant on me. I have been around for family home evening and I really do enjoy being a part of that. I have talked to the 3 room mates of mine that are lds and let them know where I stand. I grew up agnostic and am always open. When they asked me a few weeks ago to go to church with them I told them, when I am ready I will. Its not getting through to their heads that I am not ready yet. She got mad at me last night and gave me the number to the missionaries and told me to call them myself and cancel...ugh..I didn't because I felt bad and made my room mate happy by letting them come over and talking to them. who knows what will happen with that , but I know now all mormons are not like her...least the missionaries are not pushy. Thanks for helping me out guys.

I grew up agnostic and like to keep an open mind as well. After moving to Utah (and marrying a Mormon), I've had to deal with some similar situations. I initially gave your roommate the benefit of the doubt, but the more I hear, the more she just comes off as a jerk with the intent to make you conform, rather than honestly share something with you. Be firm in setting your boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not. If they still cannot respect your wishes, you may need to look into another living arrangement.

[NeuroTypical]

She got mad at me last night and gave me the number to the missionaries and told me to call them myself and cancel...

Oh man. Well, everyone has interesting roommate stories I guess. Since you're patient and lighthearted and have a sense of humor, you might want to consider these following tactics:

* Tell her you already joined that Texas cult and your sister-wives advised you not to talk to "Salt Lake Mormons" any more.

* Pretend to make a pass at her.

* Start shouting "BAALAM HEARS YOU!" whenever she talks religion.

* Say you'll go to church if she'll get a tattoo.

(Actually, you probably shouldn't do any of these things. But hey, they're fun to think about!)

Kudos for taking all this in stride.

LM

[Maureen]

Don't mean to hijack your thread humbleone, but this thread is a good example of why we need a LOL button.

[RachelleDrew]

Your roomie needs to cool her jets.

I don't care how well-intentioned she is, she's old enough to know better and if she paid attention at all in church she would remember that we are told not to push our beliefs on others.

Maybe you should call the missionaries and explain the situation to them, I can promise you that they will be more understanding. They hear the word "no" all the time, it's not going to hurt their feelings. That way, next time she calls them up for a little room mate pow-wow they can let her know. She may listen to them better than you.

On another note, you should have stuck to your guns. Now that you've submitted to the discussion, she's going to try and set you up for even more. Do yourself a favor and say NO, and mean it.

The overzealous kind exist in every religion. Please don't let this give you a poor impression of the entire group. While we would be SO glad to have you in our fold, there is no sense in trying to push someone into believing something. We all come to the truth at our own time in our own way.

I'm glad you are being so patient and kind towards her, it speaks towards your character. I would have been a total rip about it, I have a hard time with people telling me what to believe.

[humbleone]

Humbleone, you from Oz? Just wondering with you dropping the mates in your reply

Reply With Quote

Sorry goofball , but that one went way over my head. Want to elaborate? I agree with Maureen, that there needs to be a LOL button. LM you crack me up. The missionaries came over last night, I didn't have the heart to call them and tell them no. I informed my roomate though I didn't want her around. I was still upset about it. The missionaries were really cool. I explained to them about my life and My beliefs and just had a good conversation with them. My remaining mates know what is going on and tonight we are setting up compromises. My other friends have told me that isn't fair to me, but In return I told them that it is fair to my mates though. I am the one who chose to live with them. I respect their beliefs and the way they live and vise versa. So I am going to give them the benifit of the doubt and trust that she will back off and let me do it on my own. With me its like when you tell a child to do something they automatically rebel against it just because you told them to do it. If they only let me come around and actually understand the things they believe in, it might just happen. I have so many questions about the church and the answers the missionaries gave me confused me. Does anyone know if there are any books that there that simplify the mormon church. Like Lds for dummies? haha I know that sounds stupid but its the only thing I could think of.

[lagniappe]

Actually there is a LDS for Dummies. Although I've never read it so I can't tell you if it's worth buying or not. I'm sure others will know of a good book for you.

I gotta give you props for being so patient with your roommate. Seriously, I would have been ticked. As a LDS, one of my biggest pet peeves is pushy members.

[VisionOfLehi]

I don't know about books, but this is a great start:

Mormon.org

Jesus Christ, The Son of God

Keeps things very simple.

For a little more detailed answers there's:

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

And this site, where we have the "Learn about the Mormon Church" board, where you're bound to get several replies within a day, and maybe within an hour if you post during the right time of day.

[humbleone]

I have been to those sites. They were very helpfull with telling me beliefs and what not. But I am looking for something that has a church history type deal. Like info about Joseph Smith. I was told he was the reason the church was created?