"It'll be okay." Fine. When?

[VisionOfLehi]

I've heard this so many times in the past several years.

Every time I go through a difficult time... People tell me:

"It'll be okay."

"It'll all work out."

"This'll go away."

Well, when?

God won't give me more than I can endure, but He's cutting it close.

[MarginOfError]

Thosre are words of advice that I sarcastically rank as most helpful right after the following words when someone has broken up:

"There are other fish in the sea."

"You'll find someone else."

Too many people don't realize that the healing process involves a certain amount of suffering. Sorry about God cutting it so close for you. Let's get together sometime, watch some tear jerkers, eat chocolate, and complain about getting fat sometime :-)

All my best.

[miztrniceguy]

be patient. tell Him in prayer you have faith that He has a plan for you and you trust that things will work out. hopefully He will send a good feeling

[NeuroTypical]

I guess it all comes down to what you think "it'll be okay" means. I'm relatively certain that through the atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, through obedience to the laws and ordinances of the gospel. So in that sense, yes, it will all be ok.

But there can be an awfully big number of decades full of "endure to the end" involved. And those decades can indeed be full of things that are not ok, and probably won't be ok any time soon.

LM

[Gwen]

i need some chocolate and a good cry, can i join in too?

[Misshalfway]

LM, I love your post! I think it is so wise. God's time and His vast purposes are sometimes so unknown for us.

I don't always know why, but I do know that God does let us go the distance in our trials sometimes. I suppose that is part of trusting that God is working out something bigger or perhaps more broad for us. Once I went thru a trial with my health and plead with the Lord over what seemed like an unfair trial. My answer was that the trial wasn't for me -- it was for one of my loved ones. My trial with my health isn't over and may never be. But I have made friends with it and I see many blessings because of it.

I read once that things happen "for" us, not "to" us. There is a blessing....a gift in every experience if we decide to look for it.

[Islander]

Feeling frustrated on the face of such statements is a human reaction rather than a spiritual one. The Savior said: “In the world ye shall have tribulation.” (John 16:33.). The apostle Paul referred to a "thorn in the flesh" that afflicted him thus he went to the Lord for relief three times. And the Lord said to him: "My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness." 2 Cor 12:9.

I understand that aspirations and dreams are frustrated by the harsh realities and challenges we face. The Lord is aware of them and seeking comfort, solace and strength in Him is our only choice. The alternative, almost always, would be suggested by the devil and thus contrary to the will of God.

My own personal favorite: "And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." D&C 127:7

So, my friend, DO hang in there. You will be fine and the Lord will be your support and know that the Savior endured for you and me what no other mortal being could have. My grandmother said to me once, "...know my son, that one day your faith will be the one thing to save you from certain death."

And it did. My prayers are with you.

[StrawberryFields]

Nice Thread.

When will we be fine? That is quite the question. Sometimes it can be a matter of mind set. Sometimes it is after we take action. Sometimes it is after the trial is over.

My new love is doing research on my family who has gone on before me. Understanding a little more about the suffering of the saints and those who have lived 100's of years ago I have it very easy. Sometimes it is more about perspective and how we choose to see where we are.

Hugs to all who are suffering, SF

[richlittell]

Go easy on people who say trite things. They're just trying to be nice. Most of us really don't know what to say to someone when they're having trouble. What would you say? "Get over it" or "Welcome to reality"

[MorningStar]

When I thought I was infertile (tried for two years to have our first baby), a lot of people said, "It will happen." It did eventually, but I thought, "You don't know that!"

[Iggy]

God is working out something bigger or perhaps more broad for us.

Miss, I think it is God is giving us this opportunity to refine ourselves, of letting US work out the something bigger in the process of refining ourselves.

[Dove]

I've heard this so many times in the past several years.

Every time I go through a difficult time... People tell me:

"It'll be okay."

"It'll all work out."

"This'll go away."

Well, when?

God won't give me more than I can endure, but He's cutting it close.

I'm sorry, it seems you are going through a difficult time right now.

I have often questioned the scripture that says "God won't give us more than we can endure," especially when I think of the Jewish children that went insane from living through the holocaust.

I believe that Father will not hold us accountable for more than we are able to handle/cope with, not necessarily that we won't be presented with more than we are able to handle, especially if it is because of the unrighteous decisions of others. I just read in the Book of Mormon today that He allows the righteous to die in allowing the wicked their agency. I hope this isn't depressing for you.

One thing that helps me is to let go, let go of whatever it is that is causing me to "lose it." I have thought on more than one occasion that even if I end up homeless, just breathing through the day means that I'm making it through.

In one aspect of my life, G-d has kept me from making a terrible mistake. I have fought with suicidal tendencies for years. There was a time when I was planning it and getting ready to go down to the store to buy the materials needed to carry it out. Every time He has been there for me, working with me and giving me the spiritual strength to not carry it out. He has literally kept me from doing this. Sadly, this was not true for a friend of mine who did committ suicide a few years back. I wonder what the difference was between her and I. I don't know....and it hurts. She is loved and missed by a community of people. Maybe our circumstances were different, perhaps it was her time to go, or she was allowed the fulfilling of this desire. I don't know.

As I was writing this, a comforting feeling came over me. It's all okay in this moment means to me that God is aware of each one of us, and He has all of our best interests at heart. His intent is to give us our hearts true and deepest desires, whatever those may be.

Hope this helps

Dove

Edited July 25, 2008 by Dove

[Listener]

I don't think I have any magic words, VoL, the ease the pain.

I do think that StrawberryFields had the right idea. Hugs all around. Rather that minimising how difficult life can be, or repeating scriptural mantras in search of peace, sometimes a healthy dose of love, compassion, and commiseration can do wonders. (Chocolate optional.)

I, for one, find you to be gentle and helpful, and willing to learn. These qualities are valuable where you are now, and for the rest of your life. I rejoice in who you are...and weep for both of us for the struggle.

[Canuck Mormon]

I thought the same thing when I was going through my divorce and bankruptcy. People were saying the same things. I thought "How on earth would you know??" 5 years later, things are better. I don't remember the exact moment things got better, it was a gradual process.

Good luck VoL. Not to sound like a cliché, but, Things will get better.

[WANDERER]

Sometimes things get better in that: you learn to live with them (more or less: you only have so much stress to give to any problem) and you get better coping skills for managing things. People can and do cope with things, unbelievable things (ugh, that doesn't help though). In the end: the amount of time you spend on worry and feeling bad doesn't go one iota towards fixing situations. You can come up with a plan or way of handling things..which will work or won't work and that's about it. It usually amounts to endure and hope for better. We just leave the endure bit out and focus on telling people it will be okay one day. You don't want to hear the endure bit do you ? LOL.

Actually I've found that it's better when people give me destressing skills: there's nothing better than time out with friends or a fun-filled day or vacation for putting the emphasis back on the things that you aren't giving time when problems fill it. Sometimes you need a little bit of help..sometimes you have to be literally forced to do fun things...do them whether you feel like it or not. They will be fun again...if not now, then over time. Never stop doing the things that you love...even when flatlining on energy. Things can slide a little downwards: Where focus goes energy flows.

Chocolate is good too.

Stay in there. I'm also a fan of the king and ring story; he asked his counsellors to give him a gift that would make him sad when he was happy and happy when he was sad:so they gave him a ring inscribed with "this too shall pass". Our collection of the bitter and sweet just increases as time goes by and the decades add on...no point in being bland ; )

[DigitalShadow]

I find that it's all too easy to ignore all of the good things you have going and focus only on the bad things. Be grateful for what you have, expand your perspective, and it is probably not nearly as bad as you think.

[VisionOfLehi]

I find that it's all too easy to ignore all of the good things you have going and focus only on the bad things. Be grateful for what you have, expand your perspective, and it is probably not nearly as bad as you think.

Ah, the problem with all those good things is that I don't deserve them and I feel like crap for having them

[utcowboy]

VoL, you have many friends, some that you have never met and all of us want only the best for you. We wish at any one moment that we can help you in your trials, but some times something have to be done with just the rest of us watching. I wish you the best and hope that everything works out the way you need it to.

[OneEternalSonata]

I think sometimes people will say some of those cookie-cutter answers when they don't know how to help but genuinely want to. Anyhow, I hope you find the eternal answers tucked into your experience. Take care.

[candyprpl]

C.S. Lewis -- ...He [Heavenly Father] warned people to 'count the cost', before becoming christians. 'Make no mistake,' He says, if you let me, I will make you perfect. The moment you put yourself in My hands, that is what you are in for. Nothing less than that. You have free will, and if you choose, you can push Me away. But if you do not push Me away, understand that I am going to see this job through. Whatever suffering it may cost you in your earthly life, whatever inconcievable purification it may cost you after death, whatever it costs Me [the Atonement] I will until my Father can say without reservation that He is well pleased with you, as He said He was well pleased with me. This I can do and will do. I will not do anything less. Of course we never wanted, and never asked, to be made into the sort of creatures He is going to make us into. But the question is not what we intended ourselves to be, but what He intended us to be when he made us. The job will not be completed in this life; but He means to get us as far as possible before death. That is why we must not be surprised if we are in for a rough time. ...because God is forcing him [us] on, or up, to a higher level: putting him into situations where he will have to be very much braver, or more patient, or more loving, than he ever dreamed of being before. It seems to us all so unnecessary; but that is because we have not yet had the slightest notion of the tremendous thing He means to make of us. 'Be ye perfect,' is not a command to do the impossible. He is going to make us into creatures that can obey that command. He said that we are 'gods' and He is going to make good His words. If we let Him -- for we can prevent Him, if we choose. If we let Him, He will make the feeblest and filtiest of us into a god or goddess, a dazzling radiant immortal creature, pulsating all through with such energy and joy and wisdom and love as we cannot now imagine, a bright stainless mirror which reflects back to God perfectly (though of course, on a smaller scale) His own boundless power and delight and goodness. The process will be long and in parts very painful, but that is what we are in for. Nothing less. He meant what He said. Edited July 26, 2008 by candyprpl

[DigitalShadow]

Ah, the problem with all those good things is that I don't deserve them and I feel like crap for having them

What makes you think you don't deserve them? What makes one person more deserving of good things than another? We are all given what we are given, and if I'm not mistaken, you believe that God has a reason for it, right? If so, how can you be any more or less deserving of what you have? Are you saying God is wrong in what He has given you?

[skalenfehl]

VOL, here's another one for you:

"What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger."

I'm still going through trials in my life that haven't let up since I was much younger than you. You learn a lot about yourself by how you endure your trials and how close you come to the Lord by forging a relationship with Him because of all your tribulations. They just don't go away, especially if you count yourself as one of the Lord's valiant children. Just keep your chin up and laugh through the storms. Trust me. You'll catch a break soon enough to relax and catch your breath. That's when you get ready for the next one, buddy.

[WANDERER]

I used to subscribe to "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". Time and experience have taught me that this is not always true...adversity is adversity...no point in glossying it up as a useful and beneficial experience that will build character (though it can and it sure helps with developing empathy...but... sometimes it does neither). However, when you do look back on those periods in your life that weren't so great or aren't so great that was and is the best you could do at the time in dealing with them. We all try to make lemons into lemonade. There's no point in beating yourself up over adversity. Your value is not in the sum of good or bad experiences you have in life..they aren't doled out according to your worth.

I never really understood this until a school assembly where the chaplain put this ten dollar note through all sorts of things...stomped on it and put it through a whole heap of abuses..hundreds and hundreds of children saying yep I still want it, falling over themselves and semi-rioting......I have no doubt God sees the value in everyone with just as much enthusiasm as those kids screaming their heads off that they'd take that ten dollars off her hands....yep, even for those that have been scruffed up a little.

[VisionOfLehi]

What makes you think you don't deserve them? What makes one person more deserving of good things than another? We are all given what we are given, and if I'm not mistaken, you believe that God has a reason for it, right? If so, how can you be any more or less deserving of what you have? Are you saying God is wrong in what He has given you?

I don't deserve anything that He's given me. That's the point. He does it anyway.

Sorry for not responding to all these posts. I am reading them, and I'm not just thinking of counter-arguments to them all. I appreciate the efforts and advice.

It's hard to see beyond the trend of things getting worse and worse each time they happen. Meds take effect, I go into an "up cycle" but then it heads down hill and I always seem to get closer to the edge each time before it picks up again.

I'm just afraid one of these times it'll be too close.

[StrawberryFields]

Here is another one. "When times get tough and you are out on a rope, tie a knot and HANG ON".

Pray for answers.

Know you are Loved.

Take a walk in nature.

Listen to good music

Call someone to cheer them up even if you don't feel like it.

Lose yourself in service.

VOL, I don't have all of the answers and I am also trying to apply these things after 5 LONG Years of one trial after the next. HE is here for us and HE understands look to him for the answers and let us support you through your trials. After my many years I have come to know that their are not many if any who don't suffer to some degree.

I appreciate you as a friend and I have seen you shine. Take each day just one at a time and set small mini goals, write them down and then cross them off. To know that you are doing something to help the process will give you a little sense of peace. After you have done all that you can give it to HIM.

I Love You (((((Vision))))).