i am so scared

[wickedpenguin]

i have committed a sin of chastity, completely by accident, and i'm never going to do it again, it has been about a year ago, and i had always planned on repenting, but today in seminary we had a lesson about chastity and i just felt awful, and decided i need to repent now, but the last time i talked to my bishop about something i also told my parents about it, and i could just feel that they looked at me differently, and it wasn't even very serious, and for like a month every time they looked at me, i could tell they were ashamed, i really wanna talk to my bishop, but do i have to also talk to my parents, is there any way i can just keep it between my bishop and me, or even just tell my parents that it was a chastity sin and leave it at that. please reply, i don't know what to do

[lestertheemt]

It might be better to ask that question "do I need to tell my parents?" to your Bishop and see what he has to say.

As far as being looked at differently by them....it "might" be your own perception and on how you feel if you feel that you have let them down. Usually we are much much harder on ourselves then our loved ones are.

Go and talk w/ your Bishop! I don't know who said this but it is one of my favorite quotes, "Repentance is the first emotion we feel when we are drawn into the bosom of our Heavenly Father."

[ruthiechan]

It is my understanding that what you say to the Bishop stays private unless you are in danger of harming yourself. You could talk to your Bishop but say first thing that what you have to say is not to be repeated to your parents, and tell him about your experience of why you feel that way. See what he says. I am sure he will reassure you that he will not talk to your parents about it.

I know what it feels like to have a family member look at you differently for past mistakes. They have to go through their own period of "getting over it" as well.

[Ammonita]

It might be better to ask that question "do I need to tell my parents?" to your Bishop and see what he has to say.

Hey WickedPenguin,

I signed up on this forum just so I could reply to your post tonight. I'll probably never come back after this discussion is ended.

Adolescence is hard. Repentance is hard, but is real and very effective at cleansing yourself from your past mistakes. Your bishop is an authorized representative of the Lord Jesus Christ. You know that already, but he will be able to counsel you better than any of us on these forums are able to because of the gift of discernment (or an ability to understand what's best to do) that is given to him as a bishop.

I will pray for your success tonight!

[georgia2]

Chastity is a hard issue, even with adults.

I'm sure your parents aren't perfect. If they think less of you for giving in then repenting they have big problems! They should be very proud of you! but........ you don't have to tell them anything you don't want to. Repentance is a wonderful thing! When we truly repent, the transgression is wiped out of the heavenly record and Heavenly Father remembers it no more! Then each Sunday you partake of the sacrament, you renew your baptismal vows and are MADE CLEAN just like you were just baptized! Pretty great huh? Everybody, EVERYBODY, including your parents need to repent. You weren't around when you r parents were your age! And they didn't live in this time of evil everywhere! Talk to your Bishop, get it over, then FEEL GREAT It's done & you are clean again!

[Dove]

Greetings, wicked penguin, and welcome to the forum.

I'm so sorry you're scared...what an awful feeling. I'm so happy that you feel the desire to repent.

I hope what I say next is correct. Remember, as far as repenting goes, that's between you and your Heavenly Parent, Heavenly Father, I mean. He loves you beyond anyone's comprehension, He knows of your fears and sorrow, and He is yearning to cleanse you, that is why He gave His son as sacrifice for our sins. You are safe with Him. Meaning, when you are seeking to do His will in your life, He will protect you, just ask for that protection.

The bishop is His representative to you. I would suggest that you first ask the bishop if he would keep what you tell him strictly confidential. Have him witness to you that he will do so, then proceed. Then you will know that what you tell him will be kept private, which ecclesistical leaders are under strict admonition to do.

There is a sweetness that can replace your fear. That is the love of your Heavenly Parent. Go to Him. He will bless you and answer your courage (choosing right in the face of your fear) with many blessings.

Dove

[Ivy64]

I just want you to know that you are not alone. I have come across this problem myself, howeverm unlike you I am having a hard time forsaking the sin and wanting to repent. It's defintly not somewhere I thought I would ever be cause I was NEVER like this so take it from me, here's my advice. REPENT. Do it now. Don't delay.

There is a beauty in the atonement. I have gone to my bishop before and it was very scarey but let me tell you, coming out of his office was this peace and joy you could not imagine. Do not think on how others will view you, just remember that when you repent Heavenly Father forgets it COMPELTLY.

I am sure He is proud of you. your parents aren't perfect, if they "judge" you wrong, just remember your Heavenly Father. We all make mistakes, even with a "serious" one as chastity, but look at the state of the world. It is hard to live in it and not get some of the taint on us. The most important thing is HOW YOU HANDLE IT - not that you have never ever commited a cerious sin. I don't think He put us here for that. You're on the right track. Keep going.

[jolee65]

I guess what would depend on how old you are. Im assuming you live at home so, maybe 17-18 I would discuss it with the bishop and if he feels sence its been a yr or more and hasnt happened again since, and you dont have to go through probation then move on, if he has you stop sacrament and go through a probationary period then yes talking to your parents.

Theres a point of time when a young adult makes mistakes and that includes taking the responsiblity of those mistakes.

[Guest Alana]

I've never had the bishop discuss anything with my parents when I was a teenager.

Repenting gets harder and harder every day you wait. The easiest time to repent is right now.

Go talk to your bishop. He'll set you on the path that Heavenly Father wants you to be on, and there's no arguing with that. Well there is, but it's a loosing argument:)

[Guest tomk]

I would tell both your Bishop and your parents.

Keeping this a secret from either one will fester in your mind your entire life. I know this from experience.

You came here for advice -- but in your heart you already know the answer and are just afraid of the consequences.

[Elgama]

Could it be your parents are looking at you funny because they know you have more to tell them OR you feel they are looking funny because of your own guilt

Like others have said take first step go to your Bishop and decide with him when or if you tell your parents

-Charley

[Misshalfway]

The issue with whether or not to tell your parents is if your actions need parental involvement. Parents can provide lots of different kinds of support to help their children. But they can't help if they don't know.

Now is it necessary to tell your parents in order to repent? Well, does your indiscretion involve lying to them? or using them in any way? Then perhaps their involvement would be necessary.

Most important thing is that you fight your fear and face the truth and pass thru difficult moments with your eye on the Savior. You can't repent and hide at the same time. You get that? Hiding things isn't living in integrity. But not choosing to tell because it is wise not to is not the same thing.

Follow the Spirit, my young friend. Trust it to lead you to each step you need to take....even if it is a difficult step. Trust that where God takes you will be the best for you and the eternal path of your life. Don't let fear keep you from that trust.

Oh...and btw....how exactly do you break the law of chastity by accident???

(Might be good to start with being completely honest with yourself. :))

Edited February 3, 2009 by Misshalfway

[YellowLight]

I am coming from a different perspective than almost everyone else here but hopefully many opinions will help you form the best conclusion for yourself. Fist off, I wonder how you accidentally broke the law of chastity, regardless, the consequences follow.

In regard with what to do, I think that depends on how old you are and what you did. If you are between the ages of 12-18, you should tell your parents that you are speaking with the bishop. You can discuss telling them with the bishop, but your parents need to know you are going there, and I say this as a cautionary parent. Things can and have gone horribly wrong with Bishops meetings, boys or girls. It doesn’t matter, if my child was in the bishops office discussing things of a sexual nature, I would be right outside the door. But, that is assuming I would even let her in there to discuss such things. In my own personal opinion, discussing those things with a minor behind closed doors is a huge no no!!! Hopefully I haven’t confused you more than you already are. You will know what you need to do to get this behind you.

[Hemidakota]

i have committed a sin of chastity, completely by accident, and i'm never going to do it again, it has been about a year ago, and i had always planned on repenting, but today in seminary we had a lesson about chastity and i just felt awful, and decided i need to repent now, but the last time i talked to my bishop about something i also told my parents about it, and i could just feel that they looked at me differently, and it wasn't even very serious, and for like a month every time they looked at me, i could tell they were ashamed, i really wanna talk to my bishop, but do i have to also talk to my parents, is there any way i can just keep it between my bishop and me, or even just tell my parents that it was a chastity sin and leave it at that. please reply, i don't know what to do

You can but this one has me in tears. Remember friend, the bigger sin is not that one you broke, but of that is not repented.

Go talk to your Bishop but go with fast and prayer prior to have that Spirit presence at the meeting. Good luck...

[Hemidakota]

Oh...and btw....how exactly do you break the law of chastity by accident???

(Might be good to start with being completely honest with yourself. :))

Something President Kimball talked about for those who allow "swapping spit" [kissing] and then, with hormonal changes making it own statement vice the Spirit, it leads quickly to other areas.

[wickedpenguin]

Oh...and btw....how exactly do you break the law of chastity by accident???

(Might be good to start with being completely honest with yourself. :))

um, thanks for the advice, but don't assume you know what's goin on

[wickedpenguin]

You came here for advice -- but in your heart you already know the answer and are just afraid of the consequences.

yea, i came in here for advice and support, if you looked at the thread it's called "i am so scared" scared=afraid

[xXTekXx]

Many people your age commit acts of this nature on a regular basis without a second thought. I'm glad to see that you're mature enough to take responsibility for your actions. The fact that you feel the way you do about this indicates that you've already started the repentance process. I would suggest you read the Strength of Youth pamphlet, maybe this could help you decide what to do. And don't forget to council with your Father in Heaven to recieve insight on how to deal with this.

I hope everything turns out ok.

-Tek

[Misshalfway]

um, thanks for the advice, but don't assume you know what's goin on

I am not assuming anything. It is just an interesting statement that is all and it is often the case that when humans make mistakes they sometimes excuse themself and blame others or circumstances for their shortcomings. My statement was not to call you out.....just perhaps an opportunity for you to look at yourself honestly and then take responsibility. I don't spose it really matters at this point "how" you got into your predicament. What matters is that YOU are the guy who now has the responsibility to get yourself out. If that offends you, I am sorry. It really wasn't my intent. I say this because you have more power to get yourself to higher ground and to get free of your pain if you are completely honest about what is your responsibility and what isn't. I am inviting you to a more powerful mental place....working from a foundation of complete truth.

Edited February 6, 2009 by Misshalfway

[Just_A_Guy]

Penguin, I feel for you, and I wish there were some way I could promise your parents will be totally cool about it. But I'm not there, and I don't know.

What I do know through personal experience (as has been testified by others) is that it's not going to get easier. Right now it's tempting to think, "I'll just repent when I'm out of the house so my parents won't know". But then you're at college, and you don't want your LDS roommate to know (or don't want to set a bad example for your non-LDS roommate) (or you're at a church college and are afraid you'll get reported to honor code or something), so you put it off to graduation. But then you go on a mission--and what would people say if you got sent home? You get married--what's your spouse going to think? So you convince yourself that maybe you can just keep it inside forever--but there's that nagging doubt that just maybe everything's not quite right with the Lord; maybe the promises made in the temple won't happen. That doubt will consume you.

There is no better time than now. Parents naturally don't like to see their kids foul up; but if yours are worth their salt they'll be proud that you took the initiative to resolve the issue (at least, once the shock wears off). And if not--even so, better your parents than your spouse.

Good luck.

Edited February 7, 2009 by Just_A_Guy

[prospectmom]

Pray ... listen for answers go to your Bishop ... worry about talking to your parents after you get that far..... Your gonna feel much better once you take the steps necessary to get past this..... I wish you only the best.

[pam]

Hey WickedPenguin,

I signed up on this forum just so I could reply to your post tonight. I'll probably never come back after this discussion is ended.

Adolescence is hard. Repentance is hard, but is real and very effective at cleansing yourself from your past mistakes. Your bishop is an authorized representative of the Lord Jesus Christ. You know that already, but he will be able to counsel you better than any of us on these forums are able to because of the gift of discernment (or an ability to understand what's best to do) that is given to him as a bishop.

I will pray for your success tonight!

It's a shame if you don't come back. I would love to hear more words of wisdom from you on other subjects.

[SinnerMan]

i have committed a sin of chastity, completely by accident, and i'm never going to do it again, it has been about a year ago, and i had always planned on repenting, but today in seminary we had a lesson about chastity and i just felt awful, and decided i need to repent now, but the last time i talked to my bishop about something i also told my parents about it, and i could just feel that they looked at me differently, and it wasn't even very serious, and for like a month every time they looked at me, i could tell they were ashamed, i really wanna talk to my bishop, but do i have to also talk to my parents, is there any way i can just keep it between my bishop and me, or even just tell my parents that it was a chastity sin and leave it at that. please reply, i don't know what to do

You're not ready to repent. You're still not even admitting it to yourself. "Completely by accident" ?? So what you trip on a string or something?