Need Help on gay sexual sin?

[badboy]

About 3 or 4 years ago, I had gay sex. I had already had those kind of feelins ever since I learn about that as a teenager. I'm married, but not happily (that's another story) in the temple. To make this short and sweet, I was kick out of my home. Live at my parants house for a year and durning that time, I was feeling down, didn't care, angry and so on. It was durning this time that my curiosity got the best of me. Before I knew it it, I had found someone was just as curious as I was, and so we meet and we both explored and had safe gay sex. I prayed to god about this, knowing that he wouldn't or couldn't help me becuase my mind was already made up. Since he already knew that I was giong to do this before I did, but just knowing and taking to him made me feel some what better. I told him and myself that I just wanted to experance this at least once, knowing that this was wrong, but agian, I didn't really care. I also promie him that I would never do that again, hoping that god would understand. That would satisfy my curiosity, and it did, even to the point that this burden was lifted off my shoulders. Since that time, I haven't look back or felt a need to go there again. At times I do reflect on it, because it was a good expereance, but I also know that I need to go the bishop to repent of it. I've learned that in order to be forgiven, I have to be very sorrowful, and have a lot of regret about what I did. But because I don't have any regrets, and I'm not sorry for what happen, dose this make me bad?

Sometimes I wish that I wasn't born a member, becuse then I could do and experance anything that I want and then join the church at a later date and I could be forgiven of everyting and start fresh. Dose this make me bad also?

If I go to my bishop who I've known a real long time, will he understand why I did it and what will he think of me afterwards. He thinks that I'm this really great and special pesron, and I'm not. I been taught that God loves me no matter what, and that the bishops don't make judgements and that they are there to help us. I do want to to back to the temlpe, and I do want to repent, even though I already knew what I done was wrong. Right now I'm sturggling with my faith in the chruch and in myself with other issues not related to this, which I might bring up on here at a later time. Dose this make me evil, or lost cause? Beacuse I really don't know what to do, and I know there or other members that been through this and feels the same way as I do. PLEAE HELP?

[rampion]

Yes, go to your bishop. You are still a really great and special person, and God loves you no matter what. Yes, bishops are there to help. None of us can know how your bishop will react, but they have heard so many things, and they are there to help you back to where you need to be. It isn't going to be easy. You will need to feel something, and that is part of the process of repentance. But it isn't forever, and this doesn't have to keep you away from the blessings that Heavenly Father wants to give you forever.

[tgraymaxim]

I'm a new councilor in a Bishopric and I have recently had to sit in on some church courts. Not a pleasant experience but a necessary one. I can tell you that it will be uncomfortable for both you and your bishopric because you will be asked why and how kind of questions and you will need to explain it to them. Believe me your Bishop has heard many things from other members just as bad as yours experiance and his number one focus is your salvation and your repentance. He will be looking to see if you regret the sin because without remorse he will doubt that you want to truly repeat. He wants you to feel whole and he really does love you I know my bishop loves everyone in his ward he just wants to help. Don’t look at it as how HE will he feel about you its how do YOU feel about you.

Since you have the priesthood and have been through the temple your repentance may take awhile and you will have to give up your recommend, callings, and refrain from taking the sacrament. I can't guarantee this but we try hard not to excommunicate someone but MOST likely you will be dis-fellowshipped for awhile maybe a year and you will have to meet with the bishop regularly. But in the end you will forgive yourself and you will feel clean and you can go to the temple and not feel guilty.

I hope this helps.

I’ve responded to you because you’re in a unique position to give me some advice can I ask you about same sex attraction? My son is 17 and he thinks he is gay and I’m struggling with it.

[skippy740]

About 3 or 4 years ago, I had gay sex. I had already had those kind of feelins ever since I learn about that as a teenager. I'm married, but not happily (that's another story) in the temple. To make this short and sweet, I was kick out of my home. Live at my parants house for a year and durning that time, I was feeling down, didn't care, angry and so on. It was durning this time that my curiosity got the best of me. Before I knew it it, I had found someone was just as curious as I was, and so we meet and we both explored and had safe gay sex. I prayed to god about this, knowing that he wouldn't or couldn't help me becuase my mind was already made up. Since he already knew that I was giong to do this before I did, but just knowing and taking to him made me feel some what better. I told him and myself that I just wanted to experance this at least once, knowing that this was wrong, but agian, I didn't really care. I also promie him that I would never do that again, hoping that god would understand. That would satisfy my curiosity, and it did, even to the point that this burden was lifted off my shoulders. Since that time, I haven't look back or felt a need to go there again. At times I do reflect on it, because it was a good expereance, but I also know that I need to go the bishop to repent of it. I've learned that in order to be forgiven, I have to be very sorrowful, and have a lot of regret about what I did. But because I don't have any regrets, and I'm not sorry for what happen, dose this make me bad?

Sometimes I wish that I wasn't born a member, becuse then I could do and experance anything that I want and then join the church at a later date and I could be forgiven of everyting and start fresh. Dose this make me bad also?

If I go to my bishop who I've known a real long time, will he understand why I did it and what will he think of me afterwards. He thinks that I'm this really great and special pesron, and I'm not. I been taught that God loves me no matter what, and that the bishops don't make judgements and that they are there to help us. I do want to to back to the temlpe, and I do want to repent, even though I already knew what I done was wrong. Right now I'm sturggling with my faith in the chruch and in myself with other issues not related to this, which I might bring up on here at a later time. Dose this make me evil, or lost cause? Beacuse I really don't know what to do, and I know there or other members that been through this and feels the same way as I do. PLEAE HELP?

I highlighted some of your text because those phrases stood out to me.

It appears that you knew THAT it was wrong, but you may not have a testimony WHY it was wrong. When you have your own testimony and knowledge of WHY it was wrong, then you wouldn't look back on it as "a good experience" and you would have a sorrow in your heart.

It appears you have more of the fear of man than you do of God - that you're afraid of being embarrassed.

We all have our own "favorite" sins that we could wish that we would've met missionaries when we're old and gray so we can live the rest of our lives better having "experienced" all the "sins of the world". But we are blessed with the knowledge of the Gospel and God's plan for us all.

Might I suggest reading "The Miracle of Forgiveness"? Start with the LAST 2 chapters FIRST. Begin with the fruits of repentance, then work your way from the front of the book.

This may help you.

I wish you well, brother.

[glow_inthe_dark_girl]

well. ask yourself if you want to be a church memeber, because I think that is onw of the question the bishopric is going to ask, but I also think that you are goint to be forgiven when you accept what you did was wrong and you actually feel remorse about the experience.

If you repent of this, of course God will forgive you, I don´t think you are evil.

Pray and fasting helps too. and going to your bishop would help you in the process of repentance

[pam]

I'm curious as to one thing...had you already been married in the temple when you did this or was it prior to you entering the temple for the sealing? I apologize if I missed that in your OP. I even went back and read it and still didn't see the answering I was looking for.

[skippy740]

Pam,

Based on the way I'm reading it, it would appear to be after the sealing covenant.

I'm married, but not happily (that's another story) in the temple. To make this short and sweet, I was kick out of my home [due to unhappy marriage] Live at my parants house for a year and durning that time, I was feeling down, didn't care, angry and so on. It was durning this time that my curiosity got the best of me. Before I knew it it, I had found someone was just as curious as I was, and so we meet and we both explored and had safe gay sex.

If the way I'm reading this is true, then part of the repentance process would be to confess this sin to your wife.

Edited May 20, 2009 by skippy740

[spiritseeker]

Now from what I understand from your post you spoke to Heavenly Father about this incident before you acted upon it. I am curious is it that you felt God knew what you were going to do already and He was alright with it? I have to agree with others who have already posted here I don't know if your remorse is because of what Heavenly Father feels or because of what man might say or do...? I honestly believe that you can be forgiven and restored to full fellowship. But, I feel you need to reflect more on your motivation for this return. The Bishopric and the Stake Presidency are there to help you not punish you. But they can't help you if you don't reach out to them. You are in my prayers brother. Hang in there....

[pam]

Pam,

Based on the way I'm reading it, it would appear to be after the sealing covenant.

If the way I'm reading this is true, then part of the repentance process would be to confess this sin to your wife.

Thanks Skippy. I was just thinking either way there are some serious issues here. But to have gone to the temple unworthily just adds another dimension.

[talisyn]

Well, BB, adultery at any time isn't a good thing, pre or post temple. Are you still married? I suggest you tell your bishop asap because as soon as you get the ball rolling you will stop being in a position to compound the sin already committed.

[Aesa]

I don't view homosexuality as wrong at all, but that's a whole other thing and obviously what you're not here to hear (and that's perfectly allright).

But, to my understanding of the scripture, having sex with another man is no worse than having a lustful thought; coveting something, etc,. In other words, all sins are equal.

I'd love for someone to show me scripture verses that state anything to the contrary.

Do what you feel is most right.

[ztodd]

We believe this is scripture -

Alma 39 - verses 3 - 5

[FunkyTown]

Am I the only person who suspects this person is making up this whole scenario? If he was married in the temple, then was told it was okay to commit adultery, why would he be coming on here to ask what would happen?

"I committed adultery after having been married in the temple and am completely unrepentant. What do they do in that situation?"

This would mean:

1) He was part of the church for at least a year prior to being sealed.

2) He was given a Temple Recommend.

3) He was Endowed.

4) He had no idea what the consequences of cheating on his spouse would be.

Forget the same sex issue. He broke his temple covenants and pretends to have no idea what will happen if he speaks to the brethren.

Does anyone really believe this particular scenario? I say he's not a member at all.

[pam]

Good point FT.

[Hemidakota]

About 3 or 4 years ago, I had gay sex. I had already had those kind of feelins ever since I learn about that as a teenager. I'm married, but not happily (that's another story) in the temple. To make this short and sweet, I was kick out of my home. Live at my parants house for a year and durning that time, I was feeling down, didn't care, angry and so on. It was durning this time that my curiosity got the best of me. Before I knew it it, I had found someone was just as curious as I was, and so we meet and we both explored and had safe gay sex. I prayed to god about this, knowing that he wouldn't or couldn't help me becuase my mind was already made up. Since he already knew that I was giong to do this before I did, but just knowing and taking to him made me feel some what better. I told him and myself that I just wanted to experance this at least once, knowing that this was wrong, but agian, I didn't really care. I also promie him that I would never do that again, hoping that god would understand. That would satisfy my curiosity, and it did, even to the point that this burden was lifted off my shoulders. Since that time, I haven't look back or felt a need to go there again. At times I do reflect on it, because it was a good expereance, but I also know that I need to go the bishop to repent of it. I've learned that in order to be forgiven, I have to be very sorrowful, and have a lot of regret about what I did. But because I don't have any regrets, and I'm not sorry for what happen, dose this make me bad?

Sometimes I wish that I wasn't born a member, becuse then I could do and experance anything that I want and then join the church at a later date and I could be forgiven of everyting and start fresh. Dose this make me bad also?

If I go to my bishop who I've known a real long time, will he understand why I did it and what will he think of me afterwards. He thinks that I'm this really great and special pesron, and I'm not. I been taught that God loves me no matter what, and that the bishops don't make judgements and that they are there to help us. I do want to to back to the temlpe, and I do want to repent, even though I already knew what I done was wrong. Right now I'm sturggling with my faith in the chruch and in myself with other issues not related to this, which I might bring up on here at a later time. Dose this make me evil, or lost cause? Beacuse I really don't know what to do, and I know there or other members that been through this and feels the same way as I do. PLEAE HELP?

Beside what is given, by acting out and touching a sin like this, the experience of such will be with you for the rest of your mortal life. It will be stance of a daily fight over urges, festering thoughts, and the minions that will use this to get others to make you break your covenants with GOD. Reaching out is the first step...the next step to council with the Bishop.

Same-Gender Attraction - LDS Newsroom

[Hemidakota]

Am I the only person who suspects this person is making up this whole scenario? If he was married in the temple, then was told it was okay to commit adultery, why would he be coming on here to ask what would happen?

"I committed adultery after having been married in the temple and am completely unrepentant. What do they do in that situation?"

This would mean:

1) He was part of the church for at least a year prior to being sealed.

2) He was given a Temple Recommend.

3) He was Endowed.

4) He had no idea what the consequences of cheating on his spouse would be.

Forget the same sex issue. He broke his temple covenants and pretends to have no idea what will happen if he speaks to the brethren.

Does anyone really believe this particular scenario? I say he's not a member at all.

...

[Wingnut]

Am I the only person who suspects this person is making up this whole scenario? If he was married in the temple, then was told it was okay to commit adultery, why would he be coming on here to ask what would happen?

...

Does anyone really believe this particular scenario? I say he's not a member at all.

I didn't want to be the first one to say it, but this sounded fishy to me from the screen name, before even reading the whole thing.

[Misshalfway]

I don't know if this story is being made up or not. What I do see is someone that wants it both ways -- the indulgence and a guilt free life but who doesn't really understand what it means to BE or BECOME a true disciple of Christ and then live the higher laws required by temple covenants. It is like he wants God to understand his spiritual immaturity, and love him (meaning "accept me as I am") anyway. If the truth be told, God does love us but He does want all of us to change so He isn't going to accept us as we are especially if we are living in a sinful state. Such would be contrary to say the least.

I think that this person needs to have an honest and thorough heart to heart with himself and decide what kind of a person he wants to be. Yes, repentance is important here, with particular emphasis on the change of heart, mind, and disposition. I think this person has two masters right now; God and mammon. This person, I don't think is a bad person. But there is no happiness in tasting all that the world has to offer. And there is no loss in skipping the carnal and living a higher way. I seriously question the emotional and spiritual maturity of this person.

Edited May 20, 2009 by Misshalfway

[Misshalfway]

BTW Bad boy ( and I say this in all kindness).....Why were you so angry? You made your choices. You gave into your curiosity....something that sounds important to you. And then the consequences for your actions came back to bite you. What exactly did you think would happen?

[badboy]

thanks, and I'll pray about it and I'll work on it. As far as me, all I can say is that I've allways felt comferable aournd guys. I don't don't know if that's normal or not, but when it came to girls, I just didn't feel right. When I frist learn about gay sex, that just made me curious. Of course looking at ponagrhy didn't really help. I know now how bad it is and I've been working on not going there. I am getting better and stronger at that. But as how I'm attracted to another man, I really can't explain it. All I know is in my situation, I just wanted tobe close to another human being, and since my marrage is not good, and since I was kick out of my home, i was angry, upset and angry with her, and since she and her family has been calling me gay and for so long, (and that's another issue also) a part of me said o.k. if your going to call me gay and accuse me of haveig sex, then I might as will do it. But honsetly, that's not why. Like I said, I got to the point where i just didn't care anymore, and I turly thought that I was going to end up in a dorvice, along with doing everything else wrong, what's one more. And at that time, I had lost my faith in everything, including myself.

But maybe help you understand better, I did at one point seach the internet about why men think that they are gay, and what I've notice is every one that thinks that they are gay, they somehow made themselfs beleiave that they was born gay. And so over a piorid of time, they have convince themselfs that they are differeant, born with the wrong orgains or born gay. I don't beleive any of this, but when you keep telling yourself your differeant, evently, you begain to believe in it. I never beleved that I was gay, nor did I ever wanted that lifetleyle so with me it was just curiosity, and just given up becuase I didn't care. The one thing that has help me is if god wanted man to have sex with anther man, or women with anthher women, then there should be a way for man/women to reproduse. And if it meant for men to be with men, why did god create women and visa-vera. Something to really think about.

hope this helps

badboy

[the Ogre]

. . . I did at one point seach the internet about why men think that they are gay, and what I've notice is every one that thinks that they are gay, they somehow made themselfs beleiave that they was born gay. And so over a piorid of time, they have convince themselfs that they are differeant, born with the wrong orgains or born gay . . .

I don't think it matters what causes homosexuality. I don't think the church has a position (beware: quibble mice alert). I think one makes a decision to engage in homosexual behavior, but that is not the same as what made you that way.

What I do think is important is, if you think your homosexual lifestyle is a problem, then what are you doing about it?

This is the same for other categorical sins. I had a problem with alcoholism, I thought it was a problem so I did something about it. It is never easy. In fact it is very hard to leave lifestyle related sin. It can be done, but it takes commitment.

The problem for you is your children and temple marriage. What are you going to do about them? Everything seems pretty one sided right now. What are you going to do for your family and the lives you have hurt?

[Aesa]

if it meant for men to be with men, why did god create women and visa-vera.

That's really a 'whole other thing', and the question that really comes then is 'did a god create man and woman?' but ofcourse that's not really up for discussion with a believer (at least, i'm not going to use this discussion for that). It's just terribly interesting that many other animals also have homosexual and other sexual tendencies, which would lend some credibility to the psychological stance that sexuality is an environmentally determined thing in many ways (i feel, at least).

what I've notice is every one that thinks that they are gay, they somehow made themselfs beleiave that they was born gay. And so over a piorid of time, they have convince themselfs that they are differeant, born with the wrong orgains or born gay.

That's absolute nonsense. There are some who believe they were born gay, but they're often the one's who are most victimised and resort to this line of thinking because straight people seem to think they were 'born that way' which is just as ridiculous. The only real reason (to me, speaking from again a psychological perspective) that heterosexuality is the most common is because it's the easiest way to breed, other than that there is no other reason.

if god wanted man to have sex with anther man, or women with anthher women, then there should be a way for man/women to reproduse.

Now, I'm all fine with you believing it to be a sin (you're welcome to, that's your gospel) but to throw this nonsense out there. Sex is not only a reproductive thing, it is also a pleasure thing (whether you accept that or not) and the human consciousness likes new and (for lack of better wording) 'out there' things. The human being gravitates to things not regular to their experiences, and therefore we have all sorts of sexual preferences.

Reproduction is not the end-all purpose for intercourse, in-fact considering how unsustainable our population on this Earth is now in our present system I think we need to encourage the opposite (at least until we get inline with the load of the earth (e.g., no poverty, etc,.) - or re-design our society to meet the demands of a growing world)! ;p

[Hemidakota]

A festering thought usually becomes a place of truth after a given time for some. "I was born to be a HOMOSEXUAL or LESBIAN."

[talisyn]

I was born to be filthy rich.

I can feel the insidiousness already

Seriously though, I agree with Hemi. Think it's your right by universal decree to be/do something and pretty soon anything to the contrary becomes the enemy.

Edited June 1, 2009 by talisyn
spelling

[adaas]

Badboy look, if you are truly a member of the church you not only know their stand on homosexuality but adultery is well. You may wish that you had been converted later so you could experience the joys of all sorts of sin, but you weren't. Time to get over that and own up to your sins if you care, and if you don't care then embrace not caring fully and stop torturing yourself about it.

Don't come on to an lds forum expecting people to tell you it's okay, it's an advice board and you're going to get it how it is.