RealDeseret Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 I recently received a sealing cancellation request from my ex-wife. We have been divorced for 10 years. I have a few questions that I haven't found any solid answers to so I'm hoping these forums could possibly shed some light on them for me. 1. How long, after the forms are submitted, does it take for the First Presidency to make a decision? 2. Obviously if the sealing is canceled I will be notified, but what if the sealing cancellation is denied? Will I still be notified or will my ex be the only one notified since she is the one applying for it? 3. No covenant breaking actions caused the divorce. She simply decided that she didn't want to be married anymore. I think more than anything it was because she was a bit immature (she was only 20) and missed her family too much. How likely is it that the First Presidency grants her this petition? (I had heard that if there wasn't any abuse, neglect, or adultery the First Pres is unlikely to grant such a petition.) 4. I haven't remarried. So if the First Pres gives the OK for the cancellation does that mean I'm eternally screwed unless I find someone else to be sealed with? I didn't break any covenants, I didn't even want the divorce, so I can't imagine a loving Heavenly Father condemning me for that. Anyway, thank you in advance for your responses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 (edited) 1. How long, after the forms are submitted, does it take for the First Presidency to make a decision? I don't have all your answers. I do have a friend though that went through the process and it took almost 4 years for the First Presidency to come up with their final decision. Though I'm not privy to what went on between all parties involved in that 4 years.I do know it is not something that The First Presidency take lightly and and therefore make hasty decisions. Edited July 4, 2009 by pam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honor Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 I do not believe that our Heavenly Father would force us to be sealed to someone that we, A.) didn't have a relationship worthy of the Celestial Kingdom with, and b) didn't WANT to be sealed to. My bishop told me that they would not look at canceling the sealing to my husband unless I was about to be sealed to someone else because there were covenants made and blessings insured by entering into the new and everlasting covenant that weren't specifically attached to my being mortally married to him. I know that I'm treading on delicate ground here and I don't want to be stating anything as fact if it's not, but as far as my personal experience goes, I have been told and come to believe that the sealing is left in place so that if she remains faithful and true to her covenants, she can still lay claim on the blessings of the Celestial Kingdom. My personal fears have been put to rest in my belief that our Heavenly Father in his infinite wisdom will sort things out (He has an amazing way of doing that with our mistakes, even in this life, when we turn to Him), and that we will not be disappointed in any way with our eternal reward if we are faithful here.I got this far in typing before I realized that I'm still not even really addressing any of your questions. I don't have much to offer for #'s1-3, but in regards to #4, all of us (married or not) should have the goal of an eternal marriage. If we reasonably do everything in our power but still are not married, I don't believe that blessings will be withheld. I think we still have MUCH to understand about the process, blessings and opportunities that we will find when we leave this life. Possibly some of the answers to your questions will come through wise priesthood leaders (ask them!) and some will simply have to come through your personal relationship with your Heavenly Father and the peace and understanding that only He can send.You've probably already searched the boards, but just in case you haven't, here are a few other threads that touched on the issue (a couple might be slightly OT, but might hold some posts that help shed some light??...):http://www.lds.net/forums/general-discussion/20625-sealings.htmlhttp://www.lds.net/forums/lds-gospel-discussion/21409-official-stance-divorce.htmlhttp://www.lds.net/forums/advice-board/18010-temple-divorce-resealing-3.htmlhttp://www.lds.net/forums/advice-board/18465-sealing-abusive-parent.htmlI really hope that you find the answers that you're looking for. I'll be interested to hear what others have to post and what you are able to find out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foreverafter Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 (edited) The Prophets are very clear that if you were & are even now, a loving faithful husband to her & did not want the divorce & you have since kept your covenants of faithfulness to her & try to love & serve her when you get the chance, than you are still married in Heavenly Father's eyes (he does not consider a forced divorce on a faithful spouse valid or any remarriage she may enter either). Your sealing can never really be broken against your will. The Prophets have said that even a Prophet can't break your sealing if you were & are faithful to her & God, they only can break it if you aren't faithful. Your righteousness, valiancy & rights to your wife will be honored & someday Heavenly Father will make all things right again after she repents, either in this life or the next. That's IF you want to wait for your wife & have her for eternity. She will be so greatful to you if you do wait for her to come to herself. It's all your choice, no matter what she may do in the meantime. See things as they really are. The real question is... do you really have that very rare quality today... "True Love", the kind everyone wants but very few are willing to give or even believe in anymore, the kind all the songs & movies are written about, the kind Christ has for us & he hoped we would have for our spouse, the kind that never ends or gives up & always wins in the end? How much are you really willing to fight for your princess, even when things look impossible? Edited July 4, 2009 by foreverafter Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BenRaines Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 Not sure I would want to be sealed to someone who did not want to be with me. Just my opinion. Ben Raines Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foreverafter Posted July 5, 2009 Report Share Posted July 5, 2009 (edited) Not sure I would want to be sealed to someone who did not want to be with me. Just my opinion.Ben RainesYou'd be surprised how the repentance procress, especially in Spirit Prison, will change an errant spouse's mind completely. Brigham Young said that an unworthy spouse will be very glad to get to their former spouse, if their former spouse still wants them & hasn't remarried. Edited July 5, 2009 by foreverafter Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moksha Posted July 5, 2009 Report Share Posted July 5, 2009 4. I haven't remarried. So if the First Pres gives the OK for the cancellation does that mean I'm eternally screwed unless I find someone else to be sealed with? I didn't break any covenants, I didn't even want the divorce, so I can't imagine a loving Heavenly Father condemning me for that. I suspect you are right in your assumption. God was not a Pharisee who would limit his understanding and caring due to rules without enough written exemption or exclusion sub-paragraphs to satisfy the accountant-like priests. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mnn727 Posted July 5, 2009 Report Share Posted July 5, 2009 (edited) 1. not sure what is normal, once the paperwork hits their desk I have heard 1-4 months - but there are exceptions -- from what I have heard, getting the paperwork to the point your ex has is the hardest part. 2. Yes 3. Only one way to find out although my cousin had similar circumstances about a decade ago and it was granted 4. Divorce hurts (been there - done that) but eventually life goes on and even I found someone else - took me 10 years but I did it. Interesting side note we have a couple in their 80's in our ward that met last year and are getting married/sealed in a couple of weeks. All the prophets have said that if someone through no fault of their own doesn't have an eternal companion in this life, they will be given the opportunity in the Spirit world Edited July 5, 2009 by mnn727 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingnut Posted July 6, 2009 Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 I don't have all your answers. I do have a friend though that went through the process and it took almost 4 years for the First Presidency to come up with their final decision. Though I'm not privy to what went on between all parties involved in that 4 years.I do know it is not something that The First Presidency take lightly and and therefore make hasty decisions.Time frames will vary quite a bit. My sister-in-law received a cancellation of her sealing last year, and the process took only a few months, once she received a letter of permission from her ex-husband.My bishop told me that they would not look at canceling the sealing to my husband unless I was about to be sealed to someone else because there were covenants made and blessings insured by entering into the new and everlasting covenant that weren't specifically attached to my being mortally married to him. I know that I'm treading on delicate ground here and I don't want to be stating anything as fact if it's not, but as far as my personal experience goes, I have been told and come to believe that the sealing is left in place so that if she remains faithful and true to her covenants, she can still lay claim on the blessings of the Celestial Kingdom.I have a very dear friend who was separated from her husband for over seven years while they worked through a number of issues (obviously). Throughout the process, each time she contemplated divorce, she came back to these very ideas that you mention here -- that the sealing would still be in place for eternal purposes, if she continued to fulfill her covenants, despite her husband's behaviors and addictions.They reconciled last year.The Prophets are very clear that if you were & are even now, a loving faithful husband to her & did not want the divorce & you have since kept your covenants of faithfulness to her & try to love & serve her when you get the chance, than you are still married in Heavenly Father's eyes (he does not consider a forced divorce on a faithful spouse valid or any remarriage she may enter either). Your sealing can never really be broken against your will. The Prophets have said that even a Prophet can't break your sealing if you were & are faithful to her & God, they only can break it if you aren't faithful. Your righteousness, valiancy & rights to your wife will be honored & someday Heavenly Father will make all things right again after she repents, either in this life or the next. That's IF you want to wait for your wife & have her for eternity. She will be so greatful to you if you do wait for her to come to herself. It's all your choice, no matter what she may do in the meantime. See things as they really are.The real question is... do you really have that very rare quality today... "True Love", the kind everyone wants but very few are willing to give or even believe in anymore, the kind all the songs & movies are written about, the kind Christ has for us & he hoped we would have for our spouse, the kind that never ends or gives up & always wins in the end? How much are you really willing to fight for your princess, even when things look impossible?We are still waiting for you to provide an actual reference (relatively current), from an actual prophet, that supports your idea that divorce = abuse = eternal damnation.To the OP:Why is your ex-wife requesting a cancellation? If she re-marrying? If not, and considering that there was no abuse or infidelity involved in your dissolution, I would venture to guess that the sealing will be denied anyway. Regarding notification and the eternal impact for you, I would discuss those issues with your bishop. He may have had experience with other people in those matters, but if not, he will at least be able to advise you where to find the answers, or who else to speak with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RealDeseret Posted July 6, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 Time frames will vary quite a bit. My sister-in-law received a cancellation of her sealing last year, and the process took only a few months, once she received a letter of permission from her ex-husband.I have a very dear friend who was separated from her husband for over seven years while they worked through a number of issues (obviously). Throughout the process, each time she contemplated divorce, she came back to these very ideas that you mention here -- that the sealing would still be in place for eternal purposes, if she continued to fulfill her covenants, despite her husband's behaviors and addictions.They reconciled last year.We are still waiting for you to provide an actual reference (relatively current), from an actual prophet, that supports your idea that divorce = abuse = eternal damnation.To the OP:Why is your ex-wife requesting a cancellation? If she re-marrying? If not, and considering that there was no abuse or infidelity involved in your dissolution, I would venture to guess that the sealing will be denied anyway. Regarding notification and the eternal impact for you, I would discuss those issues with your bishop. He may have had experience with other people in those matters, but if not, he will at least be able to advise you where to find the answers, or who else to speak with.Yes, my ex-wife is getting married to the guy she was hanging out with while we were married. She said nothing ever happened but she was hanging out with him behind my back. Ya know, it seems that this divorce has almost destroyed me. And if she actually got the cancellation it would almost be the last nail in the coffin for me. Imagine, your wife leaves you for another guy, gets engaged to him, and then is allowed to be sealed to him. I can't imagine that happening, but if it does how is a sealing any more permanent or serious than a typical civil marriage today in age?Sorry for the negative post. I'm just tired of being beat down and feeling like I can't fight back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foreverafter Posted July 6, 2009 Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 (edited) Yes, my ex-wife is getting married to the guy she was hanging out with while we were married. She said nothing ever happened but she was hanging out with him behind my back. Ya know, it seems that this divorce has almost destroyed me. And if she actually got the cancellation it would almost be the last nail in the coffin for me. Imagine, your wife leaves you for another guy, gets engaged to him, and then is allowed to be sealed to him. I can't imagine that happening, but if it does how is a sealing any more permanent or serious than a typical civil marriage today in age?Sorry for the negative post. I'm just tired of being beat down and feeling like I can't fight back.If your wife was committing emotional adultery with him even before the divorce that is double reason that any remarriage would not be valid. Pres. Kimball believed that those couples who had an inappropriate (emotional or physical) relationship before divorce are not worthy of ever remarrying in the temple. It is right & normal that you should feel like you do after such abuse, adultery & abandonment from your wife & understandable that you would feel so much worse if the Church actually supported & encouraged & tolerated such abuse & adultery. I know the Church does not support or tolerate such things though, if only they knew the whole story. Which usually they don't cause one spouse or the other won't confess everything because they are in denial, believing themselves righteous & justified. Remember, when people go to get remarried after divorce it is they themselves declaring themselves worthy to enter the temple, not a leader saying they are worthy or that the marriage is valid. Just because people may get away with getting remarried in the temple doesn't mean it's always valid. If the people don't tell the whole truth or they were at fault in the divorce, then the remarriage may not be valid. Only God (& the former spouse) knows the whole story & if a remarriage is valid or not & everything will be put right in the end & everything made up to you for your valiancy. Great shall be your blessings & joy if you can but endure this trial & persecution valiantly. Edited July 6, 2009 by foreverafter Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanette Posted July 6, 2009 Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 (edited) RealDeseret, it's posts like this that convince me we really need a "hug" button around here. Edited July 6, 2009 by Seanette rewording for clarity Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted July 6, 2009 Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 Pres. Kimball believed that those people who have a relationship before divorce are not worthy of ever remarrying in the temple. Do you have a reference where he might have said this? I wonder if you have misunderstood. What happened to the doctrine of repentence? If that party has gone through the repentence process and has been deemed worth once again to remarry (even in the temple) I believe they can do so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foreverafter Posted July 6, 2009 Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 Do you have a reference where he might have said this? I wonder if you have misunderstood. What happened to the doctrine of repentence? If that party has gone through the repentence process and has been deemed worth once again to remarry (even in the temple) I believe they can do so.If an errant spouse truely repented then he/she would return to their former spouse & make it all up to him/her until they could be trusted again & then continue the marriage. Repentant people forsake (give up) the sin & the person they committed the sin with. Or else it would be like a bank robber saying they repent but never give the money back. It doesn't work that way. You must forsake the person you committed the sin with along with the sin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted July 6, 2009 Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 I disagree. It doesn't always happen that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted July 6, 2009 Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 Again do you have a reference for your comment by President Kimball? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rameumptom Posted July 6, 2009 Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 (edited) The Church requires at least one year after the divorce before a sealing can be canceled. Both parties are asked their thoughts on it, in case there are any issues of sin that was not resolved (this can include not paying child support). For an ex-wife, she may request it when wishing to be married again in the temple. It usually only takes a few months for it to be approved, if there are no objections or barriers to it. Once a person has repented of his/her sins and the bishop/stake president has deemed them worthy to enter into the temple, then they are ready to receive all the blessings of the temple. There is nothing anywhere that the person can only repent by going back to the faithful spouse and continuing the marriage. In fact, this is often discouraged, especially if the sinning spouse was abusive in the relationship. Edited July 6, 2009 by rameumptom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted July 6, 2009 Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 Thanks Ram but I still would like to read the comment by President Kimball that was mentioned. I would like to read what context anything was said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted July 6, 2009 Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 Your sealing can never really be broken against your will.This is not true. The sealing power is the power to bind OR TO LOOSE both on earth and in heaven. If the First Presidency dissolves a sealing, then that sealing no longer exists. That is what it means to have the sealing power. NeedleinA 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hemidakota Posted July 6, 2009 Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 I recently received a sealing cancellation request from my ex-wife. We have been divorced for 10 years. I have a few questions that I haven't found any solid answers to so I'm hoping these forums could possibly shed some light on them for me.1. How long, after the forms are submitted, does it take for the First Presidency to make a decision?2. Obviously if the sealing is canceled I will be notified, but what if the sealing cancellation is denied? Will I still be notified or will my ex be the only one notified since she is the one applying for it?3. No covenant breaking actions caused the divorce. She simply decided that she didn't want to be married anymore. I think more than anything it was because she was a bit immature (she was only 20) and missed her family too much. How likely is it that the First Presidency grants her this petition? (I had heard that if there wasn't any abuse, neglect, or adultery the First Pres is unlikely to grant such a petition.)4. I haven't remarried. So if the First Pres gives the OK for the cancellation does that mean I'm eternally screwed unless I find someone else to be sealed with? I didn't break any covenants, I didn't even want the divorce, so I can't imagine a loving Heavenly Father condemning me for that.Anyway, thank you in advance for your responses.1. Few months to a year or more. This cancellation must come by the Spirit or the Savior Himself. As with any calling, if one is called by the Savior directly by means of personal communication, He is the only one that can cancel this a person calling. I had seen this removal process last over two years when the person requested his removal from a calling. Same degree of process is used for sealing. This is not to be taken lightly. 2. Correct. You will be notified but if rejected, it is the will of the Lord. You need to accept it and seek out a personal answer to 'why' it was rejected. You have the power to do so. 3. It really doesn't matter on what grounds she has applied or left a marriage, it is still in the hands of the Spirit to make that determination. 4. You cannot remarry without the consent here from the First Presidency. Be patience and do the right thing for now. You will be blessed in these matters. Allow the Spirit to make it official to your local Bishop and Stake President. I would caution you now, in accepting what may be given, no matter the outcome. There is a greater purpose on what may be given. God bless you on moving forward in your life.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hemidakota Posted July 6, 2009 Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 This is not true. The sealing power is the power to bind OR TO LOOSE both on earth and in heaven. If the First Presidency dissolves a sealing, then that sealing no longer exists. That is what it means to have the sealing power.It still belongs in the hands of the Savior or the FATHER, depending who brought these two together. Yes! The First Presidency has the vested power to cancel it but it still comes through the means of confirmation of the Spirit. So in the sense, they are not left to themselves in giving the answer for each case. This is area that is never to be taken lightly or figuring it is only done by the hands of men and not GOD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foreverafter Posted July 6, 2009 Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 (edited) This is not true. The sealing power is the power to bind OR TO LOOSE both on earth and in heaven. If the First Presidency dissolves a sealing, then that sealing no longer exists. That is what it means to have the sealing power."If a man is faithful & should his wife leave him & be married to another without his consent there is no power in heaven or on earth that can prevent him from claiming her in the resurrection." Brigham Young, 8 Oct. 1861."There is no ecclesiastical law to free a wife from a man to whom she has been sealed, if he honors his Priesthood." (Or visa versa, there's no law to free a man from a woman if she has been faithful)Discourses of Brigham Young, p. 303. Just because someone gets a recommend to the temple doesn't mean they are worthy. Many people do so unworthily & don't tell the whole story of their previous marriage & divorce. Thus they can, unfortunately far too easily, deceive a leader into thinking they are righteous. Sealings are not automatically valid, they are only valid if both parties were worthy & justified to get remarried in the 1st place. If they weren't than the sealing is null & void. Church leaders have said that there will be alot of rearranging in marriages in the next life for what was not known to leaders here on earth. Edited July 6, 2009 by foreverafter Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted July 7, 2009 Report Share Posted July 7, 2009 *sigh* Do you ever feel like you are being ignored? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hemidakota Posted July 7, 2009 Report Share Posted July 7, 2009 Which article are you looking for? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted July 7, 2009 Report Share Posted July 7, 2009 I have asked foreverafter to provide a reference for something she said President Kimball said. I've asked 2-3 times now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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