Your thoughts on Desiring multiple wives

[Moksha]

There are many men I could enjoy...... I think its all rather beside the point.

Another vote for Johnny Depp?

[Traveler]

Let's start with a brief (very brief) history of where monogamy comes from. I heard several rumors so I decided to research this topic myself. In a nutshell, monogamy was introduced by the Romans in a misbelief about why Catholic Priests were unable to be married. The Romans, several years after the Catholics instituded their policy for Priests to be unmarried, believed that the reason this was instituted was so that Priests could be "Married to God." At that point in time, it became popular belief that in order to be the most righteous, you could not have a spouse and that sexual relations was might as well be a sin. Somehow in all that mess, a law was instituded that basically said that IF you decide to get married, it can only be to increase the power of Rome, and even then you can only have 1 wife. And so Monogamy was born. However, the REAL reason that Priests were not allowed to be married was because there was a fluke of priests that were trying to give part of the church to their sons as an inheritance, which of course the church forbade, and caused all sorts of problems.... The doctrine of monogamy was carried over when Rome fell into all those parts of the world, and since the original settlers of America were from that part of the world, many of their core laws came with them.

I don't remember EXACTLY off the top of my head, but there's something like 150+ recognized cultures in the world, and only 13 of them (give or take a couple) practice Monogamy. It is actually a very small belief system.

Now we know that almost all of the Biblical prophets and many of our LDS prophets had more than one wife up until the 1900s when the US instituted stricter laws against it, and to conform with the laws (so we wouldn't get driven out of the promised land), we received revelation to stop practicing plural marriage.

However, as far as I've found, plural marriage is STILL a celestial law, although it is temorarily not being practiced (just like drinking wine, the law of consecration, etc .... we're just not "ready" for them at this time).

Now that all my mumbo jumbo is done, let me move on:

Because of US laws, many people who are married who "look on" another woman get a feeling of guilt because often it can lead to illegal practices which obviously we don't support. HOWEVER, is there any actual "sin" or what-not related to desiring to have more than one wife?

Just to clarify, I love my wife more than anything on this planet, and I would never want to substitute her or get rid of her or anything like that. She is a perfect angel in my eyes. However, I still find beauty in ALL women (regardless of race, weight, etc), and maybe I'm just trying to justify my "looking on other women," but I've researched it, and prayed about it, and find no fault. But others try to make me feel guilty, that is why I pose the topic to you guys.

Your thoughts?

Desiring other women other than one’s legal and lawful wife is forbidden even and especially under the divine covenant of polygamy. It was by such indulgences that the church came under condemnation during the era of polygamy and why many spiritual blessings are being withheld from many today.

The Traveler

[deseretgov]

Where's the mention of loving those extra wives?

Isn't that a given?

You mention help with taking care of a baby and house. Hardly a reason to have more than one wife. You could hire a nanny or a housekeeper far more cheaply than marrying multiple women.

Another woman could also help provide additional income for the household, which a nanny or housekeeper could not.

[pam]

Actually it's not a given. Especially when the additional comments concern, caring for a baby, helping with the house, providing additional income. That doesn't necessarily constitute love.

[HEthePrimate]

My thoughts: If you want to practice plural marriage, join one of the "fundie" sects.

Brigham Young's thoughts: Men inherently need to have more than one partner--that's just the way they're built! Men are likely to have multiple sexual partners, and it's better to marry several women than to have several mistresses. Therefore, let's practice polygamy.

Back to my thoughts: I suspect that most Mormons today would have problems with BY's line of reasoning, and that's probably why the Church doesn't exactly encourage people to look deeply into Church history!

HEP

[pam]

My thoughts: If you want to practice plural marriage, join one of the "fundie" sects.

Brigham Young's thoughts: Men inherently need to have more than one partner--that's just the way they're built! Men are likely to have multiple sexual partners, and it's better to marry several women than to have several mistresses. Therefore, let's practice polygamy.

Back to my thoughts: I suspect that most Mormons today would have problems with BY's line of reasoning, and that's probably why the Church doesn't exactly encourage people to look deeply into Church history!

HEP

Do you have a reference for that? How do you know those were his exact thoughts?

[deseretgov]

Actually it's not a given. Especially when the additional comments concern, caring for a baby, helping with the house, providing additional income. That doesn't necessarily constitute love.

They constitute the operation of a household. Love is a different aspect of the discussion and I wasnt discussing that aspect. My lack of comment on that doesn't mean that it isn't something that is important. It just means I was't talking about that particular aspect. But if you want to talk about it I will.

If a man was going to marry more than one women love would be the most important thing. Love will help people forgive eachother and work together. Because of love people can overcome problems. Because of love people will serve eachother. All of these things are vital to having a successful marriage. Is a relationship with more than one wife it would be vital to have love. Jealousy would be a huge temptation for the wives. Wives would need to love each other. The husband would need to love both of his wives. A hardship for the husband would be to love each wife equally and to give equal time and attention to each. The husband and wives would have to love the children. They would need to care for the needs of the children and wives who were not the mother of a child would have to love a child that is not hers.

There now the love aspect has been discussed.

My thoughts: If you want to practice plural marriage, join one of the "fundie" sects.

Or you could always make your own.

[pam]

You can see how a man and woman look into a situation differently. You were thinking the logistical part of it..I was thinking the romantic side of it. Thanks for clarifying.

[RachelleDrew]

I

One reason I desire multiple wives to be a worthy husband to women who dont have one. There are many in the Philippines. There simply aren't enough worthy men. Of course then if the worthy men who are already there could marry them.

.

That is probably one of the better reasons to practice polygamy, and I actually think that's not a terrible idea.

I believe that if I could help my husband choose who I would have as a sister wife, or wives that I might actually be okay with the idea if it were commanded of us. Of course there would be jealousy....but that's always going to occur in a relationship regardless of if it's a two-person marriage or a five-person marriage.

As for right now, it's illegal. And I have a huge problem with people who break the law, no matter how much I disagree with the said law. I also have a huge problem with SOME polygamist sects who find ways and loopholes in our legal system to have multiple wives. Because as far as i'm concerned, they aren't really their wives legally so they are just shacking up and claiming it's a marriage when it isn't one. The problem with welfare fraud is also an issue, but that would exist even without polygamy as well...So I really can't blame polygamy on that.

I think it's one of those things that I trust church leaders to make the right choice about. If they don't believe the Lord wants us to practice polygamy at this point, then i'm going to take their word for it. If they thought otherwise then I might have to seriously consider adding on to the house......

If your desire for a polygamous marriage isn't centralized about sex, or if it doesn't lessen the value that you place on your wife, then I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about.

[MrsAri]

Women demand equality! How do you men feel about women with multiple husbands? (i.e., polygamy)

[FunkyTown]

Women demand equality! How do you men feel about women with multiple husbands? (i.e., polygamy)

I feel the same way about polygyny/polyandry as I do about polygamy.

Don't like it, but would practice if commanded.

[Maxel]

Women demand equality! How do you men feel about women with multiple husbands? (i.e., polygamy)

I don't think that multiple husbands is on the same level of "correctness" as multiple wives.

The purpose of plural marriage is to raise a righteous people unto the Lord. I think that the father has a crucial role in that. Women can only bear children once every 9 months; increasing the amount of sexual partners won't increase the children produced. Another thing: it's my belief that, for whatever reason, there are more righteous women than righteous men (generally). So, allowing a righteous man to have more than one wife increases his ability to reproduce and care for children- this increases the effectiveness of the parenting and is more likely to result in righteous children.

[Maxel]

I feel the same way about polygyny/polyandry as I do about polygamy.

Don't like it, but would practice if commanded.

That, sir, is faithfulness warranting celebration.

[pam]

Women demand equality! How do you men feel about women with multiple husbands? (i.e., polygamy)

Isn't polygamy a man having more than one wife?

[Gatorman]

Polygamy - Generic - More than one spounse

Polygyny - Husband with more than 1 wife

Polyandry - Wife with more than 1 husband

[MrsAri]

I feel the same way about polygyny/polyandry as I do about polygamy.

Don't like it, but would practice if commanded.

What if number #1 wife said no...which, according to my understanding...is her prerogative.

Remember, we are not commanded in all things.

If the prophet declared, "Thus saith the Lord, practice polygamy!", it would be only for those who were called.

Edited September 24, 2009 by GrandmaAri

[FunkyTown]

What if number #1 wife said no?

What if #1 wife said no but I was commanded to?

Then I would sit her down, take her hand in mine and look in her the eyes and say "I love you. I always will. I want you to stand by me as I do what God wants. If you can, I will be very happy. If you can't, I understand. Sometimes God wants very difficult things. What do you want from me to make it okay?"

It would take patience and strength, I think. If someone has a violent reaction to a teaching, you can't say 'Take it or leave it.'. That's not love. Instead, make sure that they know what they're really saying is 'Do I love and trust God enough to do what He says?'

It might take some doing, but I trust that she'd come around.

[MrsAri]

I don't think that multiple husbands is on the same level of "correctness" as multiple wives.

The purpose of plural marriage is to raise a righteous people unto the Lord. I think that the father has a crucial role in that. Women can only bear children once every 9 months; increasing the amount of sexual partners won't increase the children produced. Another thing: it's my belief that, for whatever reason, there are more righteous women than righteous men (generally). So, allowing a righteous man to have more than one wife increases his ability to reproduce and care for children- this increases the effectiveness of the parenting and is more likely to result in righteous children.

Well, that is the definition of polygamy. :)

Hmm...now I suddenly feel deduced to a mere recepticle.

[MrsAri]

What if #1 wife said no but I was commanded to?

Then I would sit her down, take her hand in mine and look in her the eyes and say "I love you. I always will. I want you to stand by me as I do what God wants. If you can, I will be very happy. If you can't, I understand. Sometimes God wants very difficult things. What do you want from me to make it okay?"

It would take patience and strength, I think. If someone has a violent reaction to a teaching, you can't say 'Take it or leave it.'. That's not love. Instead, make sure that they know what they're really saying is 'Do I love and trust God enough to do what He says?'

It might take some doing, but I trust that she'd come around.

Good luck! lol

[talisyn]

Well, that is the definition of polygamy. :)

Hmm...now I suddenly feel deduced to a mere recepticle.

No kidding. I'm fairly certain our Father in Heaven doesn't think of His daughters as mere baby-making biological parts. Maybe polygamy practiced the way it's intended is a way of making men more appreciative of the females of the species?

[Prodigal_Son]

...now I suddenly feel [r]educed to a mere recepticle.

Oh, come on now. You're like an organic Ellis Island!

[beefche]

Can I ask a sincere question? Why do people think of this as if it is something that will happen right now? Why do we ponder "what would I do if polygamy came back?" Why do we try to accept a law that may not be restored in this life and may/may not be in the next? Why don't we focus on what we should be doing now to live the laws we do have? Why are we pondering "what can I do to live the law of tithing better? what can I do to live the law of charity better?" Why waste time/energy on something that is not going to benefit us?

My thinking is if I am living the laws I have NOW to the best of my ability, then any laws given in the future (I'm thinking more along the lines of law of consecration) I will be better prepared to live.

[deseretgov]

Well for that matter I also contemplate what my feelings would be if I gave the ownersip of all my property to the church.

Polygamy - Generic - More than one spounse

Polygyny - Husband with more than 1 wife

Polyandry - Wife with more than 1 husband

So what is one man with more than one husband? Or one woman with multiple wives? Or for that sake what is one man with multiple husbands and wives? Or one woman with mutliple wives and husbands? Or what is one transgendered person with more than......

Edited September 24, 2009 by deseretgov

[Traveler]

.......

I believe that if I could help my husband choose who I would have as a sister wife, or wives that I might actually be okay with the idea if it were commanded of us. Of course there would be jealousy....but that's always going to occur in a relationship regardless of if it's a two-person marriage or a five-person marriage.

.......

Your understanding of the divine covenant of marriage and the commandment of polygamy is actually backwards. It is the choice of the wife(s) and not the husband to determine who is a candidate for including in the family. Thus it may be that the husband may have input to your choice not if you will have input into his choice.

The doctrine that the husband is the decider without the wife is false doctrine. And it was this false doctrine that took many into apostasy during the era of polygamy.

The Traveler

[RachelleDrew]

Your understanding of the divine covenant of marriage and the commandment of polygamy is actually backwards. It is the choice of the wife(s) and not the husband to determine who is a candidate for including in the family. Thus it may be that the husband may have input to your choice not if you will have input into his choice.

The doctrine that the husband is the decider without the wife is false doctrine. And it was this false doctrine that took many into apostasy during the era of polygamy.

The Traveler

Thanks for clearing that up. I wasn't trying to imply that polygamous couples are guided only by the husband's decision making. I know that's not what was commanded of those who did practice polygamy. Sorry if I worded that incorrectly.

Rather what I was TRYING to say is that so long as the decision to add another spouse was a decision made by both of us, that I would happily go along with it if it were commanded.