21. Male. Just Baptized. Any Hope For Marriage This Decade?

[froggy1]

Newcomer here! Great to see a forum for LDS.

I'm a 21 year old guy and was just baptized as a convert into the church, after two years of study and finally being certain this church is true. I firmly want nothing less than to be sealed in the temple with whoever I eventually marry.

However, I understand that at my age, LDS girls are encouraged to only date returned missionaries, and thus while I've been relatively alright with girls before, I'm now perhaps at the bottom of the pool in that regard, as a convert who unfortunately can't do this (and, who has a one year waiting period before I'm even eligible for a temple recommend). As a convert, how difficult of a time would I have meeting a good Mormon girl who will take me seriously, or is it more culturally appropriate for me to look for converts like me?

I want the non-sugar-coated truth here: I know every church has traditions, so if this is just the way things are I want to know so I don't go stumbling into a Singles Ward without knowing I actually belong elsewhere (or, that I need to distract the RMs with snacks/firecrackers first). Has anyone here ever dated/married a convert and this become an issue?

Thanks :)

(admin: if this is in the wrong spot, please feel free to move it. I'm slowly getting a feel for the board organization)

Edited March 1, 2010 by froggy1

[Dravin]

There may be other issues at hand (I'm not asking to hear about them), but your age and convert status are not a disqualifier for a mission.

[Gwen]

if you are in ut i can't answer your question.

in the southeast i can say that faithful guys are desirable. the girls (at least the ones i grew up with) were very understanding if a guy joined to late for a mission, they understood when guys had tattoos and things from before converting, pretty understanding that ppl have pasts. it's not about your past it's who you are today.

be yourself. if she's worth your time she won't be that judgmental to toss you aside over not being born in the church. unfortunately can't say you won't meet judgmental girls in the church. good luck.

[Just_A_Guy]

I'd look into serving a mission--not because it will make you more "marriageable", but because it's the right thing to do and is very much in line with the duties you'll be assuming when you receive your ordination to the Melchizedek Priesthood.

Edited March 1, 2010 by Just_A_Guy

[froggy1]

Can you actually still serve a mission as a convert to the church at my age? I didn't expect that I would be able to, at least for another two years, at which time I'll be nearly 24.

[Wingnut]

You can enter the mission field up until your 26th birthday. However, being a convert at 21 and (I'm guessing) already having a life plan and a timeline laid out that didn't before include a mission, not many people will fault you for not going.

Non-sugar-coated truth:

Some people are idiots, including in the Church. Some people will only married returned missionaries because their young women leaders told them to. Some people will think you less worthy. Only you (and the right girl) can decide if, in fact you are.

[RachelleDrew]

It can go either way. There are a lot of women who will only date RM's, but there are just as many women who don't care. I personally don't care if someone served or not, it's not the meter I use to determine someone's righteousness.

In the end it's not really relevant, your future eternal companion will love you no matter what. Find that girl. She will accept you regardless of your lack of missionary work.

On another note, you aren't too old for a mission. You aught to consider it, it would be a great way to grow in your faith as a recent convert. I wish I could go on a mission, but I was already a mother when I converted so I missed out.

[marts1]

I joined at 25 and was advised with no question against going on a mission.

[JudoMinja]

From my experience, many women in the church tend to be judgmental and overly-picky. As soon as they know you haven't served a mission they won't give you the time of day. You'll come up against a lot of brick walls as you try to weed your way through these girls.

However- there are also many women who are open and understanding. Serving a mission is not a deal breaker/winner. Usually, these non-judgmental women have very specific qualities they are looking for, and if you don't match up don't bother. These qualities typically include 1. faithfulness and steadfastness in the gospel, 2. maturity and levelheadedness, 3. family oriented, 4. hard-working man who pulls his own weight, and 5. someone I can talk to and get along with as a friend.

Of course this doesn't include everyone, and yes these qualities are rather vague.

Mainly, I would advice you to focus on building yourself up to be the best person you can be. Seek to grow spiritually, emotionally, and intellectual. Strive to be independant and prepared to face lifes challenges both spiritually and financially. When you find fulfillment living your life the way that makes you happiest, the right girl will come along and find you an irresistable catch.

[bytebear]

If a mission doesn't fit in your life plans, don't sweat it. I would recommend talking to the bishop about what callings you can do here and now. you wouldn't be eligible to go on a mission for at least a year anyway, and a lot can happen in that time. Just be true to yourself.

I will not sugar coat this. We had one missionary on my mission who went exactly one year after his conversion, and he was a little lost, considering he was spending his entire time with elders who 1) were raised in the church and 2) knew a lot more about the doctrine and 3) knew a lot more about LDS culture, and so he sometimes didn't really fit in and that was a shame, because I think he though a mission would be a lot like his own conversion and being on the other side of the missionary/investigator relationship and seeing the elders when they weren't teaching was a bit of an eye opener for him.

I guess what I am saying is that I don't know that a year is enough time to prepare for a mission as a new convert. So, unless you really feel compelled to go, don't worry about it. And do not use it as a badge of honor to get a wife. Who ever you choose to be your eternal companion should have more integrity than to reject you because of such a trivial thing.

Edited March 1, 2010 by bytebear

[semodex]

if you are in ut i can't answer your question.

in the southeast i can say that faithful guys are desirable. the girls (at least the ones i grew up with) were very understanding if a guy joined to late for a mission, they understood when guys had tattoos and things from before converting, pretty understanding that ppl have pasts. it's not about your past it's who you are today.

be yourself. if she's worth your time she won't be that judgmental to toss you aside over not being born in the church. unfortunately can't say you won't meet judgmental girls in the church. good luck.

I have to second this. I am a leader in young women in the southeast. We stress the importance of marrying a righteous young man (leading a life that is pleasing to God) who is a member and can take you to the Temple. You sound like the type of righteous young man we talk about.

Edited March 1, 2010 by semodex

[Guest]

Does she have to be a member?

[froggy1]

Thanks everyone for your responses. I think my post was prompted by some unneeded post-baptism, newly-LDS fears. But now that I think about it, I don't believe after coming all this way to join the church, God would simply turn me loose without some plan for my future.

I understand the point that if she is so wrapped up in landing a returned missionary that it's all she looks at, then she's not the girl I'd want to be with anyway. I see all of these great men of the church and want to be like them, and while at the same time I know missionary work is a wonderful thing, I feel that I'm unfortunately not meant to take that step. I also just read that President Monson didn't go on a full time mission, so I feel I'm meant to do missionary work in other ways.

I also suppose it would be a divine travesty to assume Heavenly Father considers converts who follow all the ways of the church but just don't go on missions as an unworthy set; and I guess the same goes for girls.

[marts1]

Missionary efforts are a lifelong pursuit, not just 2 years.

[Lolita]

I can tell you from a confident source that the right girl for you won't matter about it... Well, you still have a change to go on a mission and it would be great if you do, but you wouldn't be judged if you don't.

Source: I am single and 21, so, I am seeing these kind of issues everyday. lol.

[annamaureen]

If a girl rejects a convert because he didn't go on a mission... well, you don't need that kind of person for a wife!

There will be some girls who are looking for an RM and an RM only, and I'm sure you'll run into them. But there are also plenty who will be understanding, and will see your righteousness and worthiness regardless of whether you went on a mission or not.

[Islander]

Newcomer here! Great to see a forum for LDS.

I'm a 21 year old guy and was just baptized as a convert into the church, after two years of study and finally being certain this church is true. I firmly want nothing less than to be sealed in the temple with whoever I eventually marry.

However, I understand that at my age, LDS girls are encouraged to only date returned missionaries, and thus while I've been relatively alright with girls before, I'm now perhaps at the bottom of the pool in that regard, as a convert who unfortunately can't do this (and, who has a one year waiting period before I'm even eligible for a temple recommend). As a convert, how difficult of a time would I have meeting a good Mormon girl who will take me seriously, or is it more culturally appropriate for me to look for converts like me?

I want the non-sugar-coated truth here: I know every church has traditions, so if this is just the way things are I want to know so I don't go stumbling into a Singles Ward without knowing I actually belong elsewhere (or, that I need to distract the RMs with snacks/firecrackers first). Has anyone here ever dated/married a convert and this become an issue?

Thanks :)

(admin: if this is in the wrong spot, please feel free to move it. I'm slowly getting a feel for the board organization)

I would give up 20 years of my life to be you, right now and without hesitation. The story is simply too long but sufice to say that I agree with much of what has been posted above. Seek to understand the Lord, His doctrine, His plan and purpose for you and I know it will not be difficult for you to discern what you should do at this stage in your life. Discuss it with you Bishop and seek some guidance from him as well. It will help you significantly.

[Cassiopeia]

Any woman worth her salt will decide based on who you are if you are someone she wants to marry. While serving a mission is desirable it's not the be all..end all of a man's righteousness. I married an RM and it ended in divorce. There are no guarantees here.

I don't think you need to serve a mission. Live the gospel and the right woman will appear when the time is right.

[WillowTheWhisp]

You can be a missionary right where you are. You may find your eternal companion in a girl who was born into the church, or in a convert like yourself, or in someone you bring into the church. Then you can look forward to one day serving a mission togther with your wife as a retired couple.

[Maya]

Sometimes I wonder how come there are beautiful really good LDS girls over 23 that are not married yet??

[JudoMinja]

Sometimes I wonder how come there are beautiful really good LDS girls over 23 that are not married yet??

Probably for the same reason there are handsome really good LDS men over 23 that are not married yet.

[missmatalini]

Newcomer here! Great to see a forum for LDS.

I'm a 21 year old guy and was just baptized as a convert into the church, after two years of study and finally being certain this church is true. I firmly want nothing less than to be sealed in the temple with whoever I eventually marry.

However, I understand that at my age, LDS girls are encouraged to only date returned missionaries, and thus while I've been relatively alright with girls before, I'm now perhaps at the bottom of the pool in that regard, as a convert who unfortunately can't do this (and, who has a one year waiting period before I'm even eligible for a temple recommend). As a convert, how difficult of a time would I have meeting a good Mormon girl who will take me seriously, or is it more culturally appropriate for me to look for converts like me?

I want the non-sugar-coated truth here: I know every church has traditions, so if this is just the way things are I want to know so I don't go stumbling into a Singles Ward without knowing I actually belong elsewhere (or, that I need to distract the RMs with snacks/firecrackers first). Has anyone here ever dated/married a convert and this become an issue?

Thanks :)

(admin: if this is in the wrong spot, please feel free to move it. I'm slowly getting a feel for the board organization)

I personally, don't think that a man not serving a mission makes him less of a person.

My sister is getting married to a guy that was 20 when he was baptized into the church, a mission just isn't for him. He already had his life planned out and was getting his education.

I wouldn't have a problem marrying someone that didn't serve a mission. Although it depends on the reason why he didn't serve a mission.

If you were just lazy and didn't serve a mission when you turned 19 then I would have a problem with that.

But your 21, and you have other plans. So I don't see why someone wouldn't date/marry you just because you haven't served a mission. If that's their reasoning, they aren't worth it.

[Roseslipper]

I just wanted to say Congradulations on your baptism, and dont worry youll find each other.

[Matthew0059]

I would give up 20 years of my life to be you, right now and without hesitation. The story is simply too long but sufice to say that I agree with much of what has been posted above. Seek to understand the Lord, His doctrine, His plan and purpose for you and I know it will not be difficult for you to discern what you should do at this stage in your life. Discuss it with you Bishop and seek some guidance from him as well. It will help you significantly.

QFT.

froggy, I've been a member my whole life, am 23, and haven't served a mission because I have severe depression- too severe to serve. I've never lived in Utah, but I have NEVER met a worthwhile girl who had an issue with my non-RM status.

The importance is seeking the LORD'S righteousness and finding out what you were foreordained to do. This is done by moving forward, following the advice of the GA's and local priesthood leaders, constant prayer and frequent, regular scripture study, and constant repentance.

If you were meant to go on a mission, your desire to serve one will grow as you grow closer to the LORD. Move forward with a plan- discuss things with your bishop, continue your education (or begin it, if you desire) and most of all live WORTHILY to receive propmptings from the Holy Ghost. You will figure it all out.

[kileyizzle]

Hai yah!

I too am a convert - have been for two years making me.. 22 i empathize with you because it can truly feel like that when you first come in.

Serving a mission is like a HUGE deal to some - others it's just ok.

Yes the girls are encouraged to date RM's. However - they have their agency to choose what they want.

Dw mate you'll find her your a yung chook

PEACE xxx

gratz on ur baptism too aye