Fun things Mormons can't do

[MarginOfError]

I was talking to someone who said something I adamantly agreed with. I wanted to give voice to my agreement and blurted out in my best Shaft imitation "Dang Straight."

You just can't be Mormon and do Shaft.

What other cool things do mormons miss out on?

[DigitalShadow]

You still could have said the phrase. As long as in your head you were picturing a large structure holding back water rather than a swear word, I'm sure it would have been fine

[FunkyTown]

You still could have said the phrase. As long as in your head you were picturing a large structure holding back water rather than a swear word, I'm sure it would have been fine

I can't even say Amsterdarn without blushing.

[Wingnut]

What other cool things do mormons miss out on?

Knowing what you're talking about, since the movie Shaft was rated R.

[MarginOfError]

Knowing what you're talking about, since the movie Shaft was rated R.

Dammmmmmm........electricity runs the DVD player in which I would never play a rated R movie.

[DigitalShadow]

Dammmmmmm........electricity runs the DVD player in which I would never play a rated R movie.

Watch your mouth! Talk of renewable energy is not allowed on this forum

[Tarnished]

Let's see...

Drinking alcohol, oh wait, that can lead to getting drunk, and the possibility of getting addicted to alcohol...nevermind

Experimenting sexually, oh wait that can lead to diseases and possibly messed up behavior...nevermind

Smoking, wait that can lead to addiction not to speak of the loss of taste, the smell, and the other health hazards...nevermind

Hmm, I can't seem to think of any good ones.

[Dravin]

Why would you want a straight dam? An arch dam is much more efficient in the use of concrete from my understanding.

Edited March 23, 2010 by Dravin

[Honor]

Sounds like you really know your dam stuff there Drav.

[ADoyle90815]

Ordering anything other than a strawberry or vanilla cream-based frappachino at Starbucks, since they have frappachinos that have coffee in them.

Get virgin drinks because they look like the real drink with alcohol. Also, if a restaurant has a bar inside, better to wait for a table outside of the bar because someone from church might see you and think you were having an alcoholic drink.

[rameumptom]

I once knew a lady who lived with her son near a dam.

One day she told her son to take a bucket to the dam and get some dam water from the dam guy. So he went with his bucket to the dam to get some dam water. He asked the dam guy for some dam water, but was told he couldn't have any dam water. The boy told the dam man he could keep his dam water, and went home.

Oh, and the dam was arched.

[rameumptom]

Back to the original question:

Well, we can't do as William Wallace and shoot lightning out of every orifice. We can't do anything in an American Pie or Porky's movie. And I doubt if most Mormons can actually figure out how to use one of those Suzanne Sommers Thigh Masters....

[Jenamarie]

If you're in Relief Society you can't have nicely toned tricepts.

(at least, that's been my observation... )

[Dravin]

Sounds like you really know your dam stuff there Drav.

I've seen a dam show or two.

[Wingnut]

Ordering anything other than a strawberry or vanilla cream-based frappachino at Starbucks, since they have frappachinos that have coffee in them.

Double Chocolatey Chip Frappuccino. Mmmmmm!!!!!!!!

[Guest xforeverxmetalx]

What about things non-Mormons can't do?

Like joke about dams in a way that actually is funny.

[Nikkie85]

Since I am a convert I will admit that I miss and occasionally crave coffee and tea. In the South we have a drink commonly called an Arnold Palmer half sweet tea half lemonade...pure bliss. I miss going to a coffee shop with friends and talking over some overloaded and overpriced coffee drink...yumm....but I know the blessings out weight the deliciousness.

[Wisc]

Knowing what you're talking about, since the movie Shaft was rated R.

Dont try to be all goody goody. Even Monson knows who Shaft is!

Who's the black private dick

That's a sex machine to all the chicks?

SHAFT!

Ya ____ right!

Who is the man that would risk his neck

For his brother man?

SHAFT!

Can you dig it?

Who's the cat that won't cop out

When there's danger all about?

SHAFT!

Right On!

They say this cat Shaft is a bad mother

SHUT YOUR MOUTH!

I'm talkin' 'bout Shaft.

THEN WE CAN DIG IT!

He's a complicated man

But no one understands him but his woman

JOHN SHAFT!

[prisonchaplain]

How about reciting the 10th Commandment in King James Version? As a 10 year old I remember wondering if I'd be rewarded or punished.

[john doe]

I wouldn't call Gordon Monson a goody-goody. In fact, I regularly call him an idiot. His columns in the paper are rarely worth reading, it's so bad that they stopped using it in bird cages from the rashes it left on the birds' behinds. And his radio show is hardly worth tuning in to. Locked on Sports is a much better show with more insights into the Jazz and the local sports scene than Monson will ever have.

[Moksha]

Elders cannot dance the Hokey Pokey without fear of cursing some area of the world when they "turn themselves around". Anyway, that's what it's all about!

[Wingnut]

I'm familiar with the movie Shaft, I just didn't know that "da®n straight" came from it.

[talisyn]

Mormons can't really enjoy an ice-cold Pepsi or Coke product without feeling slightly rebellious.

[Dravin]

Mormons can't really enjoy an ice-cold Pepsi or Coke product without feeling slightly rebellious.

There are some advantages to living in Happy Valley. :)

[Faded]

I'm racking my brain, but I can't think of a single thing that other people consider "fun" that doesn't lend itself strongly to self destructive behavior. Illicit drugs, alcohol, coffee, tobacco -- they addict you, they all cost money you could have spent on better things and they all stand to shorten your life. Bonus with alcohol of course: You might get pregnant or get somebody else pregnant or cheat on your spouse and not remember a thing! Yeah, so many "fun" things we miss out on.

Somebody mentioned Starbucks. This makes me curious. To me, coffee smells terrible!! Every accidental taste of coffee flavored ice-cream or a coffee flavored jelly bean was absolutely terrible, involving a good bit of gagging and spitting. If you gave me a choice between eating a spoon full of mud and drinking a cup of coffee, it's a coin toss as to which is more disgusting. If I ever find myself near a Starbucks or any other coffee-specializing establishment, I can't wait to get away from the stench.

I've noticed that a lot of life-long members (ie never had a drink of coffee in their life) generally agree with me on this, but some do not. I really wonder if coffee only smells and tastes good to people who have been addicted to it at some point. Thoughts?