"I'm a Thief"

[pam]

Mother makes son hold sign saying 'I'm a thief' after taking iPod | ksl.com

SPOKANE, Wash. - If you drove down a certain street in Spokane, Wash., on Saturday morning, you might have done a double take.

A kid, standing in his driveway, holding a strange sign.

So this will reveal a little bit of personal information about me. As a mother with a son who is currently serving a 180 day jail sentence for theft, I can totally relate to what this mother is going through.

But was she right in how to handle this? Your thoughts?

[Dravin]

I'll be honest, I'm inclined to give her the benefit of a doubt. She knows her child and how he may learn lessons best. It sounds like other measures have been taken. My only objection would be if the weather was horrible or if she's making him stand out there all day without any break. And it sounds like he's getting breaks.

Edited March 13, 2012 by Dravin

[Windseeker]

Shame has been used a tool to maintain societal standards. Many people think it's outdated and ineffective. I think we desperately need a renewal of our sense of shame and it starts with the family.

I don't have a problem with what this mother. I'm sorry to hear about your son. What was his motivation? Do you think he will steal again after his sentence? Do you think he's learned anything. Would this work with your son?

[pam]

I don't have a problem with what this mother. I'm sorry to hear about your son. What was his motivation? Do you think he will steal again after his sentence? Do you think he's learned anything. Would this work with your son?

The difference between this young man and my son is that my son is 20 so I couldn't force him to do this.

[sixpacktr]

I applaud this mother for being a mother and hopefully shaming her son with a lesson he won't ever forget. There it too little of this nowadays and people think that actions don't have consequences.

Several lives ago when we lived in Kentucky I took my daughters for some 'serve yourself' ice cream cones. They filled up, I paid, and they began to eat. On the way out, they took some more, and I happened to see them. I became very upset, asked them what they thought they were doing, and marched them up to the cashier. They objected the entire time, saying that everyone did it and it was no big deal. The cashier said that it was okay, no big deal, but I told her it was, that they stole the ice cream, and that if they'd have asked first then it is one thing, but to simply take it is stealing, and I then paid for the extra ice cream. My daughters both were upset, and wouldn't eat the ice cream afterwards. They still remember that incident and I believe it helped them understand something about taking something that isn't yours.

[annewandering]

It's a real tough call. Yes they should feel shame for what they did but it reminds me a lot of the public stockades they used to use in places like Salem. My guess is they will just listen to people who say their mom was mean and wrong and will end up just hating her with no good done.

On the other hand, one of my daughters, who was a bit of a challenge in her teen years, told me recently that if we had been more severe in our punishments she might have done better in the long run but was not sure. She has told me that if she catches her kids doing severe wrong she will intentionally embarrass the heck out of them.

I think a lot depends on not only the kid but the parents. Ok now that I think about it, I remember one time that one of my kids had been deliberately slow and missing the school bus. After a few days of that, and no transportation, I grabbed his arm and drug him about a mile to school, in the ice and snow. He was resistant every inch of the way. He was about jr. high age. He never did anything like that again. In fact he became quite a good student, which he had not been at that point. He is getting out of college this semester and will be entering quite a good field.

[Tyler90AZ]

If done tactfully I think it could be effective. I would consider it if one of my daughters stole something.

[annewandering]

If done tactfully I think it could be effective. I would consider it if one of my daughters stole something.

hmm I am trying to picture doing this tactfully. Can you explain that a little further?

[Tyler90AZ]

Explain why I am punishing them that way, instead of just throwing them out. In a world where crime is sometimes glorified, we need to teach our children it is something to be ashamed of. I don't know my children's personalities well enough yet(still babies) to know if this would be effective.

[LittleWyvern]

I think it takes a very specific person to be able to learn the right lesson from this kind of public shaming. So, while I won't pass judgement on this specific situation, I do think that, more often than not, this isn't the greatest idea.

[Guest]

I won't judge the mother for what she feels is best for her child.

But, this is not the kind of discipline I will employ on my child. The affairs of my family are private and need to remain as such. If he steals from a neighbor/store/etc., I will support the police taking him in for public trial. But, I won't take it upon myself to send him to the driveway with a sign. A public trial is the proper place for it.

[Tyler90AZ]

Teach me what is so bad about this. The only thing people seemed worried about is that people will know their child stole.

[annewandering]

Teach me what is so bad about this. The only thing people seemed worried about is that people will know their child stole.

I am thinking that people are concerned that the child might react in a way not at all what the mom was hoping for. Frankly the idea of the parent being embarrassed never occurred to me at all.

[MorningStar]

I would, but then I made my kids stand on a corner with a sign for not brushing their teeth. Just kidding.

One of my kids stole when he was little. I took him right back to the store and made him apologize to the manager. That was enough humiliation for him. If an older child were to steal, I would let the law deal with them. If they didn't seem sorry for the act and they were still living at home, I would make things pretty miserable for them in other ways like selling their luxury items to compensate those they stole from.

[mirkwood]

I have absolutely no problem with criminals being embarrassed along with the legal penalties for their crimes.

For example, I'd like sex offenders to have bright fluorscent pink license plates and driver licenses.

[Guest]

The only way I'd do it is if the sign said "I stole an iPod" instead of "I'm a thief".

I think when we put such labels to our kids, they live up to them.

[Tyler90AZ]

The only way I'd do it is if the sign said "I stole an iPod" instead of "I'm a thief".

I think when we put such labels to our kids, they live up to them.

Good point, I agree!

[applepansy]

When my 2nd son was in 7th grade the bus picked the kids up on the corner where there small town market was. The kids would go in every morning and buy candy, etc. Some kids were stealing. It was almost a dare. My son had never stolen anything before to my knowledge. One morning I got a call shortly after he left the house. It was the owner of the store. My son was caught stealing three candy bars and some gum. I left the house immediately, brought him home. I insisted he take money from his savings to pay for the candy and then give the candy back. Then he apologized to the owner. Then... I called the school and told them he wouldn't be at school that day. He spent the day sweeping the parking lot around the store. At first he was just pushing the rocks around. So I showed him what I expected and told him he would spend every day doing this until it was done and done right.

It took him most of the day. He finished just before the bus dropped the kids off after school. He never stole anything again. He will be 31 in May. He says it was one of the best lessons of his life. The hardest part was knowing his friends knew he got caught and they knew why he missed school. They knew why he had blisters on his hands from pushing the broom.

I got some grief for this "punishment" but I'd do it again.

[Gwen]

reminds me of this one that I saw the other day Video - Breaking News Videos from CNN.com

I have mixed feelings on it but totally understand it. We are in a world where if you use a physical discipline of any kind for your kids your neighbors can report you for abuse. The world is constantly trying to take away the ability of parents to do their job (they have already done it to schools). What options are left?

I remember a judge making minor crimes have to do this instead of jail time to prevent over crowding in the system. Shoplifting, graffiti and the such was a fine and community service in the area of your crime while wearing a sign telling the world what you did. I remember tons of ppl thinking it was a brilliant solution to the problem.

I'm not a fan of shame as a form of punishment but I'm not out to interfere with another's parenting without more information. I do think, as already pointed out, the wording needs to be carefully chosen. The children also need to be safe; food, water, appropriate breaks, etc. Unlike the stepmother and grandmother who made a child run until she collapsed with dehydration and ended up dying because of it.

[Traveler]

From what I understand - shame will be a part of the afterlife when all our deeds will be known. The inability to deal with shame is one of the major flaws of those that refuse to repent. Contrary to popular notions - I believe love means that one is willing to say they are sorry (make it public) as well as being very sorry inside - even when they are not the one that was wrong.

The Traveler

[Madriglace]

Crime is so high because there are no longer consequences for it. When a person goes to prison and all they loose is their freedom and are given 3 square meals a day, full health care, internet, TV (the list goes on) . This mother was right to use what ever consequence she could to stop this stupid kid from ruining his life worse. Used to be the fear of what would happen to you was enough to keep most folks on the straight and narrow ... now everybody is a victim and nothing is their fault. Sheriff Joe is my hero ... he makes the people in his jail (Maricopa County, AZ) uncomfortable and tells them if they don't like it don't come back.

[zippy_do46]

Mother makes son hold sign saying 'I'm a thief' after taking iPod | ksl.com

But was she right in how to handle this? Your thoughts?

Something to think about is this generation was brought up with their own code and with a different peer pressure. The shame is not being a "thief" in their minds like we think. The shame is being caught at it.

Edited March 18, 2012 by zippy_do46

[miztrniceguy]

I say "Bravo"

[Bini]

I was so dang stubborn and rebellious as a teen, even a pre-teen, my parents would have never been able to get me to parade around with a sign like that. I'd rather be kicked out of the house and be on my own than submit myself to something ridiculous (from the child's POV) like that. So, the kid couldn't have been THAT bad. Sheesh, if mama could get him to hold a sign and stand there.. He certainly was more obedient than I was at his age!

Anyway, that method may work on some kids and my fail on other kids. It wouldn't have worked on me. I'd just laugh at my parents and tell them where to go. Now that I'm a parent, I'd hope that when it comes to disciplining, DH and I really think through our methods and whether the "message" is likely to be learnt or just cause more defiance.

[Aria]

They often say that shame is the best punishment.