MoHeartbrokenGuy Posted May 23, 2012 Report Share Posted May 23, 2012 Want to see what others think..If its going to call into question my sanity or have the microphone shut off while im burying my testimony, then I shall refrain..... My wife and I are seperated as of April 20, 2012....We seperated for reasons that were out of my control, that I have begged her to stop, but she continues. I have been asking HF for direction, and where my life is headed. We have been married 10 months, and courtshipped 29 months before we got married..During that time there was infidily, once physical, and for 15 months, emotional with my best friend..We are adults "me 41, her 44, he 39" and she has kids with her deceased husband, and I with my ex-wife. After the affair came to the surface, she weeped and weeped and promised that there would be no contact with the guy. After looking thru her online cell phone account "which we both gave the other our passwords to be open" it showed that she had been "talking" to other men since the day we started dating..After a 12 month phycology visits for her on my request or the marriage wouldnt happen, she did follow thru with the visits..I went to several visits when I was in Utah visiting her from my home state, and I was so proud of the progress she was making, or so I thought. I have ended the relationship several times before we got married 10 months ago due to lies and/or guys....Those things have haunted us weekly since our marriage, and have caused great strain on family and friends, as well as our ward. Since seperating 4 weeks ago, she has gone into a defensive, protect herself mode thinking I was going to tell members of her past..Now she has lied and spread rumors to the members of my ward that I have gone to 14 years..She moved here in Sept. 2011 so doesnt really know the people at church, but that hasnt stopped her from spreading rumors. She was diagnosed with a lying disorder and a sex addict....Those 2 things have plagued us. Will it be wrong of me during testimony meeting to speak of the truths of our seperation, without being hateful or nasty?..And if so, how deep do I go as far as addressing 2 members who have believed her lies?..Those 2 ladies are known for being hateful and rumorish to whoever is having trouble in the ward. I do love her and want our marriage to work, as I believe in making a marriage work at "almost" any cost....As of today, I got a call from my ex-friend she had the affair with telling me that my wife recently contacted him yesterday and they met up. I just want to set the record straight for those in attendance..I am a respectable guy in the ward, but her lies and rumors are not helping. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted May 23, 2012 Report Share Posted May 23, 2012 Testimony meeting is not a time to be bringing up personal matters especially related to marital issues. If I were sitting in the congregation, I would be sitting there in horror. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingnut Posted May 23, 2012 Report Share Posted May 23, 2012 Want to see what others think..If its going to call into question my sanity or have the microphone shut off while im burying my testimony, then I shall refrain.....To start with, I would urge you not to bury your testimony at all.Will it be wrong of me during testimony meeting to speak of the truths of our seperation, without being hateful or nasty?It would be absolutely wrong on so many levels...And if so, how deep do I go as far as addressing 2 members who have believed her lies?..Those 2 ladies are known for being hateful and rumorish to whoever is having trouble in the ward.Any way but publically. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted May 23, 2012 Report Share Posted May 23, 2012 Testimony meeting is for testimonies. It's not a ward council nor is it a marital problem session. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyler90AZ Posted May 23, 2012 Report Share Posted May 23, 2012 I had somebody, not my wife, scared to death I was going to tell her ward and my ward about the truth. The lady was so terrified she went on the offensive and made herself look silly. Telling outright ridiculous lies. Needless to say I did nothing and she ruined her own reputation. People were calling me up and trying to console me. This is not something I am proud of at all, just a matter of fact. I would just let her ramble and let your fourteen year reputation speak for itself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted May 23, 2012 Report Share Posted May 23, 2012 Be the bigger person and don't say anything. Those who matter won't believe what they hear and those who do don't matter. Testimony meeting is for bearing our testimony about Christ and the gospel. Its not for airing grievances or "setting the record straight". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rameumptom Posted May 23, 2012 Report Share Posted May 23, 2012 Testimony meeting is for bearing witness of Christ and the Restored Gospel. If you are concerned about the rumors, discuss it with the bishopric and your quorum presidency, so that they can ensure the rumors do not spread around and harm you. As you do what is right, they will eventually die down, and people will realize that the problem does not sit with you, but with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 23, 2012 Report Share Posted May 23, 2012 Those kinds of "testimonies" make me glad I have babies to pinch and take out into the hall. :) You've been through a rough time. Be sure your bishop knows, mostly so he can know how best to support you. If you feel like telling others who have stewardship over you, like your HT's, that would be appropriate, as well. Publicly condemning others' sin, however true your words might be, isn't right. There isn't a right way to do it. Even stripped of any anger or malice. Just don't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted May 23, 2012 Report Share Posted May 23, 2012 I agree with everyone - not appropriate for Testimony Meeting. If you wish to address the issue, giving your side of the story, do so privately. I've sat through some awkward moments in Fast and Testimony Meeting but bringing up one's down-spiraling marital affairs is a major no-no. I certainly wouldn't want to sit through that and or expose my kids to that.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annewandering Posted May 23, 2012 Report Share Posted May 23, 2012 If you feel that you should bear your testimony keep it to that. :) Bearing your testimony might be an excellent idea. It will help you solidify your own and help others to realize that even during nasty trials a testimony does not have to suffer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted May 23, 2012 Report Share Posted May 23, 2012 Those kinds of "testimonies" make me glad I have babies to pinch and take out into the hall. :)Eowyn, you evil evil woman you. The only pinching we were allowed to do growing up was on birthdays! A pinch to grow an inch and a sock to grow a block :] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finrock Posted May 23, 2012 Report Share Posted May 23, 2012 Good afternoon MoHeartbrokenGuy! :)I just want to set the record straight for those in attendance..I am a respectable guy in the ward, but her lies and rumors are not helping.I'm sorry for your troubles. I know when I feel that I have been wrongfully accused I want to defend myself and set the record straight, as you mentioned.However, testimony meeting is not the appropriate place to set the record straight. A testimony is a "...knowledge or assurance of a truth that a person declares by the convincing power of the Holy Ghost" (Source). A true testimony is only one when it is declared by the power of the Holy Ghost (1 Cor. 12:3). Furthermore, in most cases, your testimony should be relatively brief and concise. The First Presidency has offered the following guidance:“We are concerned that in some instances, members who desire to bear their testimonies in fast and testimony meeting do not have the opportunity to do so. Bishoprics are encouraged to help all people learn to express a brief, heartfelt testimony of the Savior, His teachings, and the Restoration, so that more members may have the opportunity to participate.”Finally, Elder Jensen (from whom I'm borrowing most of these ideas) provided a list of things a testimony is not. A testimony is:"Not an exhortation. Individuals who stand and exhort others in a fast and testimony meeting or even try to call others to repentance, even with the best of intentions, are usurping authority and are often offending others and disrupting the spirit of the meeting.• Not an experience, although experiences may illustrate belief and conviction.• Not an expression of gratitude or love, although these are often appropriately included in our testimony sharing.• Not a public confession.• Not a sermon or a talk on some doctrinal point, although someone may quote a scripture and then testify of it.• Not a long explanation of how you know but rather what you know.• Not merely saying the words “I have a testimony.” It is not inappropriate to say this, but hopefully there is an expression following these words about the doctrines, truths, and principles of which you have a testimony."When we consider all of these things, we can see that fast and testimony meeting would be an inappropriate place to "set the record straight".Regards,Finrock Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 23, 2012 Report Share Posted May 23, 2012 Eowyn, you evil evil woman you. The only pinching we were allowed to do growing up was on birthdays! A pinch to grow an inch and a sock to grow a block :]Mwahahahahahaha.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dravin Posted May 23, 2012 Report Share Posted May 23, 2012 (edited) In addition to what Elder Jensen has said that Finrock has reference (talk available here: Bearing Testimony - Liahona Oct. 2005 - liahona ) Elder Oaks had this to say on Testimony:A testimony of the gospel is a personal witness borne to our souls by the Holy Ghost that certain facts of eternal significance are true and that we know them to be true. Such facts include the nature of the Godhead and our relationship to its three members, the effectiveness of the Atonement, and the reality of the Restoration.A testimony of the gospel is not a travelogue, a health log, or an expression of love for family members. It is not a sermon. President Kimball taught that the moment we begin preaching to others, our testimony is ended. Link: Testimony - general-conferenceI am disinclined to think that setting the record straight on your marital issues qualifies as a testimony, particularly is it sounds like it'll end up as a public confession of her sins, and as such it wouldn't be appropriate to share during fast and testimony meeting. In the sense you're talking about sharing them I'm disinclined to think it appropriate to share them during any public meeting of the church.And if so, how deep do I go as far as addressing 2 members who have believed her lies?..Those 2 ladies are known for being hateful and rumorish to whoever is having trouble in the ward.My advice is in line with the following scripture as much as it is applicable: 88 And if thy brother or sister offend thee, thou shalt take him or her between him or her and thee alone; and if he or she cconfess thou shalt be reconciled. 89 And if he or she confess not thou shalt deliver him or her up unto the church, not to the members, but to the elders. And it shall be done in a meeting, and that not before the world. Edited May 23, 2012 by Dravin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmarklin Posted May 23, 2012 Report Share Posted May 23, 2012 Your friends know you and can see through all the lies. Several years ago I heard slander about a friend of mine whose integrity is without question. I immediately challenged the person telling me the lies. He backed off a little, but stuck to the main gist of the story. Bottom line, the allegations were just that: allegations that never were proven, nor could be. Mainly because they were lies. Your friends know you, and realize your situation. No need to talk about any of it unless asked.................and even then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julianna Posted May 24, 2012 Report Share Posted May 24, 2012 I would avoid any of the details of the situation entirely. At most, if you feel you must, I would say something to the effect of "Some of you are aware my life has been in turmoil recently for various reasons. Without getting into the reasons, I can only testify of my belief in Christ, that he is our Savior, and that through him, even our heaviest burdens and trials can be overcome through our faith in him and through the atonement," etc, and so forth. Your testimony should deal only with your faith in Christ and/or principles of the gospel. Your wife's repentance, issues, and gossip are her problem. It is very difficult to deal with people you've known and loved for years when you believe they believe terrible things about you, but you can make it through this. I wish you luck! “Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” --John Wooden Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoHeartbrokenGuy Posted May 25, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 25, 2012 Thanks so much guys and gals....My intentions were not to talk about the issues she has done, but only to address my beliefs on forgiveness and repentance, and to say that tho I have struggled lately with my marriage, I do forgive my wife and those that speak with twisted tounges....Maybe I will stick to the basic testimony...Again, thanks everyone, it makes a difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pooter1 Posted May 25, 2012 Report Share Posted May 25, 2012 I remember a testimony meeting where a woman got up and started bashing the ward members she didn't like.It was horrible.People walked out,there was contention,there was clicks after that testimony. It was a horrible sunday.The spirit was totally gone that sunday and it brought so much sorrow to so many people.Stick to sharing your testimony about Christ and what good he has done for you in your life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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