A, B, C or D?

[Bini]

We've kind of sort of discussed this issue before. When invited to a wedding or baby shower of someone you are barely acquainted with, do you: (a) attend and give a gift (b) not attend and send a gift © not attend and send a card or (d) not attend and send nothing? I got invited to a wedding of a girl that I don't really know - at all - but we're networked through FB because we were in the same graduating class back in 2002. To be honest, I don't even remember her from high school.. She asked via email for my address, so she can send out "proper" wedding invitations. I haven't responded yet. She has never commented on my FB wall, and I don't care that she hasn't. I think I've commented on her wall once when she successfully dropped about 60 pounds from completing a weight loss program several years back. Otherwise, we're perfect strangers. I can already tell you that we won't be attending the wedding. Apart of me is fairly certain that we won't be sending a gift either but I have no problem sending a congratulations card.

[beefche]

I would go with #4, in a situation like this.

[bytebear]

Send a card if you want the relationship to remain the same.

Send a gift if you want to expand the relationship a little.

Attend if you want to expand the relationship a lot.

Do nothing if you don't care if the relationship dims, or ends completely.

[pam]

I would go with 4 as well.

[Wingnut]

If you haven't responded and have no intention of attending the wedding, then I think you should go with option (5): don't give her your address in the first place.

[applepansy]

I'd go with D.

Am I weird? Wedding and Baby showers seem like "Give Me" parties to me.

[pam]

I'd go with D.

Am I weird? Wedding and Baby showers seem like "Give Me" parties to me.

Nope you aren't weird. That's what they feel like to me too. Sometimes I think people invite the world, just for the gifts.

[MorningStar]

I can't afford to give many people gifts, so I would save that money for people I am close to. I wouldn't go and I wouldn't send anything.

[applepansy]

Nope you aren't weird. That's what they feel like to me too. Sometimes I think people invite the world, just for the gifts.

It a big deal in our ward. Everyone is invited to every shower. It really gets out of hand and expensive.

I don't do showers. I can't afford to so I don't go to any.

The result of that policy happened when my daughter got married. We didn't have a traditional reception. We had a family dinner. The people in our ward who are friends understood out family traditions and respected them. They offered to help out in the kitchen, etc. Then the women who had been you YW leaders decided to give a shower for her. We reluctantly agreed. Then the day before we saw the invitation. It said in big bold letters "In Lieu of a Reception we are giving Jane Doe a wedding shower"

[pam]

It a big deal in our ward. Everyone is invited to every shower. It really gets out of hand and expensive.

I don't do showers. I can't afford to so I don't go to any.

The result of that policy happened when my daughter got married. We didn't have a traditional reception. We had a family dinner. The people in our ward who are friends understood out family traditions and respected them. They offered to help out in the kitchen, etc. Then the women who had been you YW leaders decided to give a shower for her. We reluctantly agreed. Then the day before we saw the invitation. It said in big bold letters "In Lieu of a Reception we are giving Jane Doe a wedding shower"

What? So out of line.

[beefche]

Nope you aren't weird. That's what they feel like to me too. Sometimes I think people invite the world, just for the gifts.

It seems to me that a shower is a "give me" type of occasion. But, for me, a wedding reception is just a time to celebrate. I know I feel obligated to bring a gift if I go to a wedding reception, but on the other side of it, I really couldn't care less if someone brought me a gift or not. I just wanted them to be at the reception to celebrate it with me. I was disappointed that some people didn't show up at my receptions for my wedding--not because of not receiving a gift, but because I truly just wanted to see them.

[pam]

It seems to me that a shower is a "give me" type of occasion. But, for me, a wedding reception is just a time to celebrate. I know I feel obligated to bring a gift if I go to a wedding reception, but on the other side of it, I really couldn't care less if someone brought me a gift or not. I just wanted them to be at the reception to celebrate it with me. I was disappointed that some people didn't show up at my receptions for my wedding--not because of not receiving a gift, but because I truly just wanted to see them.

I agree. I'm talking about showers which is what I responded to.

[applepansy]

What? So out of line.

Very out of line. Its been two years and I still get angry when I think about it. Its one person in particular but the other one didn't step up to change the offensive and inappropriate invitation. Luckily others in our ward stepped up and started talking about it and what was appropriate.

We just avoid this person whenever possible.

[applepansy]

It seems to me that a shower is a "give me" type of occasion. But, for me, a wedding reception is just a time to celebrate. I know I feel obligated to bring a gift if I go to a wedding reception, but on the other side of it, I really couldn't care less if someone brought me a gift or not. I just wanted them to be at the reception to celebrate it with me. I was disappointed that some people didn't show up at my receptions for my wedding--not because of not receiving a gift, but because I truly just wanted to see them.

Beeche, that's one of the reasons we had a family only dinner. Those who wanted to give gifts did and those who wanted to see us and who we really wanted to see were there. We see the ward every Sunday.

[NeuroTypical]

Gift registries are a blessing for well-meaning introverts like me. For whatever reason, we ended up having like three wedding showers, and one or two showers for each kid. People I hardly knew gave us stuff. I have a lifelong debt here that I can't repay.

I don't care who invites, or how well I know them. If they've got an online registry, I'm usually good for some kitchen or bath gadget. I try to go with stuff that I'd like to have but wouldn't buy for myself, something which will still be useful 5 years later. The free gift card will say something like "Congratulations and best wishes from the [LM's]." I didn't know half the people who gave us gifts, I'm not really invested in the recipients knowing me either.

[Backroads]

D. I will send a polite message of unable to attend. I just feel weird attending showers for people I hardly know.

[Backroads]

I'd go with D.

Am I weird? Wedding and Baby showers seem like "Give Me" parties to me.

They kind of are, though historically they are very useful. Apparently they stem from female-oriented traditions of supporting new life/love. I have nothing against them, but with baby showers I stick to the rule that a shower should exist for Baby #1 only. After that it's "give me".

[Backroads]

I also find it strange when more than one group throws a shower for an individual. I actually had two bridal showers--the one my family/friends threw and the one my office threw. Though I did accept the office shower--the manager at the time LOVED doing stuff like that, so I considered it a way to make her happy and get us all out of work for an hour.

But it seems like every new bride has a dozen different showers. What's up with that?

My cousin is adopting (hoping that will pull through!) and she also has two showers (that I'm aware of) happening for her.

[Just_A_Guy]

We've kind of sort of discussed this issue before. When invited to a wedding or baby shower of someone you are barely acquainted with, do you: (a) attend and give a gift (b) not attend and send a gift © not attend and send a card or (d) not attend and send nothing?

What kind of food are they serving?

[Wingnut]

but with baby showers I stick to the rule that a shower should exist for Baby #1 only. After that it's "give me".

Baby #1; Baby #1 of a different gender; or Baby #1 after 10 years or more since the previous baby and the mom doesn't have any more baby things. Those are typically considered acceptable scenarios without being overly self-indulgent.

Also keep in mind that anytime the bride-to-be or mother-to-be throws a shower for herself, whether it be a first baby or not, it absolutely is a "give me" party, and is entirely without the bounds of etiquette. Showers should be hosted by someone other than the person of honor, her mother, or her sisters. When other people are hosting, theoretically the honoree isn't involved in the initiation or planning, and shouldn't be faulted.

I agree that she should, however, be able to condense down to two showers at the most.

[Finrock]

Good evening applepansy! I hope you are well. :)

The result of that policy happened when my daughter got married. We didn't have a traditional reception. We had a family dinner. The people in our ward who are friends understood out family traditions and respected them. They offered to help out in the kitchen, etc. Then the women who had been you YW leaders decided to give a shower for her. We reluctantly agreed. Then the day before we saw the invitation. It said in big bold letters "In Lieu of a Reception we are giving Jane Doe a wedding shower"

I can only assure you that my intention is not to judge you, but I would like to sincerely understand what about this situation is inappropriate? Or, why would this make you mad?

Regards,

Finrock