applepansy Posted October 2, 2012 Report Share Posted October 2, 2012 Thank you Estradling. I don't want to derail the other thread so I'm starting another.I took the quiz for wives. I found a lot of conflict in the choices. More often than not I would choose both. But my score doesn't reflect that. I tried to pick the one that applies most right now. The 5 Love Languages | The 5 Love LanguagesI scored highest with Physical Touch. Probably because I am always in pain and just his touch helps me deal with the pain, especially when its bad.The next two highest were tied: Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation.Anybody want to discuss Languages of Love and why or why not its helpful? I find it curious. I have not read the book. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingnut Posted October 2, 2012 Report Share Posted October 2, 2012 I took the test a few months ago, but didn't record the results. I remember that "receiving gifts" was loooooooow on the list. Of the other four, one was the lead, and the other three were exactly tied but only 2-3 points below the top result, effectively meaning that I had four love languages. I just took it again, and the results were different. 11 Words of Affirmation 7 Acts of Service 6 Physical Touch 4 Quality Time 2 Receiving Gifts There's definitely a favorite there. I suspect that our languages ebb and flow throughout our lives, depending on what kinds of experiences we are going through at any given time. Lately I've noticed that my husband has been taking the time to say kind things to me (more than usual), and I've really appreciated that, which is likely why Words of Affirmation scored so high for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrShorty Posted October 2, 2012 Report Share Posted October 2, 2012 I've read a few of Dr. Chapman's books (5 Love Languages, 5 Love Languages of Children, and the one for teenagers). As a simple model of how relationships work and how to improve them, I think it is a decent approach. It is relatively simple to understand and can help with strategies for a struggling couple to figure out how to relate to each other in positive ways. FWIW, I've also read and listened to some of Dr. John L. Lund's (and LDS author and speaker) stuff where he suggests 3 love languages. At one point I recall him stating that about 1/2 of men speak the physical touch love language. Because it is relatively simple, I'm not sure that it can effectively handle every possible scenario and complication. When I took the assessment, I too found a lot of conflict between the choices. Because I was able to guess which love language each option was supposed to be choosing between, it seemed that most of those "conflicting" choices were either between 2 love languages that don't speak to me much, or between the two love languages that speak most strongly to me. My highest scores were in physical touch and words of affirmation. Both of which seemed to be reasonable conclusions based on my past. One of the dangers of an approach like this is that a person might decide to browbeat their spouse with their love language. "My love language is gifts so go buy me a new Mercedes, NOW!" is probably not a healthy application of the love language concept. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted October 2, 2012 Report Share Posted October 2, 2012 I'm tied for a win between Quality Time and Acts of Service. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jerome1232 Posted October 2, 2012 Report Share Posted October 2, 2012 One of the dangers of an approach like this is that a person might decide to browbeat their spouse with their love language. "My love language is gifts so go buy me a new Mercedes, NOW!" is probably not a healthy application of the love language concept.I believe that speaks for selfishness vs selflessness right there, it should be "My spouses love language is gifts, so I'll buy this thing that's the best I can come up with on the budget we have because I know that's how my spouse feels loved." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-DawgFluffy Posted October 2, 2012 Report Share Posted October 2, 2012 I scored very high on touch, and tied with quality time and words of affirmation in 2nd. Pretty accurate for me. I Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted October 2, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 2, 2012 I do think its important to know what is important to our spouse or child. The glitch in the test for me is sort of this: If we are paying attention and unselfishly serving our spouse/child it becomes evident through their action what they respond to. So why do we need a test? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anddenex Posted October 2, 2012 Report Share Posted October 2, 2012 I will take the test later today, however I am pretty sure I will score high on touch and affirmations, but we will see how well I know myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 2, 2012 Report Share Posted October 2, 2012 I score equally on acts of service, quality time, and words of affirmation. Not far behind is physical touch. That's in line with me not ever being able to guess what my love language would be. So the question is, am I extremely demanding, or easy to please? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted October 2, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 2, 2012 I score equally on acts of service, quality time, and words of affirmation. Not far behind is physical touch. That's in line with me not ever being able to guess what my love language would be. So the question is, am I extremely demanding, or easy to please?Easy to please! Or somewhere in the middle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 2, 2012 Report Share Posted October 2, 2012 Easy to please! Or somewhere in the middle.Let's go with that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
estradling75 Posted October 2, 2012 Report Share Posted October 2, 2012 Mine was Touch by a high margin..Followed distantly by Words of Affirmation, and Acts of ServiceI do think its important to know what is important to our spouse or child. The glitch in the test for me is sort of this: If we are paying attention and unselfishly serving our spouse/child it becomes evident through their action what they respond to. So why do we need a test?Because people see what we want to see, and we filter everything through our expectations. We also by and large just assume that everyone else has exactly the same understanding, expectations, and desires as we do. So we all just think if someone cares about us then they should clearly see what we want and need. When this doesn't happen then we are unhappy and think they don't love us, when in reality they just don't understand us. And we really don't make it clear because we assume that they will just 'get it.'That is were I think the real value of a site like the 5 love languages comes in. Not in that they are accurate for everyone, everywhere, all the time. But in the idea that a couple can both take the assessments and then compare them. This gives a framework for the couple to honesty and clearly talk their different needs in what it hopefully a constructive and clear manner Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anddenex Posted October 2, 2012 Report Share Posted October 2, 2012 Here is my results: 7 Words of Affirmation 6 Quality Time 0 Receiving Gifts 5 Acts of Service 12 Physical Touch Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrShorty Posted October 2, 2012 Report Share Posted October 2, 2012 I do think its important to know what is important to our spouse or child. The glitch in the test for me is sort of this: If we are paying attention and unselfishly serving our spouse/child it becomes evident through their action what they respond to. So why do we need a test?In addition to what estradling75 pointed out, another thing I got out of the book/assessments was greater self-awareness of how I work in relationships and the ability to put that awareness into words. Some of us can't always parse our innermost selves into words, and a framework like the 5 love languages can be useful for this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted October 2, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 2, 2012 Mine was Touch by a high margin..Followed distantly by Words of Affirmation, and Acts of ServiceBecause people see what we want to see, and we filter everything through our expectations. We also by and large just assume that everyone else has exactly the same understanding, expectations, and desires as we do. So we all just think if someone cares about us then they should clearly see what we want and need. When this doesn't happen then we are unhappy and think they don't love us, when in reality they just don't understand us. And we really don't make it clear because we assume that they will just 'get it.'That is were I think the real value of a site like the 5 love languages comes in. Not in that they are accurate for everyone, everywhere, all the time. But in the idea that a couple can both take the assessments and then compare them. This gives a framework for the couple to honesty and clearly talk their different needs in what it hopefully a constructive and clear mannerI've been making a conscious effort to not do what you describe for about 25 years now. Maybe that's why I don't understand.As a tool I think it could be useful. For me it wasn't a surprise.I think I'll do one for my husband and then see if he'll do it for himself and see how well I know him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skippy740 Posted October 2, 2012 Report Share Posted October 2, 2012 My results: 9 Words of Affirmation 6 Quality Time 1 Receiving Gifts 4 Acts of Service 10 Physical Touch Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
estradling75 Posted October 2, 2012 Report Share Posted October 2, 2012 I've been making a conscious effort to not do what you describe for about 25 years now. Maybe that's why I don't understand.Oh.. the irony Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jerome1232 Posted October 2, 2012 Report Share Posted October 2, 2012 (edited) I do think its important to know what is important to our spouse or child. The glitch in the test for me is sort of this: If we are paying attention and unselfishly serving our spouse/child it becomes evident through their action what they respond to. So why do we need a test? I'll speak from experience, for me, and I understand this is common, thought that the way I express and feel loved was the same for my wife. Learning this concept opened my eyes to the realization that some of the things she did were her way of saying "i love you" and I didn't see it. Edited October 3, 2012 by jerome1232 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dravin Posted October 2, 2012 Report Share Posted October 2, 2012 6 Words of Affirmation 9 Quality Time 1 Receiving Gifts 3 Acts of Service 11 Physical Touch Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsMagnolia Posted October 2, 2012 Report Share Posted October 2, 2012 (edited) 9 Physical touch 7 Words of Affirmation 6 Quality Time 6 Acts of service 2 Receiving gifts My husband's was almost identical to mine. Edited October 2, 2012 by MsMagnolia forgot to add something Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misshalfway Posted October 3, 2012 Report Share Posted October 3, 2012 My score was: 10 Words of Affirmation 6 Quality Time 6 Receiving Gifts 3 Acts of Service 5 Physical Touch I think I answered the questions according to what I want more of. Maybe I didn't answer them correctly. On the other hand, maybe I could show this to hubby and maybe he'll pick up what I'm putting down! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dahlia Posted October 3, 2012 Report Share Posted October 3, 2012 This was interesting. My score was: 5 Words of Affirmation 11 Quality Time 8 Receiving Gifts 5 Acts of Service 1 Physical Touch I dislike that the gifts was so high; it's more a reflection of the choices available in the question than of wanting gifts all the time. But the quality time, yeah, I can see that. I hate when my son doesn't look at me when we talk or is looking at his smart phone while trying to talk to me. I mean really hate it, and I've gone off a few times, probably more intense than the situation warranted, but darn I hate those things. : ) To me physical touch is great, but again, when I read the questions, there wee other things I wanted. I think it is too easy for someone to be all kissy huggy and still treat you like garbage. A kiss or sex does not make it all better. The service thing was hard as well. I am not used to having help and generally don't ask for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted October 3, 2012 Report Share Posted October 3, 2012 (edited) I already know what mine will be: Physical touch and words of affirmation. EDIT: 10 each for physical touch and words of affirmation, with quality time scoring a 6, gifts 3, and service 1. Don't know how much I biased the test with my own preconceptions, but I tried to answer honestly. I don't buy the 1 point for service thing, so I'm not sure how accurate I believe the test to be. Edited October 3, 2012 by Vort Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted October 3, 2012 Report Share Posted October 3, 2012 These were mine: 8 Words of Affirmation 9 Quality Time 2 Receiving Gifts 7 Acts of Service 4 Physical touch Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soulsearcher Posted October 3, 2012 Report Share Posted October 3, 2012 Your Scores 7 Words of Affirmation 8 Quality Time 1 Receiving Gifts 3 Acts of Service 11 Physical Touch Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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