Sealing Cancellation Letter

[Dave916]

Hello LDS Forum,

This is my first time posting on this site so hopefully you can give me some advice on the Sealing Cancellation letter. I was previously married to my Ex-Wife for seven years and have been divorced from her mutually since Dec 2011'. She recently called me this weekend to give me a head's up that her Bishop would be contacting me with her wishes to get our Sealing Cancelled. Now, I don't have one issue with this; as I am not in love with her, and I have moved on with my life thanks to prayer and the help of a loving bishop.

The problem I have is that our marriage ended due to her messing with two other men. I tried to work with her through bishop counseling but she refused. She ended up moving to Hawaii were she is now active in the church and is preparing to get married. I received the letter from her bishop today and states to share my feelings but I just don’t know what to write.

[Backroads]

Keep in mind, your letter will probably not be the deciding factor in the sealing cancellation. I was in the position a couple of years' ago of the fiancee of the guy needing the sealing clearance and got to write my own letter. Mine was pretty much "Fiance is a really nice guy", but I could see where some of these things could get messy.

I see no reason not to be honest. If she was messing around with other men, well, if I were in your shoes, I would mention that. Not to be petty (hopefully the other parties already know) but just because stuff like that IS considered and it's best to give the deciding powers that be all the facts.

And, yes, AVOID the petty nature in the letter. Point out good qualities in your ex.

[Anddenex]

Hello LDS Forum,

This is my first time posting on this site so hopefully you can give me some advice on the Sealing Cancellation letter. I was previously married to my Ex-Wife for seven years and have been divorced from her mutually since Dec 2011'. She recently called me this weekend to give me a head's up that her Bishop would be contacting me with her wishes to get our Sealing Cancelled. Now, I don't have one issue with this; as I am not in love with her, and I have moved on with my life thanks to prayer and the help of a loving bishop.

The problem I have is that our marriage ended due to her messing with two other men. I tried to work with her through bishop counseling but she refused. She ended up moving to Hawaii were she is now active in the church and is preparing to get married. I received the letter from her bishop today and states to share my feelings but I just don’t know what to write.

You write what is truth without any exaggeration. State the facts, nothing more, nothing less. The Church wants to know why a marriage ended. Thus, they will need to know regarding her adultery.

Explain to them your feelings, as you have done already, and that you have moved on with the help of a loving Bishop.

A person is able to state facts without attacking the ex.

[Backroads]

Frankly, I'm assuming she has repented of her adultry. The biggie here, I'm guessing, is to make sure that was all.

[Vort]

Often, a woman is told to remain sealed to her ex-husband until she remarries so that she can remain protected under the sealing covenant. I see absolutely no reason why the same should not be true with you. Until you remarry, she may just have to content herself to wait it out.

[Anddenex]

Often, a woman is told to remain sealed to her ex-husband until she remarries so that she can remain protected under the sealing covenant. I see absolutely no reason why the same should not be true with you. Until you remarry, she may just have to content herself to wait it out.

Hmmm... never thought much about this point, however it is a valid and good point.

[NeuroTypical]

I received the letter from her bishop today and states to share my feelings but I just don’t know what to write.

Sounds like you need to figure out what your feelings are.

This can be a tall order.

[Backroads]

Often, a woman is told to remain sealed to her ex-husband until she remarries so that she can remain protected under the sealing covenant. I see absolutely no reason why the same should not be true with you. Until you remarry, she may just have to content herself to wait it out.

My husband's ex was able to get herself out of it without another pending marriage or anything. No one seems to have any idea how she pulled that off.

[Maureen]

Often, a woman is told to remain sealed to her ex-husband until she remarries so that she can remain protected under the sealing covenant. I see absolutely no reason why the same should not be true with you. Until you remarry, she may just have to content herself to wait it out.

I think the difference is, a man would typically apply for a sealing clearance, giving him the approval for another sealing, while the woman is actually requesting her sealing to be cancelled.

M.

[peanutgallery]

I think you should state the facts without making it personal. They are asking why you divorced and you need to tell the truth. Don't sugar coat it. Cancelling a sealing is a huge deal. She didn't take her covenants seriously when she was sealed to you and the church needs to know that so they can make sure she realizes that she is making those same covenants again.

[Vort]

I think the difference is, a man would typically apply for a sealing clearance, giving him the approval for another sealing, while the woman is actually requesting her sealing to be cancelled.

The woman requests cancellation so that she can be sealed again. I have heard Church leaders counsel that such women not have their sealing cancelled until the other sealing is ready to be performed, so that they remain under the sealing covenant. Using this reasoning, it seems exactly as requisite for a man to remain under the sealing covenant until he is ready to remarry, suggesting (to me) that an unmarried divorced (and otherwise worthy) man should not have his sealing dissolved until he is ready to remarry. That means his ex-wife may just have to forego being sealed to her new husband until her ex-husband is ready to be sealed to someone else.

[Backroads]

The woman requests cancellation so that she can be sealed again. I have heard Church leaders counsel that such women not have their sealing cancelled until the other sealing is ready to be performed, so that they remain under the sealing covenant. Using this reasoning, it seems exactly as requisite for a man to remain under the sealing covenant until he is ready to remarry, suggesting (to me) that an unmarried divorced (and otherwise worthy) man should not have his sealing dissolved until he is ready to remarry. That means his ex-wife may just have to forego being sealed to her new husband until her ex-husband is ready to be sealed to someone else.

I guess I don't see that as necessarily fair for another worthy couple. I rather prefer the "first come, first serve" situation that seems to exist.

[Vort]

I guess I don't see that as necessarily fair for another worthy couple. I rather prefer the "first come, first serve" situation that seems to exist.

Maybe I'm not understanding you correctly, Backroads. Are you saying it's unfair that a woman might not be able to get her previous sealing canceled so that she can be resealed to another man?

The "first come, first serve" principle suggests that you think the opposite -- that the woman ought NOT to be able to get her previous sealing dissolved whenever she's ready to be resealed, unless her ex-husband either agrees or is himself sealed to someone else. If this is the case, we are in agreement, so I'm not sure why you're disagreeing with me.

If you believe it's unfair that a woman not be allowed to be sealed to her current husband as long as her ex is still unmarried, then I would ask why the Church encourages divorced women to remain sealed to their ex-husbands until such a time as they are prepared to be sealed to someone else. I understand it is because there are covenants attached to the sealing that bless and protect the persons involved. Do you agree? If so, then do you not also agree that men as well as women are blessed by these covenants? Again, if so, why should not the same logic apply to divorced men remaining sealed as to divorced women?

[Backroads]

The "first come, first serve" principle suggests that you think the opposite -- that the woman ought NOT to be able to get her previous sealing dissolved whenever she's ready to be resealed, unless her ex-husband either agrees or is himself sealed to someone else. If this is the case, we are in agreement, so I'm not sure why you're disagreeing with me.

Yes, I do believe we miscommunicated. I missed your point about the option of the ex-husband agreeing to cancelling the sealing. I was unnerved by the idea of some couple waiting around for decades because a husband who is perfectly willing to let his ex be sealed to someone else never got around to getting himself married again.

[mnn727]

it seems exactly as requisite for a man to remain under the sealing covenant until he is ready to remarry, suggesting (to me) that an unmarried divorced (and otherwise worthy) man should not have his sealing dissolved until he is ready to remarry. That means his ex-wife may just have to forego being sealed to her new husband until her ex-husband is ready to be sealed to someone else.

That's rather petty.

[Vort]

That's rather petty.

The blessings of eternity are petty?

[sleepless3977]

i was under the assumption that a sealing cancellation could only come by by authority of the First Presidency. The Bishops may start the process but ultimately the First Presidency make the call on it.

My advice, just be truthful and factual without malice or judgment.

[Backroads]

The blessings of eternity are petty?

I just don't think we like the idea of one ex purposely preventing another sealing in this life. Though I do see your point, plus the point where the kindest thing to do is grant a sealing despite lack of a marriage for everyone. Kind of makes one thing about the importance of marriage and finding the right companion.

[NeuroTypical]

My advice, just be truthful and factual without malice or judgment.

This isn't half bad advice for living life in general either, IMO.

[mnn727]

The blessings of eternity are petty?

No a husband holding up a cancellation is petty, especially when you consider the part of the sealing ceremony that happens at the Veil - there's just no reason for husband to hold it up.

[Just_A_Guy]

The woman requests cancellation so that she can be sealed again. I have heard Church leaders counsel that such women not have their sealing cancelled until the other sealing is ready to be performed, so that they remain under the sealing covenant. Using this reasoning, it seems exactly as requisite for a man to remain under the sealing covenant until he is ready to remarry, suggesting (to me) that an unmarried divorced (and otherwise worthy) man should not have his sealing dissolved until he is ready to remarry. That means his ex-wife may just have to forego being sealed to her new husband until her ex-husband is ready to be sealed to someone else.

But the man's sealing clearance does not dissolve the pre-existing sealing. A man who remarries in the temple under a clearance, has not cut off his ex-wife's blessings under the sealing covenant.

It is the woman, not the man, who holds the power under the existing regimen. A woman can nullify her ex-husband's blessings under the sealing covenant by choosing to remarry, independently of whether the ex-husband has prospects for another temple marriage. An LDS man has no analogous prerogative.

[Vort]

But the man's sealing clearance does not dissolve the pre-existing sealing. A man who remarries in the temple under a clearance, has not cut off his ex-wife's blessings under the sealing covenant.

It is the woman, not the man, who holds the power under the existing regimen. A woman can nullify her ex-husband's blessings under the sealing covenant by choosing to remarry, independently of whether the ex-husband has prospects for another temple marriage. An LDS man has no analogous prerogative.

Exactly. And since the reason often given for counseling a women to remain sealed to her ex-husband is so that she can continue to enjoy the blessings and protections of the sealing covenant until she can be sealed to another, I see no reason why that that same reasoning would not apply to the man. Surely God loves and values his sons as much as his daughters!

[Vort]

No a husband holding up a cancellation is petty, especially when you consider the part of the sealing ceremony that happens at the Veil - there's just no reason for husband to hold it up.

If there are blessings associated with the sealing (which is the reason often given to divorced women why they should remain sealed to their ex-husbands until they are ready to be sealed to another), then dissolving the sealing would deprive the man of those important blessings and protections, which is not merely unfair but spiritually damning. It is not petty to desire the blessings God has promised us.

[Just_A_Guy]

Exactly. And since the reason often given for counseling a women to remain sealed to her ex-husband is so that she can continue to enjoy the blessings and protections of the sealing covenant until she can be sealed to another, I see no reason why that that same reasoning would not apply to the man. Surely God loves and values his sons as much as his daughters!

IMHO, it's just one of the tough breaks that comes with holding the priesthood - like missionary service, the most time-intensive lay leadership positions, and that whole thing about being responsible for the blood and sins of not only yourself, but your entire generation.

[Dave916]

Thank you all for your advice and help. I was able to write a wonderful letter that was no way offensive towards her. I'm just grateful she was able to come back to the gospel and that we have both moved on in our lives.

Thank you

Dave