Husband might be in trouble

[pooter1]

Yesterday I gave a talk and after my talk a sister who is always always always offending others said something about part of my talk to me.Of course it upset me.This is not the first and I am not the first person she has hurt or offended. I walked away not saying a word to her.I told my husband what had happened and he was sooooo mad. He walked into her classroom full of teenagers and yelled at her in front of them. I know he was wrong and he knows it was wrong and has said he will go to class next week and apoligize to the class. How much trouble will he be in when the Bishop finds out? The Bishop was out of town. Im not sorry what he said to this sister because she has done this for years but noone has ever said anything to her till now. She went crying to the counselors which Im very confused because over the years she has never cried before over hurting others. I just feel sick over the whole thing!! Why do these things happen to me?What am I doing wrong??????

[pam]

What makes you think you are doing something wrong? Your husband used his agency in his actions.

As far as your husband being in trouble? Other than being told that how he handled a situation was probably not the best way, I don't see what else the Bishop can do.

[pooter1]

For some reason I have it my head is if my husband gets in trouble then I do to.Dont know why I feel like that.

[pam]

For some reason I have it my head is if my husband gets in trouble then I do to.Dont know why I feel like that.

Actually I can understand that. However you shouldn't. I know..easier said than done.

[Irishcolleen]

Your husband should have spoken to her when she was alone. But, I must say, how sweet it is that he was willing to defend you in such a visible way! I wouldn't worry. If the Bishop speaks to him, he can always explain how toxic your sister is to everyone and that he was upset that she hurt you again. Maybe the bishop will be able to help your sister overcome her bad personality traits. This could turn out to be a huge blessing.

[pam]

Your husband should have spoken to her when she was alone. But, I must say, how sweet it is that he was willing to defend you in such a visible way! I wouldn't worry. If the Bishop speaks to him, he can always explain how toxic your sister is to everyone and that he was upset that she hurt you again. Maybe the bishop will be able to help your sister overcome her bad personality traits. This could turn out to be a huge blessing.

Just a clarification. It wasn't HER sister, just a sister in the ward.

[pooter1]

Right.It was a sister in the ward. A lot of people have been to the Bishop over her but nothing is ever said.Its like at school when students go to the principal for a bully and nothing is ever done and then people wonder why the go crazy on them.Same situation at church.Its got to stop.This is years coming My husband just had all he can take.He is very protectivce of me.Everyone walks on eggshells around her. But if shes picking on me at least shes not picking on someone else. My husband has already contacted 2 of the youth and apoligized.It must be hard on him.

[pam]

Sounds like a good and humble man that would take the initiative to do that.

[Vort]

We're all adults here. Your husband is not going to "get in trouble" with the bishop, except the bishop might call him in and ask him what happened, and maybe chastise him for showing such poor judgment. But it's not like he's going to be disfellowshipped for yelling at someone, however unfortunate his conduct may have been.

I have some sympathy for your husband; I know how hard it can be when someone criticizes or berates your wife. But chewing them out in front of others, ESPECIALLY children or youth, is completely out of line. I'm glad he realizes this and wants to make it better. In my opinion, he should apologize privately to the woman first, then ask if he can come to her class and apologize publicly -- well, to her class, anyway -- in accordance with D&C 42:91-92.

[pooter1]

Vort you are right.I hate that the youth saw this.I am just sick.

[skippy740]

Why does the Bishop's office often feel like the principal's office?

I suppose because both places are set up for confessions of what we've ever done wrong. (Yes, I've been to the principal's office many times during my school years.)

[BadWolf]

Sometimes its worth being in trouble.

[Guest]

Sometimes its worth being in trouble.

I agree. But impacting impressionable teens makes it not worth it.

What's done is done so it's now a matter of making lemonade out of lemons.

[Irishcolleen]

I hope the bishop will deal with the bully sister. Your hubby is already addressing the issue by apologizing to the teens. Bullies are especially bad at church. Church is suppose to be a sanctuary.

[BenRaines]

Let's not coddle the teens. Righteous indignation has it's place. The true lesson will come in seeing someone come forward, of their own volition, and apologize for something that probably was appropriate but in the wrong place.

Much better would have been to have this offending sister called in to the Bishop's office and then let your husband let her have it.

Ben Raines

[Guest]

Let's not coddle the teens. Righteous indignation has it's place. The true lesson will come in seeing someone come forward, of their own volition, and apologize for something that probably was appropriate but in the wrong place.

Much better would have been to have this offending sister called in to the Bishop's office and then let your husband let her have it.

Ben Raines

I'd settle with the empty hallway myself.

[mirkwood]

Confronting her was not a problem, the moment and venue were not the best choice. Sometimes yelling has it's place.

[pooter1]

So far NOONE has called us or emailed us.

[shdwlkr]

Some thoughts

Yes your husband was right to defend/protect you from another

He did do it in a poor thought out manner

He realizes this and is willing to apologize to the innocents and already has to some

Bishop can counsel him that he used poor judgement, but also if he has been the bishop and knows this member has this issue and is not working with said individual he is also party at fault.

His counselors should have smoothed things over as best they could but it is the Bishop who needs to seek out what happened and act accordingly

Your husband seems to be a real companion and you should be very grateful for that

He seems to also be for the most part a humble man that just reached his limits of what he could accept/tolerate without reacting

lastly you should feel good he loves you enough to step in and defend you even if he used poor judgment in doing it the way he did.

Cheer up there will be more bumps in the road of life we all get to enjoy at times, this is just yours at the moment

[applepansy]

So far NOONE has called us or emailed us.

You might find out down the road that many are silently applauding your husband for standing up to the bully.

I agree with Ben. Don't coddle the teens. It might do them good to see someone stand up to the bully. But your husband is doing the right thing in apologizing for his outburst during class time.

[pooter1]

Relief Society Pres.emailed me. Her son was in the room.Her son said "Brother ______ sure loves his wife" Maybe the youth are getting something totally different out of this. Thank you for your comments.

[FunkyTown]

He who is offended when offense is not intended, is a fool; he who is offended when offense is intended, is a greater fool.

- Brigham Young

There are far better things in life to do than worry about what someone said to you about your talk. If she meant to offend you, then you gave her what she wanted. If she didn't mean to offend you, you took what she said in the worst possible light.

The church isn't a high school, though, and I highly doubt your husband is going to be in real trouble. The Bishop might talk to him about it, but he isn't going to be made to stand in a corner or anything.

Try to let things go. Tell your husband the same thing. You'll be happier.

[pooter1]

If this were the first time ever I would blow it off. But when its over and over and over you have to stop it.I think thats why my husband finally blew......at the wrong place......and the wrong time unfortuntely

[Drpepper]

For those suggesting that the teens got a positive lesson out of this incident. I'm curious as to what lesson they think that is. Maybe open the scriptures and start with contention. I just can't see a positive side to anyone rebuking another to tears in a youth class, sorry.

[pooter1]

Who said it was positive? I missed that. It was wrong to yell at her in front of the kids.I don't see where you got that. He has already apoligized to couple of the youth and he is going to tell him how wrong he was at church on Sunday.