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budding

God told him to divorce me: Post divorce perspective

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Greetings All,

I've appreciated all your perspective on the crazy situation I found myself in (Long story short: Husband claims God told him not to marry me. He still did. He felt damned by doing this and so was our marriage. Enter other woman. Emotional infidelity. She tells him if he's not happy to just divorce me (she being 3x divorced) Suddenly, it's "God telling him to divorce me" ... All this under the pretense of God and spiritual revelation.)

Of course, my ex still believes that God told him to divorce me. (No one else around him does ... oh, except the other woman, of course!) He claims he felt a darkness that he could not shake throughout our marriage. When he left me, he could feel it lift and every time he would see me or start to feel romantic notions for me ... The darkness would return even more crushing and dark.

Now I'm his ex. ... He tells me the darkness has COMPLETELY disappeared. Hearing this is like a dagger to my heart.

So ... What are your thoughts and perspective on the darkness suddenly lifting theory? What could be the real story behind this removal?

Answers ... Thoughts? Everyone!

Thanks so much!

P.S. I am slowly moving on. I have good days and not so good. All in all, I find myself healing. I am blessed with the knowledge of God's enduring and securing love. This will ultimately carry me through to my new life. :)

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:( Hi budding,

I am sorry he did this to you. :( IMO, he used u as a scapegoat, blamed you, used "God" as justification and "now the darkness has lifted" that is simply him trying to justify his actions. "How can it not be the "right" thing to do if I feel SO much better" (in his mind). He simply punked out imo

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My theory is, that he's a self absorbed person who did not want to be married to you.The darkness is what he feels when he decides he doesn't like something. He is using mystical/arcane verbage to describe his selfish desires and to manipulate you into being sympathetic. He's too self-serving to realize how degrading and insulting he's being.

I'm glad to hear your moving on.

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Yes ... He claims God brought this other woman into his life. She also claims she had a revelation that he would be in her life. How convenient ... just add God to the mix and you have an airtight and PURE explanation! (note sarcasm) Wrong is wrong. How misguided they both are.

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Knowing what you knew about it before the divorce... Did you really expect him to change his tune afterwards?

The best gauge of peoples future action is their past action... While people can change and people can repent generally speaking you will see signs of such repentance in process. Until then you can expect more of the same from him.

So move on with your life... do what you need to do to pull yourself together. The cynic in me gives his new relationship about half the time yours had before it falls apart too.

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Now I'm his ex. ... He tells me the darkness has COMPLETELY disappeared.

So ... What are your thoughts and perspective on the darkness suddenly lifting theory? What could be the real story behind this removal?

Answers ... Thoughts? Everyone!

...

P.S. I am slowly moving on.

Hi Budding. You answered your own question. Keep moving on, as quickly as you can. Not much else to do.

I'm sorry.

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Stop talking to him. You have no responsibility toward him anymore. Why does he even have the opportunity to tell you how he feels since the divorce? Purge that poison from your life and you'll move on more quickly.

What a jerk.

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God told me I should eat this whole tub of ice cream. If I don't eat it, I feel this darkness coming on... When I ate it, it's like this thing got lifted and I'm happy!

Yep... Of course it does... Up until you die of sugar overload....

What a bozo.

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Good afternoon budding. I hope you are having a fine day today! :)

I can understand why his words are like daggers being pierced in to your heart. Whatever you do, don't allow his words to convince you that you are no good or worthless. I don't know you, but I know you are God's child and to Him you are invaluable and precious. He loves you beyond comprehension and His love is real and permanent.

Sincerely,

Finrock

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There are only 2 possibilities

1. God told him to divorce so you're now both on the correct path

2. He's nutty so now you're on the right path being rid of him

It's really a win win situation as far as I can tell. Either way you come out ahead.

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I agree with many of the thoughts others have shared. Here are a few of my thoughts:

Many people have been lead astray from believing that what they heard or felt was Heavenly Father when in fact, it was the adversary leading them astray. God does not rejoice in divorce though sometimes it is what happens in our lives, through choices we and/or our spouse (former spouses) make due to having free-agency. I ask for Heavenly Father to help mend your heart and grant you a clear mind. Below is the scripture that comes to my mind when discerning our thoughts and words from others:

D&C 50:23-25

23 And that which doth not edify is not of God, and is darkness.

24 That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day.

25 And again, verily I say unto you, and I say it that you may know the truth, that you may chase darkness from among you

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Hello all!

(I've posted my situation in earlier threads -- so I won't bother you with the painful details)

But for those who remember the earlier thread -- here is an update. Your thoughts, please. Thanks!

Ex still feels adamant that the spirit told him to divorce me (and the other woman telling him that's what he should do to be happy -- so they can blissfully float off together.)

He now says all the dark and damning feelings he had during our marriage have disappeared. That the change in the way he feels confirms to him that divorcing me was the right thing to do.

Shall I tell you how this makes me feel? I'm sure you can guess!

PS still wanting a bit of accountability on their parts. Is it too late to talk to the "other woman's bishop?

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Why are you still talking to him beyond those things that are necessary? I can't recall if children were involved, but if you need to coordinate visits and the like, that means communicating. As far as discussing if he feels happier/better now that he's divorced, I have a hard time seeing where that falls under needful communication.

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Our advice hasn't changed since last time, budding. Sorry you seem to be trapped in this loop of having to be involved in his life and journey and attitudes. I've seen so many divorced people go through it, there's got to be a name for it. But I don't know it, and I don't know how to advise you to break out of this loop.

Sorry. This is one of the reasons divorce stinks - it takes otherwise smart, rational, wonderful people, and makes their minds and desires not their own.

I hope you can eventually stop living for/at/against your ex-husband, and take back your life. I really am truly sorry you're going through this.

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Thanks Loudmouth!

After looking at my thread history, I realized my last posting was similar -- sorry! I had forgot what I've discussed on this forum.

Yes. Divorce makes people crazy. Crazy mad. Crazy sad.

Worse than death? Yes. With death, you know the person loved you. In divorce (affair driven) one experiences loss, but with the twisted reality of deep betrayal and abandonment.

No. I am not "over" the man that I promised to love and cherish. I guess I'm just being silly. I learned that giving love and being committed was a good thing and not something that is here today, gone tomorrow. Do I wish and plea with Heavenly Father that I could be over him. Yes.

Will I ever heal completely from this spiritual and personal devastation. No -- not fully. Is one suppose to?

Do I know from personal experience that the adversary is real? Yes.

Above all, my greatest knowledge is Heavenly Father is present in my sadness and in my joys. He will never leave me (though sometimes I feel very alone in this wilderness). I pray that I will be given a new heart to start anew! :)

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At this point, how he feels is none of your business or concern. Stop talking to him.

I'm sorry you've had to go through this.

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Sorry, I havent read this thread, but have you been to counseling? If not Id highly recommend it!

He was your life and He has now been torn away from you by his actions. You werent expecting it, and id suspect that you continue to talk to him because he was your life and you had not prepared yourself to fill your time and life with something else, so you revert to thinking and talking with him. Like addictions, if you do not fill the void with something constructive, then you revert back to the addiction.

A counselor can help figure out what is going on, give you someone to talk to, and give you the opportunity figure out what to do to move on and be happy.

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Thanks Loudmouth!

After looking at my thread history, I realized my last posting was similar -- sorry! I had forgot what I've discussed on this forum.

Yes. Divorce makes people crazy. Crazy mad. Crazy sad.

Worse than death? Yes. With death, you know the person loved you. In divorce (affair driven) one experiences loss, but with the twisted reality of deep betrayal and abandonment.

No. I am not "over" the man that I promised to love and cherish. I guess I'm just being silly. I learned that giving love and being committed was a good thing and not something that is here today, gone tomorrow. Do I wish and plea with Heavenly Father that I could be over him. Yes.

Will I ever heal completely from this spiritual and personal devastation. No -- not fully. Is one suppose to?

Do I know from personal experience that the adversary is real? Yes.

Above all, my greatest knowledge is Heavenly Father is present in my sadness and in my joys. He will never leave me (though sometimes I feel very alone in this wilderness). I pray that I will be given a new heart to start anew! :)

I may have the answer for you. Forgiveness.

Yes, it sounds radical. Why should I forgive him when he did not even say he's sorry?

Forgiveness does not require somebody to ask for forgiveness. Forgiveness is wishing the other person well... wishing the person you love will find true joy. Even when he's being a jerk right now. Wishing that he can find his way back to the true path God has laid out for him. Even when he chose not to be by your side.

Forgive his new wife also. Pray that she also finds her way back to the true path God has laid out for her.

Don't wish them ill or seek vengeance that they may "pay for what they did to you". That is the devil's path.

You are hurt, I know. But seeking that your ex and his new flame also hurt with you is not the answer to healing that hurt or finding lasting happiness. Lasting happiness is God's path. And that path is paved with forgiveness. Not only 7 times but 70x7 times. That is love. True love. And that is freedom. Freedom in Christ.

Edited by anatess

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I'm with Anatess.

It sounds like this man came into your life like a tornado. He wreaked a bunch of havac, and left your heart hanging in a tree.

Let it go, dear sweet sister. Let him go...let IT go. Hand him to God. If there was revelation, it was between him and God anyway. Your only connection should be to the atonement. Your needs are known. Your brokenness and your crushing losses are known. God is a being of restoration!! It's one of the things He does best. Let it all go so there is room for all the next step blessings Father will bring to you. You may have lost a person and you may have lost his love, but you haven't lost love in general. There is enough of it in this abundant universe to bind and heal up your wounds, and to make you whole again.

And if waiting for all that feels like waiting too long, Girl, go out and buy yourself some sexy girlie jean, get your hair done, and get out there and have some fun! Life is waiting for you. So get out there!

Edited by Misshalfway

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I think he might be getting his inspirations confused. Satan is very strong and make people think differently. Right now u just need to concentrate on yourself. Don't worry about him anymore. Just lean on your Heavenly Father and Jesus help u get through this. Good luck. I will be praying for u.

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My .02, because I can...

It really sounds like he's got some serious self-esteem issues and that he's placating himself by denigrating you in his mind so as to elevate himself above you. He also is punishing you and using the "god told me to..." as a control mechanism over you. The best thing is to do what the others are telling you to do, cut him off, cut him out and leave him. If you don't have children together then once the divorce and financials are settled, then there is no need to ever get in contact with him.

Your love and connection to him is understandable but it's time to take your power back and move on. It's easier said than done because you did put a lot of emotional stock in him, but you can do it and you will be a whole lot healthier because of it.

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