The Utah dating scene is not what I thought it was.

[Guest]

I never did understand what the big deal is about dating. It's not a Filipino thing - at least not in my generation. I don't understand why someone would want to "set up" getting to know somebody when you are for sure going to pretend to be some amazing dude while trying your best not to slurp your soup.

This is how Mr. Anatess and I got together... we were friends... his friends became my friends, and my friends became his friends... we all hung out places, usually to stake rows of seats at the movies or give the video game arcade manager a headache... because we all liked that stuff. And we hung out at malls because he was trying his hand at modeling and we were his groupies. And we hung out with the Bosnian refugees because I decided to volunteer for this helping Bosnian refugees learn English and find jobs mission thingee. I've seen him when he was so sick snot was pouring out his nose, he's seen me when I was so mad I broke all my plates.... all before we went on a single date. And, our first date was to attend sacrament meeting at his church, he asked me to marry him a week or so later, and we got married another week or so later. Almost 16 years ago. I was 26, he was 21. Yeah, he was only 19 when we met but there was nothing about me he didn't know and vice versa after almost 2 years of just running around in the same circles.

In any case... I have lots of young single nieces... if you like Catholics.

Edited July 18, 2013 by anatess

[Lakumi]

It is a truly insane, convoluted mess of a ritual IMO.

I have a bunch of female friends and I know, because they I've told me (I think, since I am not dating material to them they see me as less) that they could never be with me. I never met their friends, they wouldn't give me a place to stay if I asked... But compared to the other friends I have had, they are the best ones so far... (and they say they miss me...)

I think they do miss me and think I am a friend, but they, like many, many people, are just crappy friends.

I myself have never heard of two friends becoming a couple, and everyone I have ever asked about dating has told me to never befriend them before hand, cause they will just "friendzone" you, especially if you are poor with dating and flirting and the like to begin.

Edited July 18, 2013 by Lakumi

[beefche]

The problem is with hanging out is often it doesn't move past just friends hanging out. Thus, Elder Oak's talk on it and that men need to do the asking and women need to be realistic. I agree that having a friendship as a base is so much better for a marriage, but there isn't anything to say that two people who begin dating can't be friends.

[mleblanc138]

Wow, top of page 2 when I left for work today, into page 3 when I get back. I told some of my coworkers that I think the young single Sisters need to be given a talk similar to the one President Monson gave the guys, and they(a married woman and an engaged woman) agreed with me.

I tend to ask for the second date right at the end of a first date. Maybe not the best idea, but no one(until I posted this thread) told me otherwise and I didn't date in HS or really at all before my mission, so I'm still learning some basics by trial and error at almost 24. As a side note, another married coworker of mine had the man who would become her husband ask her for the second date to take place one day after the first. And then the third one day after that, etc. She said it was a very high risk move for him to do, but in that case, it was just two people that fell very hard very fast for each other. She also pointed out to me that he was 29 when that happened.

[applepansy]

I myself have never heard of two friends becoming a couple, and everyone I have ever asked about dating has told me to never befriend them before hand, cause they will just "friendzone" you, especially if you are poor with dating and flirting and the like to begin.

Mr Applepansy and I were friends FIRST. Then after two years we got married. We're still friends even after being married 38 years on Aug 6th.

Its great being best friends because when I get really really angry at something stupid my husband does I still like my best friend. :) Mr Applepansy says the same thing about me. :)

[Lakumi]

Mr Applepansy and I were friends FIRST. Then after two years we got married. We're still friends even after being married 38 years on Aug 6th.

Its great being best friends because when I get really really angry at something stupid my husband does I still like my best friend. :) Mr Applepansy says the same thing about me. :)

I think its different when sex is expected before marriage, the entire relationship changes how it goes, and the people have different mindsets going into it.

None of the girls I have dated were a "wait until marriage" sort (nor was I)

[MarginOfError]

I think its different when sex is expected before marriage, the entire relationship changes how it goes, and the people have different mindsets going into it.

None of the girls I have dated were a "wait until marriage" sort (nor was I)

And that is why you are such a miserable little man

(kidding, of course)

[mnn727]

If I could go back and do it again, I wouldn't even think about marriage till I was thirty. Consider yourself blessed if you are single. And when you do get engaged, be sure to have a rock solid prenup. You don't want to be payling alimony in your thirties and starting your 401k over.

Sounds like someone choose poorly.

[Lakumi]

And that is why you are such a miserable little man

(kidding, of course)

Edited July 19, 2013 by Lakumi

[howdeedoo]

I absolutely love how my lds brothers and sisters are embracing YouTube, I truly do. If I may say something, stay away from the moderated videos comments. Comments about a video are made by the youtube community and should not be moderated, it's someone's opinion on the video! No one moderates opinions of others :) keep that in mind as you are surfing through YouTube, it's filled with wondrous info.

[Lakumi]

I absolutely love how my lds brothers and sisters are embracing YouTube, I truly do. If I may say something, stay away from the moderated videos comments. Comments about a video are made by the youtube community and should not be moderated, it's someone's opinion on the video! No one moderates opinions of others :) keep that in mind as you are surfing through YouTube, it's filled with wondrous info.

and of course idiots being idiots for the sake of being idiots:lol:

[dahlia]

My son is dating a girl who may be THE ONE. I keep sending him emails about marriage from the 'LDS quotes' or relevant 'shares' from LDS pages on FaceBook. He's 36; he doesn't have forever to get this done. It's strange. My parents never said anything to us about marriage. At this point, however, I think it's worth saying a few things so he gets it in his mind.

I think it was Pres Monson who said during one conference that the guys were sitting around playing video games and hanging out and not pursuing marriage. My son doesn't play games, but he sure is the man about town and does his own thing. A lot of men in the ward are around his age and have several children already while my son is free and easy and doesn't seem to mind it too much, except he'd like kids.

[Lakumi]

My son is dating a girl who may be THE ONE. I keep sending him emails about marriage from the 'LDS quotes' or relevant 'shares' from LDS pages on FaceBook. He's 36; he doesn't have forever to get this done. It's strange. My parents never said anything to us about marriage. At this point, however, I think it's worth saying a few things so he gets it in his mind.

I think it was Pres Monson who said during one conference that the guys were sitting around playing video games and hanging out and not pursuing marriage. My son doesn't play games, but he sure is the man about town and does his own thing. A lot of men in the ward are around his age and have several children already while my son is free and easy and doesn't seem to mind it too much, except he'd like kids.

I didn't play video games until I was an adult, as up until that point the weight of the world hadn't crushed my spirit:lol:

[pam]

IIn any case... I have lots of young single nieces... if you like Catholics.

Did you get all of your cousins married off and now you're moving to nieces?

[dahlia]

At 24 it's unlikely you are finished with school, have a career and a home to offer anyone.

Traditionally, men married when they could afford to care for a wife and familly. If you are in this position, believe me women will find you.

Until that time arrives (if it hasn't already), how seriously can a woman really take you? If you want to marry the ideal woman, be the ideal man.

I don't have total recall of all conference talks the way some people do, but haven't Church leaders said that you shouldn't wait until everything was 'perfect' before you get married? It is one thing to have 'something to offer,' but I think that can be pursuing a graduate degree or trade school, not being in debt other than school loans maybe, being mature enough to know how to shop for food and make some meals, and balance a check book. The other things will come in time and I am sure Church leaders have said it is best to go through these stepping stones with your partner rather than waiting for some perfect time in the future.

[viannqueen3]

I was in NO way shape or form ready to get married straight out of high school. I had a friend that was engaged and soon married after her first semester at college and the vast majority of my friends thought she was crazy. It really wasn't until I was a junior in college that I was more open to the idea and I did marry at 21. Now that seems still so young to me but it was the norm I grew up with. I wish I would have embraced that time in college and enjoy having a boyfriend instead of always being worried about the marriage thing.

I agree with whoever said to wait until a later time (not on the first date) to ask them out on a second date unless you can tell they are really, really into you. And make sure your going to school or doing something productive in your life. For me it didn't matter how fun, exciting and good looking they were... if they weren't trying to better their life and get an education or job training for a career that was a deal breaker for me.

[John11111]

I dont think many girls right out of highschool are ready for marriage they still have a lot of growing up to do. Not saying it wouldnt work out but I dont think it would be ideal you change a lot after highschool and when you go into the realworld.

Just have fun date a lot meet different people eventually you will find the right one for you.

[SpiritDragon]

Hey bro, I can totally empathize with you, and I wasn't competing with the young ladies being on a mission. I returned to Canada in 2005 after my mission and met with a grand frustration with dating. The girls were all about hanging-out in groups, but any time someone tried to ask them out (even on a first date) it was like it was a wedding proposal.

The main problem I had was that the majority of girls younger than 24 were too flighty and still acted like they were in high school, and the older girls were harder to come by and sort of seemed like they had been passed by for a reason.

However when the time was right I met a fantastic woman, who was excited to date me. She did not want our first date to end, so to get her to go home I practically had to let her know we'd be seeing each other again. So the next date was planned from the first, but I agree with other posts saying this is an exception not the rule for how to do things. From there we dated frequently for three months before engagement and were married within six months of our first date. Neither of us expected to be married so soon, but we knew it was right and moved forward.

So although a lot of girls out there simply won't be ready for commitment or will be overly worldly the great news is you only need to find one that you click with and things can happen plenty fast.

All the best.

[Roseslipper]

Try asking for a relationship after the third date and a month or so later, not after the first date as that usually scares them off.

Utah culture is weird man, you know that. If you want girls, maybe you should list your qualifications during testimony meeting.

"Hi, I am a track star, a return missionary that was an assistant to the president, going to school for a PHD and I believe that Cola is the devils work."

Believe me, they will all swoon. Seriously though, the best relationships are the ones that happen by accident, so stop trying to force it to happen and go with it.

lol ty for the laugh I needed it loved what u said about ur list qualifications during testimony...

[Roseslipper]

I personally dont think girls or guys right after H.S. are ready for marriage. You need time to just have fun,date, grow up and when u find the right one it will be wonderful.

But Please remember marriage is a Big commitment and it is not all peaches and cream. It takes alot of work on both parties to make it into what you both want.

[mrmarklin]

I understand the GAs desire to see people marry and propagate for the good of the Church. For them the sooner the better, and when I was in Utah there seemed to be a great desire to marry as soon as possible. :)

While this may be desireable in a Mormon culture like Utah, the more the church gets spread out, and frankly more like the "world' it would seem desireable to advocate marrying later. Because from a statistical standpoint later marraiges are better: less divorce and problems.

But there are always Ensign articles saying in effect "don't delay!":o

[leeuniverse]

Focus instead on being a good man, preparing for what marriage really entails, on your education and career, and on having some fun on the side, and eventually the woman who want's YOU will come along, if you are really ready, and she is ready, you have a match.

It's as simple as that. Expectations will kill you, worse if you actually married one and either of you wasn't actually ready, those expectations would create divorce.