Last Day of School

[Guest]

My youngest kid finished 6th grade today. And so we had this party at school. And the parents were hobnobbing with each other and the topic of what we're doing for summer came up.

The parents were like - we have scouts camp, space camp, lego robotics camp, etc. etc. all about camps... and I was just sitting there listening to them all and then they asked me... what about you? And so I told them we have no plans this summer. The kids are free to do whatever they want, knowing my kids, they'd be riding their bikes all over the place...

You could hear a pin drop in our table from all the silence and staring at me things that was going on... And then someone goes... "WHAT??? YOU LET YOUR KID JUST RIDE HIS BIKE ANYWHERE UNSUPERVISED?" And all the other parents piped up with stuff like, "Do you know so many kids disappear... drown in lakes..., etc. etc.". Anyway, I came out of there second-guessing my sanity for just letting my kids loose in the neighborhood.

And then, I come home and get this letter from the HOA - "Starting this summer, we do not allow kids under 15 years old to enter the pool without an adult. All kids 15-17 may enter the pool without an adult after they present a signed form from their parents stating they approve of their kids to be in the pool unsupervised by an adult".

So all these "What ifs?" came to my mind and I started to feel unsafe in my own neighborhood that I went into my closet and stared at my suitcases contemplating going home to the Philippines. I got so homesick. But then I talked to my husband and he reassured me, the kids will be just fine. I still feel a little skeevy...

[Bini]

As for summer camp, I got my kiddo signed up for books & little cooks camp and dance camp. I'm so excited for her and she's beyond stoked.

As for the pool rules, I guess rules are rules. But otherwise, how you choose to parent is your business. Philippines is beautiful and one of these days I'll go back with my husband and our daughter. The problem, though, with our children being biracial (white and Asian) they are more of a target in such places for ransom. If my daughter or your sons looked local - no one would care.

[Backroads]

Look up the risks of what they say compared to the number of kids who die on car accidents when their parents are driving.

I salute you. Free play is crucial.

[Vort]

Ignore the ninny parents raising a generation of ninnies. You're doing fine. Let your kids ride their bikes.

[Guest]

So, what do you guys' kids normally do for summer?

[Backroads]

My daughter colors, hangs out at the library, and digs up the backyard.

[pkstpaul]

We did the summer camp thing one year. That was it. Otherwise, the boys did just as you expect - played in the neighborhood.

 

Now, my granddaughter is different. We have the money now, which we didn't have as parents, to put her in all kinds of activities and have booked her summer (not literally every day). She's extremely active and needs the stimulation. We also chalk it up to "education".  So, I'd like to say we found a balance where she has the free time but also structured time.

 

As for safety, you teach your kids how to be safe and then trust them. A little reinforcement from time to time is important, as child development requires repetition through the years.

[Leah]

My gut reaction is this....let kids be kids!  

 

Are these parents really signing their children up for all of these camps for the children's sakes or does it fulfill some sort of need in the parent?  (One of which just might be not having to deal with the kids themselves).

 

Our lives become so structured as it is with schooling and then employment. And it starts younger and younger.  Even stay-at-home moms put their very young children into pre-school.  So much of their lives are spent away from home, with strangers, in a structured environment.  Why does every minute need to be regimented?

 

I could see one fun camp-type thing during the summer, if the child wants it.  But I would rather see kids get a chance to be kids.  A chance to play and have fun.  A chance to create their own fun rather than have their creativity be limited and structured every minute of the day.

 

I had one of the crappiest childhoods a kid could ever have, but I still have fond memories of summer vacation.  Days to have fun and explore and just live.

 

I grew up in the olden days when kids roamed all over on their own.  You'd head out the door in the morning, come back home for lunch (and other days have some sort of picnic with your friends), and head back out again until dinner time.  You'd wolf down your dinner as fast as your parents would allow, and head back out to play again until dark.

 

We rode our bikes all over.  We'd play down at the river-front.  (Looking back, that makes me a little nervous).  We'd go to the school playground or to the park to play. 

 

There were mom-and-pop grocery stores everywhere, that you would take your allowance or the money you scrounged from finding pop bottles in the alley for redemption, and you would get a summer-time treat of a popsicle or ice-cream bar. 

 

We built things.  There was a piano and organ store around the block from us, and they would let the neighborhood kids have the big wooden shipping crates (would probably never happen today!), and we'd use our imaginations and whatever we could scrounge at home to turn them into things like the Starship Enterprise and spend hours and hours letting our imaginations soar.

 

Do accidents happen?  Sure.  With five kids in our family, we had our share of stitches, concussions (mine happened in my own yard!), bumps and bruises, but those things happen even under supposed parental supervision.  We've all heard stories about kids who wandered off and drowned in a neighbor's pool.

 

Are there parents who are irresponsible in this regard?  Of course.  But you are not that kind of parent.   You are raising your children with important skills and common sense.  And you use common sense when deciding how much freedom you give your kids and where the boundaries are.

 

Don't feel pressured by the current trend to over-schedule, over-structure children's lives.  Again, I think a lot of this comes from the wants of the parents more than the needs of the kids.  Probably some keeping-up-with-the-Jones' mentality in there, too.

[Crypto]

I can understand the pool rules. Drowning is the #2 cause of death of children, the younger the more likely. #1 is car accidents.

You aren't insane though, some summer camps are basically time to run around unsupervised...well when they can get away with it.

[Traveler]

My, how life has changed.  When I was a kid growing up - summers meant chores.  There were animals to take care of and gardens to oversee.  My father gave us kids the impression that we were poor so we thought we had to work if we wanted things others had or some new things to wear to school in the fall.  We did not get money for chores - If we wanted money we had to get jobs from people that would pay.  So we picked fruit for formers - starting with cherries. 

 

Now days we import foreigners to do things we use to do as kids.  I was so glad to get a paper route when I was 9 because that was more money for less work.  I remember going to Disneyland and helping the family with gas money - paying for my entrance to the park and any food I wanted - did not take me long to figure out I would rather be hungry than pay the Disney prices.  This was at age 11.  By the time I turned 16 I was a certified welder and had worked many jobs (except retail) that few adults would consider now days - rather take student loans out for college.  At 17 - days after my birthday  I joined the army and finished high school in the army.  I started a business to put myself through college and made more than some of my professors - and took a cut in $$$ when I finished school to be an engineer.

 

Did my father's teaching pay off? - My oldest granddaughter is 17, plays for her high school socker team, has a 3.6 GPA,  works part time during the school year and full time during the summer.  She has her own car - yeah, I think the wisdom of my father has paid off for generations and continues long after his passing.

[EarlJibbs]

We have never been ones to take big trips. They seem to ruin my vacation time because of all the planning and running the vacation, making sure everyone is having a good time and sticking to a schedule. I end up not enjoying them. 

 

Scout camp is available if they want to go. My 8 year old is going to cub scout camp, but my 12 year old doesn't want to go. 

 

Speaking strictly of the children's time off, they can ride their bikes with their friends and play outside all they want. Personally, I do like them to be with at least one other person if they are going to ride their bikes outside of the view of our home. We limit their tv time and video game time to balance out being active vs just sitting in the house all day. We go to the library a lot, stay up later hanging out and playing games, and try to get them to do more creative things with their free time. We have a pretty strict chores list every day. If they don't do them, they don't get to have fun. 

[Bini]

I think there's a difference between parents living through their kids and pushing their kids beyond the child's enjoyment, versus, parents that enroll their kids in an activity (summer or otherwise) because the child does enjoy it. Can't speak for the other parents that put their kids in extra-curricular activities but my 3.5-year old has made lots of friends in her classes and hates being absent from preschool. She's not even 4 and she's doing basic reading already, seriously, and she's so excited that she can read basic words by sounding out. Meanwhile, minus the 60 mins of dance and the 2 hours in preschool a couple times a week, she gets plenty of time to run around and be a kid in an 'unstructured' environment. Just wanted to throw that out there.

[Backroads]

I have no problem with extras. My daughter will be attending a Montessori preschool this fall. I just disagree with extracurricular as the ultimate ideal and happen to see too much research in behalf of free play.

[Laniston]

I don't think I ever went to a single summer camp where some kid didn't end up scarred, burned, or maimed somehow.  I have my own small scar.  I was one of the lucky ones.

 

Anyways it's not like camps are safe havens.  I mean look at what happened to poor Jason Vorhees.

[Palerider]

Please Parents .....don't live your life's through your kid or kids. I know someone who pushed his son into playing baseball. His son was not a bad player. He played outfield and pitched. His Dad would take him to a batting cage once a week to work on his swing. When he was a freshman in high school he started Varsity. Only one problem .... The kid hated playing baseball ... He told me several times he hated it. He finally told his Dad he couldn't stand it. He never played baseball again. Be careful

[Guest]

They just want to feel better about farming their kids out to someone else. 

[Vort]

They just want to feel better about farming their kids out to someone else. 

 

^^This.^^

 

People have kids, then spend their time wishing the summer or Christmas vacations were over to get the little monsters out of the house. What the...? Why have kids if you dislike their company?

[Backroads]

I don't think I ever went to a single summer camp where some kid didn't end up scarred, burned, or maimed somehow. I have my own small scar. I was one of the lucky ones.

Anyways it's not like camps are safe havens. I mean look at what happened to poor Jason Vorhees.

Jason Vorhees was so misunderstood...

[Backroads]

I don't think I ever went to a single summer camp where some kid didn't end up scarred, burned, or maimed somehow. I have my own small scar. I was one of the lucky ones.

Anyways it's not like camps are safe havens. I mean look at what happened to poor Jason Vorhees.

Jason Vorhees was so misunderstood...