Woman gets billed for not attending a wedding

[Guest]

The fact that it has it own stereotype (for all the faults that stereotype have) shows that what should be isn't what always is.  In fact this whole thread is a testament to that. 

 

Nah.  The stereotype is from a TV show.  The TV show, of course, magnifies the bad and make it a stereotype.  This thread testifies that the normal bride is not that self-absorbed.

[Traveler]

Everything could change if the RSVP also included that those that so agree to attend also agreed to pay for their meal.  I have no idea - but if I was a betting person - I would bet that somehow the report in the news media - is missing very important details.

[Vort]

Nah.  The stereotype is from a TV show.  The TV show, of course, magnifies the bad and make it a stereotype.  This thread testifies that the normal bride is not that self-absorbed.

 

For the record: The word "bridezilla" entered the popular lexicon in the 1990s. The TV show of that name began in 2004, well after the term (and stereotype) had been established.

[Guest]

For the record: The word "bridezilla" entered the popular lexicon in the 1990s. The TV show of that name began in 2004, well after the term (and stereotype) had been established.

 

The word bridezilla was coined in the 90's.  I've lived in the US by that time - as a Catholic.  And Catholics tend to have the full  wedding celebration (something that is definitely different in Mormon culture).  Yes, there were bridezillas.  But they weren't socially acceptable.  At all.  They were the brides people make fun of.

 

The stereotype of Brides as Bridezillas did not come into pop culture until the TV show came out.  After that TV show, it's been the common "media-ites" opinion that Brides are Bridezillas, the brides' dads are Dadzillas, and the brides' moms are Momzillas and it became socially acceptable to be one according to these same "media-ites".  The regular person still, of course, believe that bridezillas are stupid... well, except for the bridezillas.

Edited October 1, 2015 by anatess

[Vort]

The word bridezilla was coined in the 90's.  I've lived in the US by that time - as a Catholic.  And Catholics tend to have the full  wedding celebration (something that is definitely different in Mormon culture).  Yes, there were bridezillas.  But they weren't socially acceptable.  At all.  They were the brides people make fun of.

 

The stereotype of Brides as Bridezillas did not come into pop culture until the TV show came out.  After that TV show, it's been the common "media-ites" opinion that Brides are Bridezillas, the brides' dads are Dadzillas, and the brides' moms are Momzillas and it became socially acceptable to be one according to these same "media-ites".  The regular person still, of course, believe that bridezillas are stupid... well, except for the bridezillas.

 

I don't understand your point, anatess. Being a "bridezilla" is still not socially acceptable. That hasn't changed. That is, in fact, the reason that the term "bridezilla" survives. Almost no one believes that all brides are "bridezillas", or that such behavior is acceptable.

[Palerider]

That's one bill that would tossed in the trash real fast or cut to bits and send back to sender. Lol

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

Don't be so hard on yourself. If such a thing happened, and you waited it out, and a week later the bride sends out an apology that said something like:

Please forgive my foolish behavior last week. I was so stressed out, and quite a few people didn't show up. In my anger I sent out those foolish bills. On reflection, I realize just how selfish those were. The wedding was fine, and hubby and I had a great honeymoon.

I hope you can understand and forgive my immature and wrong-headed behavior. Sincerely, The Bride

... I'll bet most of us would then laugh it off, and be forgiving.

I love it. I try to look at things this way too. I mean imagining people realizing their mistake and apologizing. I had a friend that always said, "If they knew better, they'd do better."

[cdowis]

I wish the husband all the best of luck with his newly acquired bride.  

 

Reminds me of a story.  Back in the day when couples rode in horse drawn carriages, the newly married husband and wife drove their carriage about 15 miles home.

 

On the way, the horse accidently stumbled.  The man said, "One"

A few miles later they were going up a steep hill, and the horse came to a very slow walk.  "Two" he said.  His wife gave him a strange look.

Later in their journey, the horse made some noises as it was frightened by a snake.  The man got out of the carriage, "Three", and then shot the horse.

 

The wife was very upset.  "How could you do such a thing."

 

The man quietly replied, "One."

Edited October 23, 2015 by cdowis

[cdowis]

Vort,

 

I would have simply sent the money with a short note --

 

"Sorry that we missed the wedding, and here's the money for the dinner.

 

PS I may have forgotten to mention this, but that TV we got for you was purchased rent-to-own.  We paid the first month, so they won't start billing you until next month -- only twelve easy payments."

Edited October 23, 2015 by cdowis

[Guest]

Selfishness is what causes divorce.

 

So I thoughtfully say:  I'm not going to attend your next wedding.

[Vort]

My "answer" was not intended to be what one actually sent, only what one would want to send in such a case. I think PC's observation is the best and most Christian (i.e. Christ-like).

[The Folk Prophet]

I'm moderately surprised that no one has suggested the actual, you know, Christ-like, turn-the-other-cheek response.

 

Dear Bride,

 

I am so very, very sorry I missed your wedding. Enclosed is the check for the full bill. Please forgive me for my insensitivity.

 

Love,

The person

 

To be fair, I'm not saying I'd be humble enough to respond this way...(I hope I would)...but as a principle....

[Guest]

I don't understand your point, anatess. Being a "bridezilla" is still not socially acceptable. That hasn't changed. That is, in fact, the reason that the term "bridezilla" survives. Almost no one believes that all brides are "bridezillas", or that such behavior is acceptable.

 

Maybe socially acceptable is not the right term.  Socially expected may be the one I'm looking for.  I've been to so many of these big weddings and have been a member of the bridal party for a lot of them too.   The new generation sure has more of the "I'm the bride, you need to do everything I want, no questions asked!" attitude so much so that it's just expected now.

 

In my day, the expectation was that mothers of both bride and/or groom (depending on whether you're in Philippines or America) run the show and they get input from everybody especially the bride and groom... nobody was the "zilla".  The concern was more that the future in-laws get along and not compete in the wedding preparations.  My family has the tradition that weddings and receptions are for the mothers, the honeymoon is for the bride and groom.

Edited October 23, 2015 by anatess

[Bini]

http://www.kare11.com/story/life/2015/09/29/guest-gets-bill-after-not-showing-up-to-wedding/73066502/

 

 

So it seems that this woman couldn't attend a friend's wedding at the last minute due to babysitting issues.  Invitation did say no kids.  She was sent a bill from the bride for the meal.

 

Proper or not?

 

I haven't clicked the link but I saw this on the news...or somewhere.

 

IF the person said they were going and RSVP'd themselves but never showed up - YES - bill them! Whether it's catering or buying a seat at a fancy restaurant, if you commit to attending, then no-show, you should reimburse the host.

 

Otherwise, if you declined, then indeed it's tacky on the host's end.

[mordorbund]

My "answer" was not intended to be what one actually sent, only what one would want to send in such a case. I think PC's observation is the best and most Christian (i.e. Christ-like).

 

 

I'm moderately surprised that no one has suggested the actual, you know, Christ-like, turn-the-other-cheek response.

 

Dear Bride,

 

I am so very, very sorry I missed your wedding. Enclosed is the check for the full bill. Please forgive me for my insensitivity.

 

Love,

The person

 

To be fair, I'm not saying I'd be humble enough to respond this way...(I hope I would)...but as a principle....

 

I'm pretty sure the most Christ-like action would have been to give her seat at the wedding to someone living on the street.

[Guest]

I haven't clicked the link but I saw this on the news...or somewhere.

IF the person said they were going and RSVP'd themselves but never showed up - YES - bill them! Whether it's catering or buying a seat at a fancy restaurant, if you commit to attending, then no-show, you should reimburse the host.

Otherwise, if you declined, then indeed it's tacky on the host's end.

What would be the purpose for billing them? If you couldn't afford the reserved seat, you wouldn't have invited them. So, the only purpose I could discern is either to punish a no show or to exact revenge. Both of which are bad actions as a response to somebody who is close enough to you to invite to your wedding.

Especially as most people who RSVPs to a wedding but don't show up are not usually doing it because they couldn't care less... For someone to be close enough to a person to be invited to a wedding and thought of highly enough to have accepted... It is more than likely that a no-show is because of circumstances beyond anyone's control.

Caterers know this and normally are prepared to adjust the guest list + or - a certain number of seats for contingencies.

Edited October 26, 2015 by anatess

[Bini]

What would be the purpose for billing them? If you couldn't afford the reserved seat, you wouldn't have invited them. So, the only purpose I could discern is either to punish a no show or to exact revenge. Both of which are bad actions as a response to somebody who is close enough to you to invite to your wedding.

Especially as most people who RSVPs to a wedding but don't show up are not usually doing it because they couldn't care less... For someone to be close enough to a person to be invited to a wedding and thought of highly enough to have accepted... It is more than likely that a no-show is because of circumstances beyond anyone's control.

Caterers know this and normally are prepared to adjust the guest list + or - a certain number of seats for contingencies.

 

Just how I feel about it. Simple as that.

[Bini]

In addition, I don't like the attitude that IF you can't afford it, why would you plan for it? I can afford to take all my friends out to dinner and to the movies. But if one of them says they're coming and then don't, it's agreed upon that I'll be reimbursed for buying their plate and movie ticket ahead of time. My "billing", or reminder, would be a PayPal Request to them. I think it's fair.

[Guest]

In addition, I don't like the attitude that IF you can't afford it, why would you plan for it? I can afford to take all my friends out to dinner and to the movies. But if one of them says they're coming and then don't, it's agreed upon that I'll be reimbursed for buying their plate and movie ticket ahead of time. My "billing", or reminder, would be a PayPal Request to them. I think it's fair.

 

Dinner and movies is different than a wedding.  Dinner and movies is normally paid for by the person attending, not the person inviting.  But, if I invited a couple of friends to dinner at my house and something prevents them from showing up at the last minute, I'm not gonna ask them to pay me the money I spent on their food.  Put that same dinner invitation into a grander scale - that's a wedding reception.

 

But yes, that's also just my take on it.

Edited October 26, 2015 by anatess

[mrmarklin]

Dear newlyweds,

 

I am so sorry that last-minute circumstances forced me to miss your wedding and reception, which I had been looking forward to with great anticipation. I am even more sorry that you see our mutual friendship as a business contract, such that you insist on payment for a no-show. I had thought our friendship was based in mutual esteem, respect, and enjoyment of each others' company.

 

I accept your view of our relationship, and no longer consider us to be friends in any meaningful sense. In our contractual relationship, I have no legal responsibility to reimburse you for your costs in our non-negotiated transaction. However, I am willing to split the cost of this unfortunate misunderstanding. Please find enclosed a check for $37.95.

 

This concludes our contractual relationship. On a personal note, I am sorry that my understanding of our "friendship" was so far from reality, as you have defined it. Be that as it may, I intend to have no further business transactions with you of any sort. As we have no personal relationship beyond that, and as I have no legal obligation of any sort to you, please accept my payment for our former relationship as a token of my past esteem and do not contact me further for any reason. Best of luck to you in your life,

 

Yours truly,

[signator]

 

 

I'm a little disappointed in you Vort to not have attributed this statement to the syndicated column of "Miss Manners".  A little shame is in order here.

[Vort]

I'm a little disappointed in you Vort to not have attributed this statement to the syndicated column of "Miss Manners".  A little shame is in order here.

 

I haven't read Miss Manners in years, but that is my loss. (Her column is not carried in my local birdcage liner, and I almost never look her up online.) She is the only advice columnist I have ever read who is worth the time to read. She's brilliant, funny, insightful, unafraid to take a principled stand, and bats close to 1.000 on her advice. She bases her answers on solid principle, being mostly impervious to social trends. If you accuse me of ripping off Miss Manners, even in jest, then I take that as one of the greatest compliments you could offer. :)

Edited October 27, 2015 by Vort