BeccaKirstyn Posted October 2, 2015 Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 A few Sundays back, the Relief Society lesson in my YSA ward was about the law of chastity. We had a lot of announcements to get through (and new members to introduce) so by the time we got to the lesson we only had about 25 minutes. The young woman teaching said she wasn't sure how to go about teaching the lesson, so she (with approval from the RS President) had a more "forum" like discussion where people asked questions, we listed them on the chalkboard, and then began to answer them one by one. Of course, with 25 minutes, we got to 2 questions, while the rest of the 10 or so on the board were left for our own discernment and further questioning. My concern was that the questions asked by these women were very important questions that aren't always discussed in these lessons (i.e., how can you look for the spiritual warnings in "slippery" situations, how do we communicate in dating/relationships about the lines we will not cross, how to say "NO" in a bad situation, etc.) I was truly surprised at these questions! And eager to discuss them with my fellow sisters, but unfortunately time did not allow it. I could tell as well that the sister teaching the lesson was truly uncomfortable with speaking on the subject matter. I know this is a hard subject matter for many to discuss openly with such a group, but there were many eager sisters to talk about these questions. I think these lessons are SO important in YSA wards. Not just for the regular "law of chastity" lesson, but also to have these open Q&A discussions on things that sometimes aren't specifically addressed in talks or pamphlets about this doctrine. It plays such a HUGE role in our lives, especially during our specific age. I truly want to have this open forum about these questions within my ward and outside of the typical Relief Society/Elder's Quorum meeting during Sunday. It's just too limiting in time with such in-depth information to be discussed.What do you think is the best setting for this type of scenario? It's hard to put in the YSA announcements: "Law of Chastity Q&A activity tonight at 7pm!". I don't feel like we would get many to come and it wouldn't be taken seriously. Some of these questions are really important to address! I think my bishop would be very open to having such an activity or lesson, whatever it would be called, but I'm not sure how to go about setting it up or how to encourage members to attend the activity/meeting. Any thoughts or ideas? If you don't agree with such an activity I would love your input as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane_Doe Posted October 2, 2015 Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 Great idea! I'd go with an evening activity, either RS or everybody, and call it something.... something other than "Law of Chasity Q&A". More "Practical..." something.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrShorty Posted October 2, 2015 Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 Sometimes I wonder if a "small group" kind of setting would be better suited. Maybe not quite as informal as "a bunch of roommates in the kitchen making dinner and someone asks, 'what did you think of question 5 on that list?'", though I sometimes wonder why that wouldn't work. Maybe like a YSA FHE lesson. Take one of those questions and discuss it. Then, on another FHE, tackle a different question. Of course, One wouldn't want FHE to become one-dimensional, but I could see a small setting like that become a place for occasional discussions like you are talking about. I think one of the advantages of a smaller, more intimate group, especially if you know each other, is that you may know of some people's "triggers" (someone who is a sexual abuse survivor, for example) and can adapt the discussion to be sensitive to those triggers. BeccaKirstyn 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 2, 2015 Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 It seems to me that, whatever you do, it ought to be cleared through the bishopric first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeccaKirstyn Posted October 2, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 It seems to me that, whatever you do, it ought to be cleared through the bishopric first.That's why I mentioned the fact that I know my bishop won't have a problem with it. Every activity with the YSA involved is cleared through the bishop (unless you're having a get-together or bowling night). I'm talking about a YSA-sponsored activity with the bishopric members in attendance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeccaKirstyn Posted October 2, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 Sometimes I wonder if a "small group" kind of setting would be better suited. Maybe not quite as informal as "a bunch of roommates in the kitchen making dinner and someone asks, 'what did you think of question 5 on that list?'", though I sometimes wonder why that wouldn't work. Maybe like a YSA FHE lesson. Take one of those questions and discuss it. Then, on another FHE, tackle a different question. Of course, One wouldn't want FHE to become one-dimensional, but I could see a small setting like that become a place for occasional discussions like you are talking about. I think one of the advantages of a smaller, more intimate group, especially if you know each other, is that you may know of some people's "triggers" (someone who is a sexual abuse survivor, for example) and can adapt the discussion to be sensitive to those triggers.That's a great point. That's one of the things I am concerned with/want to be very aware of is those who have experienced any kind of sexual abuse or dating violence. Coming from a place of personal experience, I would not want anyone to feel anxious or traumatized due to past experiences while discussing these subjects. I've worked with an advocacy group that does presentations on a college campus about awareness of these issues, in which we start with a trigger warning. So that would probably be a good thing to include if such an activity would be put together in a less "formal" setting. Thanks for the input! Jane_Doe 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LiterateParakeet Posted October 2, 2015 Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 I think you are right, it's a very important topic and unfortunate that you were not able to get to all the questions.I think it would be a great idea to use the monthly activity night to continue the panel or do something similar. For a name I would just call it "Girl's Night"...when you discuss it in Relief Society it could be explained that it will be a continuation of the panel.If that isn't possible, then get a group of your friends together and discuss it informally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 2, 2015 Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 I like the FHE idea. You can even address other topics and not just Chastity in weekly FHE's. We had one of those FHE's for the articles that came out on lds.org a while back. We're a family ward though - with kids and such - and we held FHE with a few other families with children in the ward so the discussion was kid-friendly. It would have been really good to do a discussion with just the adults so we can be more open with the nitty-gritty stuff if desired. So an FHE setting with a bunch of people you know and trust would be a good idea. This way, you can be a lot more sensitive to the Faith needs of certain people. You don't want these discussions to ruin someone's faith. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irishcolleen Posted October 2, 2015 Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 At out Baptist youth group we have an anonymous "ask the pastor" box. If a kid has a question regarding anything, sex, doctrine, family relationships, whatever... they can ask without feeling self-conscious. The Pastor takes a few minutes at the beginning of the meeting to address the concerns or questions. BeccaKirstyn 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted October 2, 2015 Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 (edited) The young woman teaching said she wasn't sure how to go about teaching the lesson, so she (with approval from the RS President) had a more "forum" like discussion where people asked questions, we listed them on the chalkboard, and then began to answer them one by one. ...I could tell as well that the sister teaching the lesson was truly uncomfortable with speaking on the subject matter. My wife tells a similar story from seminary: There was a much-publicized and ballyhooed seminary event for the youth - promising direct answers to all questions the youth had on sex and intimacy and chastity and modesty and whatnot. The representative from the Stake was totally uncomfortable with the questions. He didn't directly answer a single one of them, kept mumbling a bunch of vague stuff about sacredness, and even got offended and offensive a few times. I think there's a lesson to be learned here. Several, actually. First, youth have questions and need a safe place to find direct answers. Second, you shouldn't promise that unless whoever ends up presenting is ready and able to answer anything - and I mean anything - from a gospel-oriented but still direct and accurate point of view. I guess the third lesson, is that we mormons can really stink to high heaven at talking about stuff like this, and need to do better. Edited October 2, 2015 by NeuroTypical BeccaKirstyn 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iggy Posted October 2, 2015 Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 Back in 2001 or 2002 our Stake President purchased Pam Stenzel's http://www.pamstenzel.com/ video tape and had each of the Bishop's/Branch President show it to their members. He left it up to each one to decide how to include ALL of the members. Parents/Adults first, then let the parents take the tape home and watch with their children. Parents first, then the youth with their parents. Our Branch president chose to show the Parents/Adults first, then the youth with the parents in attendance - but the parents all in the back of the room. He chose the tape geared with religion in mind, knowing full well that Ms Stenzel is catholic. As a librarian I have recommended this tape to all the parents of young men/women in our branch. Several of the parents, who have primary aged children have purchased the newer DVD of hers. I purchased the newer DVD and sent it to my SIL when my nephews and niece were nearing their 12th birthday (the oldest that is). She showed it to the boys prior to them being ordained in the Aaronic PH. She and my brother talked to each of them explaining the LDS point of view (which really isn't that much different than the catholic point of view). They failed to show it to their third child, my niece. She strayed from the church, got pregnant, that pregnancy ended up in a miscarriage and then she ended up with some pretty nasty STD's. Don't know if showing her the DVD on the eve of her 12th birthday would have done any good - but we will never know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted October 2, 2015 Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 (edited) Sexuality is among the most important topics I will ever teach my children. I appreciate and value the help given me by the Church and my fellow members in reinforcing the gospel teachings on this topic. But I cannot imagine turning over the teaching of my children on such a vital topic to the Church or some lady on a DVD or (especially) teachers at government-run schools. I remember when my children were younger, some couple in our ward was excitedly telling us and others about this great book they had bought for their children, featuring cartoonish drawings of naked men and women, duly pointing out the cartoon versions of the penis, scrotum, vulva, and pubic hair, along with a listless description, in one- and two-syllable words, about the act of sex. ("They feel like they will explode. Then, they kind of do explode." I am not making this up.) I didn't say anything to them; I was speechless that anyone would turn to such a laughably awful resource to talk to their precious children about this most important topic. My children get my views and understandings and teaching about sex, not some worthless "expert's" views. I realize that some people consider this "weird", as if it were inviting the children into the bedroom during conception. In my opinion, this is yet another example of the perverseness of our society, calling evil good and good evil. Edited October 2, 2015 by Vort NeuroTypical 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iggy Posted October 2, 2015 Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 What a ____________ view Vort. Check out Pam Stenzel first before you make such accusations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted October 2, 2015 Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 What a ____________ view Vort. Check out Pam Stenzel first before you make such accusations. With which part of my writing do you disagree, Iggy? Curious what you fill in the blank with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeccaKirstyn Posted October 2, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 Thanks for all the great input everyone! I'll be bringing up the informal group idea with my bishop and see what he thinks (whether it's FHE or not I'll let him decide). Such an important topic that needs more discussion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 5, 2015 Report Share Posted October 5, 2015 What a ____________ view Vort. Check out Pam Stenzel first before you make such accusations. With which part of my writing do you disagree, Iggy? Curious what you fill in the blank with. I'm with Vort on this one. Pam Stenzel is great but these type of things should be discussed as a family first because only the parents know each kid personally and can tailor the discussion to the particular child. For example - I have 2 boys - both come from my husband and I's DNA, grew up in the same environment, etc... but we don't talk to both of them in the same manner about this type of thing because each kid takes sensitive information differently. My older kid would ask questions like, "what conditions would ever cause me to want to do it in the first place? Girls are a pest and I don't want anything to do with them.". My other kid would ask questions like, "I thought God wants us to have children, why can't I just get married now and start having children now?". Both thought patterns insufficiently addressed by Pam Stenzel. So yeah, the way I've approached it is - they've had these discussions since they were little - but sanitized to the appropriate age level. For example - age 5 - we don't kiss girls because... age 8 - our house rule is not to have girls for sleep over because... age 12 - what's the point of dating? Etc. So that, by the time they get sex ed in health class, they would already have known all that stuff from me and health class is a secondary, or tertiary lesson that they can match with what they already know from me - reject the ones that don't match, accept the ones that match, come to me with questions on those that they've never heard from me before (which, hopefully, is none). Pam Stenzel would be like health class - secondary or tertiary lesson. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iggy Posted October 5, 2015 Report Share Posted October 5, 2015 Where did I say that the parents should NOT be THE major part of the child watching and learning? I stand on what I said. I stand on the fact that Pam Stenzel is amazing and her message parallels the Church's teachings on chastity, abstinence and total fidelity in marriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
estradling75 Posted October 5, 2015 Report Share Posted October 5, 2015 (edited) Where did I say that the parents should NOT be THE major part of the child watching and learning? I stand on what I said. I stand on the fact that Pam Stenzel is amazing and her message parallels the Church's teachings on chastity, abstinence and total fidelity in marriage. Vort was the very first person on this thread to Voice that the Parents should be THE major part... Until he posted this thread was about all the "others" You called his view a "fill in the blank" Easy enough to take as anti parent because you were not clear that you were only disagreeing with a small part of his view not the whole thing. Edited October 5, 2015 by estradling75 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 5, 2015 Report Share Posted October 5, 2015 (edited) Where did I say that the parents should NOT be THE major part of the child watching and learning? I stand on what I said. I stand on the fact that Pam Stenzel is amazing and her message parallels the Church's teachings on chastity, abstinence and total fidelity in marriage. My understanding of your post was that the kid who never got to see the DVD went on to get pregnant and you wondered if this was because she never got to see the DVD. This leads me to believe that the person you talked about never taught their children these things except for showing them the DVD and thus, the others did not go on to get themselves pregnant. That's how I understood your post. The way I do it in my house, my kids don't need the DVD. I mean, if they want to seek it out on their own, that's fine. But, my husband and I teach them these things instead of them getting taught by the DVD. Now, as far as the setting that the OP is talking about, I'm not sure Pam Stenzel's talks are appropriate for this setting either. It might be, if everyone is close to the Spirit while watching one of the talks. Pam tends to sound very terse in some of her stuff which can make people who has already chosen the wrong path to feel like they're the scum of the earth. At least that's just my opinion of it, I could be wrong, of course. Edited October 5, 2015 by anatess Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Folk Prophet Posted October 5, 2015 Report Share Posted October 5, 2015 This thread, as many seem to do, turned weird. BeccaKirstyn 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iggy Posted October 6, 2015 Report Share Posted October 6, 2015 One of the major things about Pam Stenzel is she states that there are two things that come from not saying no to premarital sex. STD's are the number one. And she lists ALL of them [more than 20] and how they effect the FEMALE body mostly. Then there is pregnancy. She also levels the responsibilities on both the males and females. One of the things that stands out the most to me was her no nonsense stand: Are you married? No, then you don't have sex. Are you engaged? Yes, then you don't have sex. Are you afraid of losing him as a boyfriend? Yes, then you don't have sex. Get the message here? When you are married, then you do have sex, and only with your husband/wife. Fidelity. I do believe that if my niece had been shown this DVD, and had her parents talked openly and frankly to her, she wouldn't have been promiscuous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 6, 2015 Report Share Posted October 6, 2015 Hiya Iggy, should we open a new thread for this? I think it's worth talking about but we're hijacking this thread... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SGoodman Posted October 6, 2015 Report Share Posted October 6, 2015 You seem to be describing exactly what a Fire Side is designed for. In fact, I have attend Fire Sides that had that very format. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iggy Posted October 6, 2015 Report Share Posted October 6, 2015 Hiya Iggy, should we open a new thread for this? I think it's worth talking about but we're hijacking this thread...Not necessary, I'm done Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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