Forum Bullying

[AnnieCarvalho]

Vort wasn't asking you to call put people just, just words.

We have just words here on the forum. No body language. Pointing out phrases can help clarify meanings and intent.

 

Sorry, I'm not going to do that.

It wasn't the purpose of the post.

[The Folk Prophet]

If you feel I've bullied you personally, Folk Prophet, I apologize.

 

This rings a bit hollow. Is comes across as, "You're all a bunch of horrible people!", and then the obligatory, "No offense intended."

[AnnieCarvalho]

This rings a bit hollow. Is comes across as, "You're all a bunch of horrible people!", and then the obligatory, "No offense intended."

 

Sorry you feel that way.

[Vort]

Sorry, I'm not going to do that.

It wasn't the purpose of the post.

 

Don't you think you run the risk of making false accusations? If you are claiming people have done some bad thing, you need to be able to back that up with concrete examples. Otherwise, your accusations are without foundation.

[The Folk Prophet]

Sorry you feel that way.

 

I don't "feel" anything. What I observe is that you have joined the forum, had a few spats with people you disagree with, and are now attacking back by calling them all bullies.

[estradling75]

Don't you think you run the risk of making false accusations? If you are claiming people have done some bad thing, you need to be able to back that up with concrete examples. Otherwise, your accusations are without foundation.

 

 

While I agree with with the idea in theory... I want to nip the request/requirement the bud.  The proper place to report such post/words is with the report a post function..  Dragging it out in to public and rehashing it is exactly what we do not want to have happen.  Lets talk in general terms only please

[Backroads]

Sorry, I'm not going to do that.

It wasn't the purpose of the post.

Then, with all due respect, it's hard to identify bullying claims. It's a bit awkward to hear reports of bullying without seeing evidence.

But you're right. Your main point was for all to do better from here on out.

[AnnieCarvalho]

Don't you think you run the risk of making false accusations? If you are claiming people have done some bad thing, you need to be able to back that up with concrete examples. Otherwise, your accusations are without foundation.

 

You are welcome to ignore the thread.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

Then, with all due respect, it's hard to identify bullying claims. It's a bit awkward to hear reports of bullying without seeing evidence.

But you're right. Your main point was for all to do better from here on out.

Thats what I understood the point to be also...to be more aware and also to speak up rather than leave. I think those are valid suggestions.

[beefche]

As a general principle, I think personal attacks should be avoided.  It is one thing to debate ideas, and another thing to start making personal attacks. 

 

 

I"m being serious. What is a personal attack? I've seen where one says to another, "you are wrong. Here is evidence showing you it is wrong." And then people start crying personal attack. So, what is a personal attack?

[Backroads]

I"m being serious. What is a personal attack? I've seen where one says to another, "you are wrong. Here is evidence showing you it is wrong." And then people start crying personal attack. So, what is a personal attack?

"You're wrong because of a past incident with no bearing here."

"You're wrong and I will call you mean names in lieu of a rational argument."

"You're wrong because we differ on a point of political/social views or perhaps a matter of minor doctrine."

[Guest]

Annie,

 

The rules of the forum are here to prevent issues like what you refer to.  Part of that requires that you report such posts that you believe cross the line.  The moderators then need to weigh that report and consider whether that person crossed the line or not.

 

Instead, you chose to make a public post without publicly stating the offensive post.  By doing so, you're allowing such individuals to continue their objectionable behavior.

 

I suggest you report the offending post and let the moderators judge it.  If they agree, they will discipline the offender.  They are pretty good at that.  If you continue to be harassed and the moderators refuse to acknowledge it, then you "vote with your feet" by leaving.  If the moderators tend to have poor judgment in this matter, eventually, the forum will fall apart.

 

I left another LDS forum for that very reason.  I found this one to be much more desirable to be in (so far).  But at least I gave it a chance.  I stuck around for over a month to see if it was just me over-reacting or if things really were that bad.  Then I made a decision.

[AnnieCarvalho]

Annie,

 

The rules of the forum are here to prevent issues like what you refer to.  Part of that requires that you report such posts that you believe cross the line.  The moderators then need to weigh that report and consider whether that person crossed the line or not.

 

Instead, you chose to make a public post without publicly stating the offensive post.  By doing so, you're allowing such individuals to continue their objectionable behavior.

 

I suggest you report the offending post and let the moderators judge it.  If they agree, they will discipline the offender.  They are pretty good at that.  If you continue to be harassed and the moderators refuse to acknowledge it, then you "vote with your feet" by leaving.  If the moderators tend to have poor judgment in this matter, eventually, the forum will fall apart.

 

I left another LDS forum for that very reason.  I found this one to be much more desirable to be in (so far).  But at least I gave it a chance.  I stuck around for over a month to see if it was just me over-reacting or if things really were that bad.  Then I made a decision.

 

Hi there,

 

There is no offensive post.

I was just commenting on how I felt about the tone of the forum, in terms of my experience.

Maybe I need to go back and delete parts that make people feel uncomfortable.

I'll do that.

 

I think the information on bullying is valid.

I'd like to leave that up.

 

Thanks for your comments.

[The Folk Prophet]

While I agree with with the idea in theory... I want to nip the request/requirement the bud.  The proper place to report such post/words is with the report a post function..  Dragging it out in to public and rehashing it is exactly what we do not want to have happen.  Lets talk in general terms only please

 

To be fair, examples don't need to be direct quotes and could be "general" examples.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

I"m being serious. What is a personal attack? I've seen where one says to another, "you are wrong. Here is evidence showing you it is wrong." And then people start crying personal attack. So, what is a personal attack?

 

Backroads gave some great examples.  

 

On almost every forum I've ever been on "personal attacks" are against the rules.  The general consensus is that that means debate ideas not people.  There's a difference between "I disagree with your view on illegal immigration because . . . "  and "you are just a bleeding heart liberal, and your view on immigration are stupid."  

[Guest]

Annie, you also came in during a exceptionally heated and emotional week, between a perceived-by-some machine gun attack from a new poster, and a very emotionally charged topic stemming from an announcement from the church. Normally we're so much more boring. 

[Backroads]

Hi there,

There is no offensive post.

I was just commenting on how I felt about the tone of the forum, in terms of my experience.

Maybe I need to go back and delete parts that make people feel uncomfortable.

I'll do that.

I think the information on bullying is valid.

I'd like to leave that up.

Thanks for your comments.

Indeed, tone is a tricky thing. Certain topics get people more fired up than others and that can warp the mood one way or another.

[Guest MormonGator]

Annie, you also came in during a exceptionally heated and emotional week, between a perceived-by-some machine gun attack from a new poster, and a very emotionally charged topic stemming from an announcement from the church. Normally we're so much more boring. 

 This is the best response yet. lol! 

[estradling75]

Backroads gave some great examples.  

 

On almost every forum I've ever been on "personal attacks" are against the rules.  The general consensus is that that means debate ideas not people.  There's a difference between "I disagree with your view on illegal immigration because . . . "  and "you are just a bleeding heart liberal, and your view on immigration are stupid."  

 

 

Indeed...  the problem that seems to be is when someone says "I disagree with your view on illegal immigration because . . . "  and the person you are talking to hears "you are just a bleeding heart liberal, and your view on immigration are stupid."

 

It happens repeatly

[Guest MormonGator]

Indeed...  the problem that seems to be is when someone says "I disagree with your view on illegal immigration because . . . "  and the person you are talking to hears "you are just a bleeding heart liberal, and your view on immigration are stupid."

 

It happens repeatly

 I think those in the minority feel slightly "intimidated" (?) (lack of a better word, no offense, please) sometimes. The arguments on hot button issues are deeply emotional, and that can lead to a lack of charity from all of us. I am very guilty of this personally, that's for sure. 

[AnnieCarvalho]

Indeed...  the problem that seems to be is when someone says "I disagree with your view on illegal immigration because . . . "  and the person you are talking to hears "you are just a bleeding heart liberal, and your view on immigration are stupid."

 

It happens repeatly

Yes, or if they actually SAY "you are just a bleeding heart liberal, and your views are stupid."

[NeuroTypical]

Back in middle school, I was grabbed by a hulking mass of a student much larger than me, and thrown up against a locker.  He pulled a knife and menaced me with it, saying something to the tune of "I cut mormons with this knife.  Are you a mormon?"

 

In the '80's, that's what we called 'bullying'.  These days, it almost seems like folks think if someone gets their feelings hurt, it must mean bullying has somehow happened.  Not from where I'm standing.

 

That said, some behaviors are not acceptable on this forum, regardless of whether they can be considered 'bullying' or not.

 

Forum Rules

 

2. Please be conscious of the fact that although LDS.NET is aimed towards an LDS audience, that the membership of this site consists of friends from an array of different backgrounds, beliefs, and cultures. Please be respectful and courteous to all, and know that everyone who is willing to follow the Rules and Terms of LDS.NET are welcome to participate and be a member of LDS.NET. Keep in mind that anything posted, uploaded, or otherwise displayed on the site should be understandable to friends of other faiths as well as to members. Please define any LDS vocabulary that friends of other faiths may not understand (i.e. Mutual, Relief Society, and Deacon.)

3. Personal attacks, name calling, flaming, and judgments against other members will not be tolerated.

 

4. No bickering and nit-picking toward others. Realize that sometimes it is very difficult to be able to express how one feels through written words. Please be courteous and ask for a further explanation, rather then trying to attack and find holes in someone else's post.

 

5. No cursing or crude language. Any swearing, including filter skipping, will result in an automatic one week suspension.

...

12. You agree, through your use of this service, that you will not use this site to post any material which is knowingly false and/or defamatory, inaccurate, abusive, vulgar, hateful, harassing, obscene, profane, sexually oriented, threatening, invasive of a person's privacy, or otherwise in violation of any law.

 

Etc.  

 

As others have said, if you see anything like this, the correct thing to do is report the post.

Edited November 9, 2015 by NeuroTypical

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

Indeed...  the problem that seems to be is when someone says "I disagree with your view on illegal immigration because . . . "  and the person you are talking to hears "you are just a bleeding heart liberal, and your view on immigration are stupid."

 

It happens repeatly

 

"I've heard it both ways."

[estradling75]

 I think those in the minority feel slightly "intimidated" (?) (lack of a better word, no offense, please) sometimes. The arguments on hot button issues are deeply emotional, and that can lead to a lack of charity from all of us. I am very guilty of this personally, that's for sure. 

 

 

Very likely... Also note that in the real world face to face... people who regularly miss various social cues while interacting with other people are commonly said to have a social disorders of some kind.  Yet on the internet we try to have social interactions in a medium that strips away a lot of the various social cues we use in real life, and then we wonder why people misunderstand us. 

 

Perhaps understanding that, we would be more likely realize that our reactions need to adjust accordingly 

[Guest MormonGator]

Very likely... Also note that in the real world face to face... people who regularly miss various social cues while interacting with other people are commonly said to have a social disorders of some kind.  Yet on the internet we try to have social interactions in a medium that strips away a lot of the various social cues we use in real life, and then we wonder why people misunderstand us. 

 

Perhaps understanding that, we would be more likely realize that our reactions need to adjust accordingly 

 I totally agree with that. I've learned the hard way that my own humor doesn't translate well, so I have to be careful big time, or at least know who I am joking with. Some can take the playful teasing better than others.