So I got chewed out in the church foyer tonight.

[Guest]

It happened in front of a bunch of young women, by one of their moms. She was mad at me because my 12-year-old Beehive president didn't effectively communicate that a meeting was going to be later than originally planned. Since I was 15 minutes later than she expected to pick her daughter up, she drove her daughter to the church (2 minutes, literally) and waited for another 15 minutes, and got in my face and verbally attacked me as I walked in. She really dressed me down. Not entirely unrelated is the fact that her daughter is the one who never brings what she is assigned, is never prepared for the activity, and is frequently late. 

We are supposed to be letting the girls run the program. I pass information to my president, she passes it to her counselors. This president of mine is top-notch, and I think this might be the first time she didn't do something just right. So when a mom stands there in front of a bunch of girls and points to my presidency and I and says we need to "get it together"... well, I was ticked. These kids are learning. They make mistakes. HER daughter makes plenty, and we just try to help them learn from them. 

Now I don't know if I should say or do anything. I'm still pretty mad. I'll sleep on it... but I feel defensive! I want to stick up for my president and for myself. I think it would do more harm than good, though. 

Edited May 12, 2016 by Eowyn

[David13]

I think you are right, it would do more harm than good.  It would fall on deaf ears, I think.

She sounds like a rather self righteous type who would only see any remark you make as a challenge.  But now you see why the daughter is as she usually is.  And also is probably quite willing to blame that on anything but the real cause.

There is an article on lds.net main page that addresses this issue.  Something about a kind word.  Or just silence. 

dc

[Jane_Doe]

@Eowyn

That mom was TOTALLY out of line.  

Don't waste your time and energy thinking about her ridiculousness.  If you want to encourage your behive president, next time you see her just compliment her on what a good job she did-- you don't have to specifically bring up mommy-ridiculousness, just tell her she did a good job because that's what you honestly believe. 

(And who needs a ride for 2 minutes drive????  Come on....)

Edited May 12, 2016 by Jane_Doe

[mirkwood]

Go all mirkwood on her. 

[Guest]

7 minutes ago, mirkwood said:

Go all mirkwood on her. 

I'm pretty sure I need specifics, if only for entertaining the idea in my head.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

Sorry that happened.  That mom was out of line.  I love that you are letting the girls run the program.  That is the way it should be.

[NeedleinA]

@Eowyn

Mention it to the Bishop. Then in a couple of weeks she will be called as the speaker in Sacrament on "Kindness towards others". She will repent and come and apologize to you for her actions. Also... ask to have her called as YW secretary so she can sit in on Presidency meetings and learn how YW really runs.

Oh...just kidding... go @mirkwood on her!!

Edited May 12, 2016 by NeedleinA

[Guest]

@Eowyn

I'd feel exactly the same way you did.  But if you're asking for advice, I am compelled to describe the proper Christlike response.

Choose to believe that the mother had something else going on.  This was just a straw that broke the camel's back.  It was probably a horrible day for her.  

Possibly, she'd already been told about how her daughter was the one who is always late and never has her act together.  So, she made an extra effort to get her daughter ready and on time.  But this happened to be the day that others were "late".  Now, her daughter, instead of learning a valuable lesson has learned "what's the point?  Others aren't going to be on time.  Why should I?"  That is going to make teaching this lesson a lot harder for the mother.

.....

Or she could just be a jerk and there's nothing you can do.

 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, NeedleinA said:

@Eowyn

Mention it to the Bishop. Then in a couple of weeks she will be called as the speaker in Sacrament on "Kindness towards others". She will repent and come and apologize to you for her actions. Also... ask to have her called as YW secretary so she can sit in on Presidency meetings and learn how YW really runs.

Oh...just kidding... go @mirkwood on her!!

Her husband is in the bishopric, and they've witnessed her tantrums. Also the bishop's daughter was there.

If she were ever called into YW, I might have to get a Sunday and Wednesday job at Walmart or something. 

 

[NeedleinA]

1 hour ago, Eowyn said:

Her husband is in the bishopric, and they've witnessed her tantrums. Also the bishop's daughter was there.

If she were ever called into YW, I might have to get a Sunday and Wednesday job at Walmart or something. 

Much respect for keeping your cool. If you are willing give up your calling to go put up with stuff like this (see picture) at Walmart, then Sister Tantrum must be extra cray cray!

Have you smiled and forgotten about queen of fruit-loop people yet? If so mission accomplished!

Edited May 12, 2016 by NeedleinA

[Guest]

You said her husband has witnessed her "tantrums".  She does this kind of thing a lot?

Normal, well-adjusted people don't go nuts over something silly like what you described, and certainly not habitually.  I suspect that something is seriously wrong with this sister (mental illness, perhaps).  If so, just remember that it is not your fault and try to be Christ-like, and keep in mind that this sister is a little crazy and may not be able to help it (and maybe try to avoid this sister when possible, as she sounds unhinged).

 

[NightSG]

8 minutes ago, DoctorLemon said:

If so, just remember that it is not your fault and try to be Christ-like,

Throw furniture and stampede some cattle at her?  

[Guest]

20 minutes ago, NightSG said:

Throw furniture and stampede some cattle at her?  

Wait, I know He upturned tables and threw people out of a building.  But when did He stampede cattle at anyone?

[Guest MormonGator]

For what little it's worth Eowyn, I'm proud of you for not firing back with both barrels. I couldn't do what you did-I'd "engage in a verbal confrontation" to put it nicely. 

[unixknight]

I had a similar experience once, though thankfully it wasn't in the foyer.  I was a Cub Scout leader (Webelos) and one of the mothers objected to the way I was running it.  I had promised the scouts that we would do a model rocket derby if they all were able to earn their Webelos badges.  She felt that it was wrong to dangle a carrot in front of their noses like that.  Of course, when I wouldn't fold up and do it her way, she threatened to go to the Bishop (as if that were something I should be afraid of).  I told her to go ahead.  I never heard anything more about it after that.

And yes, we did launch the rockets.   

[Guest MormonGator]

1 minute ago, unixknight said:

I had a similar experience once, though thankfully it wasn't in the foyer.  I was a Cub Scout leader (Webelos) and one of the mothers objected to the way I was running it.  I had promised the scouts that we would do a model rocket derby if they all were able to earn their Webelos badges.  She felt that it was wrong to dangle a carrot in front of their noses like that.  Of course, when I wouldn't fold up and do it her way, she threatened to go to the Bishop (as if that were something I should be afraid of).  I told her to go ahead.  I never heard anything more about it after that.

And yes, we did launch the rockets.   

Isn't that the best feeling? When someone "threatens" you and you say "Go right ahead." Then nothing happens. 

[unixknight]

1 minute ago, MormonGator said:

Isn't that the best feeling? When someone "threatens" you and you say "Go right ahead." Then nothing happens. 

It really is.  It's the security of knowing you're in the right.

Sad epilogue... Because this is a person who is very controlling and always needs to have things done her way, she didn't bring her son to the workshop I ran for helping the boys build their rockets.  As a result, she had her son build his rocket incorrectly, and on launch day I couldn't allow him to launch it for safety reasons.  I did let him launch one of mine, but he still had to go through the disappointment of not being able to see his project fly.

[LeSellers]

4 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

Isn't that the best feeling? When someone "threatens" you and you say "Go right ahead." Then nothing happens. 

It's the same when someone calls me a racist (or sexist or homophobe or islamophobe or whatever): so what?!?

I frankly do not give the first flyin' flip what other people (outside my family and a very close circle of friends thinks about  me — most of 'em are incapable of forming a cogent thought.

Lehi

Edited May 12, 2016 by LeSellers

[Guest MormonGator]

1 minute ago, LeSellers said:

I frankly do not give the first flyin' flip what other people (outside my family and a very close circle of friends thinks about  me — most of 'em are incapable of forming a cogent thought.

 I'd like to say I feel the same-that I don't care what people think of me-but I probably do, at least subconsciously.  

[unixknight]

Just now, MormonGator said:

 I'd like to say I feel the same-that I don't care what people think of me-but I probably do, at least subconsciously.  

We all do, I think.  It's normal and part of why we're social creatures.  That's what makes it so mortifying to be confronted like Eowyn was in front of an audience.  We worry that the people who are seeing the drama but don't know any more about it may think that we deserve the chewing out.  I was once confronted by a Bishop in the foyer in front of friends and family.  I was so humiliated I never attended Church while he was still the Bishop again.

We do care what people think of us.  We try not to, and some of us are very successful, but such people are the exception, not the rule IMHO.

[estradling75]

If I were a bishop and someone came to me and complained about how someone who I called was running a program...  And their complaint boiled down to they didn't think it should be run "that way"...  I would look them straight in the eye and say "Are you volunteering to do the calling?  Because I know I can use Brother (or Sister) So and So somewhere else"

I think a lot of complaints would disappear at that point.  

Of course its probably one of the many reasons I will never be a bishop

[Guest MormonGator]

1 minute ago, unixknight said:

We all do, I think.  It's normal and part of why we're social creatures.  That's what makes it so mortifying to be confronted like Eowyn was in front of an audience.  We worry that the people who are seeing the drama but don't know any more about it may think that we deserve the chewing out.  I was once confronted by a Bishop in the foyer in front of friends and family.  I was so humiliated I never attended Church while he was still the Bishop again.

We do care what people think of us.  We try not to, and some of us are very successful, but such people are the exception, not the rule IMHO.

No, I totally agree with both you and LeSellers. Some of us don't care to a degree. I guess I'm one of them. If I wasn't, I'd probably be a lot less vocal about my views. 

That said, I do hope people think at least somewhat positively of me. Not like me-you truly can't please everyone-but I do want people to at least say "Well, I might disagree with him but he's well thought out, intelligent, etc" 

 

[Guest MormonGator]

3 minutes ago, estradling75 said:

 

Of course its probably one of the many reasons I will never be a bishop

A lot of you guys who say they'd never be bishops would actually make good ones. 

[tesuji]

Eowyn,

Sorry to hear about your experience. Perhaps she will be your refiner's fire that give you that final push into achieving the Celestial Kingdom. 

[LeSellers]

11 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

 I'd like to say I feel the same-that I don't care what people think of me-but I probably do, at least subconsciously.  

9 minutes ago, unixknight said:

We do care what people think of us. 

6 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

No, I totally agree with both you and LeSellers. Some of us don't care to a degree. I guess I'm one of them. If I wasn't, I'd probably be a lot less vocal about my views. 

That said, I do hope people think at least somewhat positively of me. Not like me-you truly can't please everyone-but I do want people to at least say "Well, I might disagree with him but he's well thought out, intelligent, etc" 

I admit it stings a little for a bit, but, in the end, I really don't care. I just don't have the time and energy to worry about other people's quirks.

If I thought they were right, which would make me wrong, I'd change. No one likes to be wrong. But, with rare exception, I've carefully thought out my positions and I act in concert with what I've decided is right.

So there is no reason to worry about their issues.

Lehi