Jimmy Tucker

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I've been studying with The missionaries for a few months and over this time period have become friends with them and have shared many things with them .. Personal things.. Painful things.. Joyful things.. Introduced them to my son.. Gone on a tour of the temple with them and I've opened up parts of me that I don't open normally.   

It's so hard to find a good friend in this world.. Someone who has your best interest at heart.. Who will stand by you regardless.. Friends like that are like gold. 

So now the transfer call has come and I'm very sad.  But I also have been informed that they can no longer contact me for the remainder of their mission and im wondering if someone on this site can tell me what the reason is for that? I asked them and they don't know so that was a little disturbing so I'm here now asking. 

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Welcome, @Jimmy Tucker!

First, I personally don't know the details of (1) general rules all missionaries must follow, (2) the rules for all missionaries in this mission, or (3) instructions specifically given to these missionaries (in general or as it relates to you - the latter may not even exist).  Therefore, anything I say is speculation and deduction.  So don't take it as fact.  If you want fact, ask your new missionaries to send your question to the mission president - or introduce you to him, if that's possible.

One thing you need to know is that transfers are a regularly-scheduled thing for all missionaries.  This is not something personal or unusual - it's the norm.

As for speculation:

  1. The missionaries are called to introduce people to the gospel, teach them the basics, so that they can feel the Spirit and decide for themselves whether to join the Church.  These missionaries serve for a set period of time in a place generally away from their home and family.  After this set period of time, they will return to their home and family.  Given these facts:
    1. We don't want people converted to the missionary.  Because the missionary is going to leave, and a missionary isn't something to be converted to - the gospel of Jesus Christ is the thing to be converted to.  (And yes, this has happened - someone really likes the missionary, joins the church, and as soon as the missionary goes home, the person leaves the church - this is not what we want.)
    2. To prevent investigators from getting too attached to the missionary, which could stand in the way of the person being converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ, missionaries are regularly transferred to new areas within the mission boundaries.  Thus, an investigator may work with several sets of missionaries, depending on how long they spend investigating.
  2. The missionaries have a very specific work they are called to do.  If they develop too close a relationship, it can interfere with their work as well as the investigator's focus on the gospel.  Transfers can prevent this problem as well.  (Especially with those of the opposite sex - it's not uncommon to hear about people developing romantic feelings toward a missionary - something which cannot come to anything good - at least, not so long as the missionary is a missionary.)
  3. Ideally, the missionaries should introduce you to people in your ward (a geographic area much smaller than the mission boundaries) so that you can find friends among your neighbors - people who will be around longer than the missionaries.  These are the people with whom you'll want to develop close relationships, since they're the people you would be interacting with over the long run, as your fellow church-goers.

That said, I know of people who have maintained long-distance friendships with people they met on their mission.  They maintain contact by phone, email, social media, and the postal system.  So I would think that you could continue such a relationship with missionaries, but perhaps only after they have completed their missions.

I don't know if that helps at all, but hopefully it gives understanding.  And I hope you'll stick around and let us be your friends as well.

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There are some missions - like ours - that allow missionaries to have Facebook accounts.  They can maintain missionary relationships with investigators they have taught their entire mission through this medium even after they are transferred.  Not all missions have this "feature", though.

But at least this shows that there's no general rule that says missionaries can't continue to communicate with investigators in one area after they are transferred to a different area.  But as @zil succinctly mentioned, a personal relationship with a missionary needs to be limited as it could interfere with one's conversion to Christ.  A personal relationship with the Ward is encouraged.

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Another one occurred to me:  We all learn (and teach) in different ways.  It's possible that one set of missionaries cannot best explain a principle to the investigator, but when they're transferred, a new missionary will say things in just the right way, and it will suddenly make sense for the investigator.

This kind of thing happens all the time in all forms of learning.  Also, someone who is still with the missionaries after the normal length of a missionary transfer probably needs to hear things in different ways.

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14 hours ago, Jimmy Tucker said:

I've been studying with The missionaries for a few months and over this time period have become friends with them and have shared many things with them .. Personal things.. Painful things.. Joyful things.. Introduced them to my son.. Gone on a tour of the temple with them and I've opened up parts of me that I don't open normally.   

It's so hard to find a good friend in this world.. Someone who has your best interest at heart.. Who will stand by you regardless.. Friends like that are like gold. 

So now the transfer call has come and I'm very sad.  But I also have been informed that they can no longer contact me for the remainder of their mission and im wondering if someone on this site can tell me what the reason is for that? I asked them and they don't know so that was a little disturbing so I'm here now asking. 

1) It is a general rule.  But it isn't an absolute.
2) (My personal impression is this)  Their (the missionaries) purpose is to declare the word and teach in the area they are assigned.  If they spend much of their time catching up with people from previous areas, then they will tend to neglect the people in their new areas.
 

The question at this point is why do they transfer?  Why not stay in one area the entire two years?  

The missionaries' purpose is to shepherd you into the ward you're living in.  It is the responsibility of the members of that ward to welcome you into the fellowship of the Church because that is who will be your support structure after the missionaries leave -- either to a new area or to go back home.

Does that help?

Edited by Guest

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14 hours ago, Jimmy Tucker said:

So now the transfer call has come and I'm very sad.  But I also have been informed that they can no longer contact me for the remainder of their mission and im wondering if someone on this site can tell me what the reason is for that? I asked them and they don't know so that was a little disturbing so I'm here now asking. 

The mission president sets this policy, and apparently the mission president over your area has determined that this policy of no contact is best. In my mission 35 years ago, we were allowed to write to investigators in our old areas, as long as they were of the same sex. (We men were not allowed to write to young women, in other words.) I have three sons who have served or are serving missions, and their mission's policy was/is the same as mine, except they use email instead of the postal system. But as I said, this is determined by the mission president according to the needs of his mission and his missionaries, so I guess that's what your area's mission president has decided.

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I don't see how to reply to a certain comment so im posting my reply as a comment.. All those things make sense to me and I thank you for taking the time tu type all that out.. The flip side to having new missionaries cone in and possibly explaining something differently that could help someone's understanding is I really don't feel like having to go back over my life's stories and beliefs etc.. Get to know someone all over again.. Sometimes they tell you things you've already heard from the previous missionary.. Like the keystone analogy etc   it's like you have to go backwards for awhile before forwards.. A person who shepherds another be it a missionary or anybody becomes a special person to that lost sheep.  always.. And I just think to cut off contact is not a good idea.. It could stumble someone right out of the church.  

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20 hours ago, Jimmy Tucker said:

I've been studying with The missionaries for a few months and over this time period have become friends with them and have shared many things with them .. Personal things.. Painful things.. Joyful things.. Introduced them to my son.. Gone on a tour of the temple with them and I've opened up parts of me that I don't open normally.   

It's so hard to find a good friend in this world.. Someone who has your best interest at heart.. Who will stand by you regardless.. Friends like that are like gold. 

So now the transfer call has come and I'm very sad.  But I also have been informed that they can no longer contact me for the remainder of their mission and im wondering if someone on this site can tell me what the reason is for that? I asked them and they don't know so that was a little disturbing so I'm here now asking. 

@Vort stole my answer. 

But I still wanted to welcome you and encourage you to continue asking questions, both here and with your new missionaries. Hopefully you can find some more golden friends along the way. 

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15 hours ago, Jimmy Tucker said:

I don't see how to reply to a certain comment so im posting my reply as a comment.. All those things make sense to me and I thank you for taking the time tu type all that out.. The flip side to having new missionaries cone in and possibly explaining something differently that could help someone's understanding is I really don't feel like having to go back over my life's stories and beliefs etc.. Get to know someone all over again.. Sometimes they tell you things you've already heard from the previous missionary.. Like the keystone analogy etc   it's like you have to go backwards for awhile before forwards.. A person who shepherds another be it a missionary or anybody becomes a special person to that lost sheep.  always.. And I just think to cut off contact is not a good idea.. It could stumble someone right out of the church.  

It is commonly anecdoted that converts have "their missionary".  I investigated the Church after I married my husband.  After about a couple years or so of kicking water near the shore, this missionary very new to his mission came to my house.  He ended up being a very special missionary on my journey but, like all the other missionaries, he got transferred not too long after.  I was sad and it held me back for a while but then it more felt like the training wheels got taken out of my bike so I was forced to pedal on my own.  Almost 2 years later, I bumped into him on the ward's hallway during Sunday School.  Come to find out he got sent to work in the Mission Office for the last week of his mission before he flies back home.  He asked me how my investigation was going and I felt the Spirit was so strong I blurted out I want to be baptized.  "Today.  Right now.  By you."  I had no plans to be baptized, I didn't feel I was there yet or even close to it, but when I saw that missionary, I came to realize that I have been ready for a while without him.

Anyway, lots of investigators that ended up getting baptized in our ward have stories like mine about some special missionary.  We all reflect on them and how they will always be that special missionary.  But we all have the same ending to the story - the missionary eventually goes home.  They get married, they have their own kids, they go on with their lives.  I haven't seen nor talked to my missionary ever since the baptism.  I'm not big on Facebook but I am on it to keep in touch with my family all over the world.  I am happy that FB has become a way for us to see what's going on with our special missionaries these days as they go on with their lives and as we go on with ours.  :)

 

Edited by anatess2

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Thank you for sharing that.. It's nice to know I can be related to.. And to clarify when I said stumble out I didn't mean because I miss my missionary but I mean it's kind of strange from an outsiders view I feel inclined to say.. And honestly an insiders view.. Specifically some missionaries.. After a few months my missionary told me I was their best friend.. And I thought that was strange until I probed a little.. I hope their not reading this hahaha.. But my missionary told me I was the only one they consistently talked to.. And when I asked how the call home went on Christmas they just said " oh all right" I asked why just all right? And they said their family didn't call them by their first name it was brother /sister and their last name and they expressed they just wanted to feel normal for a day and it was a disappointment instead of what was hoped for.  Just the fact that theyre not allowed to contact their investigators but their family also makes me reluctant to keep going.. I know they have to focus on their mission but sending these kids off to foreign places and then not allowing contact to family or keep any new friends made and calling 19 year old boys elders.. Idk it's just strange behavior in my opinion.  And apparently the higher ups in the church are out of touch with the young ones doing this wonderful work and making the sacrifice. But they're so young they're not going to rock the boat. So I will for them.. Having said that everyone I've met at the Wards has been super nice and welcoming and if this is the end of my investigating and attending I have nothing bad to say about the LDS church.. I had preconceptions coming in but they've all been wiped away.  Mormons are good people and I respect their passion.  ambition and love they have for each other.. Others.. And God. 

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7 hours ago, Jimmy Tucker said:

Thank you for sharing that.. It's nice to know I can be related to.. And to clarify when I said stumble out I didn't mean because I miss my missionary but I mean it's kind of strange from an outsiders view I feel inclined to say.. And honestly an insiders view.. Specifically some missionaries.. After a few months my missionary told me I was their best friend.. And I thought that was strange until I probed a little.. I hope their not reading this hahaha.. But my missionary told me I was the only one they consistently talked to.. And when I asked how the call home went on Christmas they just said " oh all right" I asked why just all right? And they said their family didn't call them by their first name it was brother /sister and their last name and they expressed they just wanted to feel normal for a day and it was a disappointment instead of what was hoped for.  Just the fact that theyre not allowed to contact their investigators but their family also makes me reluctant to keep going.. I know they have to focus on their mission but sending these kids off to foreign places and then not allowing contact to family or keep any new friends made and calling 19 year old boys elders.. Idk it's just strange behavior in my opinion.  And apparently the higher ups in the church are out of touch with the young ones doing this wonderful work and making the sacrifice. But they're so young they're not going to rock the boat. So I will for them.. Having said that everyone I've met at the Wards has been super nice and welcoming and if this is the end of my investigating and attending I have nothing bad to say about the LDS church.. I had preconceptions coming in but they've all been wiped away.  Mormons are good people and I respect their passion.  ambition and love they have for each other.. Others.. And God. 

I understand what you mean Jimmy!

By the way, before I reply to the above post... if you want to reply to a specific post, you can click on the little link on the bottom of the post that says "Quote".  If you want to reply to more than 1 post, then you can use the + button on the bottom of each post before you click on the Reply button that should pop up on the bottom right of your screen.

So yeah, I understand what you mean by it being strange.  There's a reason for that, though, and the youth in the church grow up preparing for missions so they know what they're getting into.  Those 2 years (18 months for women) they spend on a mission is 2 years that they dedicate their lives to God.  It is patterned after the time when Jesus called on the 12 Apostles and told them to leave everything behind and be fishers of men.  In those 2 years, these young adults leave everything behind - including their fathers and mothers (see Luke 14:25-27) - to be completely focused on the mission.  They are completely immersed in the work such that they leave all worldly things to remain in the spiritual plane without any distractions.  They don't go to college, they don't watch movies, they don't listen to secular music, they don't go swimming, etc. etc.  18 years old is not too young for this work.  We send 18 year olds to war.  But yes, it is a very difficult thing to do and what these missionaries go through in those 2 years is life-changing.

I have 2 boys of my own - one 14 the other 16.  They have been preparing for a mission since they were old enough to understand what a mission is.  They are excited for it, they look forward to it, they're saving money for it, they go to seminary at 5:45AM before going to school everyday to prepare for it, etc.  Meanwhile, I'm here being worried, hoping they won't get sent to a foreign country, or hoping they will be on a mission area that uses modern communication, a relatively safe area somewhere in Utah, have his college admissions still be valid after 2 years, etc.  In less than 2 years, my first boy will go.  And he will not be my boy for 2 years - he will be Elder AnatessJr.  He'll write letters, he'll call on Mother's Day and Christmas, and he'll be exercising his full power as a Milchezedek Priest.  Over all that worry, though, is an excitement.  I look forward to who my son will become when he comes back to his mother after an honorably served mission.

These are the Mormon youth.  They're special people.

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13 hours ago, anatess2 said:

I understand what you mean Jimmy!

By the way, before I reply to the above post... if you want to reply to a specific post, you can click on the little link on the bottom of the post that says "Quote".  If you want to reply to more than 1 post, then you can use the + button on the bottom of each post before you click on the Reply button that should pop up on the bottom right of your screen.

So yeah, I understand what you mean by it being strange.  There's a reason for that, though, and the youth in the church grow up preparing for missions so they know what they're getting into.  Those 2 years (18 months for women) they spend on a mission is 2 years that they dedicate their lives to God.  It is patterned after the time when Jesus called on the 12 Apostles and told them to leave everything behind and be fishers of men.  In those 2 years, these young adults leave everything behind - including their fathers and mothers (see Luke 14:25-27) - to be completely focused on the mission.  They are completely immersed in the work such that they leave all worldly things to remain in the spiritual plane without any distractions.  They don't go to college, they don't watch movies, they don't listen to secular music, they don't go swimming, etc. etc.  18 years old is not too young for this work.  We send 18 year olds to war.  But yes, it is a very difficult thing to do and what these missionaries go through in those 2 years is life-changing.

I have 2 boys of my own - one 14 the other 16.  They have been preparing for a mission since they were old enough to understand what a mission is.  They are excited for it, they look forward to it, they're saving money for it, they go to seminary at 5:45AM before going to school everyday to prepare for it, etc.  Meanwhile, I'm here being worried, hoping they won't get sent to a foreign country, or hoping they will be on a mission area that uses modern communication, a relatively safe area somewhere in Utah, have his college admissions still be valid after 2 years, etc.  In less than 2 years, my first boy will go.  And he will not be my boy for 2 years - he will be Elder AnatessJr.  He'll write letters, he'll call on Mother's Day and Christmas, and he'll be exercising his full power as a Milchezedek Priest.  Over all that worry, though, is an excitement.  I look forward to who my son will become when he comes back to his mother after an honorably served mission.

These are the Mormon youth.  They're special people.

Well that's also something unique I will say this time haha.. Why quote somebody... It shows your whole comment again before my reply but I've already read it and to quote means to repeat something someone else said but I'm writing a new comment it should say reply much easier but anyways... 

It's patterned after the time Jesus called on his Apostles I understand.. the enormous difference however is Jesus was 30 not 18... Idk how old the apostles were but I feel safe saying they weren't teenagers. And personally I don't believe there's any way to prepare for a mission... Or simulate what they're about to experience or practice.. It's like everything else in life you have to experience things hands on to really learn. 

But I'm not here to disagree or argue I'm happy for you and your boys you seem happy so that's wonderful and yes they are special it really amazes me how much knowledge each missionary I've spoken too has.. Blows me away.. When I was that age I wasn't like that I was very immature and still am honestly and so as admirable a trait as that is I wonder if in reaching that goal of preparedness they missed out on the most pure and innocent and best part of life.. Being a kid. 

PS... You're joking that they cant go swimming right? Lol

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9 hours ago, Jimmy Tucker said:

Well that's also something unique I will say this time haha.. Why quote somebody... It shows your whole comment again before my reply but I've already read it and to quote means to repeat something someone else said but I'm writing a new comment it should say reply much easier but anyways... 

It's patterned after the time Jesus called on his Apostles I understand.. the enormous difference however is Jesus was 30 not 18... Idk how old the apostles were but I feel safe saying they weren't teenagers. And personally I don't believe there's any way to prepare for a mission... Or simulate what they're about to experience or practice.. It's like everything else in life you have to experience things hands on to really learn. 

But I'm not here to disagree or argue I'm happy for you and your boys you seem happy so that's wonderful and yes they are special it really amazes me how much knowledge each missionary I've spoken too has.. Blows me away.. When I was that age I wasn't like that I was very immature and still am honestly and so as admirable a trait as that is I wonder if in reaching that goal of preparedness they missed out on the most pure and innocent and best part of life.. Being a kid. 

PS... You're joking that they cant go swimming right? Lol

LOL.  Yeah, Reply vs quote!  You got a point!

No swimming!  No joke!  Yep!  I'm sure there's lots more stuff they can't do than just swimming.

I guess I have a different perspective since I'm Filipino.  We don't have "child labor laws" like they do here in the US.  You're old enough to walk, you're old enough to farm!  :)  So, in my hometown, there's this little island separated from the bigger island by a sandbar.  The sandbar goes under water at high tide.  The school is in the big island, so the kids from the little island wait for low tide then they walk across the sandbar to go to school then wait for low tide again to go back home.  Well, since school is shorter than the period between low tides, these kids work at the big island.  So you got 5 year olds working at this warehouse stringing jewelry or braiding rope or carving coconut shells.  You might wonder... when do they get to play and just be a kid?  Well, that entire day - they're being a kid.  School is play, stringing jewelry is play, etc.  They're not forced to do it - they want to do it.  It's a different cultural mindset.  So, city kids would play with legos and such, island kids play with coconuts, building them into bracelets of various designs and the like.  They don't just sit infront of the blackboard all day being bored.  They're very much engaged like it's a game learning the alphabet.  I mean, school has to be fun for these kids to take the trouble to leave their homes at daybreak, walk miles through a sandbar day after day after day.  Their parents are just fine teaching their kids themselves.  There's no - you have to go to school or the government will take your kid away laws there.  So, the cultural mindset there is that work is play, school is play, everything is play!  It's fun and it's loud (yeah, one thing I don't like about US schools is they demand the kids be quiet and don't move!) and there's tons of interaction with other kids and there's fights and yes, there's also bullying and cliques and those regular kid stuff - but above all the noise is the objective of accomplishing a specific goal.  So play is directed to a desired end-result, it's not just play just to play... it's play to make jewelry or some such.  And then, of course, some American journalist comes over, gets shocked that there are little kids working at the warehouse, so he goes back to America and start a movement to get it shut down... ugh.  Now kids have nothing to do.  It's not like they can afford to have legos!  So a lot of the kids become druggies!

Anyway, my kids... they're city kids.  First world city even.  But they grew up under Filipino and American culture.   Life is mission prep.  They desire to learn to cook, clean, do laundry because by 18 they're going on a mission and mom won't be there to do those things.  They desire to earn money and save it for their mission fund and life beyond.  They don't drink, smoke, cuss, engage in bad behavior, have sex, watch porn, etc. etc.  They learn the gospel, gain a testimony, have a personal relationship with God, qualify for the Priesthood.  That's who they are.  They're not forced to do it, they want to do it.  Of course, they're being kids - they play, they go to school, etc.  I got a kid who is a serious musician (even makes gas money teaching piano to kids), jiu-jitsu green belt (about to be blue belt since he just turned 16),  spends too much time playing Dungeons and Dragons, voracious reader of fantasy books, with a girlfriend, and President of the Priest Quorum.  His younger brother is a drummer, jiu-jitsu yellow belt, JROTC Sgt 1st Class, gun enthusiast sharp-shooter, voracious reader of history, spends too much time playing video games, and President of the Teacher's Quorum.  But above all that is the objective of accomplishing a specific goal - to be righteous and Godly in everything they do and qualify for a mission.

I guess what it is... is a lifestyle.

  

 

Edited by anatess2

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16 hours ago, Jimmy Tucker said:

Why quote somebody... It shows your whole comment again before my reply but I've already read it and to quote means to repeat something someone else said but I'm writing a new comment it should say reply much easier but anyways...

You can also just highlight the part you are replying to and click the "Quote this" button that shows up, or quote the whole thing and then delete the parts that don't apply. As for why quote, it puts your comments in context and notifies the person you are responding to. It's definitely not required, but can be useful.

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7 hours ago, anatess2 said:

LOL.  Yeah, Reply vs quote!  You got a point!

No swimming!  No joke!  Yep!  I'm sure there's lots more stuff they can't do than just swimming.

I guess I have a different perspective since I'm Filipino.  We don't have "child labor laws" like they do here in the US.  You're old enough to walk, you're old enough to farm!  :)  So, in my hometown, there's this little island separated from the bigger island by a sandbar.  The sandbar goes under water at high tide.  The school is in the big island, so the kids from the little island wait for low tide then they walk across the sandbar to go to school then wait for low tide again to go back home.  Well, since school is shorter than the period between low tides, these kids work at the big island.  So you got 5 year olds working at this warehouse stringing jewelry or braiding rope or carving coconut shells.  You might wonder... when do they get to play and just be a kid?  Well, that entire day - they're being a kid.  School is play, stringing jewelry is play, etc.  They're not forced to do it - they want to do it.  It's a different cultural mindset.  So, city kids would play with legos and such, island kids play with coconuts, building them into bracelets of various designs and the like.  They don't just sit infront of the blackboard all day being bored.  They're very much engaged like it's a game learning the alphabet.  I mean, school has to be fun for these kids to take the trouble to leave their homes at daybreak, walk miles through a sandbar day after day after day.  Their parents are just fine teaching their kids themselves.  There's no - you have to go to school or the government will take your kid away laws there.  So, the cultural mindset there is that work is play, school is play, everything is play!  It's fun and it's loud (yeah, one thing I don't like about US schools is they demand the kids be quiet and don't move!) and there's tons of interaction with other kids and there's fights and yes, there's also bullying and cliques and those regular kid stuff - but above all the noise is the objective of accomplishing a specific goal.  So play is directed to a desired end-result, it's not just play just to play... it's play to make jewelry or some such.  And then, of course, some American journalist comes over, gets shocked that there are little kids working at the warehouse, so he goes back to America and start a movement to get it shut down... ugh.  Now kids have nothing to do.  It's not like they can afford to have legos!  So a lot of the kids become druggies!

Anyway, my kids... they're city kids.  First world city even.  But they grew up under Filipino and American culture.   Life is mission prep.  They desire to learn to cook, clean, do laundry because by 18 they're going on a mission and mom won't be there to do those things.  They desire to earn money and save it for their mission fund and life beyond.  They don't drink, smoke, cuss, engage in bad behavior, have sex, watch porn, etc. etc.  They learn the gospel, gain a testimony, have a personal relationship with God, qualify for the Priesthood.  That's who they are.  They're not forced to do it, they want to do it.  Of course, they're being kids - they play, they go to school, etc.  I got a kid who is a serious musician (even makes gas money teaching piano to kids), jiu-jitsu green belt (about to be blue belt since he just turned 16),  spends too much time playing Dungeons and Dragons, voracious reader of fantasy books, with a girlfriend, and President of the Priest Quorum.  His younger brother is a drummer, jiu-jitsu yellow belt, JROTC Sgt 1st Class, gun enthusiast sharp-shooter, voracious reader of history, spends too much time playing video games, and President of the Teacher's Quorum.  But above all that is the objective of accomplishing a specific goal - to be righteous and Godly in everything they do and qualify for a mission.

I guess what it is... is a lifestyle.

  

 

So if one of  you're children told you they didn't want to be a missionary what would you say? 

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5 minutes ago, Jimmy Tucker said:

So if one of  you're children told you they didn't want to be a missionary what would you say? 

(This reply is assuming that this "I don't want to be a missionary" is said earnestly after earnestly praying/thinking/studying about it).

My reply: "Ok.   Why's that, and what task do you feel God is leading to your instead?"

Being prepared for a mission benefits you whether or not you serve a mission.  Things like learning to listen to God, building your faith, learning maturity, taking care of yourself, etc are just great skills for any task in your life.  I myself prepped 18 years for a mission, and then felt God calling me elsewhere.  

Edited by Jane_Doe

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42 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

(This reply is assuming that this "I don't want to be a missionary" is said earnestly after earnestly praying/thinking/studying about it).

My reply: "Ok.   Why's that, and what task do you feel God is leading to your instead?"

Being prepared for a mission benefits you whether or not you serve a mission.  Things like learning to listen to God, building your faith, learning maturity, taking care of yourself, etc are just great skills for any task in your life.  I myself prepped 18 years for a mission, and then felt God calling me elsewhere.  

I agree.. Doing all those things.. Preparing.. Studying. Praying etc.. Can only bring you closer to God whether you serve as a missionary or not.. What bad could come from keeping ones self busy in the Lords work? None of course. 

But you didn't really address my question.. You just asked another question...what if your child said.. " I don't feel God leading me anywhere.. I just wanna do my own thing I'm 18 now"..? 

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31 minutes ago, Jimmy Tucker said:

But you didn't really address my question.. You just asked another question...what if your child said.. " I don't feel God leading me anywhere.. I just wanna do my own thing I'm 18 now"..? 

Whether or not a person is a formal full-time missionary, life is about following God's lead.  God could be leading a person to a certain degree, another service project, internal development, etc.  For my own journey, I had major mental health issues, and needed to focus on healing and growing.  I also transferred colleges and found the degree where I'm fulfilled and able to serve Christ in.  But whatever a person's path is, we should always be following God.  If they need help praying about listening to that lead, I'm happy to help mentor and guide.

But for someone (anyone) to say "I don't want to follow God- forget him- I'm more important than God"... that's a major problem in my mind.  I would sit down with them, and chat with them, trying to figure out why they are in such rebellion against God.  And always, love them.  

Edited by Jane_Doe

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37 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

Whether or not a person is a formal full-time missionary, life is about following God's lead.  God could be leading a person to a certain degree, another service project, internal development, etc.  For my own journey, I had major mental health issues, and needed to focus on healing and growing.  I also transferred colleges and found the degree where I'm fulfilled and able to serve Christ in.  But whatever a person's path is, we should always be following God.  If they need help praying about listening to that lead, I'm happy to help mentor and guide.

But for someone (anyone) to say "I don't want to follow God- forget him- I'm more important than God"... that's a major problem in my mind.  I would sit down with them, and chat with them, trying to figure out why they are in such rebellion against God.  And always, love them.  

I get what you're saying.. I wasn't  going so far as to say "forget God  I'm more important than him" if that's what you took  from that then don't. 

I guess by point is im wondering how much of it is truly desiring to serve as a missionary and how much is subtle pressure from family.. Other church members.. Peers... And/or not wanting to disappoint the aforementioned groups. Living your life for God is one thing.. Living your life for other people is quite another. 

Are there kids who decide not to take the missionary road? I'm just curious and well as the church would say I'm investigating.. Haha. 

And if there are what happens.. Are they looked down upon or murmured about? 

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21 minutes ago, Jimmy Tucker said:

I guess by point is im wondering how much of it is truly desiring to serve as a missionary and how much is subtle pressure from family.. Other church members.. Peers... And/or not wanting to disappoint the aforementioned groups. Living your life for God is one thing.. Living your life for other people is quite another. 

A person *should* go on a mission out of their desire to serve God, and them feeling that prompting.  That's not to say some don't go because of family/peer/church pressure, because some certainly do, but that is not the desired goal.

21 minutes ago, Jimmy Tucker said:

Are there kids who decide not to take the missionary road? I'm just curious and well as the church would say I'm investigating.. Haha. 

And if there are what happens.. Are they looked down upon or murmured about? 

Yep.  Like I said, I myself declined to go.  God told me that I needed to get my mental health in order and overcome some big things going on in my life.  I was indeed very blessed because I followed Him in this regard.  As far as receiving pressure to go, I didn't receive pressure from random church members or family members (with one exception, but she pushes on everything, and backed off when I told her to).   Many people were very supportive of my decision to forge ahead as I did.

Obviously other people have other stories, I'm just sharing mine.

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14 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

A person *should* go on a mission out of their desire to serve God, and them feeling that prompting.  That's not to say some don't go because of family/peer/church pressure, because some certainly do, but that is not the desired goal.

Yep.  Like I said, I myself declined to go.  God told me that I needed to get my mental health in order and overcome some big things going on in my life.  I was indeed very blessed because I followed Him in this regard.  As far as receiving pressure to go, I didn't receive pressure from random church members or family members (with one exception, but she pushes on everything, and backed off when I told her to).   Many people were very supportive of my decision to forge ahead as I did.

Obviously other people have other stories, I'm just sharing mine.

I mean not to offend you when I say this but you're speaking about missionaries and the mission and the experience etc when you yourself didn't take that road so you're pretty much just giving an opinion.  I've spoken to missionaries currently in their mission and they're not all exactly having the time if their lives and I don't know that because I go probing it just comes up in conversatjon .. I would just like to see them be able to call home and not be so isolated they're kids ya know.. 

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6 minutes ago, Jimmy Tucker said:

I mean not to offend you when I say this but you're speaking about missionaries and the mission and the experience etc when you yourself didn't take that road so you're pretty much just giving an opinion.  I've spoken to missionaries currently in their mission and they're not all exactly having the time if their lives and I don't know that because I go probing it just comes up in conversatjon .. I would just like to see them be able to call home and not be so isolated they're kids ya know.. 

Missionary life is HARD.  Not I, nor any other LDS person will tell you otherwise.  I remember my sisters struggling so hard on theirs- language stuff, physical demands, strange/gross conditions (like Amazon bugs, getting sick), get along with people, etc.  

Though, for what it's worth, I actually talked to each of my sisters more when they were on their missions than before.  Every Monday I and each one of them would email back and forth about things for an hour*.  (LDS missionaries only call/Skype home twice a year, but spend an hour emailing friends/family every week).  So that's when we would chat: spending that hour swapping emails.  It was just "us" time, unlike before their missions when they were always running around doing sports/hangout/school etc and we'd never get and hour to just sit and just talk.  We really grew closer.  

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On 1/19/2018 at 5:30 PM, Jane_Doe said:

Missionary life is HARD.  Not I, nor any other LDS person will tell you otherwise.  I remember my sisters struggling so hard on theirs- language stuff, physical demands, strange/gross conditions (like Amazon bugs, getting sick), get along with people, etc.  

Though, for what it's worth, I actually talked to each of my sisters more when they were on their missions than before.  Every Monday I and each one of them would email back and forth about things for an hour*.  (LDS missionaries only call/Skype home twice a year, but spend an hour emailing friends/family every week).  So that's when we would chat: spending that hour swapping emails.  It was just "us" time, unlike before their missions when they were always running around doing sports/hangout/school etc and we'd never get and hour to just sit and just talk.  We really grew closer.  

Yes life is hard...hard enough without making it harder on ourselves .. I'm curious where does the 2 year mission and age for the mission stem from? Is there any Scriptures backing it up? 

That's interesting about your sisters.. We get so caught up in our lives we don't make time for whats important.  we lose perspective so easily. That's  cool you became closer.  can I ask if you were able to maintain it when they finished the mission? 

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8 hours ago, Jimmy Tucker said:

I'm curious where does the 2 year mission and age for the mission stem from? Is there any Scriptures backing it up? 

The age and duration of missions is set by current policy, not scriptural doctrine.  So it does change through time, most recently about 6 years ago.  Currently the policy is:

Young men (age 18-25) serve 2 years.  Before 6 years ago it was age 19-25.

Young women (age 19-flexiable) serve 18 months.  Before it was 21-flexiable. 

Older single sisters (>25) is flexible.

Also have flexibility for older (empty nester) couples.  

8 hours ago, Jimmy Tucker said:

That's interesting about your sisters.. We get so caught up in our lives we don't make time for whats important.  we lose perspective so easily. That's  cool you became closer.  can I ask if you were able to maintain it when they finished the mission? 

Totally "amen" to loosing perspective so easily.   As to my sisters, being close and being their for each other leaves a mark and a depth that ever goes away.  As to how often we talk since then, it's waxed and waned depending on the sister and what's going on.  Like one of them we talked a lot for a little bit after we got home, then she got super distracted with dating/engaged/wedding + graduating/getting her dream job.  Now as married a woman working the dream job, we talk less frequently (~10 wks) but they are super high quality and we're very close (note: her nursing job dictates the "when we can talk" schedule).  

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On 1/19/2018 at 5:13 PM, Jimmy Tucker said:

So if one of  you're children told you they didn't want to be a missionary what would you say? 

I'd ask Why.  What I would say would depend on his answer to Why.  For example:

"I don't want to because I'd rather go join the military".  "Ok, look here son.  I'm not comfortable with you going to war, missions are a lot less dangerous in my opinion.  But if that's what you feel is the best path to serving God, let's make a deal - do what needs to be done to become an officer or the guy driving drones or the guy doing stuff at the Pentagon". 

"I don't want to because I think this Church is full of crap".  "Somewhere along the road, I failed in my teaching.  Give me until you're 18 to teach you better and if you still feel the same way then go on and search for what God has planned for you elsewhere.".

"I don't want to because I'd rather live in the basement, go on 4chan, and eat chicken tendies."  "No soup for you."

In any case, I never told them they have to go on a mission.  As a matter of fact, their dad did not go on a mission.  They simply want to and I'm not discouraging it.

Edited by anatess2

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