Marriage 101 FOR DUDES. From a totally unqualified man

[zil]

1 minute ago, Lee said:

@JayKi that is a no.

I think you might be assuming facts not in evidence.  I don't know whether God considers this a sin.  I don't know whether it's disobedient to the command to "leave" one's parents and to love one's wife with "all".  I just don't know how God would see this.

Personally, I think it's a potentially dangerous place to be in and not consistent with those scriptures.

On the other hand, I think the "emotion" of love is mostly crockville, and I have no earthly idea how to translate "I love my mother more" (spoken by some stranger on the internet) into something meaningful.  And I'm not going to pursue gaining more meaning because it's not my business.  You asked a question.  I gave you resources which, if you choose, would allow you to ponder and pray (for more than 5 minutes or even 5 days) and learn from God what He thinks.  Whether, how, when you do that is your business, as is the end result.

[BeccaKirstyn]

22 hours ago, Lee said:

I have cared for a child before, when my nephew was born I was in the delivery room and I lived with my sister in law to help her care for him. I found it too hard and even though she needed my help I left. I loved my sister in law and nephew but I couldn't do it. My nephew lives with me now he is 8 and I still find it hard to care for him. I know I'm not ready to be a parent and I'd rather leave than mess up my child's life. 

That wasn’t your child though. It is a completely different bond/relationship when it is your own flesh and blood. 

You can keep telling yourself you're not cut out to raise a kid and guess what? You’ll prove yourself right cause you’re not letting yourself be anything different. But if you ACTUALLY want to try to be a good dad, let go of these foolish notions and ideas of not being cut out for it. Go to the Lord. Ask for His help. 

 

Dont just assume what is best for your child. Let the Lord guide your actions. 

Edited June 10, 2018 by BeccaKirstyn

[Guest MormonGator]

2 hours ago, zil said:

I have no earthly idea how to translate "I love my mother more" 

"A boys best friend is his mother"-Norman Bates 

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

9 hours ago, MormonGator said:

"A boys best friend is his mother"-Norman Bates 

I was like....Oh how sweet *thinks of sons*....WAIT what?!    

 

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

13 hours ago, Lee said:

I have cared for a child before, when my nephew was born I was in the delivery room and I lived with my sister in law to help her care for him. I found it too hard and even though she needed my help I left. I loved my sister in law and nephew but I couldn't do it. My nephew lives with me now he is 8 and I still find it hard to care for him. I know I'm not ready to be a parent and I'd rather leave than mess up my child's life. 

Lee, this is NOT the same as having your own child, trust me.  NOT the same at all.   

If you leave you will be messing up your child's life....trust me, I never met my father . . . leaving is not the answer. 

[Lee]

18 hours ago, MormonGator said:

"A boys best friend is his mother"-Norman Bates 

My mother is one of my best friends. Are you trying to say I am a psycho ? 

[Lee]

9 hours ago, LiterateParakeet said:

Lee, this is NOT the same as having your own child, trust me.  NOT the same at all.   

I love my nephew like he is my son, I am also his god father. 

 

9 hours ago, LiterateParakeet said:

If you leave you will be messing up your child's life....trust me, I never met my father . . . leaving is not the answer. 

I am going to try to be there for my wife and child. 

[Grunt]

On 6/8/2018 at 3:00 PM, Lee said:

I am not excited about having my life destroyed and likely I will love my mother more.

Something you probably should have considered before you got married and created a child.

[Lee]

33 minutes ago, Grunt said:

Something you probably should have considered before you got married and created a child.

When my wife and I married I wasn't opposed to kids I just wanted to plan it properly, it is only since I found out she is pregnant that I feel this way. 

[Grunt]

9 minutes ago, Lee said:

When my wife and I married I wasn't opposed to kids I just wanted to plan it properly, it is only since I found out she is pregnant that I feel this way. 

Then it's time to put on your big boy pants and be a husband and a father.

[Guest MormonGator]

1 hour ago, Lee said:

My mother is one of my best friends. Are you trying to say I am a psycho ? 

I don't know you well enough to make a comment on your mental stability. 

I find it weird when a grown man calls his mother his best friend though. Not psycho weird, just weird. 

[Lee]

33 minutes ago, Grunt said:

Then it's time to put on your big boy pants and be a husband and a father.

 

I am a great husband. 

Just because it was easy for you to be a good father doesn't mean it is for everyone. 

Edited June 10, 2018 by Lee

[Grunt]

Just now, Lee said:

Just because it was easy for you doesn't mean it is for everyone. 

Easy?  HA!  You think parenting is easy?  I don't think it's going to be easy for you at all.  Whether or not it's "easy" is completely irrelevant.

[JayKi]

10 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

I don't know you well enough to make a comment on your mental stability. 

I find it weird when a grown man calls his mother his best friend though. Not psycho weird, just weird. 

My mother is one of my best friend. I dont think is uncommon or weird. Maybe you were no close with you own mother. 

[Midwest LDS]

3 minutes ago, Lee said:

 

I am a great husband. 

Just because it was easy for you to be a good father doesn't mean it is for everyone. 

Parenting is not easy for anybody. I'm a new father myself, and my wife and I had six years to prepare for and have our kid (infertility) and it was still hard. But most worthwhile things are hard. A lot of times when talking about raising kids we like to focus on the negative, but let me tell you, the first time your baby looks up at you, and bursts into a huge smile while you are getting ready for work, your world will change. I cannot describe how much joy comes from parenting, or how much I've learned about God in the short 3 months since my daughter showed up. Do not let fear ruin one of life's greatest joys for you.

[Overwatch]

14 minutes ago, JayKi said:

My mother is one of my best friend. I dont think is uncommon or weird. Maybe you were no close with you own mother. 

Sup Jayki,

They are disagreeing with Lee because he said his mother was higher on his importance scale than his wife.

[Lee]

3 minutes ago, Overwatch said:

Sup Jayki,

They are disagreeing with Lee because he said his mother was higher on his importance scale than his wife.

I never said that. My wife is of course my priority. 

[Overwatch]

On 6/8/2018 at 1:47 PM, Lee said:

I do cleave only to my wife but that doesn't mean I can't love my mother more than her.  

Okie

[Guest MormonGator]

1 hour ago, JayKi said:

My mother is one of my best friend. I dont think is uncommon or weird. Maybe you were no close with you own mother. 

If it works for you, great. 

The irony is that I can 100% guarantee you that my own mother would find it very odd if I called her my "best friend". 

[JayKi]

On 6/9/2018 at 9:29 PM, Lee said:

I have cared for a child before, when my nephew was born I was in the delivery room and I lived with my sister in law to help her care for him. I found it too hard and even though she needed my help I left. I loved my sister in law and nephew but I couldn't do it. My nephew lives with me now he is 8 and I still find it hard to care for him. I know I'm not ready to be a parent and I'd rather leave than mess up my child's life. 

My sister show me this picture apparently is easy to be parent. 

 

Also, I know people  in Costa Rica who is amazing to me their kids are still alive and you get to raise your kid in America with you wife and you both educated so you be fine. 

[Lee]

1 hour ago, JayKi said:

My sister show me this picture apparently is easy to be parent. 

 

Also, I know people  in Costa Rica who is amazing to me their kids are still alive and you get to raise your kid in America with you wife and you both educated so you be fine. 



I think I can manage that.

[unixknight]

My heart goes out to a child whose father not only plans to be minimally involved in his/her life, but is so committed to that course that he's actively trying to convince a group of Mormons that this is a-ok.

I wonder if he would still openly proclaim his greater love for his mother than for his wife if it turned out Mom felt the same way about becoming a parent as he does now?

@Lee Brother, what you're describing here is the makings of a dysfunctional family.  A guy who intends to dump the lion's share of the parenting effort onto a wife he openly admits to loving less than his mother.  Yeesh.

You say you put your wife as your top priority but your other comments belie that statement.  I gently recommend that you take some time to meditate and pray about these matters for the sake of your family and yourself.

I know what it is to become a dad when you don't feel ready, so I know of what I speak.  I was 18 when my first son was born.  Was I too young?  Yeah.  Did that relieve me of my new role as dad?  Nope.  

Realtalk: In all likelihood you will hold that baby for the first time and you will find all the love in the world.  You'll find it within yourself to do your best as a dad and it will be fine.  Let it happen.  Yeah, you'll look back on this thread and cringe when you think about it, but that's ok.  What matters is how you handle things on that day and all the days ahead.

 

[Lee]

55 minutes ago, unixknight said:

My heart goes out to a child whose father not only plans to be minimally involved in his/her life, but is so committed to that course that he's actively trying to convince a group of Mormons that this is a-ok.

I wonder if he would still openly proclaim his greater love for his mother than for his wife if it turned out Mom felt the same way about becoming a parent as he does now?

@Lee Brother, what you're describing here is the makings of a dysfunctional family.  A guy who intends to dump the lion's share of the parenting effort onto a wife he openly admits to loving less than his mother.  Yeesh.

You say you put your wife as your top priority but your other comments belie that statement.  I gently recommend that you take some time to meditate and pray about these matters for the sake of your family and yourself.

I know what it is to become a dad when you don't feel ready, so I know of what I speak.  I was 18 when my first son was born.  Was I too young?  Yeah.  Did that relieve me of my new role as dad?  Nope.  

Realtalk: In all likelihood you will hold that baby for the first time and you will find all the love in the world.  You'll find it within yourself to do your best as a dad and it will be fine.  Let it happen.  Yeah, you'll look back on this thread and cringe when you think about it, but that's ok.  What matters is how you handle things on that day and all the days ahead.

 

I didn't say anything wrong or that I will regret saying. My wife is very lucky to have me I am the best husband possible to her. My child will be blessed to have me as his father too

 

Everyone has their opinion though and I know how important family is so I see why you may think these things about me.

Edited June 11, 2018 by Lee

[unixknight]

40 minutes ago, Lee said:

My wife is very lucky to have me I am the best husband possible to her. My child will be blessed to have me as his father too

If your plan is to be distant and minimal as a dad, then these statements are false, sir.

[Lee]

48 minutes ago, unixknight said:

If your plan is to be distant and minimal as a dad, then these statements are false, sir.

I am not going to be distant from my family.