Trying to Get to the Temple

[amr123]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year, now. We've intended to get married for a long time, but have struggled with inappropriate touching. I'm just curious how long a bishop  would usually make someone wait to get married in the temple under these circumstances... Does anyone have experience with this? Can you go once you're worthy of a regular temple recommend? (Neither of us are endowed.)

[Jane_Doe]

17 minutes ago, amr123 said:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year, now. We've intended to get married for a long time, but have struggled with inappropriate touching. I'm just curious how long a bishop  would usually make someone wait to get married in the temple under these circumstances... Does anyone have experience with this? Can you go once you're worthy of a regular temple recommend? (Neither of us are endowed.)

What you're going through is very common, but everyone's journey is individual.  Which is why you have an individualized guide to help you through it (your bishop).  A bishop doesn't slap a rote penalty on people for doing X like this was a game of Monopoly ("go directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200").  Rather, the bishop is there to help you change so you can have a healthier/stronger place with yourself, your boyfriend, and God.   This doesn't just involve washing off your past sins, but forging new healthy behaviors so you/your relationship can get stronger/better.   It lends to a much stronger/healthier relationship while dating and when a couple is married.

So we on the forum cannot tell you how long your individualized journey is going to take.  Change does take time, after all.  But it is GOOD.  And once you're in that healthy spot, yes you can go to the temple, participate in ordinances, and all those great things.  

So, get started to getting healthy by giving your bishop a call!

[Guest]

7 hours ago, amr123 said:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year, now. We've intended to get married for a long time, but have struggled with inappropriate touching. I'm just curious how long a bishop  would usually make someone wait to get married in the temple under these circumstances... Does anyone have experience with this? Can you go once you're worthy of a regular temple recommend? (Neither of us are endowed.)

Often, as long as you "haven't gone all the way" the standard is less strict.  But the bishop does still have discretion based upon the individual circumstance.

[prisonchaplain]

Maybe some that have served as bishops, or know those who have, can answer this outsider question. Given that the Apostle Paul says marriages is especially appropriate for those who yearn, if the couple mentioned in the OP had refrained from fornication, and confess to nevertheless being inappropriate, would not part of a bishop's thinking be to encourage them along as quickly as possible, so they can be faithful to one another as a family? I would not suggest "rewarding" failures in this area, but if the couple is truly loving, and repents of past indiscretions, my intuition would be to hurry them along in their love and faith journey.

[JohnsonJones]

10 hours ago, prisonchaplain said:

Maybe some that have served as bishops, or know those who have, can answer this outsider question. Given that the Apostle Paul says marriages is especially appropriate for those who yearn, if the couple mentioned in the OP had refrained from fornication, and confess to nevertheless being inappropriate, would not part of a bishop's thinking be to encourage them along as quickly as possible, so they can be faithful to one another as a family? I would not suggest "rewarding" failures in this area, but if the couple is truly loving, and repents of past indiscretions, my intuition would be to hurry them along in their love and faith journey.

I would say it really depends on the situation that they are in?  What do they mean when they talk about their sin?  How far has it actually gone? 

How worthy do THEY feel and how strongly are they to get married?  Are they engaged?

It is very hard to tell exactly what would happen, each situation is different.

I could say an option would be to advise them to stop doing such things immediately.  That they both would be on a probationary period of a month, but during that time they must seek their own repentance and forgiveness from the Lord.  If they remain righteous and wish to be married, and feel they can remain righteous, it could be they could get a temple recommend to be married the week after that even.

But that is just ONE option of many various things.  There are so many variables it is impossible to tell.  The best suggestion is for them to go to their Bishop and talk to him about it, sincerely seeking repentance and the miracle of forgiveness. 

It may be not as serious as some may think it sounds.  It could be they could be able to go to the temple immediately, or it could be far longer, depending on the circumstances and seriousness of the sin.

[anatess2]

13 hours ago, prisonchaplain said:

Maybe some that have served as bishops, or know those who have, can answer this outsider question. Given that the Apostle Paul says marriages is especially appropriate for those who yearn, if the couple mentioned in the OP had refrained from fornication, and confess to nevertheless being inappropriate, would not part of a bishop's thinking be to encourage them along as quickly as possible, so they can be faithful to one another as a family? I would not suggest "rewarding" failures in this area, but if the couple is truly loving, and repents of past indiscretions, my intuition would be to hurry them along in their love and faith journey.

There are worthiness requirements to get a temple recommend.  So, yes, those who yearn are encouraged to get married.  Getting a temple recommend to marry in the temple is a whole 'nother ball of wax.  The bishop has legal authority to officiate a marriage outside the temple.

Edited November 29, 2018 by anatess2

[prisonchaplain]

Thank you @JohnsonJones and @anatess2. Everything you say is spot on. I'm curious as to how people react to the idea that if two people are in love and are heavily tempted, the church community might do well to prepare them well for marriage rather than focus so heavily on reminders about chastity. This is a problem in the larger Christian community. People are waiting until almost 30 to marry, but still have few skills that give them confidence to succeed.

[Vort]

2 minutes ago, prisonchaplain said:

the church community might do well to prepare them well for marriage rather than focus so heavily on reminders about chastity.

Why is it a choice? Can't we have both?

[prisonchaplain]

1 hour ago, Vort said:

Why is it a choice? Can't we have both?

We need too! Definitely. My own experience, way way back in the 1970s, was a series of 7 films by Christian doctor of child development, James Dobson. The film series was called Focus on the Family, and of course a great organization grew out of that effort. So, that was my prep for marriage and family. In hindsight, it was good stuff. Sadly, I suspect that within Evangelicalism, I probably had better training that most of my generation--and far better than what many youth get today. I made the contrast with chastity teaching, not to diminish the importance of sexual purity, but to suggest that our youth have gotten that message loud and clear, but not so much about the strategies and teachings about positive husband/wife and father/mother roles. As I said above, I suspect this is a concern across much of Christianity--at least in the more conservative churches.

Edited November 30, 2018 by prisonchaplain

[askandanswer]

On 11/28/2018 at 4:50 PM, amr123 said:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year, now. We've intended to get married for a long time, but have struggled with inappropriate touching. I'm just curious how long a bishop  would usually make someone wait to get married in the temple under these circumstances... Does anyone have experience with this? Can you go once you're worthy of a regular temple recommend? (Neither of us are endowed.)

I suggest that instead of us asking, you ask your Bishop. He knows better than we what he will do. We can give you speculation, advice, guesses and experiences. He can give you the answer.  

[seashmore]

On 11/27/2018 at 11:50 PM, amr123 said:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year, now. We've intended to get married for a long time, but have struggled with inappropriate touching. I'm just curious how long a bishop  would usually make someone wait to get married in the temple under these circumstances... Does anyone have experience with this? Can you go once you're worthy of a regular temple recommend? (Neither of us are endowed.)

Definitely meet with your bishop to get solid answers.  I don't know how long he will make you wait, but I practically guarantee he will encourage you to cease the inappropriate touching.  Follow the guidelines outlined in the For the Strength of Youth.  Something he may ask you (and I suggest you ask yourselves) is if you have "intended to get married for a long time," why haven't you?  I suggest each of you start preparing individually to receive your own endowment.  Grunt just started a lovely thread about this recently that is full of resources to help out.