Please can I ask your advice on finding a church to attend with my girlfriend.

[Alia]

1 hour ago, AbramM said:

😂I don't want to be a bachelor till the rapture. I want to get married  

2 hours ago, Alia said:

Well whether you marry her or not, I tend to think you shouldn't. I doubt that you will be bachelor till the rapture. 

[AbramM]

16 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

This is wise.   Never have things set up to be "well, *if* you convert, then I'll marry you".  That makes a person choose between the human they love and God, which is never a place you want to be or put someone in.   You are wise not to do that.

2 hours ago, AbramM said:

She doesn't need to convert to be with me she is already a christian, she just needs to find a church she wants to go to that I want to go to too. Which, was my original condition on marriage. 

24 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

Bueatifully said.  I would recommend taking the time to get to better know your girl, including her beliefs.

I have an awkward predicament in this sense  

[AbramM]

19 minutes ago, Alia said:

Well whether you marry her or not, I tend to think you shouldn't. I doubt that you will be bachelor till the rapture. 

Why do you think I shouldn't marry her? 

My mom wont let me be a bachelor, I just need to get married before she starts setting me up with girls 😂

[Jane_Doe]

13 minutes ago, AbramM said:

I have an awkward predicament in this sense  

Why be sad about getting to know the person you love?  Such is a joyous time!

13 minutes ago, AbramM said:

She doesn't need to convert to be with me she is already a christian, she just needs to find a church she wants to go to that I want to go to too. Which, was my original condition on marriage. 

*Time out* 
Did she not tell you that she is an LDS Christian and is uninterested in going to another church and processing a different beliefs?

Then why are you making it a condition of marriage that she attend and different church that presents different beliefs?

That is the DEFINITION of making her choose between you and God.  

Edited March 23, 2019 by Jane_Doe

[AbramM]

24 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

Why be sad about getting to know the person you love?  Such is a joyous time!

38 minutes ago, AbramM said:

I meant about getting to know her beliefs. 

24 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

*Time out* 
Did she not tell you that she is an LDS Christian and is uninterested in going to another church and processing a different beliefs?

She told me that she hasn't been coming to other churches with me because she likes it at the LDS church but she said she still wants to marry me and she will change church and come with me. 

 

28 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

 Then why are you making it a condition of marriage that she attend and different church that presents different beliefs?

 

Because it is necessary for us to attend a church together where we can worship together, grow our faith together and raise our children there. We are both Christians so there must be some compromise we can find. When my parents met my mom was a Baptist and my dad attended a Presbyterian church, but when they decided to marry they agreed on a Independent Baptist church and that's where they grew their faith and raised my siblings and me. 

[Jane_Doe]

16 minutes ago, AbramM said:

I meant about getting to know her beliefs. 

She told me that she hasn't been coming to other churches with me because she likes it at the LDS church but she said she still wants to marry me and she will change church and come with me. 

 

Because it is necessary for us to attend a church together where we can worship together, grow our faith together and raise our children there. We are both Christians so there must be some compromise we can find. When my parents met my mom was a Baptist and my dad attended a Presbyterian church, but when they decided to marry they agreed on a Independent Baptist church and that's where they grew their faith and raised my siblings and me. 

(Pardon me, but I need to ask this bluntly.  I don't mean to come off as attacking here at all, so please don't take it that way)

Since all Christians churches are the same to you, why don't you just attend the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints with her since it's not "same difference" to her?  Please don't answer anything involving trivial window-dressings like music or sermon style.

Why are you instead find to awkward to get to know her (and yes her beliefs are part of her)? 

Do you have any idea the magnitude of sacrifice she is making by being part of an inter-faith marriage?

Edited March 23, 2019 by Jane_Doe

[AbramM]

47 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

 That is the DEFINITION of making her choose between you and God.  

How? She is still going to be a Christian, i'm not telling her to stop believing in God. 

[estradling75]

18 minutes ago, AbramM said:

How? She is still going to be a Christian, i'm not telling her to stop believing in God. 

By that logic it is totally fair for her to require you to become LDS... After we do not tell you to stop believing in God either

As a christian you should be familiar with the concept of the Golden Rule.  "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"     Before you think it is OK to do anything to your girl friend  make very sure you are OK if the tables are turned and it is being done to you

Edited March 23, 2019 by estradling75

[AbramM]

41 minutes ago, estradling75 said:

By that logic it is totally fair for her to require you to become LDS... After we do not tell you to stop believing in God either

No because if I don't feel comfortable in that church then it is unreasonable to make me go to the LDS church. The same way it would be unreasonable for me to require her to become a Baptist. We look for a church we both want to be a part of and we settle there. 

 

58 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

Since all Christians churches are the same to you,

Not all Christian churches are the same at all. I am open to any protestant denominations that are bible believing but I wouldn't attend a heretical church at all.     

Edited March 23, 2019 by AbramM

[Jane_Doe]

7 minutes ago, AbramM said:

No because if I don't feel comfortable in that church then it is unreasonable to make me go to the LDS church. The same way it would be unreasonable for me to require her to become a Baptist. We look for a church we both want to be a part of and we settle there. 

 

Not all Christian churches are the same at all. I am open to any protestant denominations that are bible believing but I wouldn't attend a heretical church at all.     

You girlfriend is NOT a Protestant.   Do NOT ask her to convert as a condition of marriage.  Do NOT ask her to choose between you and God.

Edited March 23, 2019 by Jane_Doe

[AbramM]

1 minute ago, Jane_Doe said:

 You girlfriend is NOT a Protestant.   Do not ask her to convert as a condition of marriage.  

Yeah but then I can't marry her. 

[Jane_Doe]

Just now, AbramM said:

Yeah but then I can't marry her. 

Then break up.

NEVER ask loved one to choose between you and God.  

[Guest MormonGator]

1 minute ago, Jane_Doe said:

Do not ask her to convert as a condition of marriage.  

I'm not sure that'll work in the long term either. 

Marriage can be complicated. You can marry a devout LDS at age 22 and she'll leave the church and become an atheist at age 40. You can marry an atheist at age 25 and he'll become a born again Christian at age 50. While having similar religious views is important, it shouldn't be the sole basis of your marriage. 

[estradling75]

2 minutes ago, AbramM said:

No because if I don't feel comfortable in that church then it is unreasonable to make me go to the LDS church. The same way it would be unreasonable for me to require her to become a Baptist. We look for a church we both want to be a part of and we settle there.

Fair...  If she is willing to settle for something less then the LDS church.  Totally possible if she doesn't believe it is God's restored church on the earth.  You do not believe it and that is fine... But you do not know yet if she believes it.  If she does not then your reasoning works.  But we are trying to warn you and prepare you for the case that she does believe it (because that is what we teach).  If she does then you are asking her to reject God's established church for a church that is not... Or in other words you are asking her to choose between God and you

[Maureen]

@AbramM, I would advise you and your fiancee to take Pre-marriage Councelling classes. Does your church offer these? Here's a list of questions that can be discussed with these classes.

https://www.marriage.com/advice/pre-marriage/pre-marriage-counselling-questions-to-answer-before-saying-i-do/

M.

[AbramM]

10 minutes ago, estradling75 said:

Fair...  If she is willing to settle for something less then the LDS church.  Totally possible if she doesn't believe it is God's restored church on the earth.  You do not believe it and that is fine... But you do not know yet if she believes it.  If she does not then your reasoning works.  But we are trying to warn you and prepare you for the case that she does believe it (because that is what we teach).  If she does then you are asking her to reject God's established church for a church that is not... Or in other words you are asking her to choose between God and you

She told me she will find another church that we can go to together. I just don't know if I trust her to commit to a church, if post marriage she just goes back to LDS church it wont be a good marriage, and I don't believe in divorce. 

[Jane_Doe]

@AbramM, I need to be blunt here, and outline some of the complications of being in an inter-faith Protestant-LDS Christian marriage.  I'm going to stress that such marriages can work (I'm extremely happily married) but they take a TON of work.  Here's some points--

1)  There is no priest in my home.  If I were to have married an LDS man, he would be a priest, and he would be able to bless and baptize our children.  My Baptist husband is not a priest.  So when there is a need for a baptism or formal blessing, I need to turn elsewhere.  This does make my feel husband uncomfortable and less of a man.

2) LDS Christians believe marriage can be eternal, if sealed by God.  My marriage is not and can never be as long as my husband is a Baptist.  For now our marriage is just a legal agreement, not a covenant before God.

3) I take my daughter to church alone vast majority of the time.  

4) We do visit each other's church regularly.  Yes, he respectfully attend LDS Church even when he does not hold LDS beliefs and respectfully attend Baptist church even when I do not hold Baptists beliefs.  

5) For a couple of specific examples of attending other places: we took pre-martial counseling at his church, got married by my bishop (at a friends house), had members of both faiths speak, last Christmas was at his church, last fall social party was at mine, etc.  

6) My husband and I have different beliefs on some things.  He needs to support & respect me in my faith, even when he disagrees with things.  I likewise support & respect him, even when I disagree.  Both faiths have areas where the other is considered to be apostates/heretics.

7) Finding common ground to teach our children can be complicated at points.  We have much in common, but there are many areas of disagreement.  In those area of disagreement, either is free to speak their view, and we explain things.  We make it work, but it is work.

8 ) We both have to deal with his Baptist mother-in-law who repeatedly denies my relationship with God, calls me a brainwashed cultist, and lectures hubby on how "you need to man up and make your wife a Christian!".  (After which we thenterminate the conversation because her behavior is unacceptable).   

These are some of the complications of being in an inter-faith marriage.  Again, it can work- and we are EXTREMELY happily married, but it is tons of work.  I refuse to make my husband choose between me and God.  And he refuses to make me choose between him and God.  It ONLY works because we do not force that decision and are willing to communicate and find our middle ground.  

@AbramM, if you are unwilling to communicate and find that middle ground, and instead insist "it's either my way or the highway", then your relationship is doomed for the highway.  Your girlfriend is not a Protestant and any forced conversion as a condition of marriage will not last.  

Edited March 23, 2019 by Jane_Doe

[AbramM]

9 minutes ago, Maureen said:

@AbramM, I would advise you and your fiancee to take Pre-marriage Councelling classes. Does your church offer these? Here's a list of questions that can be discussed with these classes.

 https://www.marriage.com/advice/pre-marriage/pre-marriage-counselling-questions-to-answer-before-saying-i-do/

M.

Yes my church offers them they are 10 sessions either with someone who is a professional counsellor or an older married couple in the church

 I didn't want to suggest it to my girlfriend because I don't want her to think I am railroading her into being a Baptist.

[Jane_Doe]

34 minutes ago, AbramM said:

Yes my church offers them they are 10 sessions either with someone who is a professional counsellor or an older married couple in the church

 I didn't want to suggest it to my girlfriend because I don't want her to think I am railroading her into being a Baptist.

.... pardon me, but how are you not already railroading that by insisting she attend Protestant church and teach Protestant beliefs to her children?

(Note; I hav nothing against doing pre-martial counseling at any church, and do actually recommend that.  Myself and Hubby very much enjoyed and profited from our pre-martial counseling at his Baptist church.  My concern here is not the 10 weeks counseling but the lifelong marriage.)

Edited March 23, 2019 by Jane_Doe

[JohnsonJones]

5 hours ago, AbramM said:

 

It is what she said to me yesterday, that she doesn't want to stop going to LDS church and that's why she hasn't been coming with me to try new churches. She did say she still wants to marry me and she will change church and come with me. I'm not sure though because she can't marry me and prescribe to Protestant beliefs, God has to put it on her heart. We could be married for a few months or even years and she would want to start going to LDS church again, then it will cause problems. I have to pray about it and fast because I am very confused. 

 

I was 9 when I was baptized, I have an older sister and a younger sister and they were baptized when they were 5. Which I think is absolutely fine because they felt convicted of their sin and wanted to be baptized. When I was 5 I wasn't convicted of my sin at all, I was just a little child running around. Usually, Baptist parents start panicking if their kids aren't saved by the age of 8. I made my parents wait, my mom told me she used to sneak into my room when I was sleeping and pray over, because she was so worried that I would become a reprobate. 

Yeah for sure I don't want to marry a Christian who has the same beliefs as me but chooses not to follow the Lords commandments. It's what I loved about my girlfriend when I first met her is how she followed the Lord and she lived her faith. I went on lots of dates before with girls from the church I go to but they weren't following the commandments of God closely enough for me to pursue a relationship with them. 

 

With your elaboration on the subject that seems to be a wise direction of thought.

It can be difficult these days to find someone who actually takes their love of the Lord seriously. 

In addition, if she does not want to stop going to LDS churches and you do not wish to go to LDS churches, that could signal difficulties.  I find that in many instances, even when a couple decides to marry that later on a spouse may decide to return to their church of their youth when they have this type of attitude initially.

The only one that probably knows what is and what could happen is the Lord, so praying about it seems a very wise decision.

Many people dislike Peter, especially Peter 3, but it has some advice on the matter of couples.

 

Quote

and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

8 Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous:

9 Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.

10 For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile:

11 Let him eschew evil, and do good; let him seek peace, and ensue it.

It can be hard to be of one mind when divided between different ideas of belief and religion. 

It can still be done and unity and cohesion can still be found along with great love, but sometimes it takes a great deal of understanding, compassion, and many other factors. 

A marriage can be difficult normally without other extenuating factors.  Something like this can make this even more difficult.

I hope that you receive answers to your prayers and that both you and her can find happiness in whatever path you choose in regards to marital choices and dating.

[Maureen]

42 minutes ago, AbramM said:

Yes my church offers them they are 10 sessions either with someone who is a professional counsellor or an older married couple in the church

 I didn't want to suggest it to my girlfriend because I don't want her to think I am railroading her into being a Baptist.

Pre-marriage counselling is a good thing. The fact that you don't want to communicate (share information, ask questions...) things with your girlfriend says that you are not ready to get married. You seem very immature when it comes to communication, which is very important in a marriage. Don't be afraid to talk with your girlfriend/fiancee.

M.

[prisonchaplain]

On 3/22/2019 at 5:34 AM, AbramM said:

Hello, I am having a problem with my girlfriend that I would like to ask for your help. I am a christian and I am a member of a baptist church, I met my girlfriend on a dating App for christians. After she became my girlfriend I asked her to come to church with me, she didn’t like it and I understand a loud band for worship and people calling out aren’t for everyone. Then I said I will go with her to church and I went with her to your church the Latter-Day-Saint church and I didn’t like it there for a few reasons. We just went back to going to our own churches until January and I asked her to marry me and she said yes, but I told her before we get married we have to find a church we both like to worship in and somewhere we can grow our faith together, raise our family in etc. She agreed to look with me and we went to a methodist church because I thought that is quite a similar service to the Latter-Day-Saint church service, she said she preferred it to the baptist church but she felt it wasn’t right for her. Then I thought we can try an Episcopal church but she didn’t like it there because it felt too ceremonial. Since then she hasn’t come with me to try new churches I have been going and making notes then sharing with her my thoughts and asking her to come next week if it is a church I think she will like but she still doesn’t come. She keeps asking me can we set a date for our wedding, but I can’t set a date until we find a church. Please can you suggest to me a church which has a similar service to the Latter-Day-Saint church, but I prefer more of a sermon than someone from the congregation giving a talk? I am open to any Protestant denomination as long as they are a bible-believing church. There are lots of denominations around where we live so whichever you suggest I am sure there will be a church nearby. I know you probably don’t attend other churches often, but perhaps on holiday when there is no Latter-Day-Saint church around you go to a slightly different church, or maybe you have been once with a friend and thought it was similar. Thank you very much for helping us.   

Abram

There are already many answers, and I have not read through the string. So...forgive any repetition. However, your post focuses mostly on the style of the church service. To put it too simply, you like it more demonstrative (louder music, perhaps a few amens to a passionately delivered teaching) and she likes it quieter and more reverent. However, the teachings of Baptist-like Christianity (really most all of historic Christianity) is quiet different from that of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You and your fiance would do well to study the Bible and pray together. Determine what you both really believe. It will be one or the other. If she comes to agree with your classic Christian views, you can surely find a Christian church that fills both of your souls satisfactorily. If you come to believe that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God, and his revelations are true, then you will become a member. If you two are to marry, I strongly urge you to become united on your faith first. 

Edited March 23, 2019 by prisonchaplain

[Maureen]

4 minutes ago, prisonchaplain said:

...If you two are to marry, I strongly urge you to become united on your faith first. 

And the only way you can do that is by communicating with each other.

M.

[AbramM]

16 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

 1)  There is no priest in my home.  If I were to have married an LDS man, he would be a priest, and he would be able to bless and baptize our children.  My Baptist husband is not a priest.  So when there is a need for a baptism or formal blessing, I need to turn elsewhere.  This does make my feel husband uncomfortable and less of a man.

 

I don't know what you mean by Priest, but I am considering going into ministry so I will be a Priest too   When I get married I will be the spiritual leader of my family, whilst my wife would be welcome to seek counsel from whoever she feels comfortable with, I wouldn't be comfortable with another man stepping in to fulfil her spiritual needs I can't meet. I wouldn't want to be married to someone if I couldn't fulfil their spiritual needs. 

 

51 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

 3) I take my daughter to church alone vast majority of the time.  

 

 That wouldn't work for me, church time is family time. All the family should be there. A child can't alternate between churches every week and a couple need to worship the Lord together, otherwise what is the point in marriage. 

1 hour ago, Jane_Doe said:

 4) We do visit each other's church regularly.  Yes, he respectfully attend LDS Church even when he does not hold LDS beliefs and respectfully attend Baptist church even when I do not hold Baptists beliefs.  

 

For sure she will always be able to go to LDS church, she can even go after we go to a different church service together. Christenings, weddings, carol services etc we can go to. 

1 hour ago, Jane_Doe said:

 7) Finding common ground to teach our children can be complicated at points.  We have much in common, but there are many areas of disagreement.  In those area of disagreement, either is free to speak their view, and we explain things.  We make it work, but it is work.

 

For me growing up it meant everything to me that my parents believed largely the same thing. Gods law was everything in our home, we would have biblical conversations out of nowhere that would have been stifled if my mom had to be like "wait this contradicts what your dad believes so I better wait until he is around". 

 

1 hour ago, Jane_Doe said:

 8 ) We both have to deal with his Baptist mother-in-law who repeatedly denies my relationship with God, calls me a brainwashed cultist, and lectures hubby on how "you need to man up and make your wife a Christian!".  (After which we thenterminate the conversation because her behavior is unacceptable).   

 

My mom wouldn't be like that she is a nice lady and agrees with me that whether someone is a Christian or not is to do with their relationship with God not the church they attend. Although, she wouldn't be thrilled if I married someone from the LDS church. She thinks my girlfriend is a protestant like us. 

 

1 hour ago, Jane_Doe said:

These are some of the complications of being in an inter-faith marriage.  Again, it can work- and we are EXTREMELY happily married, but it is tons of work.  I refuse to make my husband choose between me and God.  And he refuses to make me choose between him and God.  It ONLY works because we do not force that decision and are willing to communicate and find our middle ground.  

 @AbramM, if you are unwilling to communicate and find that middle ground, and instead insist "it's either my way or the highway", then your relationship is doomed for the highway.  Your girlfriend is not a Protestant and any forced conversion as a condition of marriage will not last.  

For me marriage is about serving the Lord. If I can serve the Lord better on my own than with my girlfriend then why would I marry her. Same for her. If marriage to her means we have to put in lots of work into our marriage such that it detracts from our service to the Lord then that is bad and not what the Lord wants.  

 

 

  

[prisonchaplain]

On 3/22/2019 at 10:32 AM, Jane_Doe said:

LDS Christians are Christians, but they are not Protestants.  Just like Orthodox and Catholics are Christians but not Protestants.  

Assemblies of God and Methodist (both Protestant) beliefs also are very different in some areas.  

This may be worth a whole new string, but I find it very appropriate to identify LDS as another category along side Orthdoxy, Catholicism and Protestantism, rather than as a denomination or sect within Protestantism.