Age difference issue.

[Fiannan]

The issue of age differences in marriage has come up in regards to the FLDS Church traditions. So let's examine this issue a bit.

In my opinion, unless a pregnancy exists or something like that, a person should not get married prior to 18. I have no scriptures to back that up, just my personal opinion.

That being said, once a person is an adult, does anyone see a problem with major age differences in a marriage? And then, what is too much a difference...10 years, 15...20...30...?

I talked with a patriarch once and his opinion was that age in this life was not so important -- a person who is younger here might actually be older in an eternal perspective.

So what are other people's opinions?

[SundaeSarah]

my step brother married a woman older than his mom when he was in his early 20s. She was a grandma when they married, and it seemed strange to us, but they got along very well. I don't see a problem with age differences between 2 ppl, but when young children will be left without a parent because they were born at the end of someones life, I think that's a bit sad.

[zookeeper2five]

I can answer this one easily. My husband is 10 yrs older then I am. We always joke that I had to wait for him to join the church and he had to wait for me to grow up.

He was graduating high school when I was in elementary school!

Does it affect us? Sometimes it affects us in positive ways and sometimes in negative ways. I really loved the fact that he was done with school and in his chosen career path when we got married! Is it hard sometimes: yes. He was born in 1964 which is the last year of the Baby Boom generation. I am a Gen X gal. So it can be difficult. I think some of it has to do with our personalities though. I am a very free-spirited person and he is very practical. I am very spontaneous. He is SOOOO not. LOL

I joined the church in 1991. He joined in 1996. I served a mission and he was not able to because he was over the age limit. For a long time he felt that I was ahead of him spiritually. It was very much NOT true. I had a lot more book knowledge. I had read the scriptures and church books more. I knew a lot more church history. But he was a lot more in tune with the Spirit then I was.

HTH!

[Hemidakota]

The patriarch is correct. As long they are law consenting adults, age has no relevance to a temple marriage [LDS Point of view]. We really don’t know the true age [futile to place time on spiritual being] of the spirit versus the mortal time frame we are born into. So, what does it really matter?

[tiancum]

Nope, as long as the man is willing to support the woman.

THere is a couple in my ward, he is about 55, and she is 30. More power to 'em.

[skalenfehl]

I completely agree. Brigham Young once said that we lived for eons with God before we came to earth. Who's to say that my wife is several millenia older or younger than me and what is the relevance in eternity? As long as both are not minors in this life I see no problem.

[a-train]

I think 18 is our national social legal age. High school graduation, military service, legal emancipation from parents, and other things are linked to that age. My mom married my dad at age 18.

Beyond that, age means nothing.

-a-train

[NeuroTypical]

There are many fully grown adults in their 30's 40's and 50's who are too immature to help create a successful marriage. But in my opinion, it is rare to find someone 20 or younger who can hack a marriage. The divorce rates go down, the older you are when you first get married.

My wife and I are 7-ish years apart. I have a half-memory of hearing about her being born. When we got married, she was more mature in many ways than I was.

LM

[MorningStar]

I don't think age difference matters as long as both people have the maturity to make the decision to marry. But I do admit that Tony Randall's 50 year age difference with his wife grossed me out a bit.

[WillowTheWhisp]

my step brother married a woman older than his mom when he was in his early 20s. She was a grandma when they married, and it seemed strange to us, but they got along very well. I don't see a problem with age differences between 2 ppl, but when young children will be left without a parent because they were born at the end of someones life, I think that's a bit sad.

My children lost their father when they were 10 and 7 years old not because he was a lot older than me, he wasn't, but because he died of a DVT whilst in hospital.

I also know someone who is about 25 years older than his wife. They have a happy marriage with several well adjusted children none younger now than my youngest was when her Dad died.

[Fiannan]

My children lost their father when they were 10 and 7 years old not because he was a lot older than me, he wasn't, but because he died of a DVT whilst in hospital.

Sorry to hear that.

[Hemidakota]

Is DVT = Deep Vein Thrombosis?

[VisionOfLehi]

I don't buy the eternal perspective notion, merely by the fact that we are born at a certain time in this world for a reason.

Age differences should be reasonable. While I don't deny the possibility, I don't think the reason you were born a generation later by Heavenly Father's design was so that you'd marry someone from the past generation.

Edit: This isn't a shot at zookeeper. I'm thinking more in terms of 20+ age differences. I don't think it's right to marry someone that could be your parent/child.

[Hemidakota]

I am sorry but that first statement is real as it gets. My own PB stated that...not only that, I can attest to that Joseph Smith is one of the noble and great ones that was reserved for the last days for a reason; as many others were.

[VisionOfLehi]

I am sorry but that first statement is real as it gets. My own PB stated that...not only that, I can attest to that Joseph Smith is one of the noble and great ones that was reserved for the last days for a reason; as many others were.

Ditto, on all accounts.

[Fiannan]

I don't buy the eternal perspective notion, merely by the fact that we are born at a certain time in this world for a reason.

Age differences should be reasonable. While I don't deny the possibility, I don't think the reason you were born a generation later by Heavenly Father's design was so that you'd marry someone from the past generation.

Edit: This isn't a shot at zookeeper. I'm thinking more in terms of 20+ age differences. I don't think it's right to marry someone that could be your parent/child.

That would kinda shoot down the entire romance in the Book of Ruth, souldn't it? Besides, with modern technology you can freeze embryos for decades and then implant them in a woman -- theoretically giving birth to you the same time other children conceived on the same day as you are dying of old age. That seems to support what my stake's patrirach was saying. Human time is nothing -- the eternal clock is all that counts.

Your last statement reminds me of a joke I heard on TV a long time ago. An old man is getting ready to be married to a young bride...his friend asks him "Aren't you worried about the longevity issue at your age?" to which the old man answers "Hey, if she dies before me I guess I'll have to find another one to marry".

On a serious note though, if a man is ready and willing to give his wife a family then I see no problems with 20 or even 30 year age differences. The only thing that irks me is when a guy who is 50 marries a 21 year old and refuses to let her get pregnant since he's already raised a family.

[VisionOfLehi]

Haven't read Ruth yet.

Talking about embryos is another discussion altogether. I don't think they're actually a full soul, yet, and by freezing them you aren't keeping a spirit from entering the body.

When it's finally implanted, and at whatever point quickened, that's the time Heavenly Father meant to spirit to come to Earth.

The generation gap is less about biological separation than it is about cultural, technological, and age separation.

[Fiannan]

Haven't read Ruth yet.

Talking about embryos is another discussion altogether. I don't think they're actually a full soul, yet, and by freezing them you aren't keeping a spirit from entering the body.

When it's finally implanted, and at whatever point quickened, that's the time Heavenly Father meant to spirit to come to Earth.

The generation gap is less about biological separation than it is about cultural, technological, and age separation.

Actually, I think God knows which frozen embryos will be taken to term and those souls just wiat for that to occur.

As for quickening, that's an old-fashioned concept for telling if the baby located in the womb is an individual or not.

As for generation gaps, that may be totally artificial. I know guys in their 20s who act middle age or older and guys in their 40s or 50s who run marathons, go to rave parties and are into younger music, TV, etc. Same is true of women. I think a young 20-something would be happier with a middle aged man who shared her sporting or cultural interests than she would marrying a guy her age who was a couch potato who liked opera and British detective shows on PBS. I worked with a woman who was 30 years younger than her husband. They had 4 great kids and a happy marriage. Again, if one of my duaghters gets interested in a guy who is older then as long as they share the same interests (including the Gospel) and he wants to raise more kids then that's fine by me.

[Palerider]

My parents were 10yrs apart in age and my wife is 2yrs older than me. My second oldest daughter and her hubby are 10 yrs apart in age. Matter of fact, back when we had their recption I was standing in line where my wife told me to stand and was greeting people as they came in to the Church. I actually had someone stand there and tell me how wrong I was for allowing my daughter to marry someone 10yrs older than her. I allowed him to hang himself even more...then I told him...."you know nothing abut me do you"? "Nope"....I then said......my parents are 10yrs apart in age. Needless to say after that he did not hang around me for very long and as he walked away he said...ooohhhh.....sorry.....

[ruthiechan]

On a serious note though, if a man is ready and willing to give his wife a family then I see no problems with 20 or even 30 year age differences. The only thing that irks me is when a guy who is 50 marries a 21 year old and refuses to let her get pregnant since he's already raised a family.

Amen to that.

The only time I have a problem with someone marrying someone older is if I get the vibe that the older person is taking advantage of the younger person's naivete. No offense to the young out there, but many just out of high school young folk seem to be in fairytale land. I know I was!

Basically, one should always be prayerful and receive spiritual confirmation as to whether or not they should marry whom they are wanting to marry. If the Spirit gives you ago, then age makes no difference to me.

[MorningStar]

My parents were 10yrs apart in age and my wife is 2yrs older than me. My second oldest daughter and her hubby are 10 yrs apart in age. Matter of fact, back when we had their recption I was standing in line where my wife told me to stand and was greeting people as they came in to the Church. I actually had someone stand there and tell me how wrong I was for allowing my daughter to marry someone 10yrs older than her. I allowed him to hang himself even more...then I told him...."you know nothing abut me do you"? "Nope"....I then said......my parents are 10yrs apart in age. Needless to say after that he did not hang around me for very long and as he walked away he said...ooohhhh.....sorry.....

[prisonchaplain]

My parents were 10yrs apart in age and my wife is 2yrs older than me. My second oldest daughter and her hubby are 10 yrs apart in age. Matter of fact, back when we had their recption I was standing in line where my wife told me to stand and was greeting people as they came in to the Church. I actually had someone stand there and tell me how wrong I was for allowing my daughter to marry someone 10yrs older than her. I allowed him to hang himself even more...then I told him...."you know nothing abut me do you"? "Nope"....I then said......my parents are 10yrs apart in age. Needless to say after that he did not hang around me for very long and as he walked away he said...ooohhhh.....sorry.....

Did he know that you were you? (That you were the parent?) I mean, if so, I cannot fathom such rudeness. If not, the individual was still extremely foolish to voice such opinions at the wedding.

Ironically, my parent-in-laws were intially concerned about the seven years difference between my wife and I. My BIL is 14 years older than my sis--they've done great. My grandfather was 9 years senior to grandma.

If the couple were 20-years plus apart it would seem a bit much. On the other hand, I wouldn't oppose it on moral grounds (unless she was mid-teen or younger). I'd keep my private concerns private--especially at a wedding.

Palerider, without referencing your church, in this matter it sounds like you were a true saint.

[tiancum]

Here is a question. (I jsut asked myself this question, and it wasn't as easy to answer)

How many of you that had a daughter say age 20-24 would approve of her marrying a righteous LDS man in his 40's...(of course in the temple)?

Shoe is on the other foot now isn't it?

[Hemidakota]

Long as the spirit directs it, no problem here.

[VisionOfLehi]

The Spirit would have to pretty much overwhelm me for me to approve of it.

At 20, (and being 20 myself) I don't think you're able to see the full implications of marrying someone that much older than you.

And, still, I think 20+ difference is just not proper. Call me old fashioned, but no amount of arguing is going to get me to change my mind on that, not so long as people only live to an average age of 80 or so years.