Connie

http://www.toliftandinspire.com/2016/01/lds-doctrine-on-energy-healing-and-one-womans-story-2/#more-648

Hi, Mirkwood. Could you PM me your info about this?

Thank you for taking the time to post this! I look forward to reading this!

Have you read this article from the current issue of the Ensign magazine yet? It's great!
https://www.lds.org/ensign/2016/06/young-adults/starting-our-marriage-with-nothing-but-faith?lang=eng
I'm sure there are many of us who can think of little miracles like this that happened as we went forward and started a family with very little resource. I know i can, and i know my parents can. There are always wonderful little tender mercies that the Lord sends as you strive to trust Him and do His will.

Have you read this article from the current issue of the Ensign magazine yet? It's great!
https://www.lds.org/ensign/2016/06/young-adults/starting-our-marriage-with-nothing-but-faith?lang=eng
I'm sure there are many of us who can think of little miracles like this that happened as we went forward and started a family with very little resource. I know i can, and i know my parents can. There are always wonderful little tender mercies that the Lord sends as you strive to trust Him and do His will.

OP - Maybe your wife is one of those who wants to be treated as a child. Maybe your wife is an incurable gossip who will shout out your confessions to anyone and everyone. If that is the case, then perhaps some of the advise you are receiving here may be appropriate. I think most women, however, want to be treated as an equal in their marriage. They don't want to be molly-coddled and told they are just to weak to handle the truth. They want to be a partner in marriage and to be able to share each others burdens, even those of the past. Confessing to your wife will be hard, but as others have said you don't have to go into a lot of detail. It won't immediately make you feel better. In fact, it will immediately make you feel worse. But it's not only the right thing to do doctrinally; it's the right thing to do for a healthier relationship. If it remains unconfessed, it will always be between you. It will be felt in little, unexpected ways, and the relationship will suffer. As i said in my earlier comment, your sexuality is your wife's business. Sexuality is a couple matter.

Found this: https://www.lds.org/ensign/1983/09/the-law-after-christ?lang=eng
Here are some pertinent quotes, but the whole thing is great. By Stephen E. Robinson
 

Anyone that thinks they will get "warm fuzzies" as they struggle to repent has clearly never repented. 
Such confession is painful.  Part of that pain is knowing their wife is going to have to grapple with it as she works toward forgiveness (which she may or may not be able to do) 
But that does not change the fact that it harmed her and part of repentance is confessing...  The only thing really debatable is the timing... and that is a matter of prayerful consideration
 

Just another cowardly excuse, and a pretty unrealistic one at that given the specifics of the situation. He is responsible for his choices, he choose to do it, and now the right choice is for him to accept the consequences of his actions like a man.  If she chooses to over react, that is on her, and it doesn't change one bit what he should do.  When could a person not make an excuse like that and say they shouldn't confess adultery, murder, theft etc. etc. because it might hurt somebody's feelings or ruin a relationship?
Focus on doing the right thing, not on finding excuses to do what you would rather do.

The verses that talk about how deeds done in secret will be shouted from the housetops is not about people going around over sharing, it is in reference to the judgement.  At that day there will be no secrets, you will know everything others did, and they will know everything your did.  

All this 'why hurt her feelings' stuff is nothing more than cowardice trying to look noble.  If they were so concerned about their spouse's feelings then they wouldn't have done it in the first place.  Keeping an offense against her secret only kicks the can down the road, and when she finds out on judgement day it will hurt far more than telling her now.  Leave it to judgement day and it will be too late to heal her hurt before she has to decide if she actually wants to spend eternity with him or not.  Keeping it secret isn't about protecting her, it is about him trying to avoid the consequences of your actions, and avoid being held accountable as long as possible. To keep it secret he must resort to lies and excuses to harden his heart against the prompting of the Spirit that push him to confess and repent.

If he tells her now, then she can see he is repentant, see his regret, and have the comfort of being confessed to rather than the humiliation and disrespect of being deceived all her life on top of everything else. 

Found this: https://www.lds.org/ensign/1983/09/the-law-after-christ?lang=eng
Here are some pertinent quotes, but the whole thing is great. By Stephen E. Robinson
 

Found this: https://www.lds.org/ensign/1983/09/the-law-after-christ?lang=eng
Here are some pertinent quotes, but the whole thing is great. By Stephen E. Robinson
 

I don’t know your wife. So imma throw my lot in with those who say to pray about it and do as the Spirit directs. However, if it were me, I would want to know. If my husband came to me and said here’s what I did wrong, here’s what I did to make it right, and here’s how long it’s been since I’ve done it, that would foster in me nothing but respect and even trust. In fact, something similar has happened in my marriage (not with pornography, it was something else). And I was hurt, but mostly because he felt like he needed to shelter me from it for so long. This was a family/couple matter, and he felt like he needed to take care of it himself and then not talk about what was going on. I am a woman, but I’m not a baby. I’m a partner—a helpmeet—and I was hurt that he wouldn’t bring this matter to me so we could deal with it together.
We women get human nature. We have it too. I don’t know if your wife will see things this way, but that’s how I see it. I understand you’re dealing with some emotionally charged issues here. But, quite frankly, sexuality is a couples matter. As your wife, your sexuality is her business just as hers is yours. Every couple out there has had issues and things to talk about regarding this aspect of marriage. A wife deserves to know what your struggles and issues have been, even if they are in the past.

I don’t know your wife. So imma throw my lot in with those who say to pray about it and do as the Spirit directs. However, if it were me, I would want to know. If my husband came to me and said here’s what I did wrong, here’s what I did to make it right, and here’s how long it’s been since I’ve done it, that would foster in me nothing but respect and even trust. In fact, something similar has happened in my marriage (not with pornography, it was something else). And I was hurt, but mostly because he felt like he needed to shelter me from it for so long. This was a family/couple matter, and he felt like he needed to take care of it himself and then not talk about what was going on. I am a woman, but I’m not a baby. I’m a partner—a helpmeet—and I was hurt that he wouldn’t bring this matter to me so we could deal with it together.
We women get human nature. We have it too. I don’t know if your wife will see things this way, but that’s how I see it. I understand you’re dealing with some emotionally charged issues here. But, quite frankly, sexuality is a couples matter. As your wife, your sexuality is her business just as hers is yours. Every couple out there has had issues and things to talk about regarding this aspect of marriage. A wife deserves to know what your struggles and issues have been, even if they are in the past.

Thanks for the recommend, MrShorty. I really enjoyed this series. The second was my favorite of the three.
In regard to the above, i think it further muddies the water to consider that being "capped" in this story wasn't your usual sort of mind control--or perhaps at least what i would consider the usual. They didn't become completely mindless automatons who were the same everywhere. It was really more of a hypnosis that left humans with a worshipful attitude toward these aliens and otherwise left personality and free will fairly intact. Different countries or areas still had differences. The "vagrants" were treated very well in some areas and really horribly in others. So on the large scale, yes, they didn't have war anymore. But on a small scale, people were still able to make choices and treat other people horribly if they so chose. 

I read that Monday with two of our granddaughters.
Can't say I liked it much, but it was immeasurably better than anything Disney did with the story.
Lehi

If you haven't already, i would recommend giving a listen to Elder and Sister Renlund's talk on charity from the BYU Women's Conference. It had some great insights on this topic. Here's a link: https://www.lds.org/broadcasts/languages/renlund-womens-conference/2016/04?lang=eng

I will do x

Wunderbar! I haven't read that one yet. I'd love to hear what you think when you've finished.

That's exactly what I'm looking for.. Ive just ordered Lifestyles of the great and spacious off amazon, thanks so much x

You may want to try some books by John Bytheway. They usually make for light reading, i find. He has a great sense of humor, and yet he often offers profound insights as well. I think his writing might be a good fit for you.

Have you read any church history? My Heritage or Truth Restored are good starting places.
You could pick up one of the old Teachings of Presidents of the Church manuals. Or you could pick up an institute manual to read alongside a particular book of scripture. I’m a big fan of the Scripture Study manual. I think it’s awesome. Here’s a link: https://www.lds.org/manual/scripture-study-the-power-of-the-word-teacher-manual?lang=eng
Believing Christ by Stephen Robinson is a good one.
I’m a big fan of Christ and the New Covenant by Jeffrey R. Holland. It’s a great one to read alongside the Book of Mormon. Really you can’t go wrong with any of his books. Neal A. Maxwell is another. Any of his books are great. Last one I read by him was Things As They Really Are. It was really fantastic.
If you’d like a book on the atonement, Tad R. Callister’s book The Infinite Atonement is great. I know there are many others out there as well.
Hearing the Voice of the Lord by Gerald Lund is great for learning how to hear the Holy Ghost. Another would be Increase in Learning by David A. Bednar.
If you’d like temple prep stuff, I’m sure there are some manuals for that. The Holy Temple by Boyd K. Packer is also a good one for that.

No contest. Captain America. Ironman is not someone i want my sons emulating.

No contest. Captain America. Ironman is not someone i want my sons emulating.

Have you read any church history? My Heritage or Truth Restored are good starting places.
You could pick up one of the old Teachings of Presidents of the Church manuals. Or you could pick up an institute manual to read alongside a particular book of scripture. I’m a big fan of the Scripture Study manual. I think it’s awesome. Here’s a link: https://www.lds.org/manual/scripture-study-the-power-of-the-word-teacher-manual?lang=eng
Believing Christ by Stephen Robinson is a good one.
I’m a big fan of Christ and the New Covenant by Jeffrey R. Holland. It’s a great one to read alongside the Book of Mormon. Really you can’t go wrong with any of his books. Neal A. Maxwell is another. Any of his books are great. Last one I read by him was Things As They Really Are. It was really fantastic.
If you’d like a book on the atonement, Tad R. Callister’s book The Infinite Atonement is great. I know there are many others out there as well.
Hearing the Voice of the Lord by Gerald Lund is great for learning how to hear the Holy Ghost. Another would be Increase in Learning by David A. Bednar.
If you’d like temple prep stuff, I’m sure there are some manuals for that. The Holy Temple by Boyd K. Packer is also a good one for that.