seeking_peace

Treat every cold as if it were terminal and you will be fine. When my husband caught the cold that had me feeling miserable for a week, he actually said these words, “You must not have been as sick as I am. If you felt as horrible as I do, you would have complained.”

I read the question the same way. I don't think that they should be paid to stay home. In fact, I don't think that they should be allowed to stay home as long as they are healthy. They made the choice to not be immunized, and thus be susceptible to the disease. If they get sick, it's a consequence of their choice.

A friend and I updated our facebook status to indicate that we are “in a relationship” with each other. I’ve been getting ‘congratulation”s, “Way –to- gos”, “You- deserve- it”s, and “I’m-so-happy-for-you”s all day long. I’m feeling a little guilty because so many people are so excited for me and now I have to disappoint them.

So sad

I'm sorry. I'm sure that they appreciate your offer. It will be one less thing that they have to worry about.

Swap out that sweet pickle for a dill and I'd enjoy the crab louis salad.....I still don't want a cheeseburger on a donut, though.

During the passing of the sacrament one week, a parent was apparently trying to occupy their young child by telling them to think about Jesus or to look at pictures of Christ, but the child was not interested. The quiet in the chapel was interrupted by the little voice defiantly declaring, “But I don’t like Jesus!”

I have never had a Luther Burger. I have never eaten a Luther Burger. And I will never eat a Luther Burger. A cheeseburger between two donuts? Ummm...Noooo. But a lot of that other stuff looked good. Maybe I need to move?

My father was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer. He has made it clear that he wants to spend his last months celebrating life, not mourning. And at the same time he doesn’t want us to ignore the fact that he is dying. He hates it when people pretend that he isn’t sick –you know, “ignoring the elephant in the room” Acknowledge that he is dying but don’t dwell on it. Share with your friend some happy memories of her father. Tell her what he has meant to you. Since his diagnosis, my father has had both a niece and a family friend tell him, “When I was a child, I wanted to be part of your family because you are such a good dad.” He’s loved hearing that and we’re grateful that they didn’t wait until his memorial service to say something. I think that letting your friend know that you are available if she needs to talk will go a long way.

I cry.

I agree. In fact, his affair was an emotional affair. She lives 2000 miles from us. He didn't get physical with her until after he left us. I just don't think that the opportunity would have arisen if it weren't for social networking because he was a reclusive homebody that never went anywhere except work (where he worked with 3 other men), unless I invited him to go with me--and even then, he frequently opted to stay home by himself.

I can beat that one. My ex-husband got married 2 days after our divorce was final. She was a friend of his from high school and they reconnected on facebook. And while I agree that facebook was not the cause of our divorce--my husband's infidelity was-- I don't think that he would have ever been unfaithful if it wasn't for social networking.

I’ll admit, my post was “off topic,” so I will answer the original question. What could I have known before that may have saved my married, or, “I’m divorced because…” I’m divorced because I didn’t realize that, “I used to have a problem with masturbation” really meant, “I’m a pornography addict.” I didn’t know to question the past tense used. I didn’t understand that a pornography addiction would be a life long struggle. I didn’t research the implications that it would have on my self esteem and my ability to be open to my husband. I’m divorced because I didn’t understand the darkness that could envelop a household when a member suffers from depression. Again, I didn’t realize that in protecting myself from the all encompassing gloom, I would be making my husband feel unloved. I’m divorced because I didn’t want to be a nagging wife. I didn’t require my husband to step up and help around the house, the yard, and with our child. I wanted to keep the peace and so I would do things myself. I didn’t understand that in not requiring anything of him, he would feel useless and unimportant. I’m divorced because I trusted that when he contacted an old high school friend online that the friendship would remain appropriate. I didn’t “check up” on his correspondence until it was too late

Wow. I may have read way too much in to what you were saying Bert10, but I'm afraid it's left a bad taste in my mouth. My husband decided that he wanted to be married to someone other than me, so I filed for divorce. Are you saying that since I, a woman, initiated the divorce proceedings God will not grant me a "spiritual divorce." My ex--because he is a man--was able to marry two days after our divorce was final, but I won't be allowed to marry again? That I should have waited for God to remove him? That I should have allowed him to continue making a mockery of marriage until he died? I'm sorry. I think that is just crazy talk.

I'm not sure if you are suggesting that a gay person should marry someone of the opposite sex so that they will overcome their attraction to the same sex. That will only bring frustration, pain and heartache. What do you think happens to the wife and kids 25 years down the road when the husband/father decides that he is tired of living a lie? I've seen the devestation that brings. Although I feel sympathy for the man that tried to "do the right thing," it would have been much better if he hadn't tried to hide who he was in the first place. The pain that he caused his wife and children is almost unbearable to them.

I didn't see the show, but I do have a comment about the sealed/married debate. "sealed" and "married" are not interchangable. I am sealed, but not married, to my ex-husband. He is married, but not sealed, to his current wife.

Years ago, my Gospel Doctrine teacher would call on "Br. Smith" to pray week after week. Week after week, Sis. "Smith" would stand up and pray..... Bro. Smith had been excommunicated but attended every week until he was able to be re-baptised. Everyone else in the room knew what was going on, but the GosDoc teacher never "got it." (of course, week after week he would call on me to read--calling by my sister's name. Week after week, I would correct him and then read. I guess there were a lot of things that he didn't "get")

The child catcher in Chitty-Chitty Bang Bang

Congratulations on taking the first step. Remeber, though, that it is only the beginning. You still have a lot of work to do. I don't know what advice you got from your Bishop or your wife, but as the former wife of someone with sexual addictions my advice to you is to seek out professional help. Your bishop isn't likely trained to help you overcome your addiction. He may just say, "Now that you've confessed, don't do it anymore." You know that it's not that easy. If it were, you would have stopped on your own years ago. You also have to realize that you've just placed a tremendous burden on your wife. She is now feeling all the shame and confusion that you've been feeling for years, but it is new and raw. She feels like she's been decieved by the one person that she thought would always protect her. And she is feeling like she needs to keep your secret. Her life has been turned upside down. This "Porn Healing Paradox" was posted on a support group forum. I don't know if that is what you've been struggling with, but I think that it is relevant with the discovery of any sexual addiction. It may help you understand her a little: The Porn Healing Paradox: He Recognizes His Problem with Porn and Is Getting Better So Why Do I Feel Worse? HE: Feels a new level of honesty and truthfulness SHE: Feels the level of his disloyalty and deceit more intensely HE: Has a new level of appreciation for the marriage bond SHE: Is saddened to realize how little the marriage has meant to him HE: Finally has the accountability he was looking for SHE: Senses the shame and secrecy of being married to an addict HE: Loves her more than he ever has before SHE: Has never felt less loved, valued or secure Bottom Line: He wants congratulations for something that makes you want to throw up. The emotions listed above are true and valid for both the man and woman yet are polar opposite. Why does this happen? He has been holding these feelings for a long time and is very familiar with them. It is a welcome relief for him to disclose his secrets and come clean. Sharing his burden with you means you now get to grieve over the loss of the relationship as you knew it to be. You get to feel some level of the shame he felt. You also have a finely tuned sense of distrust towards all of his actions. Welcome to the temporary insanity that healing from a porn addiction brings to a couple. Be aware of the porn healing paradox as both of you move forward. Share this with him so he understands and appreciates your viewpoint as both of you work on becoming whole again. He needs to continue to earn your trust. And you need to continue to work on healing yourself and becoming open to trust again. Good luck to you and to her.

My husband moved out last July after 22 years of marriage and I have been divorced since mid-December. I honestly don’t think that the experience has spurred me in to working on any specific self improvement. Sometimes, I do wonder if there is something so wrong with me that I am unlovable, but then I remember of all the times that I have felt the Savior’s love through this ordeal and I know that He is there for me and taking care of me and my child. This experience has brought me closer to the Lord. I’ve seen His hand in many situations. I don’t think that I fear another failed relationship… but I don’t feel the need to rush into one either. I’m very content with the status quo. So I guess that answers the question “Do I enjoy this time alone?” Yes, very much. (I’m not completely alone, I have full custody of my son, and my feelings might change once he leaves for college next year). But, yes, it’s nice to make decisions without having to take another person’s thoughts and feelings into consideration, or to debate the pros and cons, or even to put off the decision until someone else has an opinion. I think that after that much time with someone else, it takes a while to discover who you are as an individual (and not part of a couple), to re-discover your own likes and tastes, and find your “true self.” That may be another part of why I’m not in a hurry to jump into another relationship. Even though I am content to be alone, I do miss many aspects of marriage (I even miss many qualities of my ex). I miss the comfort of having someone take me in his arms. I miss adult conversations. I miss having someone to tell about my day. I miss cuddling in front of the TV. I miss sex. I miss laughing at inside jokes. When my grandmother died last Spring, I missed having someone there to hold me and comfort me and remind me that she was in a better place. Talking to my brothers and my parents on the phone wasn’t the same as having someone be there. Unlike Mr. T, I do feel like I’m pickier than I was in my twenties—even knowing that the dating pool is much smaller, I have a longer list of what I do and don’t want in a companion. And (I think that this is really important) I intend to date every potential spouse for a much longer time than I dated my husband. I want to make sure that we’ve had time to see all sides of each other’s personality. That the qualities that we hide from casual acquaintances have time to surface. I want to know someone long enough to discover any and all addictions, depressions, illnesses, or self doubts. I want to discover them and make an informed decision about whether I want to live with them for the rest of my life. The other thing that I would do differently is that I will expect more from a future husband than I did from my former husband. In an effort to not be a “nagging wife” I allowed him to do, or not do, pretty much what he wanted. I didn’t ask him to help around the house. I didn’t insist that he join us in activities if he didn’t want to. I didn’t push him to find a better job. The result of doing everything on my own was that I felt resentment and he began to feel unnecessary (and eventually looked elsewhere for validation). I think that I am much stronger than I was a year ago. That’s the one thing that I have learned about myself. That I am strong and, with the help of the Lord, I can handle anything that comes my way. I’m constantly being told that I look happier than when I was married. I don’t think that I was an unhappy person before, but I think that the peace that I have found (yeah, I should probably change my login name to found_peace) and my self assurance are shining through. I honestly don’t know where I will be 5 years from now. I would like to be in a relationship, but I realize that the odds are against me. I guess the one thing that I hope for is continued contentment.

Katiekins, I’m so sorry. Like other posters have said, this is a long and difficult path that you are on. Unfortunately, you have to hurt and struggle on behalf of another. I’m also in your situation. My husband has struggled with a porn addiction ever since he was 14 (of course, I didn’t find out about it until we were married for almost 15 years). Choosing to stay with him was a very difficult choice, but I love him and see value in him. I’ve watched him struggle with this for over 6 years. It tears him up. He knows that what he’s doing is wrong and he knows that it is painful for me, but it really is an addiction and it’s stronger than any drug. He sincerely wants to stop. If you decide to stay with him, make the commitment fully. I walled off a piece of my heart and that just made things worse. He started feeling unloved and he recently turned to an old friend to give him what he thought he wasn’t getting from me. Earlier this week, I discovered that he’s had an online emotional affair for the past 5 months. The affair was just another manifestation of whatever it is that compels him to view porn. In the email that I sent to his “girlfriend” (yeah, I know it was passive/aggressive to confront her and not him) I told her that I am hurt and angry but I’m choosing to let go of my anger and live with my hurt. I’m sorry to say that if you choose to stay, you will be choosing to live with hurt. Just know that he is hurting, too.