Windseeker
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Posts posted by Windseeker
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Hey Mcmkk,
I really like what LP told you.
As for my advice, I can't recommend this book enough The Peacegiver: How Christ Offers to Heal Our Hearts and Homes by James L. Ferrell
This is the book I feel you need right now. What this book did for me is helped me view those around me as our Father in Heaven views them. This is a huge step towards developing that pure love which attributes include long-suffering. I also learned what true forgiveness is.
The information in this book put things into perspective for me and gave me the strength to truly Love my wife even during times she was completely wrong about me. No book has changed me as much as this book did (I wish it was the Book of Mormon, but I've always been LDS so I can't say I really know what I would be like without it).
On top of that when I read your post I also thought about the need for boundaries as well, so even though I've never read the book LP recommends I think it's also a good idea.
Some other advice I would add is a little unconventional perhaps. But I don't know what your routine or hobbies are. But one thing that might help is to switch things up. Part of doing this is to create space but you can also switch up the routine with your wife and I think it might be a catalyst for change.
So if you don't work out, start working out. Go to a Gym, If you already work out try something different like go to a rock climbing gym, start doing Yoga get into hiking or mountain biking. You need to show yourself and her that you are dynamic. You may notice that people who go thru divorce all seem to get into shape and start taking on new healthy hobbies. It's because they realize they are independent and are trying to heal and get out of a rut. They also want to feel attractive and good about themselves. There is no reason why you need to go thru a divorce to switch things up. You are getting allot of negative input from your wife, so you need to show yourself and her that there's much more to you then this problem. If she get's jealous then invite her along but this is your way of taking control of YOUR life and may help your spouse face the fact that you are a separate person with your own feelings, hopes, and desires. The more you like yourself, and see yourself improving in other ways (outside of work) and the more confidence you show the more attractive you are going to be. One last thing I'd recommend is to also improve spiritually. If your not having family home evenings and prayer with your spouse you need to start doing that. Go to the temple with or without her.
Just some ideas. Become the sort of man that you would admire. I wish you the best.
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Merida wasn't bad, she was a typical teen, unless you really believe she was trying to turn her mother into a Bear.
When her mother became a Bear the surprise is obvious and not feigned. Notice Merida immediately set out to right the wrong and didn't abandon her mother once. If Merida was bad there wouldn't be a story...or at least a good one.
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Trump was also involved....
“I’ve known Jeff for fifteen years. Terrific guy,” Trump booms from a speakerphone. “He’s a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side. No doubt about it — Jeffrey enjoys his social life.”
Read more at: http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/436890/did-donald-trump-and-jeffrey-epstein-rape-13-year-old-girl -
The most important thing I learned on my mission was that Heavenly Father guides this Church and he loves me. That's pretty much it.
Some odd things I learned.
- The Church continues to grow despite the missionaries.
- Not all members share the same beliefs about many things. I remember a heated argument in our apartment with a missionary who believed that the only purpose of sex was to have children and believed having sex with a spouse for any other reason was a sin.
- There are individuals within the Church that believe the position they hold determines whether or not the Lord accepts them. How many they baptize and how quickly they made Senior, DL, ZL was super important to them. I grew up in an area with few LDS, but seeing this in the field really floored me.
- I'm different then most guys because I don't care about sports and my experiences in the field led me to believe that team sports bring out the worst in people.- Just_A_Guy, Anddenex and Vort
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Here is another example of how the engine of the progressive left is fueled by division, fanning the flames of the dispossessed and enforcing victim-hood, and how their efforts are widening the divide between men and women, black and white, rich and poor. Yet somehow people are convinced they have the best solution for overcoming racism in this country.
I wonder what Martin Luther King would think. He fought to bring people together and now the left is fighting to create "white free" spaces.
QuoteThe demonstrators were caught on video blocking Berkeley’s Sather Gate, holding large banners advocating the creation of physical spaces segregated by race and gender identity, including one that read “Fight 4 Spaces of Color.
”Berkeley protesters form human chain to stop white students from getting to class
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14 minutes ago, LiterateParakeet said:
@Windseeker you're kidding, right?
First you ask me what studies, what discrimination? Didn't you read my two posts to JAG at the beginning of the race discussion where I shared that with links?
Then after illustrating that you clearly do not understand my position, you say I don't understand yours ,and not for lack of trying on your part....implying that I'm trying to twist your words. I'm not by the way. That's why I tried to ask you questions to clarify your position. Then I attempted to restate your position to be sure I understood.
So it seems that neither of us is understanding the other. I think my position would be more clear though if you just read my ealier posts to JAG. That was the beginning (for me at least) of this conversation. It's crucial to understanding my position.
Sorry LP,
You misunderstood what I said. I don't really have time to explain. I was disparaging myself not you. So just chalk it up to my poor communication (no sarcasm there).
I'm going to bow out because I just don't have time to spend arguing about arguing or to perfect my communication. I just don't have time to explain clear enough, which is no ones fault but my own.
I respect you and hope you know that I, like you, and every person on this board wants to see an end to discrimination and racism.
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51 minutes ago, LiterateParakeet said:
This is likely our main point of disagreement then. The studies about Blacks and other people of color facing discrimination in schools, employment, and medical treatment are current, they are not 20 years old. We have current, serious issues.
My opinion is that before we can solve a problem we must first recognize and admit there is a problem. It's kind of like in AA when the first thing one must do is admit they are an alcoholic. We can't solve problems we don't even acknowledge to be problems. And we can't solve problems by ignoring them or not talking about them. I'm reading, I Am Malala and she quoted the poem by Marin Niemoller. The one that starts with "First they came for the communists, and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist."
She says, "I knew he was right. If people were silent, nothing would change."
About the Government/Media/Entertainment's role...well that depends on who you ask, doesn't it. Both sides will claim that the media is supporting the opposition. For example, I'm guessing that you would say that media is perpetuating the problem by highlighting it, focusing on it, reporting it in a biased fashion etc. The other side will say that the media ignores People of Color unless they are celebrities, famous athletes or criminals. Ironically some white people have complained that the new show Luke Cage (?) has no white people in it, completely ignoring the fact that for a long time TV has been 90% white. BLM matter people will say that the media makes a big deal out of riots, but completely ignores all the peaceful protests?
Each side is convinced media is against them, so who is right? For my part, I do not base my opinions solely on what the media attempts to feed me. I like to get to know real people and talk to them about their views and opinions. In short, do I blame the media either way? No. I think the media is in it for the money and will show whatever they think will be popular with the people. We are the ones who ultimately shape what the media shows us.What studies? Who is discriminating?
Aren't there laws against discrimination? Give me some names of people who turned Blacks away from their school, or employers who denied a qualified black person or the name of a Hospital that denied medical treatment to a black person because of his race.
It's become too acceptable to throw around the word discrimination without any concrete evidence. It's very simple find out whose doing this and pull their accreditation or fine them or pull their license to practice medicine.
I think my argument has been grossly misconstrued and it's not without any failed effort on my part with my poor explanations and examples.
So to be clear..hopefully.... I'm all for discussing and finding a solution. So there is no need to argue the need for discussion. But it needs to be based on facts not chasing ghosts.
My point is that we place a disgusting amount of emphasis on race. When we, (us, the Government, Media, etc..) start emphasizing character instead of race, we will see an improvement in race relations and a major step toward ending discrimination. As characters starts to matter again, we will see an improvement in communities where crime, single households, and ignorance dominate.
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14 minutes ago, UT.starscoper said:
I appreciate your generosity and goodwill. I would like to come across as generous toward you, as well. And in my heart my discussion with you or about your opinion holds absolutely no ill will. Since you were trying to convey that dialog tends to feed and strengthen that which we wish to abolish, then perhaps you can give me another example where you personally witnessed this phenomenon--one that I might be able to perceive as analogous to the issue at hand. Certainly, I can think of examples such as two lovers fighting and it being better to just leave the thing alone so that feelings can heal, or something like that. But examples such as this (my mention of the fight) are not analogous to racism per se.
Oh..were you talking to me?
I don't mind having a dialogue with you as long as you address me. Not really a fan of being dehumanized and addressed as exhibit 'A'. But evidently some people got a kick out of it...eh MormonGater?
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29 minutes ago, LiterateParakeet said:
@Windseeker, First, I know what ideology means, and I know how to use a dictionary, but thanks for your trouble.
I apologize, I didn't mean to offend you. I was puzzled when you read my post and asked if I felt one man was responsible for racism.
I mentioned Obama but I certainly don't feel he is solely responsible for racism in this country. But I do feel he set us back about a decade. I expected too much. Here was a man that could finally put the seal on the coffin of our past and stand as an example to minorities that they have a voice and they too can make it to the highest office in the land. That he could not have obtained that office without the help from all races especially the majority white race. Instead of this he chose to fan the flames of division every chance he had. Whenever someone brought up his opposition as coming from racism rather then ideological differences he could have told the truth and defended his opponents.
And for the record I do believe Obama to be a moral man. He has set an excellent example as a father and husband.
1 hour ago, LiterateParakeet said:If a person is denied a job he is amply qualified for, and someone with lesser qualifications is given the job instead because the first man is black and the second is white, the race is certainly not meaningless. And unfortunately, people of color face all kinds of mistreatment from school to jobs and on and on due to their color. We can't simply ignore that. That's what I'm trying to say.
I don't believe they face the same obstacles today that they faced 20 years ago. My point is that dwelling on our racial problems has not made them better. Sins of the past become sins of the present without forgiveness. But in the end true forgiveness is what it's going to take to end the conversation. This has not happened and the powers that be and their willing accomplices are doing their best to keep those wounds open for as long as possible.
I'm getting no response from anyone as to what they feel about the Government/Media/Entertainment complex's role is in this. No response as to the power they hold in the conversation. No response to the unfair effect these institutions have on the minds of young Black kids growing up.
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26 minutes ago, UT.starscoper said:
Passing along anecdotes in order to warrant an argument is problematic, and most stories grow in the telling. @Windseeker 's anecdote is an example. It contains some exaggerated and misleading information. I think some of the details are important to think about. No doubt Elder Spencer W. Kimball visited Brazil at least once before he returned to organize the first Stake in 1966. Given the number of members on record (less than 2700) in 1960 compared to the number when he organized the first Stake his assignments to visit Brazil and at least Argentina were not extraordinary. And he certainly wasn't a "young" Apostle in the early 60s as the anecdote leads us to believe. Moreover, incidents reported as demonic possession were not precisely "unprecedented" in Brazil's long history and given it's culture of religions which mixed African worship of various gods in nature with Catholicism. It's more reasonable to say that in his routine visit to Brazil and after conferring with the mission president, Elder Kimball saw the need to counsel the (young) missionaries against inadvertently contributing to the dangers of mixing Brazil's religions (and the results of some of the practices of those religions such as Candomblé, Macumba, etc.) with the pure message the missionaries were charged with presenting--by passing along gossip in some cases and well-intentioned but in the very least intensely personal spiritual experiences in other cases that could only serve to whet curious appetites for the sensational. It's natural that such counsel should be passed along to any Wards or Branches that may have members laboring under false understandings.
In any event I don't accept this anecdote as an effective warrant for me to believe that to essentially "shut up" about the existence of racism is good counsel. The analogy of the missionaries' experiences in Brazil in the 1960s and it's applicability to the issue at hand is weak. @Windseeker asks what we are to learn from the Brazil anecdote. And he rightly tells us that there are some things discussion can't fix. But I say that racism isn't one of those things.
It's been about 30 years since Windseeker has read those articles so Windseeker was off on the age of Elder Kimball. Windseeker falls on the graces of the good people of this forum and humbly offers his apology.
I believe what Windseeker was trying to convey was that in some cases the dialog itself tends to feed and strengthen the very thing the dialog is trying to abolish.
Windseeker would like UT.starsoper to know it's perfectly ok to disagree with Windseeker.
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3 hours ago, LiterateParakeet said:
@Windseeker, You avoided my question, and then continue to talk about why we should stop talking but racism, but you so realize that you are still talking about it, right?
Hi LP,
i·de·ol·o·gyˌīdēˈäləjē,ˌidēˈäləjē/noun-
1.a system of ideas and ideals, especially one that forms the basis of economic or political theory and policy."the ideology of republicanism"
synonyms: beliefs, ideas, ideals, principles, ethics, morals; More -
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2.archaicthe science of ideas; the study of their origin and nature.
So to answer your question, ideology is not one individual.
As regards to racism I'm talking about ending it.
It really comes down to this. Does race matter? I don't think it does. In one singe generation my parents family tree now includes Asian, Hawaiian, Haitian, Hispanic, Native American and not in small portions either. Looking at each of these individuals it's clear they are different races, yet all from the same family. I look at my extended family and it's the same and they are all living in the NW. I live in Florida and people of mixed decent are even stronger here. If you want to see what we will look like in a few more generations, look at Brazil.
I love my family, obviously, I'm sacrificing this entire weekend to watch my energetic half-Haitian nephew. It appears you think I have my head in the sand because I don't think there is systematic racism. I've thought about this allot, because it's very personal. I want my children and nephews and nieces to grow up in a world where it does not matter.
When they come crying to me because they feel mistreated, the problem is that they were mistreated, the "why" of the issue isn't relevant especially when it's something they are stuck with and can't change. Treating someone poorly because of race is unacceptable and treating someone differently because of race is also unacceptable.
Those who will mistreat someone because of their race, are a tiny minority and their groups (kkk, black panthers) have been completely marginalized. The vast majority of racist in this country are those that claim to be progressive but still can't see beyond an individuals race and they view every issue thru a racial lens. Most of these individuals are working to solve the problems and don't realize they are the current cause. They are failing dramatically of course.
So I'm all for talking about police shootings, and qualified people being denied jobs or education, or how best to deal with poverty but the race of that individual is meaningless.
So sure let's talk about abuse and every other topic under the sun. But what difference does it make whether a child is Black, White or Brown who is getting abused. Isn't the abuse the problem?
The reason race still matters to so many people today is because the body that regulates our daily lives (Government), the things we watch each day (Media), the current events (News), what is being taught i school (Education system) have not found it in their best interest to see beyond it. This has to start with people who identify with their beliefs and nationality and no longer identify as _____-American. They also have to recognize how these entities are trying to control and manipulate them by making them see themselves and others thru a racial lens. It's not easy to do. But eventually the more racially blended we became the more out of step and regressive those who fight for this race or that race will appear.
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I'm sorry I don't have time to address each response but I think estradling75 gets it and I appreciate him understanding what I meant.
I will share a story that illustrates from our Church History the concept that Morgan Freeman is hitting on when he says the following -
Back in the early sixties a young apostle with the last name of Kimball was called to resolve a major problem that was occurring in Brazil. You see what was happening was unprecedented number of demonic possessions were affecting not only investigators but also members of the Church. These valiant missionaries were on the front lines battling evil first directly welding the power of the priesthood but they were losing.
Scary stuff right?
As Elder Kimball continued to investigate he found these missionaries were sharing these faith inspiring testimonies to investigators and to members during sacrament meetings as well as sharing their experiences with other missionaries. After much prayer he came up with a solution...and no he didn't call down angels from heaven to purge the demons from Brazil instead he told the missionaries to essentially SHUT UP!. Stop talking about it. Guess what happened? It went away. It just disappeared. Now were there still some possessions after, sure, but not nearly the epidemic it had been, not even close. Does that mean all those encounters with evil spirits were fake? No. How do I know this, I read an account of this story and also my own father was in Brazil and went thru this. He never told me about it, but I remember hearing some scary things after sneaking out at night when he thought I was in bed and listening in to him talking to his close member friends late at night. It wasn't till I found this story after my mission that he confirmed this occurred during his mission.
So what can we learn from that? There are some things discussion cannot fix. Dwelling on certain things prevents progress. Another way to look at it is demons promote demons and racism promotes racism. How about this. Take a wrong in your relationship that was cleared up. Now discuss that wrong every single night with your partner for the rest of your life, What do you think would happen? Hearing that wrong every night, how could it affect you? How does forgiveness or the lack of forgiveness affect an individuals growth and progression?
While our racial woes stem from real issues that occurred in our past, the only thing preventing people of color from succeeding today are themselves and it's not even their fault. Big Democrats, Big Media and Big Academia have colluded in replacing the real chains of slavery with very real psychological chains of victim hood and dependency. They do so intentionally to meet their ends. It does not mean that everyone in the Democratic Party, Media and Academia have a quest for power, many reinforce these psychological chains unintentionally and out of the goodness of their hearts. They are incapable of seeing Black people as anything other than victims and they feel it's necessary to denigrate their potential by offering them sympathy for past wrongs and promising race based solutions to counter their oppression at the hands of what exactly?...evil Republicans?...the Police?...White People. They oppose every thoughtful solution to poverty, immigration, healthcare with progress inhibiting allegations of racism. Which group is sowing contention. Black against White, Women against Men, Gays against Straights, Young against Old. And tell me who is the father of contention?
The victimology has become so vital and the left has been so successful in stirring up racial contention and racial hatred, that I fear if Martin Luther King were alive today he would be assaulted if he dared mention his dream of a colorblind society. Yet that is what it's going to take to move forward. The only racial discussion worth having is one about ending the discussion.
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7 minutes ago, Traveler said:
In the 80’s I was working as an engineer for Boeing in the Seattle area – not long after the LDS church allowed Blacks (African Americans) to hold the priesthood. I met a remarkable guy by the name of Paul Smith that was a black African American and one of the first to receive the priesthood in the LDS church. He taught me more about prejudice than any other single person I have ever known – before or since.
What he taught me is that there is in essence two very different kinds of “racial” prejudice and both have their very dark side of separating (isolating) individuals in cultures. The first kind of prejudice is a bitter or even hateful prejudice – we are all aware of this prejudice. It is the hateful prejudice that all good people try to avoid. It is also what most think is the engine of all prejudice – or at least that is what we are told and made to believe.
There is another kind of racial prejudice. Sometimes this other kind of prejudice raises its ugly head in a strange makeover manner in people trying to be kind, compassionate and loving; that are being deceived that this very ugly prejudice has a beauty of its own about it. It is a much more subtle kind of prejudice but the result of any prejudice is always the same – it causes people to pigeon hole others and give excuse for thinking that they are or ought to be thought of as different.
Paul Smith worked with me and convinced me of my other kind of racial prejudice. As we talked about problems I would make a statement like, “What Blacks need is a great leader.” He would respond and say, “No! that is not what Blacks need – what people need is a great leader.” Then he would remind me that as soon as I see a different need for Blacks – I was exercising a prejudice – and I needed to get over that prejudice. As Paul said – we need to be truly color blind. We are all children of the same G-d – with the same needs and Celestial destiny.
I could give many examples of how well-meaning people exercise a very dark prejudice thinking that somehow it is good and kind because they think hate does not have any part in motivating it. But the truth is – it does not matter all that much if we enter into temptation thinking that we are justified in doing so because we are motivated by love rather than hate. Like the adulterer that thinks their disloyalty in marriage is justified; not by hate of their spouse (that they do not hate but do love somewhat) but rather their deep (thinking somehow deeper) love of someone else – and that love is a good thing.
As soon as we see through colored goggles and think someone or some group is different for whatever excuse we can think up – we are engaging in prejudice – a prejudice that if allowed to continue will do more harm than whatever good we may think we are dreaming up about it in seeing a difference and making an excuse for it.
If police are treating anyone improperly we should be concerned – not because they are black but because they are humans. As soon as we allow race to be an element – we create more to the problem and take away from or perhaps even prevent the legitimate solution.
The Traveler
Very well said. Exactly.
The other racism which is so prevalent that most people don't recognize it is sometimes referred to as the "Soft Racism of Lowered Expectations".
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2 hours ago, LiterateParakeet said:
I don't understand this way of thinking. For example, our Church Leaders have been talking about the war on the family for sometime (and rightfully so) under Morgan Freeman logic they should just stop talking about it and the problem will go away. Right?
I guess it depends on your perspective. I believe I share Morgan Freeman's perspective that Racism is currently being kept alive and perpetuated by a soulless ideology that believes the end justifies the means and in order to maintain power must ensure people are divided as much as possible. It also relies on sowing victimization.
We see just like Hitler had Jewish decent, we have had a mixed race man in the highest office of the land who has spent the last eight years ensuring Black people remain victims, dependents and have a healthy hate for white people. While I like to think people like myself and Anatess are doing our part by breeding the problem away
......, it's very possible that despite the truth literally covering an individuals skin, people will believe the lies coming out of said individuals mouth that tells them "You can't make it because of your skin color". It's my belief that if this ideology could go back and erase the contributions of Martin Luther King they would. It's with the greatest reluctance that they honor him, he served his purpose. You will never hear them quote Martin Luther Kings actual dream. Is not that telling? They simply cannot maintain power if his dream comes true.
The bottom line is we are post-civil rights, you either believe we were all created equally or you don't. And no matter a individuals belief the laws of the land ought to be color-blind. There is no need for special laws or appropriations. A crime is a crime.
Why is this issue considered a "Black" issue? Is it not a Human one? Doesn't it affect us all?
You want Racism to disappear, remove all mentions of race in Government, stop tracking race in statistics or consensus, remove all race based holidays etc (ie Black History Month). Once the Government moves beyond race, the media will eventually have to follow, or risk more and more people identifying them as the racebaiter and dividers they are. Once the lie that race matters is no longer on constant repeat by our Government, Media, News and Academia, you will see the dawn break and people will realize that we are the least racist country on the planet and we are all lucky to live here.
Won't there always be racist individuals among all races? Yes, but as we have seen with the KKK, the Black Panthers and soon to see with Black Lives Matter, they will be relegated to a hiss and a byword, where they belong.
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17 hours ago, anatess2 said:
To me, the solution is to eliminate the racial component and make all colors adhere to the Constitution. A black guy committing a crime is punishable by law. A cop shooting that black guy when it is not called for is also committing a crime punishable by law. Now, let's figure out how to solve the problem of black guys committing crimes and let's solve the problem of cops shooting at black guys when it is not called for. The rest of the discussion should be on why it can't be that simple...
I'm agree with this and Morgan Freeman's statement that the solution to racism is to stop talking about it.
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6 minutes ago, Carborendum said:
I think you meant LP?
Yes, thanks LP!
and now I can say Thanks Carb! for pointing that out
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14 hours ago, LiterateParakeet said:
My friend and her children are in family therapy. Her children have a lot of anger towards her, as your children appear to have toward you. The therapists, hers and her child's suggested that she listen. Just listen to her children. Let them tell her what they are feeling and do not try to defend herself, just listen.
What she was being asked to do was very difficult. It is hard to be accused and not be able to defend yourself. Especially when you feel you are innocent, and even if you are guilty there is an urge to explain your actions.
But she was told to listen. Just listen.
It wasn't easy, but she did it. Afterwards she cried. It was hard to hear those things that were unfair and wrong. She cried and she vented to me.
But you know what? After that things started to get better. Her relationship with the children began to improve. Why? Because the children felt heard. In many cases that is all that is needed.
QFT
I don't have anything to add, but I needed this and love it.
Thanks LP!
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Sadwife,
I'm so sorry and saddened by what you are going thru.
You are not responsible or accountable for your husbands actions. They are his entirely own. Based on what you have said I would not be surprised if he's at the point of jusitfying adultery. If at this point you refused sex with him the rest of your marriage you will not be held accountable or responsible for his adultery or his sins ("taking care of himself").
In the same way he is responsible for himself, you are for yourself. You, yourself, are rationalizing because of fear. I understand that we should be patient in our afflictions, but that does not mean we are always expected to wait things out either.QuoteOur Heavenly Father intends for us to make it! That is His work and His glory.
I love the way President Gordon B. Hinckley used to teach this principle. I heard him say on several occasions, “Brothers and sisters, all the Lord expects of us is to try, but you have to really try!”
“Really trying” means doing the best we can, recognizing where we need to improve, and then trying again. By repeatedly doing this, we come closer and closer to the Lord, we feel His Spirit more and more, and we receive more of His grace, or help.
I sometimes think we don’t recognize how very much the Lord wants to help us. I love the words of Elder David A. Bednar, who said:
“Most of us clearly understand that the Atonement is for sinners. I am not so sure, however, that we know and understand that the Atonement is also for saints. …
Elder J. Devn Cornish
Waiting things out, in some scenarios, is "trying". But that is between you and Heavenly Father.
I think perhaps it's time to take some risks for yourself and your children and even your husband. In doing so you will either be calling his bluff and it will improve your marriage or you will be moving on without him and be free of the pain his selfishness and sin is bringing to your family.
It's a choice between misery and uncertainty.
Either way your Heavenly Father loves you.
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3 hours ago, mdfxdb said:
Addiction
Abuse
Adultery
One of those three and i'm out. Unfortunately it looks like you've had your own problems.
Just want to clarify my thoughts on this as I mentioned them as well, and that is...
- Addiction does not deserve Addiction,
- Abuse does not deserve Abuse.
- Adultery does not deserve Adultery.
All the cross variants are true as well, like Abuse does not deserve Addiction and Adultery does not deserve Abuse etc..
So just because you've had your own issues with money and caved into his selfish demands for porn, does not mean you deserve Abuse.
As saints, our call is to turn the other cheek, but at some point remaining in a situation ends up enabling Addiction, Abuse and Adultery. In those cases separation is the only option. You have been Abused and told repeatedly that everything is your fault, so in some sense you are damaged and the only way to gain clarity is to step away from the situation while you heal.
I have emotionally abused, and I have spent years trying to come to terms with the damage I have done to those my Father in Heaven entrusted to me. So these kinds of threads seem to rip the band-aid off the old wounds.
Your courage in facing this head one will be difficult but it will only benefit yourself, your children and your spouse..even if it becomes necessary to dissolving the marriage.
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Full Disclosure - I struggle with prayer.
But my answer is first we simply are commanded to.
Second, there are blessings and protections that are available to us, but they are predicated on our faith and without exercising even the most minimal measure of faith it takes to simply ask, they will not be provided to us.
I've experienced this as a parent, when I dump things (I think are blessings) on my kids that I see they need, they often reject it or utilize it in a manner that has no lasting effect. I have learned to wait till they ask for my help in many things (not all), because it seems more effective and beneficial and affects our relationship in a much more profound way. Maybe there is a principle there in how Heavenly Father blesses us.
I think Heavenly Father is waiting for us to just ask and in so doing protects our agency and ensures the blessing is for our benefit.
- Anddenex, askandanswer, Traveler and 1 other
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I recognize some of this behavior in myself during my first marriage unfortunately. I remember during a counseling session she told the counselor I would call her names. I remember I said I never called "her" stupid I was just saying what she was "doing", "thinking", "acting" was stupid. He told me flat out I was being emotionally abusive. It was a major wake up call for me and I'm happy to say I changed. Unfortunately it was too late and she shortly after went off the deep end.
Threatening divorce is abuse as well. I did this also, it was how I expressed how angry and hopeless I felt. But it was wrong and there is no place for it.
Your husband needs a wake up call. He may be so caught up in his own thinking he doesn't realize what he's doing or what he's about to lose. He needs to learn to channel his feelings in a healthier way and he needs help. You seem very afraid for him to find out how you feel. He has to know if he's going to turn this around.
Please know this, you don't deserve it. Not any of it. At the least you need to get some counseling and see the Bishop. It is abuse and it needs to stop. Nothing is going to change if you don't start addressing this.
If I were you I would put some plans in place. The next time he threatens divorce, go in your room, pack your things and leave. You don't need to live day by day wondering when the axe will fall. Time to take some courage and put him to the test. A separation for a determined time period might give him time to think and in some ways it's giving him a chance to wake up. I don't believe in divorce except for when it comes to Adultery, Abuse or Addiction. You need to come to terms that you are dealing with Abuse. If it ends up in divorce, it's not the end of your life or eternal life.
I have learned thru much hardship to turn to Heavenly Father and say, "Here I am in this life where I chose to be, with these challenges that I'm sure are a mix of what was promised in this life and those that I created myself, surrounded by people I'm commanded to love, what is it I'm to learn here?, Here I am". Somehow thinking this has provided some perspective on things.
Perhaps this is an opportunity to learn to stand up for yourself and to overcome your fears and trust your Father in Heaven.
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I've moved several families that had alcohol in boxes.
Lots of families just happen to be barely active enough to ask for the LDS moving company...what'd you expect?
Where else are we going to find opportunities to serve?
So you just move the boxes with the rest of their stuff, that's what you do.
- dahlia and mordorbund
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Best Post-Election Reaction
in Current Events
Posted
What's the best post election reaction you've seen so far?
A friend from High School who is busy planning her mansion that's soon to be built in Portland Oregon posted this -