Josiah

Hi Catlick! As others have said, you aren't alone. These kinds of concerns aren't new, and others have overcome them. You can overcome them too, if you want to! Here are some scriptures, quotes, and ideas that came to mind as I read your post. I hope some of them are helpful to you.    Warning: Really, really long post ahead.   
 
 
As far as joining the church is concerned, this is probably not an issue. Other than the specific things the missionaries have gone over, as well as following the overall process of faith and repentance in all areas of your life, the rest is between you and your Heavenly Father. You don't need to become a picture-perfect cookie cutter "Mormon." In fact, I don't know that you even should.
 
When Joseph Smith was asked how he was able to govern the early Church so effectively, his response was this:
"I teach them correct principles, and they govern themselves."
 
I like this a lot. Heavenly Father doesn't spell out exactly how to live, what to do, etc. He gives us the basic commandments as examples, and then teaches us principles to guide is with the rest. If, for whatever reason, the day comes when you feel in your heart that God wants you to give up rock music and Dateline, then of course you should. For now, focus less on the specifics and more on the principles behind them. Who does Heavenly Father want you to be? Who do you really want to be, and why? Borrowing from earlier in this thread, why are you so strongly considering making this change in your life in the first place? What principles are guiding you that way in spite of the challenges? Stuff like that.
 
 
Bring the best of your religion with you, and just leave out what isn't right or good. Again, the principles are what matter most. The details have a way of working themselves out with time. From Moroni 7:13
"But behold, that which is of God inviteth and enticeth to do good continually; wherefore, every thing which inviteth and enticeth to do good, and to love God, and to serve him, is inspired of God."
Apply this test to anything from Catholicism, in light of the principles the missionaries are teaching you. Keep whatever helps you come closer to Christ. This will actually become easier after you are baptized and receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. That gift will help you discern (spiritually see and feel) what is good to keep and what is not.
 
 
This one's a toughie. You probably feel obligated to your family to continue as you are, and you also probably feel somewhat obligated to your LDS friends and to the missionaries to attend there and be baptized. Those issues are real. But keep in mind that what's most important by far is your obligation to God, and to do what you feel in your heart is right.
Even if you could make a decision that would please everyone you know, how would you feel about it if you knew that God had wanted something different, that you hadn't followed your heart? Or, from another perspective, what would your decision be if nobody else were involved - not your family, not your friends of any belief, not the missionaries - only you and Heavenly Father. What does He really want? What do you want? It's easier said than done, but as much as you can, leave the rest to Him. It'll work out for the best.
Matthew 19:29 "And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life."
No price is too great to find the peace of knowing and feeling that you are doing God's will. 
 
You can! It might not be a flawless transition, but you'll get there. There is power in the Atonement of Jesus Christ beyond what you or I can even comprehend. With His help, you can do it. You can resist. You can function without it. You can even be happier than ever before without it - if you choose to do so with all your heart! Also keep in mind that if you quit, get baptized, and then cave once a week later, it isn't the end of the world - as long as you learn from it and keep trying. When we're following Christ and doing our best, mistakes become lessons, not condemnations. They are stepping stones, not roadblocks. You have nothing to fear except the danger of not trying or giving up.
Luke 17:6 "And the Lord said, If ye had faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye might say unto this sycamine tree, Be thou plucked up by the root, and be thou planted in the sea; and it should obey you."
 
 
Your first calling in particular is unlikely to be especially demanding. The Lord realizes that this is a transition. He won't give you more than you can handle, although it may look like it at first. It can be a test of our trust in Him, but He provides a way. I can testify that the Lord has helped me immensely in my schooling and family relationships - far beyond what I would have gained on my own with the time I have spent serving in the church, including 2 years away as a full-time missionary. Believe me, any sacrifice you make doing God's will is returned to you a hundredfold (see again Matthew 19:29). That includes the value of your time.
 
I know this is a long one already, but one last thought. The title of this thread says a lot. I may be wrong (let me know if so), but it implies to me that you want to be baptized and you are already trying to move in that direction, but are being restrained from realizing that desire - mainly by fear. If you really have already settled in your mind and heart what is right and true, know that faith is opposed to fear, and can overcome it. Know that "God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. (2 Tim 1:7)" Know that you have access to the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ to overcome your fears to the degree that you will trust Him! 
 
I think you would really like this talk. It was given by Elder David A. Bednar, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, not too long ago. Elder Bednar's words given here have helped me work toward overcoming certain fears of my own in the past few months.
 
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/04/therefore-they-hushed-their-fears?lang=eng
 
I hope something here has helped you. Best of luck!

Hullo and welcome Zionseeker! If I understand you correctly, you're interested and hoping to find greater truth here, but concerned that an answer hasn't come yet, and especially concerned that you seem to be half-expected to ignore that fact and convert regardless? Let me know if that's not right. If it is, this might interest you:
 
I was a missionary also, not too long ago. Interestingly, *most* people I met didn't get a clearly recognizable answer from God immediately upon praying and reading for the first or second time. The more common pattern was that people felt about like you seem to feel, read and prayed every day/most days, came to church, etc. for quite some time first. Then as they more fully understood what they were praying about, and were willing to change their lives accordingly, answers began to come. That's how it has always worked for me personally, too.
 
So faith isn't just getting baptized with no answers from God. For now, faith probably means being willing to "keep waiting for the divine phone to ring." In other words, keep praying, reading, and attending for a good while, and be committed to go through with it fully if and when God answers.
 
*Edit: looks like char beat me to it. 

Behold the central point. Is it a "sin" to cut off your arm? I don't know; maybe. But if you cut off your arm, THEN YOU DON'T HAVE AN ARM. That's the "punishment" for self-amputation.
 
Most people have the capacity to reproduce. Because this is so common, we tend to think of it as vulgar and often fail to realize what a marvelous, miraculous, Godly thing it is. I think many among us are guilty of treating this lightly and taking it for granted, something all too obvious to those (like TFP) who have thus far been denied the blessing.

I apologize for my snarky comment it was uncalled for.

No. It is advised to not put it off. The health of the mother is to be considered. Yes. And, of course, one should always follow the Spirit. But it has been distinctly advised against waiting until it is practical.

This is key.
 
Anyone who thinks they can raise their child right by punishing them as an adult after they have failed to raise them right as young children is deluded.
 
Now I'm not saying that irresponsible young adults are always the blame of the parents. But if the kid is going to be that way after being raised right anyhow, then punishment to them as an adult is as likely to harm as to hurt, just as coddling them might do the same -- harm or hurt. In that regard (having a messed up young adult child) then we should be carefully doing our best to customize our response based on the individual, and above and beyond that, follow the Spirit as we fast and pray to know what to do.
 
I can understand that some tend naturally towards a hard line with struggling young adults, and some tend naturally the other way. I'm sure this comes from our experiences. I did not have help from my parents in college. It is my strong belief that due to my late maturing in some matters and my A.D.D. that if I had been coddled somewhat for a time I would have done better in my life overall. I grew up eventually. By the time I did, it was too late. Now I will be punished for the rest of my life for something that was somewhat beyond my control. As an extreme example, it's sort of like denying a job/scholarship/opportunity to an adult because he/she wet the bed when they were 5.
 
So I can accept that I'm biased. But even if I let go of that bias, it strikes me that a hard line either direction is foolishness. Each person is different and should be treated according to their best interests, character, needs, etc. Each situation is different. Each person will respond differently to any given approach.
 
There are great lessons to be learned from trials and self-reliance, and there are great lessons to be learned from blessings and mercy. Extremes in either regard are harmful.

It strikes me (and I also have experienced this, as I expect we all have) that being blessed has been one of the key factors in my spiritual growth. Yes, trials have also been part of the equation (followed by blessings). But ultimately, the key key factor is, and always has been, choice.

Alright, so this thread has been on my mind since yesterday. I've been thinking a lot more about what I want to do (or not do) for my kids in 20 years or so, and why. I've also thought about the role Heavenly Father has played in my life, both in spoiling me at times and in letting me struggle at other times, and His possible reasons for both.
 
So far it seems like we've mostly been weighing the supposed financial and/or educational benefits for the adult child against the supposed detriments to their personal responsibility, character, etc. My question at this point is, could limited financial help ever be truly beneficial? Not just in the sense of helping a kid pay for things he/she wants or needs, but actually beneficial as a whole for the child's character and personal growth (a spiritual benefit)? If so, in what ways and under what conditions? And coming back to the OP, would the said benefits be reduced or changed after marriage?
 
What think ye?

Alright, so this thread has been on my mind since yesterday. I've been thinking a lot more about what I want to do (or not do) for my kids in 20 years or so, and why. I've also thought about the role Heavenly Father has played in my life, both in spoiling me at times and in letting me struggle at other times, and His possible reasons for both.
 
So far it seems like we've mostly been weighing the supposed financial and/or educational benefits for the adult child against the supposed detriments to their personal responsibility, character, etc. My question at this point is, could limited financial help ever be truly beneficial? Not just in the sense of helping a kid pay for things he/she wants or needs, but actually beneficial as a whole for the child's character and personal growth (a spiritual benefit)? If so, in what ways and under what conditions? And coming back to the OP, would the said benefits be reduced or changed after marriage?
 
What think ye?

Are we not all spoiled?

I will help my kids out as much as I can as long as I perceive they are generally responsible and making efforts to righteousness, etc. For are we not all beggars?

I'm going to go against the grain with my opinion-- how much a parent supports and adult child should NOT be related to martial status, but instead age of the child.
 
If a parent says: we're going to help our child with $X / mo for higher education (or something else) with the expectation that they stay in school, get good grades, live responsibly, etc.   One of the expectations should not be "and stay single".  
 
For example, if a set of parents plan on helping all their kids with college until age 23, a child should not be cut off because they were fortunate enough to find a spouse at age 21.  By the same token, a single child age 24 should be cut off, because it's time for them to grow up even if they haven't found a spouse yet.  

Babylon was the greatest city in the world.
 
That description does not do it justice, however. Babyon was enormous, the first known city to exceed 200,000 people in population. That's 200,000 people in one 2200-acre place, without indoor plumbing or automation. And it was massively powerful; at its peak, no person, nation, or army could hope to compete with it.
 
But its size and military might were merely the most obvious characteristics. Babylon was a place of great learning, far and away the most brilliant, progressive, enlightened city of the earth in its time. And it was cosmopolitan on a scale that even we today would find impressive; there is a reason the "tower of Babel" signifies a mixing or melting pot of various languages and cultures.Hammurabi's code is still touted as one of the great civilizing documents in all of human history, despite its rather harsh edge in today's judgment. Thousands of years later, we still remember Babylon's fabled Hanging Gardens as one of the wonders of the ancient world.
 
In terms of freedom, the citizens of Babylon were probably the "freest" people of their time, in the way we use that term today. The people had opportunities, the land was prosperous, and their strength made them impenetrable. If we had to go back in time and live during that period and could scout our prospects before pulling the time machine lever, I expect that many, perhaps most, of us would consider ourselves lucky if we got to go to Babylon.
 
In short, the closest modern approximation we have today of the glory of the Babylon of nearly four thousand years ago is...the United States of America.
 
Yet look how the Bible vilifies Babylon. It was the mother of whores. It was the destroyer of souls. It was the place most feared by the people of God, not primarily because of its military might, but because of its seductive power. It stood in opposition to all that God wanted of his people.
 
I think this is worth meditating on, especially as we consider the forces acting inside and outside the US and the so-called "western world". We would do well to learn to see our own civilization a bit more as God sees it, and not be too dazzled with our brilliance and technical achievement.
 
We are Babylon 2000. That should be a sobering thought for all of us.

A concept you might already be familiar with, though it stands to be repeated, our temple endowment is not a right of passage.  In light of the steps the bishop has currently provided:
 
1) Temple Prep -- definitely a good thing
 
2) Attend all Church meetings -- seems appropriate as one of the questions for a temple recommend is whether or not you attend all your meetings.  This may also highlight some of your history, have you not been fully active?  If not, the bishop is clearly helping you to recognize that a temple endowment is sacred with covenant and responsibility.
 
3) Magnify your calling -- reread #2 thoughts, or simply remember.
 
4) Good grades -- puzzled?  Not sure why good grades would keep a person from attending the temple, and brings back to my remembrance, I believe general conference or a stake conference address about the uneducated wife of a newly called leader who was given comfort specifying her education was enough.
 
The first three items appears to me that you have a wise bishop who is seeking to help you learn line-upon-line, precept-upon-precept, necessary, faithful, actions by which you prove to the Lord, not the bishop, that you are ready to receive your own endowment.  I don't see any change of mind.  What I see, is an individual who felt the first step was the only step and wasn't fully aware of what receiving an endowment fully entails.  
 
The fourth item, as mentioned puzzles me; however, how would you handle this?  A scripture enters into my mind and I would recommend you read, Alma 7: 24, "And see that ye have faith, hope, and charity, and then ye will always abound in good works."
 
If a temple endowment is your heart's desire, and this desire is promoted by pure and virtuous intentions, then continue to walk in faith and hope by adhering to your bishop's counsel.  Allow the spirit of the Lord to work within your soul that your heart says, like King Laman, "I will give away all my sins" to receive my endowment.  Be cheerful, not impatient, waiting upon the Lord's blessing.
 
Then as you walk in faith and hope, exercise charity toward your bishop.  An imperfect servant of God who is trying to do his best before God and before his fellow brother or sister.  Exercise your faith, hope, and charity in prayer that your heart will be softened and your spirit contrite.
 
Also, if the demands become more puzzling -- demands outside of the temple recommend questions -- you can always speak with a member of the stake presidency.  Speak with them about your desire, about what you have done, and about your love for the Lord and his gospel.  Speak with them about what actions you have taken thus far, what your bishop has given as requirements, and if they think anything else is missing or that you are ready.  
 
The Lord bless you in your efforts, and may your efforts and intentions be pure and virtuous. 

As I always advise in these sorts of questions: We should be looking for excuses to give to the Lord His due, not excuses to get out of it.

Wow, I do not want to defend Davis' critics.  I'm tracking with Folk Prophet all the way up to the SCOTUS decision.  BUT, now gay marriage is the law of the land, and the sad sorry truth is that most Americans are okay with it.  I hate it, but I'm not sure losing the public's approval counts as me being oppressed.  Not yet.
 
As for JAG's suggestion that Davis was merely saying, "Not me," I may have read this differently.  I perceived that she could have avoided signing her own name, but she was going further--preventing anyone under her supervision from facilitating these marriages.  So, she was not trying to avoid personal support--she was pro-actively using her govt position to hinder the marriages.  At least, that's how I read this.
 
I doubt too many people would have criticized her if she had said, "As a believer in Jesus, and his righteous standards, I cannot be party to gay marriage.  I resign."  Then, she would have gotten props for giving up her position to maintain righteousness.
 
If I'm missing details here, let me know. 

I personally have come to believe that faith has very little to do with belief. In point of fact, you can exercise faith in something that you do not, for sure, believe in.
 
Faith has much more to do with words like trust, commitment, determination, loyalty.

As was pointed out in the latest General Conference, faith is evidence, not mere conjecture or hope. So I would argue it is not "blind", even though it is evidence of things "not seen".

I think we will still love, honor, and reverence our heavenly parents as well as their own predecessors, to the extent that we come to know them.
 
And I daresay that if we attain exaltation then our progeny will love, honor, and reverence us as well as our predecessors, to the extent that our progeny becomes acquainted with our predecessors.
 
But I don't think we know, or can know, the particulars of how that love, honor, and reverence is going to be expressed.  Speaking for myself, the idea of being "worshiped" (in the everyday sense of the word) by anyone, makes me extremely uncomfortable.

Exactly how you do this is between you and the Lord. Go to Him, and disregard our opinions if He speaks to the contrary. Having said that:
 
Consider this question: Would I expect a deeper understanding of a gospel principle to lead me to sacrifice more, or less to the Lord? Why?
 
This looks like a loaded, or even a completely rhetorical question on the surface. But I don't intend it to be. After all, compared to the Pharisaical additions to the Law of Moses prevalent in His day, Christ's teachings actually did constitute a scaling back of the requirements of the gospel...in some ways. That's where the "why" question comes in. The letter of the law had been greatly exaggerated to the detriment of the spirit of the law. The Savior's teachings simplified the letter of the law (see Carborendum's post for what I would consider some great applications of that), but simultaneously greatly intensified the spiritual demands behind the law. That's the principle I would take and apply as a test here and elsewhere in the gospel for cases like this. If I thought I had found that the Lord actually expected me to pay a lot less tithing than I already had been, I would exercise a lot of caution and consider first if my spiritual sacrifice would be increasing or decreasing. Because if that's going to be decreasing, then I have a problem.
 
...
 
...or, if you don't want to bother with me mixing in my own philosophies and principles with scripture, just read this instead:
 
https://www.lds.org/manual/doctrine-and-covenants-student-manual/section-110-121/section-119-the-law-of-tithing?lang=eng
 

My wife, a recent convert to the church, and I were sealed today to each other and to our 4-month old son. She was still a recent convert when we were married in 2013, so after prayerful consideration, we decided on a civil wedding. 22 months later now, the eternal marriage is complete.
I love the gospel so much. The beauty and truthfulness of the gospel serves as protection to us in such a polarized world. I am grateful for the guidance and protection the gospel and Priesthood authority provides us, both temporally and eternally.
I just wanted to share something positive and testimonial on here. Thank you for the opportunity to share it.

None of us here are mental health professionals, and as such I believe that you should seek one immediately, schizophrenia is a very serious mental illness, and any questions you have should be saved for the professional who has spent several years studying your disorder.
 
If you are unsure of where to find a mental health specialist, contact your bishop or his counselors, and they will be able to help you in any way they can. Same goes if money is an issue, they will be able to help with that as well.

I've been around for a couple of days now (thank you, Pam) and I think I'll stay so here's my intro.
I'm Jewish, a convert to the Church. Missionary to France and married a French girl I met there. Raised a house full of daughters, last one is still at home, the others are in college and out of college.
I'm pretty good at the intellectual parts but fairly dense when it comes to the Spirit (audible voices and angelic visitations work pretty well but "still small voice" just rarely gets through).
The rest we'll learn about each other as we go.

Ponderize, and stop making/using excuses (spiritually and otherwise). There were others, but those are the ones so far that I have felt need immediate implementation.

You're not the crazy one, the people you are arguing with are.
 
What possible good could it do to call the parents first?  That is simply going to delay the arrival of help in an emergency when seconds can count.  I cannot begin to imagine what these parents' thought processes are and what they think calling them is going to accomplish.
 
I think children should be taught how to call 911 in an emergency as soon as they are able to understand.  Haven't we all seen stories over the years of very young children calling 911 for situations such as an unconscious parent?
 
And what if the parent doesn't answer the phone because they are unavailable in a meeting or something?  If you call 911 you are guaranteed that someone will answer.
 
I have to say that this is some of the stupidest - and potentially dangerous - advice that I've ever heard.