NeedleinA

You say he was helpful before, so what changed? 

I had no problem with helping out around the home from the start of our marriage, but when my wife would see what I'd done, instead of a thank you I got criticized for not doing it right, not doing it well enough etc.  After a while of that a guy just wants to go 'Fine, do it yourself then!'.  I just honestly don't see as much mess as she does, when I think a room is done, to her it is only half done.  No guy want to have is wife on his case like that or make him feel incompetent.  She had to accept that my best was just not the same as her best in a lot of housecleaning areas.  Now there are some things that are more within my skill set, washing clothes etc. so I tend to focus on helping in the areas I do well, and when I wind up doing something I'm not so good at like dusting she now is grateful rather than critical and things go much better.
Could he perhaps be feeling his past efforts were unappreciated, or that what he does now to help provide for the family is taken for granted, or feel resentful over something else that makes him unwilling to help?  You need to know what is going on in his head and he needs to know what is going on in yours.  What is his idea of an acceptable state for the house and is that something you can live with?  How much is he willing to contribute to meeting that standard, either by his work or financial contribution? 
I'll second the idea of you becoming a full time mom if it is at all possible.  There is a financial cost to it, it will likely require a cut in lifestyle.  If you consider the extra expenses of your working (child care costs, transportation costs, work wardrobe costs, the cost of lunches, the increased taxes etc.) the cost may be far less than you fear, and the boost in quality of life for everybody in the family is huge.  It also gives him a level of flexibility and stability that could help his career.

Unfortunately the back up was done prior to some threads started and some posts made.  So I don't think there is a way to restore them.

Many people need this explained/spelled out to them, especially men. Many men (including my former self) do not understand the direct connection between helping around the house and  the mood that it puts their wives in or out of. You both might be caught in a cycle:
You are not in the mood for sex because he doesn't help around the house AND he is not in the mood to help around the house because you are not in the mood for sex. 
Here is a (LDS) book that I would recommend to EVERY couple, new or old. "Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment" by Laura Brotherson. Wonderful book, designed to be read and discussed as a couple! There is a great section in it, "How Husbands Can Help Prepare (their wives) for the Warm-up Phase (for intimacy)". Very first line says: "Women may not have the time, energy or interest to even allow themselves to enter the Warm-up phase without their husband's willing and loving assistance with household responsibilities. 
Wow, first sentence!
Boyd K Packer: "There is no task, however menial, connected with the care of babies, the nurturing of children, or with the maintenance of the home that is not a husband's equal obligation".
 
 

I basically agree with yjacket. If your husband wants a "traditional" split of duties, then that means he brings home the bacon -- ALL the bacon. If you're helping with the money, he should be helping with the housework.
TWO DON'TS:
Don't make this about sex. This is NOT about sex. Sex is a separate issue. If you drag sex into this, you will cause great harm to your marriage. I don't care if he "deserves" it. Dragging sex into this issue is not unlike (physically) dragging one of your children into the disagreement. Just a horrible, horrible idea. Avoid it like the plague that it is. Be confrontational if you must, but it would be better if you could avoid confrontation altogether. I realize that he told you never to bring housework up again, but that is a silly ultimatum (thought you probably shouldn't tell him that). I am envisioning a calm, loving conversation that you bring up, telling him that the housework is out of control and that you cannot do it. You are willing to work outside the home AND in the home, but he needs to be willing to do the same. Then you present him two lists, with the housework/cooking/other responsibilities equally divided between them, and invite him to pick which one he likes best, and you'll take the other. You will meet together every Saturday to go over the responsibilities, review what went well and what went badly, and work on how to improve things (and celebrate the things that worked). If you take my suggestion, then whatever happens, DO NOT (another don't) criticize and nag him during the week. It's HIS responsibility; let HIM take care of it. If he doesn't, well, that's a lot of Saturday work for him. But he has no one to blame but himself if the house looks trashy (as long as it's his part that's trashy and not yours).
I realize this won't solve your problems in and of itself. But it is a way to start. If your husband is a basically reasonable and fair person who cares about you and his family, it is a way to get on the path to where you want to be.

My husband and I have a household chores electronic spreadsheet. Works great. Add rewards to it to make sure you do things. Even adults need bribery.

Many people need this explained/spelled out to them, especially men. Many men (including my former self) do not understand the direct connection between helping around the house and  the mood that it puts their wives in or out of. You both might be caught in a cycle:
You are not in the mood for sex because he doesn't help around the house AND he is not in the mood to help around the house because you are not in the mood for sex. 
Here is a (LDS) book that I would recommend to EVERY couple, new or old. "Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment" by Laura Brotherson. Wonderful book, designed to be read and discussed as a couple! There is a great section in it, "How Husbands Can Help Prepare (their wives) for the Warm-up Phase (for intimacy)". Very first line says: "Women may not have the time, energy or interest to even allow themselves to enter the Warm-up phase without their husband's willing and loving assistance with household responsibilities. 
Wow, first sentence!
Boyd K Packer: "There is no task, however menial, connected with the care of babies, the nurturing of children, or with the maintenance of the home that is not a husband's equal obligation".
 
 

There also seems to be a problem with balancing responsibility and fun.  If you're husband is unwilling to address that, there's a major issue going on here. 
PS, my stay-at-home husband does majority of the cleaning in our house.  If he needs help, he'll ask for me to help directly, or for me to take our toddler out of the house so he can clean in peace.

Well, we are always to serve the ones we love.
OP, Sounds like you're trying to do your part with the intimacy and family time he seems to crave, but you're struggling with your needs. You might have to come right out and let him know you'll be a lot more in the mood if he'll help you clean the house.

On the upper right of the page there's a "unread content" link you can click. You can also mark an entire thread as "read" so it doesn't continue to come up.

We have a few members at church that have zero issues voicing their opinions when they disagree with "off" statements.
I admire them for not just sitting there. Over the years, I would like to think that when I hear something at church that is inappropriate that I too say something. I don't want to sit silent and let others think I agree with them. 
 
I've been in about a dozen wards during my life. Each ward was sure to have members who ranged from "wow, why are they not translated yet?" down to the "yikes, what a fruitloop" (not very Christlike, I know). Not everyone makes accurate/appropriate statements in church. Speak up when you hear wishwash is my thought. 
 
Picture for a moment sitting in another denomination and them discussing "Mormons are evil" instead. I would hope some of our non-lds friends would step up and call "bull".

We have a few members at church that have zero issues voicing their opinions when they disagree with "off" statements.
I admire them for not just sitting there. Over the years, I would like to think that when I hear something at church that is inappropriate that I too say something. I don't want to sit silent and let others think I agree with them. 
 
I've been in about a dozen wards during my life. Each ward was sure to have members who ranged from "wow, why are they not translated yet?" down to the "yikes, what a fruitloop" (not very Christlike, I know). Not everyone makes accurate/appropriate statements in church. Speak up when you hear wishwash is my thought. 
 
Picture for a moment sitting in another denomination and them discussing "Mormons are evil" instead. I would hope some of our non-lds friends would step up and call "bull".

I read a quote on here about house cleaning and young children a couple months ago(?) that I believe came from Eowyn(?).
 
"Trying to keep your house clean with little kids at home is like trying to brush your teeth while eating Oreos, it doesn't work"
(something like that)
 
So much more to life than keeping my house looking like the temple with 4 kids. After reading that quote, I take life a lot easier and don't beat myself up so much. Thanks!

I read a quote on here about house cleaning and young children a couple months ago(?) that I believe came from Eowyn(?).
 
"Trying to keep your house clean with little kids at home is like trying to brush your teeth while eating Oreos, it doesn't work"
(something like that)
 
So much more to life than keeping my house looking like the temple with 4 kids. After reading that quote, I take life a lot easier and don't beat myself up so much. Thanks!

Clean is so subjective.
 
Compared to the temple my house is...um...shameful. Compared to some people's homes that I've been in my home's quite tidy.
 
So am I following the command to keep my home clean?

Gals tend to come in and express heartache about their spouse's cheating, porn viewing, yelling, etc.  This guy comes in with cherry-picked quotes from a licensed counselor, endorsed by the church--accusing the counselor of apostasy.  The temptation to read into the OP was truly overwhelming.  If nothing else, it struck me as inappropriate to come to a forum with snippets from a private counseling session, seeking affirmation (ammunition?).

The most recent revealed word on the roles men and woman play in a family is in the proclamation of the family.
 
It states clearly that a man is responsible for the "necessities" and the women are responsible for the "nurturing"  It further states that both man and woman are to help each other in the fulfilling of their roles and adapt as necessary to the reality of the situation they find themselves in.
 
This is the revealed word of the Lord on this matter as far as we know it.
 
This allows for both structure and flexibility.  However no where does it state who has the responsibility of cleaning the toilet, mopping the floors or doing the dishes.
 
If you view such as "necessities" then it clearly falls to the man.  If you view such as "nurturing" then it clearly falls to the woman.  If you view it as crap that needs to be done then it can go where ever it best fits.  No matter what, the couple chooses, always remembering the command to help each other.
 
As for cleanliness yes it is a command.  However remember the direction of President McKay.  If you think his remarks of about Success in the home was based on how "clean" it was you really don't get it.  Success in the home is when the people who live in that home are thriving and growing closer to Christ.  Failure in the home is when the people who live in that home are not thriving and not growing closer to Christ.  That is the success that matters, not how clean it is.
 
Now in my personal experience a young child who is thriving... one of the signs that they are thriving is that they are a chaotic little mess makers (My little daughter has the nick name The Hurricane for precisely this reason).  Part of the nurturing process is the teach them to clean up after themselves while still having them thrive, but that takes time.
 
So sometime a Successful home is not the cleanest of homes, but I will take success any day and be content

Second idea
I looked over the topics/lessons of the entire year in advance. I took one thought provoking question from each lesson. I then compiled an anonymous survey of about 30 questions. I spent the very first Sunday doing the survey with the entire class, NO lesson, just the survey. 
 
Then each week I would share the results of the survey question that pertained to that week's lesson. Example if the lesson was on following the Prophet:
Question: If the prophet asked us to all move to Utah today (we don't live in Utah currently) what would you do?
a. Pick up and leave immediately
b. Pray about it first, wait for your own personal revelation and go only if you received your own answer.
c. Wait it out in town and let others go.
 
I would read the anonymous results back to class that would tie into the lesson. It almost always generated deep discussions and the class could go on auto pilot often.
 
I personally learned a lot about my fellow members by studying the survey, not all of it was heart warming either :)

Piggy backing on JAGs thought...
When I taught GD (also), I would do the same thing. I would send out emails to the class asking for specific items. I taught a class to about 100-120 each week. I used a projector and pull open screen, both from the library. 
 
The last year I taught was D&C so there were several core themes: Missionary work, celestial marriage, temples, etc.
In the email I would ask members to submit photos of "themselves" to share during class the coming week. If the subject was missionary work, I would spend a couple minutes sharing the 15-20 submitted pictures of members on their actual missions.
This worked for a variety of lessons to engage members and give everyone a glimpse into others lives and it was fun to guess as you looked at everyone's old pictures.
 
The spirit is key to a successful lesson, BUT you need to have an audience who is engaged to hear the lesson to feel the spirit. An audience who is 60% asleep is most likely going to have a hard time feeling the spirit anyways.

Is it okay to cheat...sometimes?
"The Ogden Utah Temple was the first temple dedicated in the state of Utah; the four previous temples were dedicated in Utah Territory over 78 years earlier."

In 1875 David Whitmer said it had been washed to the bottom of the hill, and a Smith family acquaintance said the stones had been removed as of 1893.

Seems like it fell apart and washed away.

What I've heard is that code names were also sometimes used in revelations dealing with the United Order or Church-initiated business ventures, for fear that enemies of the Church might try to torpedo the plans by filing strike suits against their principals.

Winners! Winners! Turkey Dinners! (no leftovers from the Chicken dinner, sorry)
 
"Some of the earliest revelations received by Joseph were directed at specific individuals in the Church. During the winter of 1831-32, secular newspapers in Ohio, after acquiring some of the revelations, began ridiculing Church leaders whose names were mentioned. To lessen embarrassment to his officers, Joseph began in March 1832 to identify certain individuals in revelations by code names. Joseph himself became "Enoch". He gave such names as "Ahashdah" to Newel Whitney and "Pelegoram" to Sidney Rigdon. Years later the real names were added in parentheses and the 1981 edition of the D&C no longer listed the names at all."

Winners! Winners! Turkey Dinners! (no leftovers from the Chicken dinner, sorry)
 
"Some of the earliest revelations received by Joseph were directed at specific individuals in the Church. During the winter of 1831-32, secular newspapers in Ohio, after acquiring some of the revelations, began ridiculing Church leaders whose names were mentioned. To lessen embarrassment to his officers, Joseph began in March 1832 to identify certain individuals in revelations by code names. Joseph himself became "Enoch". He gave such names as "Ahashdah" to Newel Whitney and "Pelegoram" to Sidney Rigdon. Years later the real names were added in parentheses and the 1981 edition of the D&C no longer listed the names at all."

I think it has something to do with the D&C and original names if my memory serves me but I can't remember anything more than that.