Midwest LDS

You are correct. As long as they've been through the repentance process, fornication does not permanently prevent someone from serving a mission, unless one of the other issues you mentioned (abortion, having a child, divorce) is present, and even then exceptions can be made although it requires working with church leadership. However, homosexuality does not bar a missionary from serving, as long as any homosexual actions have been sincerely repented of.

That's another excellent point. Most people that I know who have left the church, not all but most and admittedly anecdotally, drink in the traditions of the world. My step brother is in that condition. He's an RM who is now living with his girlfriend, flirting with atheism, and a regular drinker. We didn't have tons in common before he changed, but we had a lot to talk about from a gospel perspective. Now we don't even have that and there just isn't much to say right now. I'm friendly to him, we all make dumb decisions in life and people change and repent all the time I would never shut him out, but just like you and your relative @The Folk Prophet there just isn't much left to talk about. I'm sure it makes him feel awkward around me now.

I always found it amusing when former members complain about being shunned, after they quit coming to the one place they usually interact with other members. I know there's a lot of people I don't see outside of church functions just because we have different interests, and I'm active. If I stopped going, I'd never see them. When we, generic, make a decision we feel is unpopular in our social circle, we tend to assume everyone else's reactions are based on that decision when in reality we aren't nearly as important as we tend to think we are. For example, former member Bob waves to me in the restaraunt. I don't wave back. He immediately assumes "aha, Midwest LDS is shunning me for my decision!" If you look in my head, I'm zoned out imagining what it would be like if I lived in the Elder Scrolls Universe, and was a Dragonborn. So me being a dork, accidentally fulfils this guy's worldview. Not saying members can't be jerks sometimes, we are all fallen mortals after all, but I bet a lot of these interactions are harmless and people are misreading each other.

It's all about communication. I think a lot of guys are like me. If I don't hear anything, I assume life is status quo. Let him know you want him to be more romantic and you want to do more stuff together, and I'm sure he will respond positively. I know I would if my wife told me that. As a side note @DoctorLemon your wife is awesome. She sounds like mine (my wife went to a whole bunch of different stores secretly to get me that new mini SNES)

I'm sorry you are in a tough situation, but there is nothing to be ashamed of. You repented of your sins and were washed clean in the waters of baptism. Remember D&C 58:42 "42 Behold, he who has arepented of his bsins, the same is cforgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more" As others have said talk to your Bishop. Also, consider talking to your Relief Society President as well. Both of them should have access too resources that will help you through your coming pregnancy. Don't worry what anyone else might say, you have started on the path the Lord has set for you and His opinion of you is all that matters. God be with you Sister.

Unfortunately, this has long been predicted. 2 Timothy 3:1-7 "1 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. 2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, 4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; 5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. 6 For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, 7 Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth" Sounds like a laundry list of what it's like to go outside these days. The youth of the church are growing up in a very corrosive spiritual environment, and I'm not surprised it's having a serious effect on their missionary numbers. It's just too dang easy to turn from God these days and be applauded for doing so. I'm not going to despair, we are going to win in the end after all, but it makes me sad too see so many precious brothers and sisters falling by the wayside along the way. We, as members, really need to redouble our efforts to boldly proclaim and live the gospel, so we can help save as many of them as we can.

You know the decision of when and how many children to have is strictly between a married couple and God. I found numerous examples of this statement but this particular version comes from Elder Andersen in the October 2011 conference. "We go forward in faith—realizing the decision of how many children to have and when to have them is between a husband and wife and the Lord. We should not judge one another on this matter.” Now I agree that having children is an incredibly important part of marriage, most of Elder Andersen's talk is on the importance of having children, and on the commandment to multiply and replenish the Earth still being in force. But it's important to understand that each couple has the right and privilige to start their family when they see fit, not when everyone else tells them it's time. I was not ready to have a child when I first married my wife, and yet the Lord inspired us to get married anyways. I don't believe every new couple is immmediatly ready to have children and that's ok according to the prophets of God. That being said, it should be something you strive to prepare yourself for. A few years after we got married, both of us had a revelation during General Conference that it was time for us to start trying to have children. That was a sacred experience for us. Unfortunately, we realized something was wrong and it took 6 more years after our initial decision to start trying for us to conceive. Now I have a beautiful baby daughter who I love with all my heart and as tired as I am (all parents can relate to that feeling☺) she is the best thing to happen to me since I got married, and I am grateful we have her. So I would encourage the OP to counsel with the Lord and seriously consider starting his family, but the decision is up to him and his wife.

Christ is merciful beyond our ability to comprehend. Even the vilest sinners in this life may, through His Grace and obedience to His commandments, be cleansed and made into a new man or woman. But the scriptures and prophets are clear, we must change in this life. Alma 34:32 "For behold, this life is the time for men to prepare to meet God; yea, behold the day of this life is the day for men to perform their labors." Continuing on Alma explains exactly how important it is for us to repent now, and not wait, by illustrating the sad consequences of those who do wait. Alma 34:33-36. "33 And now, as I said unto you before, as ye have had so many witnesses, therefore, I beseech of you that ye do not procrastinate the day of your repentance until the end; for after this day of life, which is given us to prepare for eternity, behold, if we do not improve our time while in this life, then cometh the night of darkness wherein there can be no labor performed. 34 Ye cannot say, when ye are brought to that awful crisis, that I will repent, that I will return to my God. Nay, ye cannot say this; for that same spirit which doth possess your bodies at the time that ye go out of this life, that same spirit will have power to possess your body in that eternal world. 35 For behold, if ye have procrastinated the day of your repentance even until death, behold, ye have become subjected to the spirit of the devil, and he doth seal you his; therefore, the Spirit of the Lord hath withdrawn from you, and hath no place in you, and the devil hath all power over you; and this is the final state of the wicked." Now there are certainly things to be done in the Spirit World, see Wilford Woodruff's vision of Joseph Smith, and I'm sure we will continue to grow and progress there, but that description of "the night of darkness wherein no labor can be performed" in Alma 32:33 both terrifies and motivates me. It scares me to think of ending up in that eternal darkness, but at the same time it motivates me to put my trust in Christ now rather than trying to enjoy wickedness for a season, and hoping I will decide to repent later.

I agree. Honestly, although I'm sure whoever it was gave a talk or two while I was at the MTC (2005), I can't remember who my MTC president was while I was there. I think he only interviewed people if there was a massive problem of some kind. I also agree that the case has gotten murkier. Bishop still sounds like a scumbag who should be ashamed of himself, and may have destroyed other souls with his lust, but I can't say for 100% certain wheter or not he is guilty of rape. I think it should be investigated fully, and that both accusers' (especially the second one, as the first accuser is looking very dishonest from what's been released) claims should be taken seriously, but overall the whole situation is just so sad. I expect better of our higher leadership (and those expectations are usually fulfilled), and if he couldn't control himself with missionaries of all people (assuming he isn't guilty of rape in which case he can rot in prison I don't care how old he is) he should have stepped aside.

The way ministering will be structured sounds remarkably like the way my EQP was already having us report our home teaching assignments. I love how, frequently, the Lord will prepare things through personal revelation even before he makes a general announcement. I'm excited☺!

Sure, it's got too trickle down through the local leaders, and I may get called right back to the same calling (something I don't mind). Just a tad more personal than the usual announcement☺

I just got released from my calling! (Elders Quorum counselor) First time an announcement over the pulpit at conference has so directly affected me lol.

Agreed I appreciated that phrasing as well.

Eh it comes from the First Presidency so I'm sure it's the right direction. I do agree with you though, that there should be discussion of how to help male abuse victims as I know they are far less likely to report anything

Agreed. I really like the fact that it spells out that abuse victims should be advised to get out of a bad situation instead of staying. In addition, I feel like this is also a protection against false allegations for the bishops as well.

Agreed fixed it☺

Fyi the church just made some changes in policy in response to these allegations. https://www.deseretnews.com/article/900013999/lds-first-presidency-letter-directs-leaders-to-review-teach-policies-on-preventing-responding-to-sex-abuse.html

I did not know that, but it doesn't surprise me. I'm sure the adversary would love for us to get rid of our ecclesiastical protections for the youth, so he could run even more amok amongst them.

I understand what you are concerned about, and I did not mean to imply that no one else has ever violated his or her position in the church, but the vast majority of Bishops, Seminary teachers, and others are good upright people trying to do the best they can. I am all for more education about sexual violence, so the average person learns more about listening to abuse victims and providing aid and comfort. It makes me sad and horrified in equal measures to think of anyone misusing their positions in the church to harm the innocent, and I fully believe that when discovered they should be turned over to the police and punished as well as being excommunicated. But I do not think that isolated cases of evil, which we will always have in an organization made up of flawed human beings, should destroy the institutions set up for the salvation of souls. The gift of discernment is not always given to the Lord's leaders. The only one who was always able to sense the thoughts of others was Jesus Christ. Sometimes the Lord, while not approving of sin, will allow someone the agency to betray their position (think Judas Isacariot or Baalam). I don't know why He does this, except that we live in a fallen world. But I do trust that this is Jesus Christ's church, and I trust that He will guide His prophets and apostles to solve any major problem faced by the church.

I think we need to be careful about any rush to change a whole bunch of aspects of the church due to the actions of one evil individual. Just because one man abused his priesthood in a horrendous and disgusting way, does not mean that there is a church wide problem that needs a massive overhaul to fix. For example, the suggestion that our leaders need to stop interviewing our youth about sexual indiscretions or that they should do it in a more open format (ie a window in the office). Have we thought about the consequences of doing that? As someone who has needed to use the bishop to help with repentance, both as a teen and as an adult, I would not have talked to him if I did not know it was completely confidential and a window would have convinced me to never come in out of embarrassment even if it was just in the clerk's office. Confidentiality encourages people to talk who otherwise would not come in like me. In addition, do we really tell our young people sorry you are struggling with corrosive sin but you need to wait until your 18 to get it taken care of? I reject that idea. Let's not trip over ourselves trying to change something inherantly good just because of the actions of one evil and reprehensible individual.

I completely understand @Backroads. I also recently left a History teaching job at a charter school after being assaulted by a student. Mine was an inner city school, which led to a very high preponderance of horribly behaved students. Each class period I had over 30 kids and in most of those periods I had over 10 students each who were, quite frankly, horrible jerks and made teaching impossible due to their disruption, disrespect, and threats to my safety. I never got through a lesson without constant discipline problems and it was awful. I don't blame you in the slightest. I know how you feel. I got to the point where I hoped I would get in an accident on the way to work so I wouldn't have to go in. Good for you for getting out of that situation! No matter what your income was, life was not meant to be lived in misery. I work in an online school now, work from home 3 days a week, and am happy again despite making less. God bless you as you find a new path for yourself.

It is upsetting, but at the same time they don't really have the power to reject our thoughts and prayers anyways. Luke 6:27-28 comes to mind "27 ¶ But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, 28 Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you" Since we are commanded to pray even for those who treat us badly, I'm under the impression the Lord can bless them even when they loudly claim they don't want any blessings. To me it is the same as when a parent still puts a roof over the head of, and provides dinner for, an angry and recalcitrant teenager.

The first time I worked at McDonald's as a cashier, it was a brief stint right before I went to grad school, I was tasked with making the instant coffee up front. I stared at the coffee machine trying to figure out how it worked, I vaguely remembered my mom using one before we both joined the church, but it was beyond the comprehension of someone with a mere bachelor's degree like myself. I asked my manager how to do it and, after some increduluty on her part and a look on her face that suggested I had just asked her what direction the sun rose in the morning, she walked me through the process. It was simple once soneone showed me what I was doing, but that look on her face was priceless☺.

Agreed. I love my wife, and I'm very happy I found her, but there are days I wish I could have a long tough talk with my younger self.

Brother, take this from someone who went down this road when he was younger and move on. I had a girl I was head over heels for. We had tons of similarities, I loved her quirky personality, I got along with her family etc, etc. But she didn't have feelings for me. I spent months trying to change her mind doing everything I knew how to do, and made her and myself miserable. It won't work, you'll regret it for years afterwards even after you apologize for trying to push her into liking you, and you'll end up in the same spot you are now, having to move on. It hurts alot, but she has made her decision. Move on too greener pastures and allow her to do the same. Trust me, when you truly find the right gal, you won't have to convince her to like you☺