RachelleDrew

Funky.... I wish he were just making it up. The teachers he works with all knew something was going on. Word just finally got around to me and so I checked his phone and text messages. My husband is a very good looking, and charming person. Also a master manipulator. That's the problem. Four people in six months is nothing. I wouldn't be surprised if there were more. As for the question that was asked. Yes I want my husband, I just want the husband I knew last year to be back. I don't want this person. I don't know who this person is. This is not who I married. Loudmouth. You are 100% correct. I just don't want to start my life over yet again. I can't afford to. I cannot afford a lawyer either, and make too much money for legal aid. I literally have no extra income now that I got stuck with the bill over the summer when he ditched us. I had to blow through our savings just to pay the electric bill. How in the heck am I gonna get a lawyer? I finally got my patriarchal blessing yesterday too. I came home so happy and peaceful. Then within minutes it was all snatched away. It's too much to deal with. I'm just going to go to bed for a while and ignore it for a bit.

Yeah, but four times in sixth months? Is that really necessary?

After all the nonsense I dealt with in my marriage, after taking my husband back and forgiving him for his many infidelities. I thought things were getting better. Not. Just found out he's been having yet ANOTHER affair at work over the last few weeks. One of the other teachers. I'm seriously at a loss. Not really advice, just needed to shout for a bit.

Uuuuh, Pulp Fiction? Hello?

I've never heard the fall party thing. We've always called it Halloween. I've never been told not to wear a mask either. Not even to school. Then again there are only like 20 active members in our branch, and I graduated from my public high school in a class of 18. Safety isn't as much of an issue here since we are so small. My son will be a penguin this year. I haven't even thought about what i'm going to be.

Thanks for clearing that up. I wasn't trying to imply that polygamous couples are guided only by the husband's decision making. I know that's not what was commanded of those who did practice polygamy. Sorry if I worded that incorrectly. Rather what I was TRYING to say is that so long as the decision to add another spouse was a decision made by both of us, that I would happily go along with it if it were commanded.

That is probably one of the better reasons to practice polygamy, and I actually think that's not a terrible idea. I believe that if I could help my husband choose who I would have as a sister wife, or wives that I might actually be okay with the idea if it were commanded of us. Of course there would be jealousy....but that's always going to occur in a relationship regardless of if it's a two-person marriage or a five-person marriage. As for right now, it's illegal. And I have a huge problem with people who break the law, no matter how much I disagree with the said law. I also have a huge problem with SOME polygamist sects who find ways and loopholes in our legal system to have multiple wives. Because as far as i'm concerned, they aren't really their wives legally so they are just shacking up and claiming it's a marriage when it isn't one. The problem with welfare fraud is also an issue, but that would exist even without polygamy as well...So I really can't blame polygamy on that. I think it's one of those things that I trust church leaders to make the right choice about. If they don't believe the Lord wants us to practice polygamy at this point, then i'm going to take their word for it. If they thought otherwise then I might have to seriously consider adding on to the house...... If your desire for a polygamous marriage isn't centralized about sex, or if it doesn't lessen the value that you place on your wife, then I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about.

I can completely understand why someone would feel like it's better to not tell their spouse. However, there are a few problems with that argument. 1. Where is the accountability if you never say anything? What's to stop you from doing it again if your spouse never found out and your marriage didn't seem to suffer for it? It's going to be more difficult for you to be tempted again if you know your spouse is on the lookout for warning signs of an affair as well. 2. YOUR SPOUSE HAS THE RIGHT TO KNOW THAT THEY WERE EXPOSED TO A SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASE. Period. It doesn't matter if the person you were unfaithful with claims to not have a disease, it doesn't matter if you didn't catch a disease yourself, it doesn't even matter if you wore a condom. Guess what, your wife/husband could have still gotten a potentially life-threatening disease anyway. 3. Why is it okay to let your spouse go on believing that your relationship is perfect, if in fact it may have issues that the two of you have not explored? Even if it was "a one time thing" problems could still develop afterwards. Then your spouse is left wondering what in the world they are doing wrong, when in fact it's something you did wrong. As I said, I can understand some situations in which an infidelity might be better off not exposed to the other spouse....but those situations are rare. This would be a good question for your bishop. He knows you better, knows your spouse and is probably more aware of the details of your situation. I would follow the counsel of your bishop. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

For a lack of better words....I would be beyond pissed. But good on them for deciding to carry out the pregnancy to term knowing they would have to give the baby up to the biological parents. Even though this means she won't ever get to carry another child herself. I must admit, i wouldn't be that selfless in that situation.

I don't know any people in my branch that shun homosexual family members or friends. But perhaps it's more of a common thing in the western states. Hopefully even if we disagree with how another person lives their lives, we can surely agree that they are still a person worthy of the love of their family.

Kanye West is an epic moron. I watched that last night with my husband, and our jaws literally dropped as he bum rushed the staged, yanked the microphone out of Taylor Swift's hands, and then proceeded to talk about how she didn't deserve her award. Seeing as how T. Swift was up against people with more popular videos than hers, with better voices, and more creativity I totally understand his point. She probably didn't deserve that award, but come on! None of the people in that category were bitter about it! They showed shots of Beyonce and Lady Gaga cheering for her as she got that award. Why not let her have her moment? She's a teenager that just won a VMA. Can you imagine how humiliating that whole situation would have been? You could see in her face how embarrassed she was. Kanye West is a jerk. I have to give serious props to Beyonce for acting like a lady.

As someone whose spouse had an affair, I have to warn you that the longer you go without telling your husband, the more damage is going to be inflicted on your marriage. You may not realize it, but after you have had an affair you begin to treat your spouse differently. Even if you don't mean to or even notice it yourself, your husband will notice. Your marriage WILL decline and begin to crumble. The quicker you approach your husband and tell him the truth with your sincerest apologizes and request for forgiveness, the more likely he is to forgive you and the quicker you can work on setting things right. My husband waited three months before he told me the truth, and three months was all it took for our marriage to nearly be destroyed. Secrets can't stay secret for very long without somebody getting hurt. If he loves you and you are truly dedicated to making things up to him, then he will forgive you and you can both move on together. Just don't wait, do it as soon as you can. Let him be mad, let him cry. It's surely his right to be heartbroken and it will take a long time for him to feel secure again. He will have uncomfortable and personal questions for you that you must do your best to answer. But a healthy marriage can happen so long as you are 100% honest from this day forward. I'm sorry, i know that this must be hard on you. There is pain involved in the guilt of the adulterer too. Everyone wants to think about the spouse who was cheated on...but they aren't the only ones suffering. Things will get better for you if you do the work required. Good luck.

How could it NOT amount to first degree cruelty to children? He assaulted a child. Just because the kid wasn't hurt, doesn't mean he couldn't have been. Maybe next time somebody gets hit by a drunk driver, but is lucky enough to not get hurt, they should just forget about charging the drunk driver. Since you know, it could have been worse and all.

Yeah, I didn't think they would be mean. I was just thinking they would make "helpful/motivational" comments that he would take the wrong way. Today's meeting went fine. But it's probably because he slipped out right after the meeting and nobody could talk to him. Lol. I kind of thought that might happen.

Screaming kids do get on my nerves. Babies don't bother me, it's not like they can help it. They cry. Children on the other hand tick me off. My son is not quite two yet, and he's learning that it isn't acceptable. I can only think of one time where I wasn't able to contain his tantrum, so I slung him over my shoulders and left the place. One guy actually started clapping for us as we left, and claimed "it's nice to see a parent who doesn't put up with it for once". I think other parents are tolerant of fits to a degree, so long as the parent does the best they can to contain the nonsense. But it's infuriating when people let their kids scream like banshees for an hour, only to in to them anyway. Slapping though? Oh good grief. I'd love it if someone twice his size and age took a few good whacks at him to see how he felt about it.

That's kind of how I felt about it. But unfortunately, we live in a very small town and our branch is exceedingly small (like 20 people who are active). They all know what happened, even though myself nor my branch president told anyone there. I don't really know why or how the decision was made. My husband's father was even pushing for an excommunication when we were separated. His exact words were "abandonment of wife and child for an extra-marital affair is grounds for excommunication and I will be pushing for it.". He is kind of surprised that they didn't find it pertinent to even hold a council, much less excommunicate him or disfellowship him. My bp went to a stake meeting and they briefly discussed the situation while my husband was still engaging in the affair. My bp basically told me that while he couldn't discuss the details in full, he and the other authorities decided that because my husband has been inactive for a couple of months anyway, that it would only cause more problems to hold a council. My bp said that if my husband decided to become an active member again, that his repentance process would be handled within the branch. I'm not really sure why they came to that decision, especially since my husband and his mistress have both been candid about the affair. She hasn't faced any actions either that i'm aware of. She's still going to the mtc in a couple of months. It made me angry at first, but it's not my decision to make.

Not kidding about this one....my husband actually agreed to go to church with me this Sunday. I've made a concerted effort to not push him back into the church. But the other day I just kind of asked him, "do you want to go to sacrament with me on Sunday? It would mean a lot if you came." He thought about it for a second and then said yes. My question is this; would it be right for me to contact my branch president ahead of time and let him know that i'm planning on bringing my husband? The reason being is due to all the stuff that's been going on (his infidelity, his inactivation, the separation and now us trying to pull it together.) I know that they weren't planning on bringing a disciplinary hearing regarding his behavior or anything, but i'm still worried people will make comments. Sometimes people think they are being helpful or encouraging when they really aren't. He doesn't do well under pressure. Is there any way I can kind of let people know to back off for a while until he becomes comfortable in the church setting again? I don't want him to feel ambushed. I'm afraid it will push him away. Does my question make a darn bit of sense? Lol.

I'm well aware that what you were discussing was more than eating carrots and praying harder. It's called sarcasm darling. I thought that was quite obvious, but perhaps not. I agree with ryan. Your post has one of only two intents. The first intent is to glamorize the medical advice of a scam artist. The second is to display a condescending and holier-than-thou attitude towards people who recognize that they need medication and counseling to live a healthy, safe life. I see through your nonsense. Hopefully others do as well.

Yeah....I completely see where the OP is going with this thread and I don't care for it too much. I'm sorry, proper diet and exercise isn't going to account for jack squat in some situations. Namely mine. Can I feel the spirit when i'm medicated? I certainly can. I can't, however, feel the spirit when i'm suffering from wild mood swings, mania-induced psychosis, visual and auditory hallucinations, suicidal thoughts, etc. Anti-depressants are just one of the many drugs I take to ensure that I not only experience the holy spirit, but life in general. I completely agree that a large number of people are probably medicated for mental illness when they would probably be better off taking better care of themselves. However, that simply isn't the case for another large portion of us. Sorry if I sound bitter, i've just become extremely tired of people trying to convince me that my mental disorders would disappear if I just ate a couple extra carrots a day or prayed a bit harder. /endrant

Funky is 100% right. You've got to make a direct effort regarding flirting. If I were to have polite conversation with a guy about the weather every day for six months and he all of a sudden asked me out? I would not only be confused, but also somewhat creeped out. Getting out of your comfort zone will help you meet people, discover things about yourself, and attract girls. Funky is correct, personal growth is....for a lack of better words....sexy I always appreciate it when I see somebody trying something new. It makes me think they are open-minded relaxed. Flirting takes practice. A lot of it. Don't get discouraged if you use the advice you are given and it isn't working at first. It takes a while to get the hang of flirting. Just keep putting yourself out there.

Psh, awesome? Please. I wish. Things are still going okay. I've more or less moved past the actions of my husband. It's not important anymore, and it's pretty rare that I let myself get upset by it. The things that are hard for me to deal with is the fear that it will happen again. I don't believe he will cheat on me again. I'm fearful that he will just give up on the marriage and abandon me again. He is consumed with guilt (as he probably should be) but guilt causes my husband to regress and clam up. Trying to work things out is going to be the hardest thing I will probably ever do in my life. I recognize the work ahead of us. I'm just scared that my husband isn't willing to make the sacrifices I am in order to fix this because the task seems so insurmountable. Because it CAN be fixed. It's just going to take time and patience on both of our ends. I'm just scared that my husband is so emotionally zapped that he won't make it. I'm not certain I can deal with being dumped again. And I don't want that for my son. He's so happy to see his dad again. SO happy. I'm also constantly afraid i'm going to do something wrong. I won't voice my true feelings on a lot of things because i'm scared I will upset him. I have become increasingly obsessed with my looks. As if I weren't enough so before. I feel guilty and terrible after I eat, because i'm scared to gain weight. I feel like I have to be PERFECT. I feel like I have to be better than every other woman on the street, because if i'm the best option then he has no other options than to stick with me. He's not doing anything to provoke this behavior, i'm doing it to myself. These fears are all irrational of course, but it's something i'm just going to have to suck up and get over. I'm letting myself become irrational. But that's something I need to work on. As I mentioned before, I contribute to this problem too.

You have a right to feel sad and lonely. I would be concerned if that didn't trigger some sort of emotion from you. Here's to hoping you can find happiness despite everything that's happened. And don't apologize, you aren't complaining.

Just an update, things are still going well on the forefront of my husband. I'm guarded, but not not cynical regarding his recent change of heart. I've tried to explain to him that it wasn't the cheating that hurt me, it was the way he acted while it was going on and before I found out about it. He seems surprised that I would take him back. Do I really appear than unforgiving and unreasonable? If someone offers me an olive branch and appear sincere and ready to do the work to make up for their mistakes, heck yes i'm going to take it. Things look very hopeful. While we are wary of each other right now, it's very obvious that so long as we take our time and do the work that this can be repaired. The only thing that makes me sad now is his lack of faith in the church. When he married me, I was not a member and I certainly won't impose his membership as a stipulation in our marriage. But i'm beginning to come to terms with the fact that there is a good chance I will never be sealed to my husband while i'm still alive. That's difficult to deal with, especially when I was literally MONTHS away from going to the temple with him before all this crashed around my ears. I am a lot happier knowing that so long as I create a gospel centered home for my children, that someday one of them will make sure my husband and I are sealed. I've got to make that a priority now more than ever. My son (and whatever other kids we might have) may very well not have a priesthood holder in their home. That's going to make it difficult for me to have that gospel-centric atmosphere that I want.....but not impossible I don't think. I'm getting ahead of myself though. That's all assuming that this works out. But the way things are going right now, I believe it can. Thank you all for the advice and prayers. It's been duly noted and appreciated.

I don't care for it, but the fact is my son is gonna grab that tray of bread anyway. If a 16 month old wants food, that kid is gonna get it. :eyeroll: As others have mentioned, it's a good habit to get into for when they become older.

Just for the record, I have Mirena and love it. I got pregnant on Depo (so much for that...) So Mirena was my only option left. It didn't hurt to get it put in, and i did have spotting for almost three months afterwards. But once that stopped, no periods at all. My husband said that he could feel it sometimes, but it was rare and it wasn't really painful or annoying. So far I really like it! But some of my friends haven't been as lucky with IUD's.