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I am going to keep this short; please keep your advice to my specific questions. My temple marriage of 25 years is on the rocks. Why isn't relevant, though some hints lie within. In the past two years, I have suggested to my wife several times that we get marriage counseling. My wife has vehemently rejected this every time. I recently brought this up again and suggested that she pick the marriage counselor. She said that she's afraid that I'm not going to get out of what I think I am. I said that's fine, it's still worth a try. She said no. After ten years of inactivity for me and eight for my wife, she has returned to church (I'm fine with that.) I've wondered if using LDS social services marriage counseling will make her feel more at ease. At the same time I fear that I'm not going to be given close to a fair shake, which is fine up to a point where it becomes "blame the inactive husband" or resorts to "listen to Lord" and "feel the spirit." Been there, tried that. We have deep problems that go back 25 years and aren't going to resolved with cliches. FYI, we life in Utah County. My questions are: 1) How good is LDS social services marriage counseling? 2) How objective are they? 3) Is everything approached from a gospel standpoint or a neutral standpoint? 4) If this is advisable, can I get a referral from the bishop even though I'm inactive, but my wife isn't? 4a) If the answer is no, should I talk to the bishop anyway in hopes that he'll talk to my wife?

(I'm not seeking advice for me personally, moderators, so feel free to move this thread if you feel it belongs somewhere else. As it is an issue specific to marriage/divorce, I thought this was a good place to put this question.) Many of us have seen the following quote from President Kimball: As a scientist, I look at this assertion and say, "this needs some supporting data to back it up," and Pres. Kimball alludes to the existence of such data. My question is -- does anyone know if the data supporting this assertion was ever published/made available to the public? Is it based on data the church collected or was it based on data the church found publicly available? I think my interest in this question is to further explore how, "they did not get along sexually." Can you break these causes into different categories? As examples: mismatched libido, coercive/abusive, unhealthy attitudes, or whatever the data might show.

This isn't a question about who should be sealed to a baby that passed away. But more of a moral obligation question. My dad and my mom divorced around 25 years ago. They had several children, but one baby (middle child) died at only 4 months old. After their divorce, they both remarried but only recently were sealed to their spouses. My parents had a very hard divorce and can barely stand to be near each other... they don't talk even at family events. They are not only still anger with one another, I think they are a bit bitter. My sibling are now deciding who to be sealed to. I just heard that my oldest brother is going to be sealed to my dad next week along with my brother that passed away as a baby. My older brother hasn't had the courage to tell my mom but that is for him to decide. But my mom also doesn't know about my other brother that died being sealed to my dad. In the past, my mom has said to me in private that she doesn't care who he is sealed to as long as he is sealed to one of them. The problem is... my dad hasn't told my mom that he is going to have my brother that died sealed to him. I don't want to tell my mom because it will crush her and she will be angry. Do I call my dad and ask him to tell her or do I stay out of it? I don't want to get in the middle but I don't want my mom to get hurt yet again.

I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year now, and we have talked about marriage in our future. We both want to take it slow though since we both have been divorced previously. I don't want to marry him until he gets his debts tied to his ex paid off. Now, we are talking over 30,000 in debt still combined from a foreclosed house credit line and a student loan in both of their names. They just started agreeing to make a payment plan for both, but it looks like it could take centuries to pay off since its not huge sums of money going out. I am afraid that if we were to get married...we would just argue about his ex and their debt...I also don't want them coming after me if she's not paying; since they want the money from somewhere. What can he do!? Am I asking too much or being a financial snob? This is a sore spot in our relationship since he constantly has to be in contact with his ex about all this debt. Grrr Let me know your thoughts...I want to hear them!

Here's my background: Married at 19 in the temple to my exhusband. That night he brought pornography into the relationship, and demanded sex constantly. Hide his pornography problem on and off for four years. Decided he didn't believe in God, and stopped going to church...abused my verbally and sexually. I decided to leave him at 23 and divorced him over a year and a half ago. Now, to put it mildly, I am pretty traumatized about the whole marriage experience and have severe trust issues with men. I have been dating a wonderful, supportive man in the church for about nine months. We have talked about marriage (he is divorced as well), but I can't help but think that all guys' are addicted porn and will cheat on me. I am really trying to trust him, and want to be married to him! I just don't know how I can stop making myself think he will treat me bad as well once the ring is on the finger! Always being hypersensitive about it being and issue and checking for signs that aren't even there. Help! (

Hello LDS Forum, This is my first time posting on this site; so hopefully you can give me some advice on the Sealing Cancellation topic. I was previously married to my Ex-Wife for five years and have been divorced from her mutually since June 08'. She recently called me this weekend to give me a head's up that my Bishop would be contacting me with her wishes to get our Sealing Cancelled. Now, I don't have one issue with this; as I am not in love with her, and have found a new sweetie that we have been dating for a year. The problem I have is that at the end of our marriage she was talking to another man online that she knew growing up for her hometown. She would lock herself in our bedroom and talk to this person on the phone for hours, and would send emails everyday "as friends". Well, let's just say that three weeks before we were officially divorced she already had her wedding dress picked out to marry the man she was talking to on the phone. Then, was married to him immediately after our divorce in her Bishop's office. I found out later she was talking to him for months after I tried to go to counseling with her, but we just couldn't make it work. My question is how do I write a response letter to the First Presidency when I receive hers that would depict her lack of taking our temple vows seriously and having an emotional affair with a man clear across the country while still being married. I plan on marrying my sweetie in a few years, and want to not be sealed to that wretched woman. Should I bring all this up in the letter, and make the point to say I want it cancelled just as much!? What will her letter say? I hope all this makes sense, but I don't want to come across as bitter/that I still love her. Since I do NOT! :)

ok so we get ppl coming here a lot looking for advise on their marriage. the same links get posted... usually cause even though the names and details have changed to protect the innocent the answers/story is still the same. so i thought we could have a thread not to discuss specific marriage problems but just links of good resources that can be referenced when the occassion arrises. they can be links to talks from the church leaders, different marriage/self help books or programs, websites, etc. so it's not really a discussion thread so much as a resources for your marriage thread. however, please throw in why you posted a specific talk or if you have read it and found it useful if you like. i'll start with ones i recommend or have seen recommended and yall can throw in as you see fit. first the church resources LDS Family Services lots of info there including how to find an lds counselor in your area. if finances are a problem speak with your bishop. another church location that may have some info you are looking for... Home & Family- Building a Strong Family outside of the church resources... remember most websites have free email news letters that can have awsome information. Marriage Builders ® - Successful Marriage Advice this one has the book "his needs her needs" as well as others by the same author (willard f. harley, jr. ph.d) Marriage Counseling - Free Marriage Help – Save Marriage - Stop Divorce - Marriage Problem Solving (this one has a great free emails that come regularly) Pamper your LDS Marriage with a "Magnify Your Marriage" Retreat! this guy is lds in case that matters to you. Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment this one is also lds and has a lot of focus on the sexual difficulties in marriage that may not be addressed in other resources. the movie "fireproof" and the book that inspired it "the love dare" often get suggested, here is the official site... Welcome To FireProofMyMarriage.com The Five Love Languages this one gets recommended a lot this one is also lds DeseretBook.com - For All Eternity that's all i can think of off the top of my head....

Well, Missingsomething has finally gotten brave enough to face the answered prayers she has received for months. My husband, whom I still care for and do not hate, and I have decided to divorce. For now, its nice - and I hope we can keep it that way. We have a relationship of mistakes, resentments, and finally grew so far apart. I have prayed about this extensively and will be in the temple this Saturday. I have received confirmation over and over that I have made the right decision and this is the course I need to be on. As many of you know - he is not a member. That however is not the reason we are parting. However, when I got a blessing on Sunday from the Stake pres... he gave me the "the church doesnt ever support divorce....you never give up on someone"... then stopped and said.... but I trust in you to make the right decision, as you have entered this decision after a year of humble prayer. I have had many many more affirmations. But yet, I dont want to face my bishop - he has told another lady in the ward (whos husband is not a member and is having an affair) that she will need to repent if she leaves her husband. His views are very black and white on this. Ive been here - feeling the need to get divorced for years....but I finally changed and said to god... instead of "please change my heart"... to "let me be strong enough for your will". I am a private person and have not ever yielded to the desire to purge my "dirty laundry" here. But many of you have gotten to know me... some know the mask I wear.... and others -well, if I dont seem myself... its because i no longer have to pretend that Im great and Im good. So, just hang with me while I work through this - pray for me and my beautiful girls, and my good husband.

In an effort to stop the hijacking of threads in which people are seeking advice on divorce or similar issues I am opening this thread in an attempt to begin a discussion on the ramifications of divorce, or rather "The official stance of the church regarding getting a divorce and what comes after". To begin this discussion I would like to start by saying that I am currently NOT in a situation where I would consider divorce. However I do know many people who are going or have gone through a divorce. Some of these people have been sealed in the temple and some of them have not. From my understanding as long as there is a justified reason behind the divorce (which reason would need to be prayed about and taken to the Lord before deciding on divorce) an LDS couple can get a divorce and have their sealing broken. At this point they can remarry and be sealed to a different spouse. This is not encouraged by the LDS church, but it is something that is allowed.

I have been searching for some answers to some situations I have. I have yet to find those answers. I find all the information I need on what to do to keep your families together forever.... however.... there are more than one person in a family and it takes effort on all parts to be righteous and worthy. Here is the situation... I'm 18 and about four years ago my parents got divorced for a couple of reasons. My dad is still active in the church and attending. However my mother is taking steps in becoming a cathloic. She says its what she needs now, its simpler and she can focus on Christ. She often makes comments that her parents (my grandparents who are both active members) tell her she won't have her kids again in post mortal existance.... That fear is what kept her pressing on in a failing marrige till finally it just wouldn't work any longer and mistakes were made. Here are some questions.... and I would love some links or references to resources Will our family still be together if my mom is no longer and active and devout member? If all my sunday school and seminary is coming back right, then (and I hate saying it like this but hypethetically) if the rest of my family is *righteous* and makes it to the highest kingdom, we can vist my mother in the lower kingdoms correct? I just don't like the idea of never seeing my mother again. She isn't a bad person, she believes in Christ, etc. she just isn't a mormon any longer. Will it still be my biological mother and father that are my parents in the next life or if my father remarries will it be another? I know a women can only be sealed to one man correct? How does all this work.... Anyways, I would really appreciate some help here....

Hi, Ok, so I guess this is more of a question than a statement. So here's the deal. My fiancee was previously married and sealed in the temple. He is currently going through the legal divorce but how do you divorce someone from the temple for etirnity. Neither of us really want to spend etirnity with his ex-wife.. but we don't know how to go about a divorce from the temple. We're due to get married this Summer shortly after the legal divorce has come through. But we'd like to get the latter sorted as soon as possible as well. Any advice, suggestions, information would be greatly recieved. Thanks Chelsea-Marie x

I think I am posting in the right area. I didn't know whether to post in the Singles area, since I am not really..? A bit of background info: I was baptized when I was 21 and left the church not long after. I married a non member and we ended up separating in Dec. 2007 after over 5 years of marriage (no kids). I met a wonderful, active LDS man (I'll call him M) in Sept. 2008 when we were both on holidays in Europe. I truly believe we were meant to meet and he feels the same. We fell hard for each other and kept in touch ever since (we live 4000 km's apart and in different countries)! LOL We get together when we can, talk all the time and it is going great! I returned to the church in Dec. 2008 and am feeling confident and happy about being back. I know that even without this amazing guy that I would stay a part of the church, I have my testimony back and am thankful. My problem is this: I am still not technically divorced! Everything is in motion towards that (of course M knows about this). It could possibly take until summer until the divorce is finalized, possibly sooner. I have prayed about what to do regarding dating M while still technically married and I keep getting the feeling that I can proceed. M and I agree that once I am actually divorced we can plan a lot easier. Right now we are in the "exclusive to each other but lets keep it fairly quiet" stage. Our close friends know, and my family and they are all supportive. Are we doing the right thing? I know this is a silly question and I am not sure why its bothering me considering I have prayed about it and feel I am on the right path. Thanks for your help! ~SJ

One of the most attractive LDS distinctive doctrines is that of Eternal Marriage. I even had a poster visit my page (who is this pentecostal prisonchaplain at LDS.net anyway???), and that was the first question I was asked about...you do believe families are forever, don't you? Most of you know that the rest of the Christian world, with a few anecdotal exceptions, does not believe that marriage relationships continue in the same manner, into eternity. Yes we will know each other, love each other, and treasure our relationships. But, no, we'll not continue as exclusive family units who reserve out best love and greatest allegiance only to our kin. For strong families with deep love, the doctrine of Eternal Marriage is undeniably appealing. Of course I want to spend eternity with the woman I love, and to have the undying allegiance of my kin, and the neverending mentorship of my parents. But, what of celibates? What of those who have been given the gift of celibacy? They sometimes dedicate their lives to difficult missions, and they serve the church with undivided focus. And, what of homosexuals who are able to remain faithful to the law of chasity, through celibacy, but who do not receive from God the desire for those of the opposite gender. Secular studies in this area remain sparse, but a recent Christian Today article suggests that those homosexuals who submit to faith-based "rehabilitation," have fair success at leaving "the lifestyle," (perhaps 40%+ success), and poor success at learning attraction to the opposite sex (low to mid-teens %, if I recall correctly). My guess is that the secular world would consider that report optimistic. I know...I know...more opportunities in the life to come. All of us believe that the life to come will indeed hold no disappointments. So, considering the high number of divorces, the highly publicized homosexual dilemma, and the persistent subculture of those who simply never marry, imho the promise of Eternal Marriage, for many, is no more promising than the traditional Christian promise of an eternity where the love we now experience will be so much greater, and the conventions of marriage, so essential here, will become completely superfluous. THOUGHTS?

Hi! I hope someone may have some advice from experience that may help me. I have been married to an ex-member for over 6 years. (He was ex-communicated before we met). We have been separated for almost a year now and as things are now, there isn't much hope of a reconciliation. We have one child together, our son, who is 4. After a very difficult marriage, and my inactivity for several years, I have become active once again. I feel strongly that if my husband could turn to Heavenly Father, that our marriage could be saved, but the likelyhood of that happening is slim to none. Neither one of us has the means to get a divorce and really, neither one of us is pursuing that yet. And one other important piece of information--his parents(my son's grandparents) are Temple worthy and recommend holders and are faithful and support me wholeheartedly in raising my son in the Church. So my question is this: I have felt the Spirit instill in me the need to be sealed to our son. So I'm working on my personal worthiness. But my mother-in-law once mentioned that when the father isn't available (ie my husband) that the sealing can occur through the father's line. I believe that she was saying that I could be sealed to them, and our son to me. But I'm not sure of that. Any advice? Any comments? Is there any way at all I can be sealed to my son in the event that I get divorced, without re-marrying? I don't really want to seal my son to another man. Is there a way to get sealed to him without my husband, before a divorce becomes a reality? This keeps me up at night.