Wife not attending baptism

[Hemidakota]

It was not the copyright of the few words Maureen that I feel Vort was stating but for the website in publishing the complete work of the CHI is an issue with the church. Even the mighty Wiki god had to remove the CHI from its website.

Someone has made the case already, as long there is no intent to make a monetary residue from this posting from the book and then I highly doubt the church would even considering persecuting anyone to do so. It is a matter of the web owner for publishing the CHI without the consent of the church.

Now, if I am wrong, I am sure someone from the legal side will correct this statement.

[Vort]

Vort said: The 18 words that I quoted are allowed under the Fair Use doctrine. I have quoted other items from the CHI before, I believe longer than 18 words, and this is the first time anyone has mentioned copyright infringement.

I never suggested you broke copyright law, Maureen. The web site you mentioned is doing so, unless they happen to be hosted in a non-copyright-recognizing country. By using such a site, you have (perhaps inadvertently) taken advantage of their illegal activity.

[talisyn]

mlbrowninwa, congrats on the baptism, you will be blessed

My advice is to be an example. People will be watching you, especially your kids. They were gonna do that anyways lol, children are good at spotting parental inconsistencies. I think that as your family gets use to the spirit you'll bring into your house things will relax a bit more. Be patient, be kind, and remember you're doing the right thing, and sometimes that can be hard.

[bytebear]

My advice is to introduce your wife to the social aspects of the church, and if she wants to venture toward the spiritual she can. I think just having her meet the ward members in a casual, non-threatening environment will do wonders to her preconceived notions on religion. Once she understands that the members are loving and friendly regardless of her interest in the church, she will be more open to it all.

[Moksha]

I hope that she will come around and join me at some point. It may also help that she has a few friends that are members as well, but they don't go to our ward. I really think she would like it if she would try. Most of the things she says makes her feel uncomfortable in church do not happen in the LDS church. As I, she really doesn't like the "show" that alot of churches put on at their services.

It is important for her to be reaffirmed that the Church will not come between the two of you. It is also important that she not feel pressured to join the Church or be needled by any Church members for her not being a member.

[mlbrowninwa]

It is important for her to be reaffirmed that the Church will not come between the two of you. It is also important that she not feel pressured to join the Church or be needled by any Church members for her not being a member.

That is one thing she is afraid of that the church will come between us. From our talk i see that i need to do a better job of doing more things see likes to do, so i'll work on that as well. She works with someone that is a member of the church(a different ward) and had been talking to him about it. He told her that as long as the lines of communication were kept open between us both, that it shouldn't be a problem. I am not going to pressure anyone else in the house to join. I guess we will have to wait and see how she does at any social type events if and when she goes.

[beefche]

Just a suggestion...why don't you invite a couple (or family if you have kids the same age) for some social stuff? Dinner, games, 4th of July celebration, whatever. Nothing churchy and a way to find some friends to hang out. I've found that when I get to know people as friends (real friends--the kind that do stuff together because we enjoy some of the same interests), they become very open minded and accepting of my beliefs and "quirks" (like no drinking, cursing, etc). Perhaps if she gets to know some friends who happen to be LDS, that will help her acceptance.

[pam]

No. The endowment is an individual choice for an adult.

Has that changed over the years? I do remember when I was married and taking the temple prep classes that I was told my husband at the time would have to give his permission.

[beefche]

Has that changed over the years? I do remember when I was married and taking the temple prep classes that I was told my husband at the time would have to give his permission.

Pam, my understanding is that if the spouse has very strong feelings on it, that the individual would counsel with the bishop and SP and would likely be told to wait until the spouse can accept it. I don't think they are required to have the spousal permission, but if receiving endowments will cause real strain to the marriage, then that person would likely be counseled to wait to receive them.

This subject came up in our SS class a couple of weeks ago and when I expressed this opinion, one of the sisters confirmed it. She has a situation with her husband that matched this and was counseled to wait until he accepted the idea.

Edited June 10, 2009 by beefche
after thought hit me

[Corey]

All you can do is be the best example to the rest of your family that you can be. The rest is up to them.

Exactly my thoughts.

It's alright that she doesn't attend your baptism. Stay close to her, and don't let this become a sourc of conflict. It may be years or a decade, but she'll grow to admire you and what you are becoming. When the day comes when she casually mentions going to church with you, don't make a big deal of it. Just be accepting and patient. This isn't about your baptism. It's about your eternal bond that needs to be established.

[foreverafter]

Pam, my understanding is that if the spouse has very strong feelings on it, that the individual would counsel with the bishop and SP and would likely be told to wait until the spouse can accept it. I don't think they are required to have the spousal permission, but if receiving endowments will cause real strain to the marriage, then that person would likely be counseled to wait to receive them.

This sound right. For I believe that Heavenly Father's greatest goal is to keep marriages happy & together, even if that means no Church or Temple attendance, for those blessings can always come later if a spouse is righteous at heart & would have attended if they had had their spouses consent.

[Moksha]

. I guess we will have to wait and see how she does at any social type events if and when she goes.

Let her know how fun the summer barbecues can be, with everyone in a more relaxed setting.

[mlbrowninwa]

Well we set up the baptism last night and it's going to be on June 20th at 5pm pst. My wife and my daughter will not be attending, but that is ok. My wife said last night that she has seen what many would say are positive changes, but she still did not like it. Doesn't like me talking about verses in the Bible and BOM in the house(son is taking the lessons to, so we would be talking). So as any mention of any type of religious anything in the house seems to make her uncomfortable, i guess i will have to refrain from it at home. However I did tell her that i was going to get baptized as scheduled and would be more than happy to discuss it with her when she decided to, whenever that is. I let her know that i had many reasons for my decision, but would not discuss them with her until she was ready to listen.

In the meantime we agreed on somethings that would bring us closer together as a family outside of religion. Hopefully things will work out well. She said that I don't try to understand her side of things, and i guess that is partially right because i just can't understand someone that says they believe, but want nothing to do with even reading scriptures or trying to learn more. Not going to church is one thing, but no family or public prayer, reading, talk etc. i think is over the top. So yes i don't understand that.

[talisyn]

I don't understand why your wife won't allow even discussion of scriptures, lol they seem pretty non-confrontational to me. I think she's feeling a bit defensive (for whatever reasons) so you're gonna have to walk very softly. June 20th isn't that far away, stay strong in your faith! You can feel how good it is, and know it'll make your family stronger despite what's happening now. I hope things improve soon.

[Islander]

Well we set up the baptism last night and it's going to be on June 20th at 5pm pst. My wife and my daughter will not be attending, but that is ok. My wife said last night that she has seen what many would say are positive changes, but she still did not like it. Doesn't like me talking about verses in the Bible and BOM in the house(son is taking the lessons to, so we would be talking). So as any mention of any type of religious anything in the house seems to make her uncomfortable, i guess i will have to refrain from it at home. However I did tell her that i was going to get baptized as scheduled and would be more than happy to discuss it with her when she decided to, whenever that is. I let her know that i had many reasons for my decision, but would not discuss them with her until she was ready to listen.

In the meantime we agreed on somethings that would bring us closer together as a family outside of religion. Hopefully things will work out well. She said that I don't try to understand her side of things, and i guess that is partially right because i just can't understand someone that says they believe, but want nothing to do with even reading scriptures or trying to learn more. Not going to church is one thing, but no family or public prayer, reading, talk etc. i think is over the top. So yes i don't understand that.

The most important thing is to reassure her that you love her and that the Gospel will strengthen your marriage and your family. It is true, it is difficult to comprehend her position but realize that it is a philosophical position not a religious one. She says she believes but there is no evidence of such. She does not know what belief is or her attitude would be different.

Now, the adversary is going to work overtime to try and create a rift. Be aware and mindful of this. Discuss with her the changes that will take place in your lives on account of the Gospel (Sunday worship services and Sabbath observance, Home Teaching, callings, meetings) and help her realize that all it takes is a bit of planning and creativity to make it work.

Find time for her, just her. Just share with her why you are happy and how you feel without going into details in terms of the religious aspects. Work on your genealogy this week and go to the Temple as soon as you can to do baptisms. It will be an experience that will change your life, promise.

[Maureen]

...(son is taking the lessons to, so we would be talking)...

mlbrowninwa, if your son is interested in being baptized, I hope you know that he will require both yours and your wifes written permission.

[mlbrowninwa]

mlbrowninwa, if your son is interested in being baptized, I hope you know that he will require both yours and your wifes written permission.

Yes i do know this. She has said that she will not stand in his way either if he wants to. She is leaving that up to him as well and I'm not pushing it in either direction because i want it to be his decision not something he thinks he should do for me. I can see for sure that i will have to continue to plan all things out and keep the lines of communication open so nothing shocks her. But the people that i know in the ward and the Bishop have been very helpful as well and knows about her reservations and have said we can work around that for the home teachings etc.

[pam]

Sounds like you have a good support system there and that your wife is able to compromise. That's awesome.

[Maya]

Congrats for the babtizement date! I too was babtized alone. Babtizement is a very special individual happening. It will be just great!

You have got a lot of good advice here.

[mlbrowninwa]

Congrats for the babtizement date! I too was babtized alone. Babtizement is a very special individual happening. It will be just great!

You have got a lot of good advice here.

Thank you for the congrats!! You are right about the advise, there is always very good advise and debate on this site. Really enjoy checking in here.

[FlaviusHambonius]

I hope that she will come around and join me at some point. It may also help that she has a few friends that are members as well, but they don't go to our ward. I really think she would like it if she would try. Most of the things she says makes her feel uncomfortable in church do not happen in the LDS church. As I, she really doesn't like the "show" that alot of churches put on at their services.

Yes, your absoulutly right that she wouldn't observe a 'show' in an LDS ward. Quite tame and low-key. No bands, no robes, no burning incense. She might find fast and testimony meetings a little dramatic of course and lets not leave out those church Basketball games, that could be a real eye opener for her--she might learn a few new cuss words.

I used to be amazed--opening prayer before the game, and then it was on.

I find it interesting that your wife doesn't like institutionalized religion--that she say's worship is between the person and God, but yet gets a little bummed out when you talk about the Holy Ghost or scripture from the Bible in your house. It sounds like she wants the person to worship in private.

I think it is sad that she doesn't want to attend your Baptism--even though she has no interest, it is something that is important to you. We all have the right to choose, but I will adventure to say she might regret this decision some day perhaps.

Who knows, she may even change her mind and go.

Whatever the case, just try to be the best example of your new found belief, and the rest will take care of itself.

You have my admiration for standing for what you beleive to be true.

[Zowieink]

Reminds me when I was baptized 40 years ago! She obviously does not have a clue about the typical organized religion and the true church.

As with many I have home taught who were part member families, if you stay faithful, do you church job to the best of your ability and ask the Lord's help, and are fair to your wife and family and don't get "preachy" the gospel will sink in and start the Holy Ghost working on the minds and hearts.

One of our good friends was inactive, and while in that state married a good man (professional football player). She (a Calvin Klein runway model) had been living the riotous life. After their first child she decided to become active, almost like joining the Church. Well, fast forward 35 years of marriage, and guess what....the husband was baptized and they have a "celestial" home.

You can too.