Polygamy is affecting my testimony

[annamaureen]

I'll keep this short and sweet: the idea of polygamy in the eternities is seriously hurting my testimony.

I posted about this in the past, and got mixed answers. I'm not trying to discuss doctrine, or polygamy, as I know there are many threads on the subject... I just need to know how to stop thinking about it. I've talked to my bishop, and read my scriptures, and prayed (sometimes, literally sobbing on my knees, begging God to comfort me,) and have received no peace on the matter. This has been bothering me for months. I've never had something affect my testimony this badly before, and all my usual "tactics" for restoring it aren't working. I can't look at my husband without imagining having to share him, and the resentment, fear, and confusion is building up inside me.

Help?

Edited July 10, 2009 by annamaureen

[Just_A_Guy]

Why do you think you'll *have* to share him? Statements like that haven't been made by anyone in authority for over a century--and even then, there's no reason to believe that those statements were more doctrinal than political in nature.

Edited July 10, 2009 by Just_A_Guy

[annamaureen]

Why do you think you'll *have* to share him? Statements like that haven't been made by anyone in authority for over a century--and even then, there's no reason to believe that those statements were more doctrinal than political in nature.

I don't know, it just seems that so much evidence points to there being polygamy in the celestial kingdom - like, God will command him to take another wife and I'll just have to deal with it. It's like I'm fearing the worst, I guess.

"The only men who become Gods, even the Sons of God, are those who enter into polygamy." (-Journal of Discourses, Vol.11, p.268 - p.269, Brigham Young, August 19, 1866)

Edited July 10, 2009 by annamaureen

[Just_A_Guy]

Hi annamaureen--

I would respectfully disagree with your interpretation. If anything, the quotation you provided proves my point--President Young spends the entire preceding paragraph lambasting individuals who were rejecting the principle (not just the practice) out of a hope for future worldly gain generally, and a hope for government offices in particular. Wouldn't be the first time Brother Brigham indulged himself a bit of hyperbole.

Personally (speculation coming) I don't see any major penalties for personally opting out of polygamy, so long as a) one does so out of a legitimate concern for maintaining existent family relationships, and b) one remains open to the idea that, at least in some cases, God does sanction the practice and that it wasn't just concocted by a group of horny old men.

[Elgama]

how about seeing it as nothing to do with you or your husband?? personally I have no issue with it and could share my husband.

I think to be honest its a little insulting to assume that most of the women who went into the marriages were unhappy or didn't want their situation

-Charley

[Traveler]

I'll keep this short and sweet: the idea of polygamy in the eternities is seriously hurting my testimony.

I posted about this in the past, and got mixed answers. I'm not trying to discuss doctrine, or polygamy, as I know there are many threads on the subject... I just need to know how to stop thinking about it. I've talked to my bishop, and read my scriptures, and prayed (sometimes, literally sobbing on my knees, begging God to comfort me,) and have received no peace on the matter. This has been bothering me for months. I've never had something affect my testimony this badly before, and all my usual "tactics" for restoring it aren't working. I can't look at my husband without imagining having to share him, and the resentment, fear, and confusion is building up inside me.

Help?

See D&C 132:6-7

If you are not involved by covenant with polygamy in this life and have that covenant sealed by the Holy Ghost - it will not involve you beyond death. Also the point of this commandment is to be loyal to your covenants (espically marriage) - if you are not loyal you will not have a husband when you die. My advice to you is to take care of your covenant of marriage with you husband NOW! and these concerns will not have hold on your heart but you will be given peace through the seeling and comforting power of the Holy Ghost.

The Traveler

[Jim108]

I'll keep this short and sweet: the idea of polygamy in the eternities is seriously hurting my testimony.

I posted about this in the past, and got mixed answers. I'm not trying to discuss doctrine, or polygamy, as I know there are many threads on the subject... I just need to know how to stop thinking about it. I've talked to my bishop, and read my scriptures, and prayed (sometimes, literally sobbing on my knees, begging God to comfort me,) and have received no peace on the matter. This has been bothering me for months. I've never had something affect my testimony this badly before, and all my usual "tactics" for restoring it aren't working. I can't look at my husband without imagining having to share him, and the resentment, fear, and confusion is building up inside me.

Help?

Polygamy is a sin just like homosexuality or lust or, well you get it. You have a right to be bothered by it.

[Palerider]

I don't know, it just seems that so much evidence points to there being polygamy in the celestial kingdom - like, God will command him to take another wife and I'll just have to deal with it. It's like I'm fearing the worst, I guess.

"The only men who become Gods, even the Sons of God, are those who enter into polygamy." (-Journal of Discourses, Vol.11, p.268 - p.269, Brigham Young, August 19, 1866)

you said alot of evidence points to polygamy in the next life and then you offer a edited quote from Brigham Young???

What and where is all the other evidence???

[pam]

For one thing..homosexuality is not a sin. Simply being gay is not a sin. It's when you act upon those feelings that it becomes sinful.

[Just_A_Guy]

Annamaureen, to follow up:

You talk of fearing that your husband may be "commanded" to take another wife. Well, think about this: what would happen if God gave your family an opportunity to live polygamy (now or in the hereafter), and you decided that it wasn't for you? I mean, consider everything you know about God and all your experiences with Him. If there's anything our doctrine of the premortal Council should teach us it's that God will not force His will upon us. God is not a jerk.

Even if you take Brigham Young's comments at face value, Young himself acknowledges--in the same sermon, to boot--that you can get back to God's presence (sounds like Celestial Kingdom to me!) without embracing the doctrine of polygamy; you just may be risking the blessing of eternal increase (i.e. highest level of the CK).

At the worst, at some point in your eternal progression your husband might be presented with an opportunity to take another wife; and you and he will counsel together and decide whether you feel the benefits might outweigh the costs. I suspect it'd be more or less like the two of you sitting down and deciding whether your husband should accept a cross-country job offer with a higher salary. And if you reject the opportunity, no skin off your nose--you just stay where you are.

Edited July 11, 2009 by Just_A_Guy

[Jim108]

For one thing..homosexuality is not a sin. Simply being gay is not a sin. It's when you act upon those feelings that it becomes sinful.

Yes, you are right, thank you for the correction. It is the act.

[Misshalfway]

I don't know if I have any wonderful answers for you, but I just wanted to express that I understand your concern. My heart has been troubled by this too. Frankly, I don't think enough has been revealed on this idea. I think that people/leaders have taken what has been revealed and tried their best to interpret it. I try to listen to my heart on this and I feel some measure of comfort....something that tells me that when we are on the other side that all of this will make sense. I think in my mind that the only purpose for this in heaven would be to seal all of the children of Abraham together so that all the blessings would be available to everyone. If one wasn't given the opportunity to become sealed in life, then God will make such available. I am not sure that this means that we will all be practicing polygamy in the Celestial Kingdom.

[Justice]

I don't know, it just seems that so much evidence points to there being polygamy in the celestial kingdom - like, God will command him to take another wife and I'll just have to deal with it. It's like I'm fearing the worst, I guess.

That is a big if. Just because it's there does not mean everyone there will practice it.

The point being we must be willing to submit to God's will in all things. It really doesn't matter if you're asked. That's the law of the Celestial Kingdom. So, you do have a valid point, you do need to learn to deal with it. Everyone has their test(s).

You have to be willing to do whatever God commands. I think we will see things so differently then, just don't give up not while our eyes are so limited.

[pam]

I don't know if I have any wonderful answers for you, but I just wanted to express that I understand your concern. My heart has been troubled by this too. Frankly, I don't think enough has been revealed on this idea. I think that people/leaders have taken what has been revealed and tried their best to interpret it. I try to listen to my heart on this and I feel some measure of comfort....something that tells me that when we are on the other side that all of this will make sense. I think in my mind that the only purpose for this in heaven would be to seal all of the children of Abraham together so that all the blessings would be available to everyone. If one wasn't given the opportunity to become sealed in life, then God will make such available. I am not sure that this means that we will all be practicing polygamy in the Celestial Kingdom.

Those were my same thoughts on this Miss 1/2. You just beat me to it by posting faster.

[bytebear]

I'll keep this short and sweet: the idea of polygamy in the eternities is seriously hurting my testimony.

I posted about this in the past, and got mixed answers. I'm not trying to discuss doctrine, or polygamy, as I know there are many threads on the subject... I just need to know how to stop thinking about it. I've talked to my bishop, and read my scriptures, and prayed (sometimes, literally sobbing on my knees, begging God to comfort me,) and have received no peace on the matter. This has been bothering me for months. I've never had something affect my testimony this badly before, and all my usual "tactics" for restoring it aren't working. I can't look at my husband without imagining having to share him, and the resentment, fear, and confusion is building up inside me.

Help?

Whatever your position in the eternities, you WILL be the one who chooses it. do not think you will be stuck in an eternity that you don't want. it just doesn't work that way.

[Misshalfway]

sorry pam. I will let you go first next time. :)

You know....I always here that we will choose all these things in the here after. Could anyone back that up with any doctrine?

[Vort]

I'll keep this short and sweet: the idea of polygamy in the eternities is seriously hurting my testimony.

Annamaureen,

You are not the first to be concerned about this; many share your feelings. My first impulse is to think something like, "Why on earth would anyone worry about something that doesn't have anything to do with us here, today, and will not affect us at all until (at least) the next life, when our perspective might be totally different?"

But I resist that first impulse because of an observation I have made. Interestingly, when someone is seriously concerned about this idea to the point of threatening a testimony of the gospel, in my experience that person is always a woman. I know many men, myself included, who have no interest in polygamy but who instead are perfectly happy with our one wife. Nevertheless, polygamy does not feel threatening to men like it does to some women.

Why is this? I don't really know. For men, marriage is about intimacy, whether emotional, spiritual, or physical (which are not separate areas in a man's mind, but merely different peaks of the same mountain range). I assume it is similar with women, but I have never really gotten a crystal clear understanding of this point from my wife, mother, or sisters.

Perhaps to a man, the idea of having another wife (or wives) doesn't suggest to him a loss of intimacy with his first wife, any more than having more than one child means he will love his first child less. But from the woman's perspective, it might indeed look like a potential loss of intimacy, since this most private of relationships is no longer exclusively between her and her husband. Or maybe it's something else; I really don't know.

Analysis aside, let me draw a comparison. When my sister was very young, perhaps six or so, she found out about sex and was thoroughly disgusted by the idea. It bothered her greatly, to the point that she didn't want even to think about marrying. It was not until she was well into her teenage years that she could even think about the idea without revulsion. But when she entered adulthood, her perspective changed, and she began to see that what she thought was ugly and awful was in fact nothing of the sort. The relationship between a man and a woman had facets that, as a child, she could not grasp and was not ready to contemplate. Simply growing up made everything clear.

Just maybe, polygamy is a similar thing. In this life, we are immature and spiritually short-sighted. To us, in our present state, polygamy doesn't look like anything wonderful or even tolerable. It looks ugly and gross. But we see only from a limited, mortal, carnal perspective. It is possible that, given an eternal view and the understanding of eternal life that we will eventually gain, our whole attitude toward polygamy and the marriage relationship will alter, deepen, and mature, and we will shake our heads and wonder how we could ever not have seen how obvious, natural, and beautiful such a marriage relationship is.

Or maybe not. I'm just saying let's suppose. In the end, it's nothing you have to worry about now. You aren't required to live polygamy; on the contrary, it's a grievous sin. So whatever happens after this life, happens. Leave it there. In the here and now, polygamy is no part of your existence or your marriage, nor will it be. So don't worry about it.

I just need to know how to stop thinking about it. I've talked to my bishop, and read my scriptures, and prayed (sometimes, literally sobbing on my knees, begging God to comfort me,) and have received no peace on the matter. This has been bothering me for months. [...]

Help?

Perhaps God's answer is, "I am not going to reveal my mind to you at this time. You are my beloved daughter, and my plan for you is designed to bring you more joy and happiness than you are even capable of understanding. For now, let that be enough. When the time is right, you will know and understand all you need to know and understand. Until then, leave it alone."

[Moksha]

"The only men who become Gods, even the Sons of God, are those who enter into polygamy." (-Journal of Discourses, Vol.11, p.268 - p.269, Brigham Young, August 19, 1866)

You have to understand that this was speculation on the part of a polygamist. Ask this of the monogamous LDS men that you know and the answer will most likely be different. The statement was akin to a Republican saying that only Republicans will know God. I suppose that God would chuckle at that and perhaps throw him a lightning bolt.

Your husband will remain yours

[LDSVALLEY]

I'll keep this short and sweet: the idea of polygamy in the eternities is seriously hurting my testimony.

I posted about this in the past, and got mixed answers. I'm not trying to discuss doctrine, or polygamy, as I know there are many threads on the subject... I just need to know how to stop thinking about it. I've talked to my bishop, and read my scriptures, and prayed (sometimes, literally sobbing on my knees, begging God to comfort me,) and have received no peace on the matter. This has been bothering me for months. I've never had something affect my testimony this badly before, and all my usual "tactics" for restoring it aren't working. I can't look at my husband without imagining having to share him, and the resentment, fear, and confusion is building up inside me.

Help?

Fear not annamaureen for you are missing an important component that is causing you to worry needlessly.

1 God know us that is why you are here now and not while the church practiced Polygamy. You are at a time when the Lord has removed that instruction for church members.

2 You are a mortal being here on Earth at present and you are thinking like a mortal being here on Earth. On Earth our thinking and our emotions are limited to our experiences here on Earth. It is the testing ground for our salvation. We think in the limited confines of our limited time and view on Earth.

3 When you pass through the veil your thinking and view and understanding of Gods plan will expand to equal the glories on the other side. You will no longer be constrained by mere mortal emotions or points of view but able to see, experience and think in a celestial understanding.

4 The whole point of us being on Earth is that Heavenly Father has given us our agency to choose for ourselves. Do you really think that a loving Heavenly Father is going to allow you his agency here and then on the other side of the veil not allow you that agency?

5 I submit you will be left with three alternatives.

A) There is enough worthy men for the women and no polygamy as we understand it will exist.

B) Your celestial knowledge will allow you to see and willingly follow his desire if it is required.

C) Since you have your agency Heavenly Father must allow you the option of NO Thanks.

No matter what it is like on the other side you are wasting your time and creating cracks in your testimony and your marriage (your seeing your husband as unfaithful in the future) over something that no one on Earth can answer or even understand.

Don't waste another minute worrying about what might maybe could be when we die. Use this time to deal with now. Let your post mortal time deal with then.

[talisyn]

I hate to ask this but is there any reason you might think your husband would prefer the company of more than one woman?

I really really hate asking that but your post sounds much more 'earthly' worried than 'afterlife' worried.

[Just_A_Guy]

The statement was akin to a Republican saying that only Republicans will know God. I suppose that God would chuckle at that and perhaps throw him a lightning bolt.

Fiddlesticks! Everyone knows God is a Democrat. ACORN registered Him to vote in Cook County, Illinois.

[bytor2112]

Polygamy is a sin just like homosexuality or lust or, well you get it. You have a right to be bothered by it.

Polygamy is a sin? Can you support that with scripture? Or is that just the gospel according to Jim? I suspect the latter........

[bytor2112]

Perhaps, we will all truly love one another and our finite judgments of temporal things will have evolved into God-like qualities of love that transcends our current definitions and understandings.

[Islander]

I'll keep this short and sweet: the idea of polygamy in the eternities is seriously hurting my testimony.

I posted about this in the past, and got mixed answers. I'm not trying to discuss doctrine, or polygamy, as I know there are many threads on the subject... I just need to know how to stop thinking about it. I've talked to my bishop, and read my scriptures, and prayed (sometimes, literally sobbing on my knees, begging God to comfort me,) and have received no peace on the matter. This has been bothering me for months. I've never had something affect my testimony this badly before, and all my usual "tactics" for restoring it aren't working. I can't look at my husband without imagining having to share him, and the resentment, fear, and confusion is building up inside me.

Help?

My question is; why are you worrying so much about something that, today, has absolutely no bearing in your salvation and covenant with the Lord? Why have you made this principle, rescinded 100 years ago, the pivotal point of your testimony?

Edited July 11, 2009 by Islander

[u235sentinel]

Annamaureen, to follow up:

You talk of fearing that your husband may be "commanded" to take another wife. Well, think about this: what would happen if God gave your family an opportunity to live polygamy (now or in the hereafter), and you decided that it wasn't for you? I mean, consider everything you know about God and all your experiences with Him. If there's anything our doctrine of the premortal Council should teach us it's that God will not force His will upon us. God is not a jerk.

Even if you take Brigham Young's comments at face value, Young himself acknowledges--in the same sermon, to boot--that you can get back to God's presence (sounds like Celestial Kingdom to me!) without embracing the doctrine of polygamy; you just may be risking the blessing of eternal increase (i.e. highest level of the CK).

At the worst, at some point in your eternal progression your husband might be presented with an opportunity to take another wife; and you and he will counsel together and decide whether you feel the benefits might outweigh the costs. I suspect it'd be more or less like the two of you sitting down and deciding whether your husband should accept a cross-country job offer with a higher salary. And if you reject the opportunity, no skin off your nose--you just stay where you are.

I'd have to agree with this. God doesn't put something in our path that we can't handle. What he puts in our path is what we've been trained (experience) to handle. This includes doctrine like polygamy.

Years ago I would have said no way to this practice. I honestly freaked when It was explained to me that I would have to take care of more than one wife and a lot more kids in the future. It's been years and I've mellowed out a bit (according to some sources at least). The idea of polygamy today wouldn't be a problem for me and neither would the responsibility that comes with it. I'm not saying it's easy but what in life is easy??

As far Brigham Young's comments. Don't forget that he was speaking to a different audience than we are today. They had a different background than we do. When speaking about religious subjects, it's very important to pay attention to the context. Otherwise we run the risk of misunderstanding what the speaker means.

And btw, I know this may be construed as heretical in the church today but I would be honored to have the privilege of having another wife (I'm speaking about consenting adults mind you. Not this underage garbage we hear on the news).

I highly value my relationship with my wife and she's even mentioned she wouldn't mind another to help share the load as I'm a handful :-)

One more note. It looks like polygamy may be legal in the next two or three years. At the rate chatter on the subject has been increasing this last year, I don't doubt it.