I'm turning my papers in but I don't want to lose her :(

[CaptainMoroni]

I'm 18 turning 19 soon and I'll be serving a mission but I love this girl, so much, I think the world of her and seriously cannot live without her. We've been steady dating for about eight months now and are together everyday. I've never met anyone like her, I even love her family and can't stop thinking about her. I don't know what to do, I know I want to be with her for eternity, I dont wanna lose her. Two years... She's my best friend and my shoulder to cryon and my everything, ah somebody help me! I pray about it lots and ugh it's the worst being the guy the girl can do whatever while were gone

[Hemidakota]

What is more important in your life?

[Jenamarie]

If she loves you as much as you love her, she'll still be there for you 2 years from now.

[Misshalfway]

How wonderful that you love someone that much! And that she returns the feelings! Bonus!

I think life is all about times and seasons. Times for spring when everything is growing and then times of harvest. Times for winter when things rest and wait and prepare.

Yes, leaving on a mission will be painful if you allow yourself to only look at your losses. Open your views and open your faith to the possibilities. This time apart is a gift to both of you. Let the Lord prepare you for marriage (whether you are together or not). Life is long and now is your time to prepare. How much happier you will be after that preparation. Put your energies and emotions and hopes into those possibilities. Let God take you both to your individual paths. And support each other in your separate journeys. And then let life proceed in wisdom even if that means that your relationships change over time. Change is sometimes very very good.

Remember that real love is patient. Remember that sometimes love can grow thru distance and letter writing. Just keep your heart and mind committed first to God. The rest will take care of itself.

[ryanh]

I can't say I've dealt with the dilemma you are facing. I didn't have a woman to worry about when I served a mission. But I did serve, and I've felt the euphoria you are feeling about her. I do offer a little bit of hindsight perspective though having been married 14 years now.

If you want advice plain and blunt, mine is: serve a mission. No question or hesitation in my mind (and that is because I’m not wrapped up in the emotions you are).

A few of the reasons that would be my advice:

Have you both prayed to find out what Heavenly Father's will is? If she has, and He approves of you two getting married, AND, she is committed enough of a person to be an eternal companion, she will wait. If she really wasn’t willing to wait and be committed given such a revelation through prayer, one must wonder if she would have the determination to remain married for the long term.

And yes, you should be seeking Heavenly Father’s will and approval before making a decision to marry IMO. The decision is FAR too important to make on your feelings alone and without spiritual guidance.

What you are experiencing right now – the euphoria and infatuation of a new relationship are real feelings you are experiencing, but they are counterfeit feelings in the grand scheme of marriage relationships. To understand that idea, I would highly suggest reading the first two chapters of The Five Love Languages.

It’s also my personal opinion that marrying her before you have a chance to serve a mission not only shortchanges you, but is selfish in that it also shortchanges her, or whomever you do end up marrying. She deserves someone that has gone through that maturing and development of the spiritual dimension that a mission can bring.

I do wonder if you have talked about it with her. Is she encouraging you to go? Or is she putting her own selfish desires before the counsel of prophets (that you should serve) and what is right? As we tend to gravitate towards individuals of our own individual development, I suppose she’s struggling the same as you.

It really does boil down to what you want most – your own desires right now, or to do what is ‘right’ – to do Heavenly Father’s will and work and save marriage for later. You will have 50+ years in this life to be married, and eternity to continue that marriage, but only one small window to serve a mission at this point in your second estate.

I have lots of other thoughts about why you should serve, but I’ll leave it at that for now.

[Guest]

In the scheme of a lifetime and the eternities, 2 years is but a smidgen. If your love for each other can't survive 2 years, I highly doubt it will survive an eternity. Everything boils down to perspective...

[MorningStar]

I watched my friend go through the same thing. He came home and married her and they now have 4 kids. You know you have to do it! It will be hard, but so worth it. :)

[NeuroTypical]

I think the world of her and seriously cannot live without her.

Very strong emotions. They can dictate what reality looks like, and you are almost powerless to see reality in any other way. But the thing about emotions, is that they're fleeting, and they change. They're based on brain juce - not reality.

I know your entire being is screaming out from every fiber, that you can't bear to be apart. Every fiber of your being is right, but only for a week or three. You're that far away from a completely different outlook on life. There's no way for your intellect to convince your emotions that you can live without her. All you can do is decide which is to be the master.

So, emotions or intellect - pick one.

LM

[skippy740]

"Your girlfriend won't wait for you, but your wife will." (And yes, they can be one and the same.)

One of the greatest gifts you can give her is to become a worthy returned missionary who served faithfully with an "eye single to the glory of G-d" and who will be the future patriarch of your family.

Make sure that when you both write to each other, it isn't sappy. It needs to be faith promoting for both of you. You will become a better person for your service.

[StallionMcBeastly]

When you all are saying "wait" what are you implying exactly?

As in just not getting married and writing him and keeping the relationship close?

Or not dating at all? Or what?

[glow_inthe_dark_girl]

When you all are saying "wait" what are you implying exactly?

As in just not getting married and writing him and keeping the relationship close?

Or not dating at all? Or what?

I ask the same .. ha

cause I probably will serve a mission and so is my BF at the same time we are worried because I heard missionaries are encouraged by their leaders to break up.. i dont know if im wrong.

[skippy740]

Missionaries are encouraged by their leaders to keep their focus on their mission and not on romantic relationships at home.

My mission president said the same thing when I arrived in the field. He said she'd wait for me with her new husband and 3 kids. (Work out the math on that for the kids... it's not possible.)

Most 19 year olds are immature and haven't been away from home (and out of contact with home) for an extended period. Keeping their focus on where it needs to be is every mission president's reponsibility and role.

It's up to each missionary serving to keep their focus and priorities where they need to be and that's serving the Lord, not being deep in thought about the girlfriend waiting for them.

[john doe]

My mission president said the same thing when I arrived in the field. He said she'd wait for me with her new husband and 3 kids. (Work out the math on that for the kids... it's not possible.)

Sure it's possible. People have multiple sets of kids all the time these days.

[Prodigal_Son]

Okay, my answer will probably by spurned and disregarded, but here's the truth that I have to share:

At 18, you're not ready to make a lifelong judgment call like that. She may very well be the best thing since sliced bread - but you haven't the experience in life to qualify her right now.

Recognize that you need to learn, grow, mature and BE AWAY FROM HER so as to prove the bond and determine whether or not it will last.

The best thing you could possibly do for the Lord is SERVE. The best thing you could possibly do for the two of you is SERVE.

[Wingnut]

Lock Your Heart

[Mahone]

There is quite a popular saying in the mission field, which varies a little bit each time I hear it, but it goes something like: "If she waits 6 months, then writes you a Dear John, fair enough, it probably wouldn't have worked out if you hadn't gone, you shouldn't be too upset about it. If she waits 12 months then writes you a Dear John, you've probably lost a good person there but don't worry, there are plenty more people like her. If she waits 18 months before sending the dreaded letter, then you've lost a really great girl and you'll be hard pressed to get anyone like her again. If she waits the full two years, than when you get back, run a mile away because clearly every other guy has refused to take her".

[Prodigal_Son]

Where's the laugh button? :lol::lol:

[beefche]

I ask the same .. ha

cause I probably will serve a mission and so is my BF at the same time we are worried because I heard missionaries are encouraged by their leaders to break up.. i dont know if im wrong.

Let me help some future missionaries out there. Going on a mission is tough--wonderful, exciting, rewarding, but hard. If you divide your loyalties and attention, you are going to find it even tougher.

If you are in a relationship with someone and either of you goes on a mission, then you NEED to stop the romantic talk, the romantic thoughts, etc. And it is so very unfair to expect the one staying home to put their life on hold for you.

You cannot, let me repeat, YOU CANNOT serve God and your girlfriend/boyfriend. It is impossible. Why? Because then you will be miserable on your mission, not accomplish anything, and likely be a whiner until you either go home early or go home and drive your mission president and companions up a wall with your whineyness.

So, it is my honest opinion that young men should serve a mission. If you are in a serious relationship, then grow up, be a man, and tell her that you want to be a better man by serving God first. If she is a real woman, she will accept and support you. If not, then now you know what kind of selfish child she is and you can find a real woman. If she supports you and if she's available when you get home, then great--date, marry her, whatever. If not, then great--date, marry someone else and have a great life.

[Guest JoshDwellington]

hey brother !

I totally understand your situation right now, and yes it's difficult

Last year, i was given a great opportunity : serving a mini mission

And during that timespan, I witnessed some missionaries literally collapse and lose their focus, b/c their heart was more concerned about their girlfriend than Our Father and His children.

Yes, I have seen some missionaries come home and marry their g/f.

And yes, a lot of them have been successful.

However, now you have to make a choice :

who is more important to you ??

who will NEVER let you down ??

[Mahone]

I remember attending a conference some years ago in which the Birmingham mission president spoke. He pointed out that from his experience, any girls supposedly waiting at home for the missionaries will end up not waiting, regardless of what they say before the missionary leaves. His advice was to end the relationship well before the mission starts.

He also said that they had a system in the Birmingham mission at zone conferences. Every missionary who received a Dear John (there were a lot of them) had to hand the letter in to the mission president and he would read it out in public to all the missionaries so they could have a good laugh over it. This seems to get them over it a lot quicker

[MarginOfError]

Let me give you some frank and honest advice:

break up with the girl.

Seriously, if you expect her to sit around and pine for you while you're gone, you're being unrealistic. And if she did, she'd only retard her emotional and social development. Give her the freedom to date other people while you're gone. If she's still single when she gets back--which is very likely, mind you--then date her again for a while. If you two still want to get married after all the changes you two experience in these two years, then go for it.

Just keep in mind that adolescents go through drastic changes in the years between 19 and 21, even without throwing in the mission. You two are going to be very different people when you get back. It'll take some time to reacquaint.

[Vort]

Here's the blunt, painful truth, friend: If you go on a mission, she may not wait for you. Even if she's unmarried when you return, you both may have changed enough that you don't want to pick up where you left off.

But if you stay, you might end up in the same boat, anyway, leaving you wondering why you sacrificed your mission service for -- nothing. And if you did marry her, you might end up wondering how your marriage and life would have been different had you served your mission.

And so might she.

Bottom line: Do what is right; let the consequence follow. Doing so does not guarantee you painless passage. Such a thing is not possible, nor desirable. But doing so does guarantee that you won't be saddled with regret. Your life will be much sunnier and more pleasant without the regret.

[Wingnut]

He also said that they had a system in the Birmingham mission at zone conferences. Every missionary who received a Dear John (there were a lot of them) had to hand the letter in to the mission president and he would read it out in public to all the missionaries so they could have a good laugh over it. This seems to get them over it a lot quicker

I served with an elder who got Dear John-ed while we were in the same district together. His letter came Thanksgiving week; he'd been away from home only about 4 months at the time. We had a volleyball game on P-day that week with the whole zone, and he (voluntarily) read it out loud to all of us, and everyone -- starting with him -- had a good laugh over it. His comment was "She thought I thought she was waiting for me? I didn't think she was waiting for me."