My Son is Getting Attacked in Nursery

[Still_Small_Voice]

Here is the situation. My nearly two year old son is in Nursery class at church. There is another child that has attacked him. His face was scratched by the other child last Sunday. This child also bit him on the face before a few previous Sundays before. The stepmother of this child has told me this other child is rough. I fear my son may have a scar under his eye from the recent scratch.

I don't want to say anything to the parents of the child because I fear they may quit coming to church. I teach Gospel Principles and my wife teaches Nursery so I can't simply pull him out of Nursery.

I am pondering what to do so presently. I don't want him in that class when this other child is there. There is only one Nursery class at the Ward I go to. Any advice would be appreciated.

Edit: I apologize. I made a typing error. My wife works teaching Primary.

Edited November 17, 2009 by Still_Small_Voice

[NeuroTypical]

I'd start by bringing it up with the nursery leaders. In a friendly voice, ask them what they'll be doing to keep that kid from hurting other kids. If their answer does not fully and completely satisfy you, take it to the Bishop. If you don't have a conflicting calling, you could keep him out of nursery until the problem is resolved, or offer to stay in the nursery and help control this kid.

My mamma bear wife tells me it's very hard to keep cool in such a situation. But trying to keep cool to the best of your ability will probably help you solve this issue.

LM

[beefche]

I'm a little confused. Your wife works in Nursery and she's not able to try to prevent this? This isn't an accusation--I simply am trying to figure out about that. I would think that moms who work in nursery are more aware of their own kids than others.

I agree with LM--talk calmly to the nursery leaders or even the primary president. If the answers aren't satisfactory, speak with the bishop. If you still feel that your child is in danger, then I would probably come to an agreement with your wife on who will be watching him in nursery. And let the bishop know that either you or your wife will not be able to fulfill the calling (either yours or your wife's) until the situation is resolved as your child's safety takes priority.

[Wingnut]

If this other child is the one whose own parents admit he is "rough" and he is endangering other children, he should be the one removed from nursery, if anyone is.

[Gwen]

sounds like you need an extra set of hands in the nursery. i agree the kid causing the problem should be the one removed. are other kids getting hurt to or does this kid target yours?

as for not being able to teach and tend a child i've done it many many times. conducted the music for sacrament meeting holding my 18 month old just this last sunday... my point is where there is a will there is a way. if anyone complains simply respond with "i'm sorry not sure i heard you right. did you just say you wanted to teach next week?"

keep your kids safe first, physically and spiritually. at the very least your child is learning at a very young age that church is not a fun or safe place to be....

[applepansy]

I attend nursery with my grandson age 20 months. He's the youngest there and is not used to playing with other children. He is not assertive. I attend because the nursery leaders cannot watch and entertain 14 kids... 2 adults and 10-12 kids is too much if there is one that is out of control or unpredictable.

I've been a nursery leader. And now that I'm there with my grandson I find that I'm helping out. This last Sunday one of the nursery leaders didn't show up. It was just me and the other sister. Things always happen when your back is turned or your attention needs to be on another child. We have a child in our nursery who is a little rough and he's behind mentally. I've suggested that someone be called to be with him in nursery, their calling would be to socialize this child. We've done this before with other children in our current ward and in the ward where I was a nursery leader. Some children just need the one on one attention until they learn to socialize. Where he comes from a broken family there are probably anger issues he doesn't know how to deal with. Its tough on kids.

Your wife needs to bring the problem to the Primary President's attention. The parents need to be invited to attend with their child to help him learn appropriate behavior. If the Primary Pres. doesn't respond to this issue, then talk to the counselor in the Bishopric who is over primary (usually the 2nd counselor). If something doesn't happen quickly then the Bishop.

As far as the bad scratch. Keep neosporin on it and cover it with a bandaid until it heals. If you keep it moist with neosporin its unlikely to scar, especially on a child of his age. If he won't leave a bandaid on his face then just apply the neosporin several times a day. He'll get used to it. (The plastic surgeon who sewed my son up after he hit a wall on a motorcyle told be about the neosporin trick.)

Good Luck,

applepansy

[Guest Alana]

I don't think the child needs to be removed from nursery. He isn't doing anything purposefully naughty, but is trying out a fabulous way of getting attention (good, bad, they don't care!)

I would suggest it's the adults responsibility to remain/become super vigilant. If the adults are too out numbered perhaps it's time to talk to who ever is in charge of calling helpers to nursery. Although this boy is labeled as rough, I've seen the sweetest cutest little almost 2 year olds turn into biters over night. It's a phase. Maybe make a print out for all the nursery parents in regards to how biting will be handled and reassurance that all is being done to minimize biting and rough play but that kids will be kids.

I remember the outrage one of my day care parents would feel when their son would get biten (luckily not at my house) and then one day, her boy turned into a biter. I think she realized that it doesn't mean the parents are doing anything to encourage that type of behavior, but is a natural and common phase that can be minimized by correct responses (a brief and strong 'no biting!!!' and then being immersed in helping the 'victim'...so that the biter doesn't get more attention than is due).

Of course, this is all my own opinion, and I'm a little frazzled right now, so take it for what it's worth:P

[talisyn]

It sounds like a good time for the little vampire's parents to help out in the nursery

[Still_Small_Voice]

Thanks for all the advice. I hate to bring this to the Bishop's attention as he has so much to deal with presently. This is off the present subject but I know also he is going to be addressing children running thru the hallways. An older woman was knocked over and received a black eye the previous Sunday because kids were running in and around the church.

The Nursery workers said that this child seems to target my son and I think they are understaffed in the Nursery. They can't control her (the child is a little girl around two years in age by the way). We are short of people to fill callings in many places in our ward. We have around 400 people on the rolls but have around 90 people that show up regularly.

The Stepmom has told me that the child behaves this way much of the time. I am thinking about just dropping him off somewhere else other than church but I just don't know. My wife is saying she just doesn't even want to go anymore but I think she is just frustrated with the situation.

Keep my family in your prayers.

[applepansy]

Your family will be in my prayers. But seriously, this needs to be discussed with the Primary President now. The chain of command (so to speak) is: primary pres, 2nd counselor, then Bishop. So don't worry about bothering the Bishop about this. Guaranteed this child is already being discussed in Ward Council.

They need your input. And the parents need to be invited to attend Nursery for awhile. This isn't just about your child but about all the children in Nursery. One disruptive child makes it difficult for all the children.

Pray, and then act on it.

Edited November 18, 2009 by applepansy
typo

[Wingnut]

I just thought of what I see that applepansy has suggested: Talk to the Primary President, and see if arrangements can be made to have the bully's parent(s) attend nursery with him on a regular basis.

[Carl62]

Just have your son watch lots of Chuck Norris movies. He should have the roundhouse kick down by next Sunday.

[skippy740]

I also have one of those "rough", almost 2-year old children. He's rough on his older brother who's also 4. Now, the 4 year old doesn't move when his 2 year old brother hits him. He doesn't defend himself and all he does is cry. (I'd like to change that part too - he's a little too sensitive.)

If I was told he was being too rough, I'd remove him from nursery. Children who are rough don't deserve the privilege of the nursery.

(But then again... I'd like to consider myself one of those few and rare SANE parents out there!) :)

[Ammonite]

We are short of people to fill callings in many places in our ward. We have around 400 people on the rolls but have around 90 people that show up regularly.

It sounds like you are already frazzled and now have to deal with this. Your ward sounds exactly like our previous one except you'll have to knock down the number who showed up to approx. 75. Some of those would leave after Sacrament, leaving behind their children to be picked up at the end of Primary.

I can sympethize with your wife's waning desire to attend. I felt our family was picked on a bit because we never said "no" and I rejoiced when we eventually moved. At the same time, I felt guilty to leave the ward even shorter of man-power.

My Bishop had to deal with a lot too, but it would'nt stop me from going to him if it was important. Yours may know the family better and know how to approach them without causing hurt feelings.

[Carl62]

O.K., so let me see if I got this straight. You and your wife are more concerned over keeping and maintaining your callings then you are your own son's safety?! It's more important for you to spend that time teaching your voluntary class than it is to be where your son is getting beat up?!! A place where YOU take him?!! Is this what I'm picking up?!! If it is, then your priorities are seriously screwed up my friend.

Edited November 18, 2009 by Carl62

[Still_Small_Voice]

I called the Bishop and talked with him last night. He says that I should do whatever I feel is necessary. This will likely mean one of us won't be teaching a class. I won't leave my son in a place where he will be attacked. I will give updates later. Thanks for the advice everyone.

[Generally_Me]

There is a person in my RS that brings her sone to RS rather than leave him in nursery. She provides toys, etc and he plays off to one side. Yes, it can be distracting, but some children need their mamas, and aren't ready for other-child-interaction.

[Hemidakota]

I'd start by bringing it up with the nursery leaders. In a friendly voice, ask them what they'll be doing to keep that kid from hurting other kids. If their answer does not fully and completely satisfy you, take it to the Bishop. If you don't have a conflicting calling, you could keep him out of nursery until the problem is resolved, or offer to stay in the nursery and help control this kid.

My mamma bear wife tells me it's very hard to keep cool in such a situation. But trying to keep cool to the best of your ability will probably help you solve this issue.

LM

Depending on the size of the nursery, there should be a priesthood assignment for one to be in attendance at least for 6-months retotation. I did it...and love it but it was more for control and ensure there is no 'bullying' among the children in the room.

[NeuroTypical]

I've seen similar situations like this, resolved in different ways.

- Callings (or assignments) given specifically to a person to go with and take care of kids with developmental issues. Sometimes, when all the kid needs is someone to carry them around or wrestle with them, this calling/assignment could go to a younger person, like a laurel. Gotta have a ward with someone available, though.

- I've seen people take their nursery-age kids with them to their class, when there's a problem in nursery. Gotta have a kid that will let you teach your class, though.

Sounds like these may or may not be an option. Hope one might work.

LM

[beefche]

O.K., so let me see if I got this straight. You and your wife are more concerned over keeping and maintaining your callings then you are your own son's safety?! It's more important for you to spend that time teaching your voluntary class than it is to be where your son is getting beat up?!! A place where YOU take him?!! Is this what I'm picking up?!! If it is, then your priorities are seriously screwed up my friend.

I don't think ssmv was saying this at all, carl. He is worried about his son, but also feels the responsibility of his calling. I can understand his concern especially in a ward where there aren't a lot of willing people to accept callings/responsibility.

[Carl62]

He is worried about his son, but....

Sorry beefche, but if and when it would come to my child being placed in an area TWICE where he was knowingly being physically harmed, then there would be no 'but' next to any statement that would justify doing what is being done, especially when the reason is a church calling! I guess I'm the odd person out in that my child is more of a priority to me than some church calling.

[zippy_do46]

"The purpose of the nursery class is to help children learn the restored gospel of Jesus Christ and live it. The nursery class should help the children increase their understanding of and love for Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, have positive experiences in a Church setting, and grow in feelings of self-worth."

"The nursery class needs to be a safe environment for the children" Behold Your Little Ones: Nursery Manual

A little one can not feel safe if he is being hit. These sisters in the Nursery need help. It is not just your problem. It should be taken care of through your Primary President and the Bishop.

My stand has been that you need to listen to your Leadership on these problems. The problem is that some leadership has no idea about the Nursery.

Ex. My leadership when giving me the calling for the Nursery this time express the Church had a new program in the Nursery. They were going to teach the “little ones” a lesson. :0) I told this leader that the Nursery was the first class in Primary and they have been trying to do this for years.

I have been in a discussion on this very subject at another site. The Nursery Leader was told that she had to let a child come back after she had told the parent that the child could not stay because the little one was hurting the other children. She express that she did not want the other children to get hurt. She then asked for someone just for that child if it could not be another person then the parent would have to come in and help with the “little one”. She is hoping that this will help.

I suggested that they make a plan ahead of time on how the problem should be handled. The Primary President should be in on this if the parent is involved. The child needs to know that her behavior is wrong and both parent and NL needs to be on the same page when handling the problem.

Do you know what action is being taken?

Edited November 22, 2009 by zippy_do46

[zippy_do46]

I have to shake my head on this one. Do you know that some leadership still do not have 2 deep in the Nursery class. The manual says the little ones are suppose to be taken to the parent for diaper changes. Can you just see it. Taking 17 little ones down the hall to RS because you can not just leave them in the Nursery. I believe the turn over in Nursery is so bad because of so many problems like this. The NL is dealing not only with this but

* too small rooms to the ratio of children

* schedules that hit at nap time and eating times

* doors that are a nightmare (easy open handles)

I am not saying these things are not or can not be handled but sometimes the NL just needs some help

It would be nice to have priesthood but to do this you would still have to have 2 deep before the priesthood could be there or have 2 priesthood to help

[Still_Small_Voice]

I have another update. I talked to the Stepmom who is also bothered that her step child is hurting other kids in Nursery along with my son. There is presently only one Nursery worker called and working in the Nursery and she is overwhelmed some Sundays. The Bishop told me no one wants to be called in the Nursery that he has talked with about it.

The Stepmom said she wanted to be called to the Nursery and to tell the Bishop she would do it if he called her to it. She likely would go into Nursery just to make sure the child is not hurting anyone else in class. I will give another update as things progress. A thanks to all who have prayed for my family and given good advice.

[zippy_do46]

Before I stop I would like to say that I have a wonderful support group in my Nursery. I have another teacher and sometimes a helper. I have a wonderful PP and a sister in the Primary Presidency that help me when I need it. I have a "special needs child" who have social problems. His parents and grandparents are working with me and we have talked and worked out how to deal with him. I have parents who step in when any of my teachers are not there. They stay til I have the help I need or they stay until some can be found. Last week I had 2 fathers stay with their young sons. They are trying to get them use to the Nursery. I post activities and songs so everyone knows what we are doing. We have a lesson and songs and lots of activities and play. I am blessed as a Nursery Leader. We have had all the problems listed above. I have the help I need so that I can teach them about the love their Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ have for them.