JudoMinja Posted January 25, 2010 Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 Ok, so there is a guy that has been interested in me since just before Thanksgiving. For those who don't already know my story- I am still technically married and going through a divorce, so when he asked me on a date I told him no. He already knew I was going through a divorce or he would never have asked as the ring on my finger is quite obvious, but after I said no, he said he'd still like to get to know me and what would I be okay with. I told him friendly communication in writing and/or in groups would be allowable as, of course, such things do occur between friends. It seemed I gave him an inch and he took a mile, which by now I'm seeing seems to be his motto. He won't stop talking about marriage. He says he's prayed about us and he knows I'm "the one". Funny that when I took the time to pray about it I felt more like the Lord was saying "this one's up to you". I think God wanted me to go through the decision-making process, to get to know the guy and assess his character before coming to my answer. Doing so has been good for me, as my previous relationship was my ONLY relationship and was abusive. I needed a little experience in a healthy relationship, and when I got to know him well enough that I came to the conclusion NO I felt at peace with my decision. His biggest problem, the one that's got me perturbed, is that he WON'T take no for an answer. He won't QUIT. When I was still in the get-to-know-you stage, I had to reset the boundaries twice as he tried to move in too fast, becoming romantic when now clearly isn't the time for it. I've told him that anything romantic right now would be adulterous, and while he agreed it seemed as though he didn't really care. I've told him it makes me uncomfortable, and he always stops and apologizes but that doesn't change the fact that he KEEPS TRYING. It's like he thinks its better to ask forgiveness than permission. A couple examples. My family likes to go to the movies on Monday nights if there is a good one playing at the cheap theater in our town. When I was still comfortable with the situation, I told him about it and invited him along. Since then, he has come whether invited or not. As it is a public place I can't really say don't come. However, the last time he came, he spent practically the entire movie trying to get me to hold hands with him. I was even curled up leaning all the way over to the opposite seat, and he kept reaching for my hand. Eventually he tapped me, gave me a pouty look and motioned with his hand and I had to say, flat out, NO. Then, today- He's been sitting with us at church and coming with me to help with my son while I teach my primary class, again univited. I don't mind the help, so I didn't turn it down, and it would be perfectly all right if he'd keep his "romancing" in check. However, during sacrament he started rubbing my back. I turned away, leaned away, put my son between us, even scooched away before he finally asked me if it was making me uncomfortable. I DON'T want to marry this guy. He's not a bad guy, but he's definitely not the one for me. He's far too overbearing, and I'm too afraid of confrontation to say anything to his face. I already told him my stance in a letter. I explained that my decision on the matter is no, that I feel his behavior has proven he is far too impatient and he should look for a marriage with someone else, that there are other things about his personality I've observed that simply make us imcompatible even though they aren't really wrong and I wouldn't expect him to change them- just things that show we wouldn't get along as a married couple and he should look for someone else, that I'm simply not ready for a relationship on any level especially considering I'm still married, and it's just quite simply NO. But he still doesn't get it. He thinks that letter was a test, that I am trying to test his patience. I wrote that letter a few weeks ago and the thing at church happened TODAY. Any moment that we are around each other (church, institute, and the rare occassion that my family wants to invite him along for something like one of those Monday night movies), he's always trying to pull me aside so we can have private chats on "where we stand", "how's he doing", trying to prove to me that things will work out. He's stuck on US. Then, when he can't pull me aside, he keeps making little comments about things like "What would you do without me" - (usually when he's doing something with my son that he likes), or "I would never do that to you" - (when a comment about stuff my husband would do comes up), or "You know I'll take care of you", or "Anything you need or I can do for you, you just let me know and I'll be there at the drop of a hat". And he's always asking me if I talk to people about him. Whenever I bring up something about a conversation I've had with someone he asks this- my counselor, my mom and dad, my brother, the bishop... It's downright annoying, and I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm sick of him, but I've already cut off all non-public interaction. I can't tell him not to come to institute. I can't tell him not to come to church. I can't tell him not to come to the theater. I already talked to my parents about it, and they aren't going to invite him along on any family things anymore. He's still there, he's still bugging me, and even though I thought I made it quite obvious I'm not interested he still talks to me about marriage and keeps trying to prove himself to me and keeps trying to be romantic. So, what do I do now? I'm open to any and all suggestions. Frankly, I'm just fed up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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