How do you control your thoughts?

[Guest mormonmusic]

I've noticed many people have posted in this forum after having traumatic or difficult experiences. Many have difficulty controlling their thoughts during these times, and it leads to behavior and emotions that makes them unhappy.

So, I pose the question -- how do you control your thoughts, especially during times when you've experienced something disturbing, emotionally trying, or otherwise prone to making you think obsessively about something? As it says in Mosiah, I believe "if you do not watch your thoughts.....you must surely perish...". So, how do you do this effectively?

[MisterT]

Lexapro, mirtrazipine, ambien.

[bytor2112]

I turn off the lights and replay Barrack Obama campaign speeches and chant "yes we can" till my neighbors call the police.

[JudoMinja]

I believe controlling your thoughts is a gradual process. There are many things that will go through our minds without even realizing they're there. However, you won't ever think about something you have no knowledge of- like someone who only knows how to add and subtract certainly isn't going to come up with a complex calculus formula.

So, step one in controlling your thoughts is- controlling what you expose yourself to. If you don't want to find yourself thinking about it, don't read it, listen to it, watch it, etc.

That being said, we can't control EVERYTHING we are exposed to. Part of being IN the world means we will be exposed to things we'd rather not be. And exposure to the bad helps us better appreciate the good. So, thoughts we do not want are bound to enter our minds from time to time.

To conquer these takes a conscious effort of self-mastery. When you find yourself thinking something you'd rather not or know you shouldn't, drown it out with good thoughts. Hum a hymn, think of compliments or positive motivators, think of things you're greatful for, etc. At the very least, for every bad thought you should come up with two good thoughts.

As you continue to work on this, you will find that more of your "automatic" thoughts are positive, and the negetive thoughts come less and less frequently. It won't happen immediately, and some of those insufferable ones like grudges or deeply rooted demeaning images will stick around as long as they can- but with enough weed killer, you can get rid of any bad thoughts.

[Misshalfway]

I don't know if this is helpful, but I sometimes step outside of my thoughts and feelings and just observe them. My thoughts and feelings aren't necessarily "me". It helps me to look at my patterns of thought or problematic things without taking it all so personally.

I have also been learning that I can let go of my thoughts and feelings, especially the ones that aren't helpful. Then I can practice replacing them. I mean, so what if I have an angry or jealous thought? What does that really mean? Does it mean I am awful or that God should smite me to hell? No. It just means I am human and each unwanted thought is an opportunity for growth.

I think it also helps to stay in empowered headspace. We aren't victims of our thoughts. Or at least we don't need to be. I mean we can control our thoughts and feelings. We can change the entire atmosphere inside our brains in an instant. And I think its the constant practice that makes self mastery happen.

I also like to listen or read wise or uplifting words from people who think the way I'd like to. It gives me the words to replace my old patterns.

I am certainly not saying that any of this is easy work.

[Traveler]

I use music – especially the music of the restoration to combat discouraging or evil thoughts. The song “Oh My Father” is the one I turn to most and has lifted me up through many hardships – it has never failed me. I sung a special arrangement of this song (part of the chior) at the Belleview Washington temple dedication and cannot explain what happened when it was sung. It has come to have such powerful influence that I can no longer sing it in public.

The Traveler

[Guest mormonmusic]

I think the idea of removing items that trigger certain thoughts is important. When I had to go through relationship breakups when I was single, I'd get rid of all the pictures and mimentos and put them in a box somewhere so they wouldn't remind me of the person.

Also, not letting yourself talk about the person or situation after you've already beat the subject to death helps.

Also, exercise -- for some reason, things never seem nearly as bad after you get out and run and sweat and exert yourself.

Also, get out and serve a few people. It tends to replace obsessive thoughts with feelings of self-esteem.

Finally, I've used a written script which I read over and fill my mind with when I have throughts that believe, which, when I read them, make me feel better and bring me peace.

[Blackmarch]

I've noticed many people have posted in this forum after having traumatic or difficult experiences. Many have difficulty controlling their thoughts during these times, and it leads to behavior and emotions that makes them unhappy.

So, I pose the question -- how do you control your thoughts, especially during times when you've experienced something disturbing, emotionally trying, or otherwise prone to making you think obsessively about something? As it says in Mosiah, I believe "if you do not watch your thoughts.....you must surely perish...". So, how do you do this effectively?

I'm still learning there sorry.

[Elgama]

I meditate, when the thoughts come I then breathe them out. When something happens I breathe my body into a relaxed state, say a prayer and then focus on breathing something good a positive in (usually imagine the Holy Ghost as a golden light), then imagine anger/hate/fear flowing out my body as something black and icky. Then when the thoughts come at a later date I can just breathe black out and gold in:)

Finding the time is my challenge with 3 small kids lol but once I have forgiveness for anything is usually just a meditative prayer away - now just need to work out how to control the dreams I am having about fire and arms breaking lol

[Guest]

Humming, singing softly, and if the situation warrants, singing really loud... "The Spirit of God like a fire is burning..."

Works all the time.

[Gwen]

a little different angle on thoughts but i think just as important.

i know a woman who spent many yrs in an emotionally abusive relationship. after she left she still had him "in her head". every time she would make a mistake or do something or look in the mirror he was there. his voice all the years of things he told her would run through her head. comments of how stupid she was or fat she was or incompetent, etc. she carried him everywhere she went scrutinizing everything she did.

no matter how hard she tried she couldn't stop the thoughts. in helping her heal someone suggested if she can't make it go away change them. she came up with the most ridiculous voice she could think of for this person (for her it was miss piggy). every time the thoughts came she would re-think it with this other voice. with this new "voice" the thoughts became so ridiculous and out of place that instead of dwelling on it and the thought beating her up it made her chuckle. it was easier to move past and stick to what she was doing. in time the thoughts came in that "voice" instead of her ex's "voice", allowing her to only think them once and be even less hurtful. eventually the thoughts diminished and went away all together.

[rameumptom]

You gain control a little at a time. Make goals to control your thought, just as you would for big, long-term projects. Set milestones. Learn to review your thoughts and emotions frequently throughout the day, do an inventory on them. Unless you can catch yourself thinking negatively, you can't stop it and replace it with something else.

This is how I teach myself to manage thoughts and emotions. At first it required an hourly inventory for a few minutes. After a while, I learned to be keenly aware of what I was thinking and feeling. Then, I began to ask myself if such thoughts/feelings were acceptable for the situation I was currently in (and in an eternal sense, as well). If they were, I allowed them. If not, I would replace them. If they were proper thoughts/emotions, but just the wrong time to have them, I would defer them to a later time (angry at work? hold the anger until I got home and beat up on a pile of pillows). Often, by the time I got to the deferred moment, the emotion/thought was past, and I no longer needed to express it.

Finally, choose a handful of things to replace such thoughts/emotions with. Carrying around a handful of cue cards with other topics, songs, mental games, positive quotes, etc., can give your brain something else to engage in.

At first this isn't easy, but the brain can be retrained and rewired to work this way. I know it works for me.

[simple]

Life goes on. We all so often forget. Get too wrapped up in something, creating a shrine for your thoughts, if thats not working for you, tear it down, forgive yourself, forget, and get a new hobby.

[simple]

Life goes on. We get wrapped up in our thoughts. We creat a shrine for our thoughts, but if its not working, tear it down, forgive yourself, forget, and get a new hobby.

[simple]

this computer is giving me heck

[Bini]

Like another poster, drugs are usually the primary ingredient to keeping me sane but being blessed with such a wonderful and supportive husband is even better when I'm feeling crappy.

[Melissa569]

The brain is a really wierd and random thing. Any dream will prove that. Some times crazy, off-the-wall things just pop in there without warning. Can't do too much about that.

What you can do is decide what to do with that thought. Do you linger in it and allow it to take over your entire mind, or do you focus on something else?

I suffered from VERY severe clinical depression and panic attacks a few years ago, after a traumatic event. I had ensomnia like crazy, and I saw that "Attacking Anxiety And Depression" thing (the for Midwest Center, in those infomercials with that Lucinda Basset lady). I ordered that on ebay (it was wayyyyyy cheaper there). The program also helps with agoraphobia too, and self confidence problems. Its a 6-month program and its home-based, so you just do it yourself, you follow the workbook and listen to the CD's.

That basically taught me how to calm down panic attacks and get my mind off bad or scary thoughts. If it werent for that, I probably never would have learned how.

They teach you that when you're having a panick attack, you tell yourself:

"Look, I won't die from a silly old panic/anxiety attack, and its perfectly natural to have these thoughts / feelings about upsetting or bad subjects. It will go away, and I'll be fine. No biggie."

Or

"Being bombarded with bad thoughts is really just your brain's way of distracting you from something that's bothering you. So ask yourself-- What happened today that upset me? What was I thinking about right before these thoughts began? Is there anything I can do to remedy the situation? If not, then to heck with it! Who cares?? Go find something fun to do. There is NOTHING wrong or selfish about cheering yourself up, especially when your health depends on it. And to heck with people who think I "don't care about THEIR problems". Its people's constant guilt trips they love to pile on me that's got me thinking I have to say yes to every single favor all the time, and let people take advantage of me. And that needs to stop. The ocasional favor is fine, but I can't be everybody's little step-and-fetch-it all the time. I have a life and my own responsibilities too."

If you tell yourself that EVERY time, it really helps. And all of a sudden, you start having fewer and fewer "bad thought" bombardings. Eventually, none at all.

Edited April 10, 2010 by Melissa569

[Elphaba]

I turn off the lights and replay Barrack Obama campaign speeches and chant "yes we can" till my neighbors call the police.

bytor, you're lucky that works. I tried the same with Bush's campaign speeches, but, unfortunately, it had the opposite effect.

Things would start out fine, and pretty soon I'd be lulled into such a state as I'd start to doze off. But, then, suddenly, I'd get to a certain part in the litany when something would trigger this feeling of disbelief, my eyes would pop wide open, and I'd shoot up from my bed like a crazy woman, screaming, over and over again: "That's not a word!!!!. . . . It's NuCLEEar!!!!. . . . . That's not a word either!!!"

I wouldn't sleep for a month after that!

Elph

Edited April 11, 2010 by Elphaba

[Dravin]

bytor, you're lucky that works. I tried the same with Bush's campaign speeches, but, unfortunately, it had the opposite effect.

Things would start out fine, and pretty soon I'd be lulled into such a state as I'd start to doze off. But, then, suddenly, I'd get to a certain part in the litany when something would trigger this feeling of disbelief, my eyes would pop wide open, and I'd shoot up from my bed like a crazy woman, screaming, over and over again: "That's not a word!!!!. . . . It's NuCLEEar!!!!. . . . . That's not a word either!!!"

I wouldn't sleep for a month after that!

Elph

Ah see, and I was half expecting it made you call the cops on your neighbors.

Edited April 11, 2010 by Dravin

[Nikkie85]

I try to sing hymns in my mind if it is a bad thought about someone else or a inappropriate thought. This was something that was taught in one of my YW's lessons. When I am feeling lost or hopeless I like to repeat them words of the the hymn Come come ye Saints.

[Guest Godless]

In a word, rationalization. If you can rationalize your emotions, then you can control them. I'll give you a perfect example. A couple of years ago a (formerly) very close friend of mine and former romantic interest decided to cut all ties with me because of a petty misunderstanding. I was devastated, for about half a day. Then I was over it, and I've barely thought of her since. I decided that it was pointless to have feelings of anger and sorrow over someone who wanted to have nothing to do with me, so I put her out of my mind completely. I told myself that someone who was willing to throw away our friendship like that wasn't worth wasting emotions over, and it worked. It took a lot of work to get myself to the point that I could control my emotions to that degree, but the realization that I had gotten to that point brought me bliss that I can't even begin to describe, and this during a time in my life that "should" have been utterly miserable.

Rameumpton pretty much hit the nail on the head with his post. Control is a long process that takes a great deal of introspection and evaluation to achieve. The most important thing to do is to take time to think about what your feeling when negative emotions hit you. Ask yourself, "Do these feelings benefit me? Will this mindset make my situation better or worse?". If you don't like the answers to these questions, then you need to change your mentality. Find the positive aspects of even the worst situations and focus on that rather than the negative stuff.

[MisterT]

In a word, rationalization. If you can rationalize your emotions, then you can control them..

"Some like to think good cheer is found in a bottle, a six-pack, an injection, a pinch under the lip, rationalization, or self-deceit. One form of self-deceit is rationalization." - Marvin J Ashton

"There must be a consciousness of guilt. It cannot be brushed aside. It must be acknowledged and not rationalized away. It must be given its full importance." - Spencer W Kimball

"Rationalizing is the enemy to repentance. Someone has said, “Rationalizing is the bringing of ideals down to the level of one’s conduct while repentance is the bringing of one’s conduct up to the level of his ideals.” - Spencer W Kimball

"In a poem by John Holmes titled “Talk,” an old, deaf New England shipbuilder teaches a young man about rationalization. When we realize that we are accountable to God, we see how foolish rationalizations can be. - Quentil L Cook

"We sometimes use rationalization to hide away faults, failures, or even sins...That is how Satan works with this rationalization business." - David C Campbell

"We live in a day of rationalization; people want to discount spiritual experiences, and they deny themselves revelation." - Ronald T Halverson

"Rationalization leads one to take something that is true and twist it to justify invalid exceptions." - Richard G Scott

I'm not sure if you're using the word in its correct context; by and large, rationalization has negative connotations attached to it. I think you may mean "putting things into context," not rationalizing.

[Elphaba]

The definition of rationalize is as follows:

(past and past participle ra·tion·al·ized, present participle ra·tion·al·iz·ing, 3rd person present singular ra·tion·al·iz·es)

v

1. vti to offer reasonable explanation for something: to attempt to justify behavior normally considered irrational or unacceptable by offering an apparently reasonable explanation

2. vt make something rational: to make something rational, logical, or consistent

3. vt interpret something rationally: to interpret something from a rational or logical perspective

4. vt mathematics eliminate irrational numbers from something: to eliminate irrational numbers from an expression or an equation

5. vti U.K. make something more efficient and profitable: to make a business or operation more efficient and profitable, e.g. by reducing the work force

-ra·tion·al·iz·a·ble, , adj

-ra·tion·al·iz·er, , n

Encarta ® World English Dictionary © & (P) 1998-2005 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.

It appears to me that, in the examples you provided, the speakers are the ones who have used the word incorrrectly.

Elphaba

[Elphaba]

I'm not sure if you're using the word in its correct context; by and large, rationalization has negative connotations attached to it. I think you may mean "putting things into context," not rationalizing.

Not necessarily. The definition of rationalize is:

1. To make rational.

2. To interpret from a rational standpoint.

3. To devise self-satisfying but incorrect reasons for (one's behavior): "Many shoppers still rationalize luxury purchases as investments" (Janice Castro).

4. Mathematics To remove radicals, such as from a denominator, without changing the value of (an expression) or roots of (an equation).

5. Chiefly British To bring modern, efficient methods to (an industry, for example).

v.intr.

1. To think in a rational or rationalistic way.

2. To devise self-satisfying but incorrect reasons for one's behavior.

The examples you gave do use "rationalize" correctly. However, given the first numbers one and two's definitions, Godless used the word correctly as well.

Elphaba

[Moksha]

I turn off the lights and replay Barrack Obama campaign speeches and chant "yes we can" till my neighbors call the police.

Have the police recommended using tin foil as perhaps a quieter alternative?